Fraternal Bonds

 

 

 

 

A cool breeze blew softly through the room as the balcony door slid shut and Steve snuggled deeper into his bed, hugging the pillows contentedly. He heard the click of the lock as it fell into place and the familiar sounds of the curtain being drawn across the door, and he sighed. The last few weeks had been hard. The last couple of days had been torturous. The meeting had been almost more than he could bear, but having Matt here made it all worth it. He hugged the pillows again and watched sleepily as Matt moved silently about the room, beginning to undress. He appeared to be lost in thought, unaware that Steve was awake.

 

Steve too was pensive as he contemplated his “big brother.” Matt WAS his big brother, but he was more than that too; Steve needed more. He always had. Matt performed all the same duties every big brother in the house performed, but his relationship with Steve went beyond that. He had influence with Steve that no one before or since had ever had. Steve didn’t just love him, he trusted him. He trusted him enough to accept his guidance in the most intimate details of his life. To Steve, Matt’s word was Law; Matt had earned that right. To the outside world, Steve now was the calm, collected, sometimes aloof president of the fraternity. Only Matt knew the depths of emotion his little brother was capable of.

 

Matt undid the last button on his shirt and slipped it off as he finally turned towards the bed. He smiled slightly to find Steve’s eyes on him. “Awake are you?” he asked softly as he draped his shirt neatly over the top of the dresser and began to unbutton his jeans.

 

“Are Danny and Ryan ok?” Steve whispered and he chewed his lip as he imagined the scene that had taken place down the hall less than an hour ago.

 

“They will be,” Matt assured in the same undertone. He unzipped his jeans and pulled them off one leg at a time, keeping his eyes on the young man he’d grown to love. Steve swallowed hard and hid his face in the pillow. Matt sighed a little to himself as he folded his jeans and laid them along with his shirt on top of the dresser. Leaving his boxers on, he lifted the blankets and crawled into bed, snuggling up to Steve and pulling him gently to him. Steve didn’t look up and Matt tucked his head affectionately onto his shoulder.

“I know you didn’t want me to do it, Love,” he whispered, “but we couldn’t let it go. This is a serious issue. They attacked a senior and put you in the worst kind of spot imaginable. It has to be dealt with seriously and they need to understand the position they’ve put you in.”

 

“I know!” Steve sobbed as the emotions of the night caught up with him, “But they’ve already been through so much tonight! Couldn’t it have waited?”

 

“If I thought it could have, I would have left it,” Matt responded softly, “you know that.” He cuddled closer, knowing from past experience the battle that was taking place inside his “little brother” right now. “I had intended to let it go,” he went on quietly, “but they clearly were not understanding, Steve, not if they were questioning your decision to summon James. I do not want them putting you through that same nonsense when it comes time to face the consequences of their own actions! I know you! You’ll give in or die of a broken heart in the process! I am as fond of our younger brothers as you are, but I will not allow them to manipulate you like that! You understand?” Steve was crying too hard to answer, and Matt tightened his arm. “I love you, Baby,” he whispered.

 

“I love you too,” Steve sobbed. “This whole thing has just been so hard! It’s been so hard!” he repeated into the pillow.

 

“I know,” Matt sighed. “I know it has, and you’ve been so strong for everyone. Just let it go, Baby, let it go.” And Steve did. For the better part of an hour he cried and Matt cuddled him close until at last his sobs began to fade. His breathing began to even out and softly Matt stroked his wet cheek, standing silent vigil lest the emotional demons should return. As it was, Matt knew, there would be more of those to fight tomorrow. He thought sadly once more of the cigarette case and crushed butt he’d found on the balcony. This too was an issue he could not let go, as much as he desperately wanted to.

 

 

Matt stirred restlessly. He yawned and stretched and reached sleepily for his partner, intent on a little more snuggle time before he woke to face the day, but his arm hit only pillow. Without opening his eyes, he patted around grumpily for a moment, rolling farther towards Steve’s side of the bed, but it was no use. Steve wasn’t there and the sheets were not even warm anymore. Matt sighed and opened his eyes. Groggily he ran his hand over his face, trying to shake the sleep away as he raised himself on his elbows and looked towards the balcony where he assumed his younger lover would be. The door, however, was shut tight, the curtain still drawn.

 

Puzzled, Matt sat up farther. He turned his head and his stomach clenched as his eyes finally found his young partner. “How long have you been up?” he asked softly.

 

Steve shrugged and tears filled his eyes as he tentatively met his big brother’s inquiring gaze. He was huddled under a blanket in the armchair in the corner of the room. He was wearing Matt’s shirt, and he was clutching his own silver cigarette case, the one Matt had found, in his hand. “Well come here, Baby,” Matt whispered as he sat all the way up. “Let’s talk about it.”

 

Steve swallowed hard and pressed his fingers to his eyes. This was the moment he had been dreading. Clutching the cigarette case tighter, he dropped the blanket and got to his feet, making his way apprehensively to the bed. Matt threw off the blankets and slid to the edge, placing his feet on the floor so Steve would have room. He stretched out his hand for the case as Steve came up beside him and reluctantly Steve gave it to him, avoiding his eyes. Matt patted the comforter next to him and hesitantly, Steve sat. For several long moments they just sat there silently. Matt looked at Steve and Steve looked at his toes, gnawing his lip and wrestling with his tears.

 

“I’m sorry,” he choked, finally sneaking a look at his partner. Tears slipped silently down his cheeks as he encountered the deep disappointment reflected in the blue eyes gazing steadily back at him.

 

“What I don’t understand,” Matt returned quietly, “is why. Why would you do this, Steven? You promised me!”

 

“I know,” Steve uttered brokenly. “I’m sorry. Things just got so stressful, what with the meeting and everything and then Danny and Ryan getting in that fight with Mcarthy . . . . I just needed something, Matt! I was so stressed!”

 

“These,” Matt shook the case in his hand, “are never the answer! You know that!”

 

“I know,” Steve sobbed, responding to the sharp edge Matt’s voice had now taken on, “but it was just one. I needed it, Matt! I didn’t know what to do! You weren’t here . . .,” he added in a slightly accusatory tone, and the look he got in return made him instantly regretful. “Sorry,” he retracted quickly.

 

“First of all,” Matt began evenly. “I do not care if it was one cigarette or two or three. If you get started with this again it will be even harder to quit than it was before, and you know it.”

 

“But I didn’t even finish the one I had!” Steve protested bitterly.

 

“Secondly,” Matt ignored him and continued, “I’m sorry I was not here, Baby, but that can’t be the excuse!” Steve looked away as Matt paused to let his words sink in. “We knew this was going to be difficult, Love,” he finally continued. “We talked about it many times, starting last year, even. You know I will be here whenever I can, but I have a job now, and you have your responsibilities as president. You cannot turn to these fucking cancer sticks every time you have a little stress to deal with.”

 

“I know!” Steve huffed. “But, I just miss you so much! It’s so hard without you! So much harder than I even thought it would be! It’s so hard when you’re not here!” he repeated, and Matt placed his arm around him, drawing him close to his side as Steve pressed his face into his chest. Several minutes passed and Matt remained silent. He dropped his chin to the top of Steve’s head and kept a reassuring hand on his shoulder, waiting patiently. At last his younger partner’s sobs began to slow, and eventually they died out altogether, but even then Matt was quiet. An uncomfortable silence hung between them now, and it was Steve who finally broke it.

 

“Are you going to spank me?” he whispered hoarsely, looking tearfully up at his big brother.

 

Matt raised his eyebrows slightly, gazing tenderly down at him, and caressing his wet cheek with his thumb in an effort to dry his tears. “Come here,” he responded quietly at last and he pulled Steve gently to his feet, turning him so he could see his eyes and looking steadfastly into them as he drew him between his knees. “Is ‘No Smoking’ one of our rules?” he inquired earnestly.

 

“Yes,” Steve squeaked.

 

“Ok,” Matt replied softly. “And did you break it?”

 

“Yes, but it was only one and I didn’t even finish it . . . .,” Steve contended again desperately.

 

“Did you break our rule?” Matt repeated firmly.

 

“Yes,” Steve whispered. Matt regarded his little brother quietly for a moment and then, with a sigh, he leaned over to open the drawer in the nightstand. “No! Matt, please! I’m sorry!” Steve’s voice was panicked now. Matt, however, was used to last minute pleas and apologies, and though a lump rose in his throat as his little brother started to cry once more, he was otherwise unaffected.

 

“Steven,” he scolded softly, taking the small wooden paddle from the drawer and laying it on the bed beside him, “you know what the consequences are for breaking this type of rule. We’ve talked about it many times.” He slid the drawer closed and grasped Steve’s hips, drawing him closer. “Tell me why we don’t smoke,” he coaxed, looking intently once more into his young partner’s eyes.

 

Steve looked away, brushing at his tears in frustration. “Because,” he sobbed finally, “it threatens our health and eventually our life. It’s a dirty, nasty habit that no one likes to be around. The smell gets in our clothes, the nicotine stains our teeth, and it can affect our temper and mood; it’s an addiction.”

 

 

“And,” Matt added gently, “when you are a football player, it can jeopardize your career. You face enough competition out there without adding challenges for yourself. How do you expect to perform your best if your lungs aren’t up to the job? Hmmm . . .?”

Steve shrugged and Matt brought his hand up to gently wipe away the tears he had missed. “You said it yourself, Baby,” he went on softly after a minute, “it’s an addiction. You NEEDED to have it. You NEEDED it so badly that you were willing to do it behind my back, to take advantage of my not being here. Do you know how much that scares me?” Steve hid his face in his hands. “I know that you caught yourself, this time,” Matt whispered. “I know it was just one and that you didn’t finish it, but what about the next time, Steve?” He reached up to pull Steve’s hands away from his face, forcing him to look at him. “What about the next time?” he repeated softly. “There will be weeks at a time when we won’t see each other. I wish I could do something about that, but I can’t. That’s the reality right now. If my presence is the only thing that stops you from doing this, then I have to find a way to communicate to you that I am here, even when I’m not. That’s why we have to do this, Baby,” he brought Steve’s palm to his lips and planted a kiss in the middle. “Do you understand?”

 

Steve nodded. “I know you’re right,” he choked. “It’s just been such a stressful week, and I’ve been looking so forward to having you here. We have so little time together, Matt. This just isn’t how I wanted to spend it.”

 

“I know, Baby, I know,” Matt soothed. He slipped his hands under the long shirt that hung well past Steve’s bottom, and gently lowered his boxers. “It’s not how I wanted to spend our time either,” he whispered disappointedly.

 

“Matt, please!” Steve pleaded as his partner sternly hauled him over his knee. “Can’t we let it go just this once? Please! I promise it won’t happen again,” he squirmed. “I promise!”

 

“I believe you mean that, now, Steve,” Matt assured softly, “but what about two weeks from now or three weeks from now? You still have some stress ahead of you. There is the championship to play, the whole business with Kevin to be sorted out, final exams coming up and as much as I know you don’t want to hear it . . .we have to talk about consequences for Danny and Ryan. There’s a lot on you, Love, and I believe you have the best intentions in the world right now when you say you won’t do it again, but if I let this go, it will be too easy for you in a couple of weeks to convince yourself that just one is ok, and then just one more and so forth. You need to understand, Steven, that just one is not ok. Just one is never ok, Baby.” Matt flipped up the tail of the long, white, dress shirt and laid his big hand against Steve’s firm, young bottom.

 

Steve clutched the bed spread and hid his face, holding his breath. “Oww!” he yipped as his “big brother” began to spank. For two or three very long minutes, Matt’s hand continued to fall; to Steve, those minutes felt like hours as he kicked and twisted and sobbed. He reached twice, and Matt let it pass, just pushing his hand out of the way. The third time he reached back; however, Matt grabbed his wrist and pinned it, continuing to blister his “little brother’s” bottom.

 

“Oww!” Steve cried. “Oww! Matt, please! It hurts! Stop! Please! Please!” he wailed, pressing his face into the pillows as the scalding rain of smacks continued. It had been a long time since his partner had spanked him and he had forgotten how excruciating the burn could be. By the time Matt stopped, the searing inferno that licked at Steve’s bottom and thighs had driven all rational thought from his mind. Relief overwhelmed him, and sobbing hard, he tried to get up. “Let me go, Matt, please!” he howled in protest as Matt forced him down once more.

 

“We’re not done, Little Bro,” Matt reminded gently, keeping him pinned as he picked up the implement that all his little brothers dreaded. Because Matt used it so infrequently, the paddle had come to symbolize his deepest level of disappointment, and that was more distressing even than the heightened degree of physical pain it added to the spanking.

 

 

“No, Matt! Please, please!” Steve squirmed desperately under his partner’s arm. “Please don’t paddle me!”

 

“Steven,” Matt began patiently, “you know how I feel about smoking, and you did it anyway! You have earned a good paddling, Young Man!”

 

“How many are you going to give me?” Steve sobbed resignedly.

 

“Ten,” Matt replied softly. He gripped Steve’s waist tightly to steady him, and Steve whimpered in anticipation. Matt aimed the paddle carefully and then SWAT!

 

“Oww! One!” Steve bawled. Matt had not asked him to count, but he wanted to. It helped him to know how close it was to being over. Matt knew and understood this need of his partner’s. He had promised ten; he would not go over. SWAT! “Two!” Steve shrieked as the smooth wood cracked against his bottom once more. SWAT! The paddle fell again and Steve inhaled sharply. “Three,” he hissed finally. SWAT! “OWW! OWW! Four!” SWAT! “AHH!” he threw back his head and gritted his teeth. “Five!” he finally managed. “Please, Matt, Please!” he wriggled and squirmed, trying once more to crawl away. SWAT! “Six!” he yipped. SWAT! “OWW! OWW! Seven!” he keened. Matt still had his arm pinned; there was nowhere to go, and no way to minimize the intensity of the burn now spreading over his bottom and the backs of his thighs. It felt as though he’d fallen asleep in the sun, without his bathing suit, and he knew the worst of the burn was only just beginning to emerge. Counting no longer helped. He bit his lip and hid his face against his free arm, digging his nails into the comforter and sobbing as Matt drove the last three swats home.

 

Finally, Matt let him go and, as his big brother released his arm, Steve slipped to his knees in front of him, burying his face in his partner’s lap and clutching his bottom with both hands as Matt stroked his hair. “I’m sorry,” Steve sobbed. “I’m so sorry!”

 

“I know you are, Baby,” Matt whispered gently, “and I know you won’t do it again.” Steve just continued to sob. “Shhh . . . it’s over, now,” Matt soothed. “Come on, it’s over. Come here.” He pulled Steve gently to his feet and guided him into the bed, placing him on his stomach, and pulling his boxers all the way off of him in an attempt to make him more comfortable. He then reached once more into the nightstand to retrieve the jar of cold cream they kept there for these rare occasions. He opened the top, and, scooping out a generous amount of the soothing, white cream, he nudged Steve’s hands out of the way and gently began to rub it into his blazing bottom.

 

Steve clutched the pillows and buried his face, his shoulders heaving. Matt took his time to carefully rub in the cream, and then quietly he closed the jar and replaced it in the nightstand along with the paddle. He laid down next to his distraught partner, placing a soothing hand on his back and speaking softly to him. Gently, he rubbed; moving in a slow, repetitive motion from Steve’s lower back to his bottom as he continued to talk in pacifying tones. At last, his young love’s sobs began to fade and as they died Matt placed his arm over him and drew him closer, kissing his head and stroking his hair as well as his wet feverish cheek.

 

Finally Steve’s crying stopped altogether. He gathered Matt’s arm in his hand, tucking it around himself and snuggling closer. He entwined his fingers with those of the big hand he was holding, and inspected it closely; that big hand brought so much steadiness and certainty to his life; that big hand was always there, even when he didn’t want it to be he thought sardonically. He sighed and brought that same big hand to his lips, pressing it close to his cheek before finally tucking it snugly around him once more. Matt just smiled softly to himself and cuddled closer, forever mindful of his partner’s still stinging bottom. For a long time they lay quietly. It was nearly 10:00am now, and it was a knock on the door that finally aroused them.

 

“Fuck,” Steve muttered, becoming agitated again and brushing at his eyes

 

“Shhh . . .,” Matt urged pulling him closer, “just lie quiet. Let’s see if they’ll go away.” The next moment the knock came again, this time a little louder and more insistent. Steve was becoming more worked up now and Matt brought his hand to his shoulder. “Who is it?” he called irritably.

 

“It’s just us,” the voice from outside the door responded and both Matt and Steve breathed a little easier. The timing was still definitely inconvenient, but at least there was no need for pretense of any kind.

 

“Hang on,” Matt called. “What do you want to do?” he asked, deferring on this to his still fretful partner.

 

Steve shrugged, swiping once more at his eyes as tears started to streak his cheeks. “They’re going to want to talk about James,” he sobbed. “I promised them we’d talk more about everything today, but I don’t think I have the energy right now.”

 

“Then let me handle it,” Matt replied quietly. “I’ll put a stop to this nonsense once and for all. I do not want them bugging you about this after I leave.”

 

Steve shrugged again and replied with a rueful little laugh. “You can let them in if you want to,” he choked. “I don’t care. But they’re going to be mad at you, especially Ryan.”

 

“Yeah, I know he is,” Matt replied with a wry little chuckle, “but he’ll get over it.” He gave Steve’s shoulder a final squeeze. “You want to put your boxers on?” he asked gently. Steve shook his head, his bottom clenching even at the thought. As soft as the material was, it would undo all the good the cream and Matt’s hand had done.

 

“Ok,” Matt whispered, and he got up from the bed. Steve carefully rolled on his side to face the door, wincing as he did, and Matt pulled the sheet up over him, planting a quick kiss on his forehead before making his way to the door and opening it. “Morning guys,” he greeted somewhat facetiously. “How’d we sleep?”

 

 

Neither Danny nor Ryan caught the tone in Matt’s voice; sarcasm was a rarity for their oldest brother. “Ok,” Ryan shrugged, stepping into the room as Matt stood aside. Danny followed him and Matt closed the door.

 

Ryan looked immediately for his big brother, his brow darkening as his gaze settled on Steve’s pale face and red, swollen eyes.

 

“It’s all right, Ry . . .,” Steve started to assure. By that time, however, Ryan had glimpsed the cigarette case which was still sitting on the nightstand where Matt had laid it and he turned heatedly on his oldest brother. Steve cursed under his breath. Twice now, the case had betrayed him. “Ryan!” he tried once more to head his protective little brother off; it was useless.

 

“Who do you think you are?!” Ryan snapped and Matt raised his eyebrows. Danny put a hand on his big brother’s shoulder but Ryan shrugged it off. “You still think you’re president or something?!” he demanded obnoxiously, and Danny blanched at the look of warning on Matt’s face.

 

“Ryan,” he croaked, “let it go.” But there was no chance of that now.

 

 

“For weeks you’ve been gone!” Ryan accused. “You know how stressful this part of the year ALWAYS is with the meeting and everything! You weren’t here until this weekend to help him get through any of that shit! And now you’re going to march in here and tell him what he can and can’t do?! So what if he had a cigarette!? He’s entitled!”

 

“Ryan!” Danny and Steve both reacted.

 

“Keep your voice down!” Matt admonished.

 

“No!” Ryan returned obstinately and Matt narrowed his eyes. “Let them hear! Who cares what they think?”

 

“Well, little Bro, those are not your decisions to make,” Matt returned coolly. “It is not your life that you are playing with.”

 

That did seem to make an impression. Ryan hesitated and when he spoke again he lowered his voice as required. “Don’t you think he has enough stress on him without you adding to it?!” he demanded.

 

“I might ask you the same question,” Matt responded quietly. “Did you guys come in here to talk about James?” Ryan was again stopped in his tracks and he pursed his lips, looking sulkily away. “That’s what I thought,” Matt maintained evenly.

 

“Whatever!” Ryan mumbled, turning towards the bed. “It’s not the same thing.”

 

Matt grasped his arm, firmly, and Ryan looked at him. “Watch your tone, Ry,” he cautioned. Ryan tried to pull away, but Matt held him fast, looking intently into the resentful blue eyes that stared back at him. “Do you understand me?”

 

“Yes,” Ryan muttered.

 

“What was that?”

 

“I said ok!” Ryan bit back.

 

Matt did not let him go. Instead, he drew Ryan closer, and, pressing his lips right to his ear he whispered, “You and I are about two seconds away from having another conversation like the one we had last night. If you do not want that then I advise you to adjust your attitude immediately.”

 

Ryan’s face flushed, and he looked tentatively for Steve. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he found his big brother’s anxious eyes. The sighs of relief that came from both Danny and Steve as Matt released Ryan’s arm were almost audible. In fact they were almost loud enough to cover the nearly imperceptible, “Ass wipe,” that escaped their brother’s lips as he once again turned towards the bed; they were almost loud enough.

 

“What was that?” Matt gripped Ryan’s arm again.

 

“Nothing,” Ryan protested, raising his eyes in trepidation to meet his oldest brother’s glare.

 

Matt regarded him silently for a moment, still hoping for an admission of guilt and an apology he could accept. When neither was forthcoming, however, he sighed. “All right, Bro, I guess we’re going to have to have that talk after all.”

 

“No! I’m sorry! Matt, please!” Ryan pleaded. But, it was too little too late and Matt was already ushering him towards the door to the left of Steve’s bed which led to the Correction Room, where all fraternity discipline sessions were carried out.

 

“No!” Danny cried.

 

“Let it go, Dan,” Steve cautioned, though his voice wavered. The last thing he wanted was for Danny to get involved.

 

“Please, Matt! Please!” Danny begged despite his older brother’s urging. He followed Matt and Ryan and as Matt opened the door he clung onto his arm. Matt just brushed him off, and continued inside, pushing Ryan before him. As he attempted to close the door, however, Danny wedged his foot in the crack and grabbed his arm again.

 

“Danny!” Steve admonished from inside the room. Matt tried once more to pull the door closed but once again Danny fought him.

 

“Let go!” Matt advised him quietly. Desperately, Danny sought Ryan’s reassurance. Matt still had a hold of him and tears welled quickly in Ryan’s eyes as he met his little brother’s gaze.

 

“Danny,” Steve called softly once more. Still, Danny hesitated, his heart banging as tears started to streak Ryan’s face. They were both still sore from last night’s “conversation.”

 

“One!” Matt started to count, and Danny swallowed. “Two . . . if I get to three, Little Bro, and I bring you in here with us, you are not going to be happy about it.”

 

“Danny, please,” Ryan choked finally. His eyes had never left his little brother’s.

 

“Ok!” Danny sobbed finally and he took his foot out of the door. The door slammed shut, leaving him on the outside and he covered his face.

 

Steve sighed heavily, and threw the covers off. He slid to the edge of the bed and plucked his boxers from the floor. Stiffly, he stood and bent to pull them on, wincing as they slid past his own tender bottom. He then sat uncomfortably once more on the bed, and looked towards his younger brother. As he did, a lump rose in his throat; Danny had been through so much the last couple of weeks. This was the last thing he needed. “Come here, Dan,” he called softly.

 

Automatically, Danny obeyed his brother’s summons. He flopped on the bed next to him and grabbed the pillows, burying his face. “It’s not fair!” he sobbed. “It’s not fair! He was just concerned about you!”

 

“I know that,” Steve returned softly, placing his hand on the back of his little brother’s head, “but there were other ways for him to express that.”

 

“But he didn’t mean it!” Danny wailed. “Matt knows he didn’t mean it! Why does he have to be so hard all the time?”

 

Steve was quiet as he continued to lightly finger his little brother’s hair. He knew that was how Matt appeared to both Danny and Ryan at times (as “Hard”), but respect and discipline were the foundations on which the fraternity was built. It was unacceptable for any younger student to address his big brother as Ryan had just addressed Matt. Besides, Steve sighed, thinking now of his own freshman year, that “hardness” of Matt’s had likely saved him from much deeper trouble than the occasional spanking had brought to his life. His stomach tightened as Ryan’s pleading tones floated through the door, followed by Matt’s scolding words.

 

“I may not be president anymore, Young Man, and I may not be around as much as I’d like to be, but I am still your big brother and you will speak respectfully to me. Take your pants down.”

 

“I’m sorry!” Ryan sobbed. “I’m sorry!” Ryan’s last desperate appeal reached the ears of his empathetic brothers and Danny pulled the pillows hard over his head. Tears stung Steve’s eyes and he bit his lip, keeping a comforting hand on Danny’s back as a moment later Ryan yelped and the dreadful sounds of skin smacking skin indicated how futile that final entreaty had been.

 

Danny sobbed as the spanking continued and Steve sat quietly with him, brushing occasionally at his own cheeks. He felt responsible for letting things get this far. ‘I should have been clear with them from the start,’ he rebuked himself now. Matt had graduated last year and Steve had become his successor. There had been few consequences for Danny and Ryan since that time and some of the fraternity members regarded them as spoiled; that is, most of them saw them as spoiled, but the majority of them loved them too much to care.

 

Steve, however, was beginning to realize he had made a mistake by not articulating his position more clearly. He hadn’t had the heart for it and now his little brothers were paying the price. He thought again with a pang of the fight they’d been in. ‘It’s my fault,’ he chided himself. ‘I should have seen it coming!’ He put his head in his hands as he thought of his responsibilities in the upcoming weeks. As the president, he knew he had no choice but to handle the matter strictly. As Danny and Ryan’s big brother, however, the idea of summoning them was agonizing. He glared sullenly at the silver case still sitting on his nightstand, taunting him. Its appearance was so deceptively innocent. He glanced at the door to the closet, but his own smarting bottom reminded, ‘he’s here even when he’s not.’ He brushed at his eyes once more and covered his face completely. How was he going to get through these next few weeks without Matt?

 

These were the thoughts still going through his mind as the closet door opened. He took his hands from his face and looked up. Ryan emerged first, chewing hard on his lower lip in an effort to keep back the tears. Matt was right behind him and Steve exchanged a long look with his partner before finally holding out his arm to his little brother.

 

Stiffly, Ryan made his way across the room, bursting into tears once more as he fell between his big brother’s knees and buried his face in his lap. “Oh Ry,” Steve whispered tenderly, combing his fingers through the thick brown hair. Danny was still sobbing under the pillows.

 

Without a word, Matt went to his suitcase and opened it. He changed his boxers for fresh, and then pulled on a clean pair of jeans along with a comfy blue sweater that brought out his eyes. When he was dressed, he went to Steve’s desk and opened the top drawer, taking out a pad of pink slips and a pen. In a business like fashion, he filled out the slip and signed his name. He then removed a pad of blue slips and repeated the process. Finally he looked up to find Steve’s eyes on him.

 

 

“I made it for 6 o’clock,” he whispered. Steve swallowed and didn’t speak, but he nodded in confirmation, moving his fingers absently through Ryan’s hair once more. Matt pulled out two matching envelopes, wrote 6pm on each one, placed the slips inside sealed them, and addressed them. He then got up from the desk chair where he had been sitting. “Why don’t you get dressed?” he urged Steve gently as he made his way to the door.

 

“Where are you going?” Ryan demanded, looking up all of a sudden as Matt placed his hand on the doorknob.

 

Matt met his eyes. “To mail these,” he returned quietly. He held out the envelopes and the blood drained from Ryan’s face.

 

“No! Matt, please!” he implored.

 

“To mail what?” Danny cried suspiciously as he finally emerged from under the pillows.

 

“The slips for James,” Matt replied resignedly.

 

“But he didn’t mean it!” Danny insisted agitatedly. “It’s MY face and I forgive him! I should be able to have a say!” Steve couldn’t help smirking a little, but he forced it back as Matt scowled at him.

 

“I understand that he didn’t mean it,” Matt responded quietly, “and I know you guys didn’t MEAN to jump Mcarthy either, but that is not the point. Fighting is a serious infraction of the rules and must be followed by serious consequences.” Danny and Ryan both hid their faces once more and Matt softened his tone. “I know you guys have been through a rough time lately and that’s why I’m just going to do this and settle this issue once and for all. Take some time while I am gone to pull yourselves together, and when I come back we are all going to go to lunch and talk about some things, understand?” At first Danny and Ryan didn’t respond. Matt and Steve exchanged glances; they were both thinking wistfully of the time alone they were giving up, but these things had to be talked about. “Did you hear me, guys?” Matt questioned again.

 

“Yes,” they retorted.

 

“Ok, then,” he replied gently, “I’ll be back.” The last part of the comment was directed mostly to Steve and they locked eyes again as Matt opened the door and slipped into the hallway.

 

Steve hung his head fighting his own tears again as the door closed. He felt bad for James, sure. The kid had made a terrible mistake that he would have to be punished for, but James was the least of his worries. He glanced once more at the silver cigarette case. ‘What am I going to do without Matt?’ he brooded, pressing his fingers to his eyes. Sullenly, he sat there until the sounds of his little brothers’ distress distracted him. Finally, he took his fingers away from his eyes, contemplating them fondly. ‘They need me,’ he thought, and with a shock, he realized that was his answer. The next few weeks would be difficult for sure, and he would have to be strong for Danny and Ryan. As the president of the fraternity, he would have to be strict; as their big brother, he would have to be loving and supportive; he would get his strength from their need.

 

His fingers lazily stroked Ryan’s wet cheek as he mulled over this fascinating new perspective. ‘Matt must need me too,’ it suddenly dawned on him. He had never looked at their relationship quite that way before. He knew Matt loved him. He knew, because Matt was always telling him, how much he meant to his partner, but he had never thought of Matt needing him quite the same way that he needed Matt. He shifted slightly and grimaced as his burning bottom protested. Tears started to streak his cheeks once more, but the pain felt curiously good. For the first time, the heat in his bottom reminded him how very much his partner was getting from their relationship. ‘Everybody needs to be needed sometimes,’ he mused, and he smiled to himself a little wickedly. After lunch, he decided, he would remind Matt in some unforgettable ways just how very mutual their need for one another was. He smirked to himself again and then turned all of his attention to his still sobbing younger brothers.