The Fraternity Files

Stephanie

Joeline Kerfoot

           

 

“A brother may not be a Friend, but a Friend will always be a Brother.”

-Benjamin Franklin

 

“What strange creatures brothers are.”

-Jane Austen

The Selection (Prologue)

 

“Of all human powers operating on the affairs of mankind, none is greater than that of competition.”

-Henry Clay

            The blistering August sun burned down as the Saber Bend University Bulldogs took the field for the first practice of the season, and a ripple of excitement passed through the rookies as the older players surveyed them condescendingly.  To the returning students, many of whom had arrived earlier that day, this practice was a joke.  They were not wearing pads and most of them would see very little playing time. Today was mostly a chance for the rookies to strut their stuff, and it was not just the coaches they were intent on pleasing either.  Steve Jankowski and Ryan Sanderson stood quietly on the sidelines observing them as the coaches lined them up for the first drill.  Everyone else was watching Steve and Ryan.

            “They keep on looking over here,” Alex Delane whispered excitedly to his friends, Kevin Kramer and James Hanson.  He glanced once more out of the corner of his eye at the fraternity president and his little brother.  “They just looked again!” he exclaimed.  “Who do you think they’re watching?”

            “Not you, butthead!” James smirked.  “They’re watching Mr. Maryland State High School Record for Most Amount of Rushing Yards Ever, over here!” Kevin blushed, but he couldn’t help the cocky grin that spread across his face. He knew the fraternity president was watching him.  He’d been aware of it all week, but unlike the other freshmen, he paid Steve Jankowski and Ryan Sanderson no mind.  He was trying to pretend like he could care less whether they noticed him, or not.  The truth was, though, that he did want them to pick him.  He wanted it almost more than he wanted to make the starting team, and not just because of the status he would earn as the president’s youngest brother either.  Surely there would be perks with that position, and he could certainly live with that, but mostly he was just dying to be Danny Lockheart’s little brother. 

            Kevin had a ton of respect for Danny.  He had followed the young quarterback’s career ever since the beginning of last season, and he felt sure Danny would be drafted as a first round pick, if not first overall, when he graduated.  To play on the same team with him was the whole reason Kevin had come to Saber Bend.  Now, this year, it was up to Steve and Ryan (well really it was up to Steve) to choose a little brother for Danny.  Kevin hardly dared to hope that the president might choose him. His heart beat faster and he felt his cheeks grow even hotter as he looked up to find that  Danny too was watching him with a steadier gaze than either Ryan or Steve.  Unbeknownst to Kevin, Danny had, in his mind, already chosen him; if only the decision was his to make.

 

****************************

            Danny Lockheart was standing across the field from his brothers, next to his best friend, Jesse Kinkaid.  He shifted his gaze now from Kevin back to Steve and Ryan.  His brothers’ eyes suddenly appeared to be roving once more and Danny scowled at them.  Jesse followed his gaze.  “Stringing you along, are they?” he asked quietly.

            “That’s the understatement of the year!” Danny griped.  “Sean hasn’t said anything to you has he?”

            “No!” Jesse snorted.  “Then again, why would he? He knows I’d go right to you.”

            “I know they’re going to pick him!” Danny groused.  “I just don’t understand why they’re dragging it out.”

            “They’re just messing with you,” Jesse returned soothingly, “being a pain in the ass as always. I’m sure they’ll pick him. Honestly, I don’t see what else they could possibly be looking at.” He looked disgustedly at the rest of the freshmen.

 

*********************************

           

Ryan had a hard time keeping a straight face as his little brother glowered at him and Steve from across the field.  “You know he’s already got his heart set on Kevin, don’t you?” He lowered his voice, so only Steve would hear.

            “Yeah, I know he does,” Steve acknowledged in an equally quiet tone as he continued to scan the field.

            “It’s a good match,” Ryan probed further.

            “Yup, it is,” Steve agreed, looking briefly at Kevin again.

            “You’re not really considering anybody else, are you?” Ryan simpered.

            “Nope,” Steve was struggling to maintain his serious countenance now too, and Ryan shook his head.

            “Any chance of letting him off the hook?”

            “Nope,” Steve returned, and he cracked a smile, despite himself, as he too caught the irate eyes of their little brother.  “Not yet, anyway.  This is way too much fun.”

 

********************************

            The two hour practice was light as expected, focusing mostly on conditioning drills that involved the team as a whole.  Since the players were not dressed in pads, there was no contact for the day.  At the end, however, the coaches decided to put the rookie running backs and wide receivers through their paces.  The vets were once again on the sidelines, and few of them paid attention now.  They were more interested in catching up with friends they hadn’t seen since the spring than they were in watching the rookies show off.

They greeted each other with slaps on the back, handshakes, hugs, jokes, and stories of their summer adventures.   Steve and Ryan too were conversing with their friends, and Danny and Jesse were hanging out at the other end of the field with their friend, Patrick O‘Hanlon, who had returned earlier in the afternoon.  Occasionally mild remarks were made pertaining to the newest class of freshmen and their potential, casual glances were thrown in the younger students’ direction, or people reflected speculatively for a moment on who Steve and Ryan would choose to be Danny’s little brother.  For the most part, however, nobody seemed interested in what was happening on the field; that is, until Kevin Kramer flew by them all, on his way to the End Zone.

            The talk stopped and all eyes were on the young running back as he danced into the End Zone and spiked the ball, right in front of Danny and his friends.  Danny knew he shouldn’t encourage the kid, but as he looked down the line to where his brothers were standing he couldn’t help the big grin that spread across his face.  Steve and Ryan turned away, doing their best to look unimpressed, but they didn’t fool him, and the rest of the team was still staring at the celebrating rookie in stunned silence.  It had been a long time since the Bulldogs had seen a running back capable of as much speed as Kevin had just displayed.  “Nice one, Kid!” Danny exclaimed, and Kevin beamed.

            “All right, Kramer, don’t get heady on me!” The coach called him back.  “That wasn’t bad for your first time, against your own kind.  Get back here now, and let’s run it again! This time we’re going to see what you can do when it’s not quite so easy.   Mcarthy, get out here and play quarterback!  Anderson, Novac, Robertson, McNally  . . . .” He called some of his more seasoned players off the bench.  Sean Mcnally grabbed his helmet and grinned as he met Ryan’s eyes. 

            Ryan tried, futilely, not to smile, and Steve jabbed him in the ribs.  Ryan didn’t care.  He was happy for his little brother, and he couldn’t help feeling smug as he stood next to Steve and watched as over and over again they ran the play.  Every time, Kevin managed to get around even the most experienced players as they tried to block his way to the End Zone.  Finally, the coach told them to hit the showers, and even he smiled at his young rookie.  “Good work today, Kramer,” he said, patting Kevin’s shoulder.

            “Thanks, Coach,” Kevin replied with an exhausted smile as he took his helmet off.  Alex and James bounced up beside him.

            “That was frickin’ amazing, Man!” James exclaimed.  “They have to pick you, now!”  Kevin shrugged, but a feeling of self- satisfaction washed over him, all  the same, as he grinned at his friends.

 

*********************************

 

“So, have we decided?” Danny popped up all of a sudden between his brothers, throwing an arm over each of their shoulders, and taking them both off guard.  Ryan smirked at him.

“Nope, not yet,” Steve replied indulgently.

“Well, what can you possibly be waiting for?” Danny cried impatiently.  “Weren’t you watching just now? It has to be Kevin!”

            “Why?” Steve returned.  “Just because he can run the ball into the End Zone? Hopefully, he’s not the only rookie out here who can do that.”

            Danny looked at him incredulously.  “It’s not just that he ran it into the End Zone!” he snapped.  “He’s fast! You saw him! Everyone else out here sure as hell saw him.  Even Coach was impressed. The kid’s got skills, Steve. Don’t try to pretend you didn’t see that.”

            “He’s fast, I’ll give you that,” Steve conceded, “but being fast isn’t everything. There are bound to be some other rookies with skills too.”

            “But I like, Kevin!” Danny returned irritably.

            “Of course you do,” Ryan simpered once more at his little brother. “He’s just like you, isn’t he?”

            “I don’t know, Dan,” Steve teased, “I’m not sure, I’m ready for two of you.  I think one is about all I can handle.  I think maybe we should pick somebody with a nice quiet, shy personality, and let you pump him up a bit.  Then, maybe Ryan and I would actually have some peace this semester.  For instance, maybe someone like Janson over there,” Steve smiled lopsidedly as he indicated the shy, awkward freshman with two left feet.  He was standing by himself, he seemed nervous, and he kept dropping his helmet.

            Danny followed his brother’s gaze and snorted.  “Come on, Man! Now, I know you’re messing with me!”

            “No I’m not, Danny!” Steve pulled away from his little brother, and started to pick up the equipment now that practice was over. “Janson may well be the diamond in the rough we’ve all been waiting for.”

            “Whatever!” Steve looked up quickly as Danny lowered at him, and Ryan had to turn away as he once again did his best to keep a straight face. “Play your little games then.  I know you’re going to pick him!”

            “You do not know anything, Little Bro,” Steve cautioned sternly, “and if you would like a chance at having your way, I would advise you to adjust your tone.”  Danny met his eyes with a glare of sulky resentment, and Steve raised his eyebrows.

            “Ok! Sorry,” Danny finally mumbled.

            “Apology accepted,” Steve responded, and Danny turned away with a scowl.  Steve finished picking up the equipment, and as he headed for the locker room, Ryan fell in beside him again, his arms full of equipment, now, too. 

            “You do not know anything, Little Bro!’” he mocked.  Steve smiled at him, but inside he felt uneasy, and his discomfort increased as Ryan remarked, “You are enjoying this president thing way too much, Man.” Steve’s little brother was no longer looking at him, so he did not catch the serious expression that crossed his big brother’s face, and they continued on in silence as Steve anxiously pondered his brother’s smart-aleck words.  It was true that he had been playing with Danny a little.  It was too fun.  How could he not?  His last remark, though, had been anything but playful, and he knew he had to make Ryan understand the difference. His stomach filled with knots as he glanced once more at his impish little brother.  Everyone in the fraternity knew how he felt about Ryan; he adored him.  He, in fact, adored both his little brothers, and there were whisperings already that he was bound to play favorites.  He knew he had to make both Danny and Ryan understand his position.  He was still their big brother, but this year he was the fraternity president too, and he was determined to be fair, always.

 

****************************

 

            “Not bad, Rook,” a voice behind Kevin called as the coach headed off the field, “not bad at all for your first day.”

            Kevin turned towards the voice to see Gregg Mcarthy standing in the midst of some of the other seniors, and his smile faded a little.  He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was just something he didn’t like about the guy.  He got a bad vibe, and his voice now seemed more jealous and sneering than genuinely congratulatory.  “Thanks,” Kevin returned uncertainly.

            “Of course, no one was in pads today,” Gregg goaded, “and you had little nancy boys out there like Mcnally,” he indicated the tall player with broad shoulders who was standing just behind Kevin.  Kevin turned his head, and Sean glanced in their direction at the sound of his name, but he was used to Gregg’s shit, and was in way too good a mood to let it bother him today.  He was much more interested in talking to his friends, and after smiling briefly at Kevin, he returned his attention to his conversation. “Sean doesn’t like to break his nails,” Gregg explained snidely as Kevin looked back at him.  The guys gathered around Gregg laughed, and clapped their friend on the back, and the young rookie’s brow darkened.

            He didn’t know much yet about the other guys in the house.  He had only been here a week after all and some of the older guys had just returned.  He had some strong first impressions, though, and he liked Sean.  Sean seemed down to earth, straight forward, and unassuming. He seemed like the kind of guy who would make a good mentor and friend.  Of all the juniors and seniors, Sean had been the nicest to him so far, and he was Ryan Sanderson’s best friend.  That had to mean something, didn’t it? In any case, Kevin didn’t appreciate Gregg’s comments.

            “I don’t know, Mcarthy,” he returned now, “I didn’t notice you doing anything particularly clever out there today.”  Steve and Ryan had just come up beside Sean, and they paused as Kevin’s comment rang out.  Gregg and his friends saw them, but Kevin had his back to them, and Gregg leered at him.

            “You just wait, Rook, until we’re all in pads! Then we’ll see what you’re really made of.”

            “I’ll still run circles around you, Mcarthy!” Kevin returned hotly. Despite Gregg’s appearance at quarterback today, Kevin happened to know that the senior was one of the principal players standing between him and a starting position as running back.

            “Careful, Kid,” Steve cautioned quietly, and Gregg jostled his friends victoriously as Kevin turned to face the fraternity president.  “You keep talkin’ like that, and you may have to put your money where your mouth is.” Kevin paled as he looked at Steve’s serious face.  Ryan stood between his brother and Sean, and a number of other seniors and juniors had gathered around them now too.  Sean tried to catch Kevin’s eye, attempting to arrest any further comments, but Kevin felt he had gone too far to back down now.

            “Bring it on then,” Kevin answered Steve evenly.

            “Kevin! What are you doing, Man?” Alex stepped in front of him, blocking his view of the older students.

            “Leave him alone!” James took hold of Alex’s arm and yanked him out of the way.

            “Are you crazy?” Alex demanded.  “He just challenged the president!”

            “Yeah, well, he got challenged first!” James snapped.  Neither Kevin nor Steve, nor anybody else was paying attention to them as Steve and Kevin continued to stare one another down.

            “All right, Kid! You have your ass here, on the field, by seven o’clock tomorrow morning.  I want you dressed, and ready to go, in pads!”

            “Just me?” Kevin questioned, his stomach turning.  There was no one he respected more than Steve (except maybe Danny), and he hadn’t meant to challenge him in the first place.  He certainly hadn’t meant for things to go this far.

            “You’re the only one talking smack, aren’t you?” Steve demanded.  Kevin bit his lip, and remained silent.  “See you at seven,” Steve repeated, and he turned once more towards the locker rooms.  Sean and Ryan glanced briefly at Kevin and then followed Steve as James came up and put a hand on his friend’s shoulder.  Kevin hung his head and brought his hand to his eyes.  ‘That’s it,’ he thought.  ‘They’ll never pick me now.’  A moment later he felt a hand settle on his other shoulder, but he assumed it was just Alex, and he didn’t react.  There was no possible way for his friends to know how low he was feeling right now.

            “Don’t worry, Kid.” The soft, reassuring voice reached Kevin’s ears, and he looked up quickly to meet the concerned, empathetic eyes of Danny Lockheart.  “You’ll get used to him. Steve’s bark is worse than his bite, and Ryan is real good at settling him down,” he grinned a little sheepishly.  “He should be by now, I guess, with all the practice he’s had.  Steve’s always got a beef of one sort or another with me that Ryan has to try and talk him out of.  Keep your chin up.  The next week or so is going to be hell, but it will be worth it.”  Danny gave Kevin’s shoulder a final squeeze, and then started after his brothers, walking quickly in an attempt to catch up. 

            Jesse had come over with his friend, and he too squeezed Kevin’s shoulder as he passed.  “You’re a real gutsy kid,” he whispered.  “Don’t let Mcarthy get you down.  Sean saw what happened.  I know it seemed like he wasn’t paying attention, but he was.”  Jesse was talking to Kevin, but he was looking at James, sizing him up.  He liked what he saw.  James might not be as fast on his feet as Kevin, but he was just as fiery, and as young as his alliance with Kevin was, he was obviously fierce in his loyalty to his friend.  James eyed him curiously.  “Looks like it’s you and me, Kid,” Jesse grinned.  “Take care of your friend, here; his life’s about to get real difficult.” James regarded him apprehensively, and Jesse chuckled.  “Don’t look so worried,” he assured good naturedly, “it’s only for a week, and after all, he has you.” He flashed another crooked smile, and then left the dumb struck freshmen to ponder his words as he hurried after his friend.

            Steve was walking so fast that even Sean and Ryan were having trouble keeping up, so  Danny and Jesse really had no chance, and they finally slowed their pace.  ‘If Steve really was mad,’ Danny thought to himself, ‘it was better to let Ryan handle it anyway.’  Silently, the two friends walked side by side, content now to let their thoughts go.  “So, how’s it feel to be a big brother?” Jesse asked quietly after a minute. Danny met his eyes, and they both grinned.

            “It’s awesome!” Danny replied.

            Jesse nodded. “I think so too,” he returned softly as he thought once again of James. 

            Steve could act as mad as he wanted.  He could put on airs and continue the pretense, but the jig was up.  Kevin Kramer had outperformed every other freshman on the field today, and he had stood up to Gregg Mcarthy’s bullying. He had even stood up to Steve. No matter what Danny’s older brothers said now, Danny and Jesse knew it was over.  The selection had been made. It might not be official yet, but Kevin Kramer had just become the newest and youngest brother of the fraternity president.

 

Folder One: The Meeting

 

File One: The Pool Game

 

File Two: The Promise

 

File Three: The Confrontation

 

File Four: The Plea

 

File Five: The Meeting

 

File Six: The Questions and Answers

 

File Seven: The House Rules

 

File Eight: The Code

 

File Nine: The Resolution

 

 

 

 

 

File One

The Pool Game

 

"The secret to getting ahead is getting started."

-Mark Twain

 

            It was an exceptionally warm November day even for South Carolina.  The temperature at the Saber Bend University campus in Columbia had hit fifty degrees by nine am and was now climbing swiftly towards seventy.  The sun was bright and welcome after the recent week of rain, and all the doors to the Rho Beta Chi (Kigh) fraternity house stood wide open.  A soft breeze floated through the hallway to where Steve Jankowski, Ryan Sanderson, and Danny Lockheart were playing pool down in the otherwise empty game room. Like all the Saber Bend students on such an unexpectedly beautiful day, they were dressed in nothing but shorts and t-shirts.  The sunny weather, however, did little to help brighten their mood, and most of their fraternity brothers, knowing it was a hard day for them, were respecting their space. 

            “Eight ball, corner pocket,” Steve called, indicating the pocket with his cue to make sure his intentions were clear.  He had won every game so far, and he didn’t intend to lose now.  He aimed carefully, and bent low over the table, taking his time.

            “Hey guys, what’s up?”  Danny’s “little brother,” Kevin, entered the room and threw a furtive glance in Danny’s direction before making his way to the kitchenette in the corner, and helping himself to a beer.

            “It’s a little early for that, don’t you think, Kev?”  Danny demanded.

            “Come on, Dan,” Kevin protested, “cut me a break today, won’t you?  One won’t hurt anything.” Danny remained silent and avoided Ryan’s eyes as the ball rolled smoothly into the pocket.

            “Oh, yeah! Who’s the man?”  Steve raised his arms victoriously and Danny and Ryan scowled at him.  In their current mood, his cockiness was just a little hard to swallow.  “Come on, girls!  Rack ‘em up again!  You’re not gonna let me win ‘em all today are you?”

            “You’re not gonna let me win ‘em all today are you?” Ryan mimicked him silently and began to strut and wave his arms as Steve turned to re-chalk his cue.  “Who’s the man?”  Ryan puffed out his chest and continued his comical and frighteningly accurate impression as he began to gather the balls.  There weren’t many people who would have had the guts to mock the president of the fraternity so boldly, but Ryan knew he could get away with it.

            Danny tried to smile, knowing that the show was for his benefit, but not even Ryan could make him laugh today.  Finally, Ryan stopped, flashing Steve an impish grin, as his “big brother” turned and caught him in the act.  Steve shook his head and couldn’t help smiling too as he returned his attention to his cue.  The kid was such a goober sometimes, but he sure was fond of Danny. ‘Tonight’s going to be hard on both of them,’ he reflected as the smile fell away from his face.  ‘Who are you kidding, Jankowski?’ he sighed. 'It’s going to be hard on all of us.’ 

            Kevin was making his way back to the pool table, now, and Steve looked up just in time to see Danny’s brooding countenance return. Ryan’s face too reverted to its formerly grim expression, and Steve pursed his lips.  Kevin, oblivious to his brothers’ changing visages, lounged against the back of the sofa, watching his three older counterparts, and Steve offered him a small smile.  “What’s going on, Kev’bo?” he asked in an attempt to recapture the fleeting moment of lightness brought on by Ryan‘s clowning.  It was no use; the moment had passed.  Without a word, Ryan finished re-racking the balls while Danny got ready to break.

            “Not a whole lot,” Kevin answered Steve as the next game began.  “It’s been a pretty boring day so far.  Where is everybody?”

            “Never you mind about that!” Danny chided as he, in his turn, re-chalked his cue. “Did you get that report done for Merrick?” Ryan was preparing to shoot and he exchanged glances with Steve, but they both remained silent as Kevin looked tremulously at his big brother.  “Well!” Danny prodded. “Did you?”

            “No, not exactly . . .,” Kevin started hesitantly, and Danny glared at him.

            “Just when did you plan on doing it, Kev?” he inquired. The sharp tone caused Ryan to glance at his little brother again as he took aim, but Danny once again avoided his eyes.

            “Come on, Danny . . .,” Kevin started in the beseeching tone that habitually won his big brother over.

            “Don’t even try it, Kevin!” Danny snapped. “How many times are we going to talk about this?? Have you started it?”

            “No!” Kevin returned defensively.  Why was Danny being like this, especially now, especially this week? He was never such a hard ass, not like this.  “I’ll do it next week, ok?”

            “No, Kev! Not ok! Merrick is no joke! He’s not going to accept the same BS some of your other professors do.  You need to get going!”

            “I’ll do it, next week!” Kevin repeated exasperatedly.

            “I think you should start it now!”

            “Well, I don’t care what you think!” Kevin retorted. “This is the weekend before my birthday for Christ’s Sakes! Does that mean anything to you? It’s the one chance I have to celebrate, and all you’ve done all fucking week is hound me about that report! We have a big game on Sunday, and, as you keep reminding me, I have a lot of stuff to do.  Don’t you think I know that? Can’t I have just a few minutes this weekend without you crawling up my ass?”

            “Easy, Kev . . .,” Ryan started.  He sunk several striped balls and then stood, scowling pointedly at Danny as he did.  Kevin shifted his now brimming eyes in Ryan’s direction, but Danny was not ready yet to let the conversation go.

            “Kevin, you are going to fail American History!”

            “Dan, I’ve got time!”

            “Yeah, loads of time!  The end of the semester is barely a month away, Man!”

“I will do the fucking report, Danny! Just get off my back, will you?”

            “Fine, Man, it’s your funeral.”

“God! Fuck you! I don’t need this shit! Obviously my birthday means nothing to you! The hell with you!”  Draining the rest of his beer, Kevin crunched his empty beer can into a ball and fired it at the trash. Then, he turned, and with one last glare at Danny, made his way sulkily to the door.

            Danny closed his eyes as the common room door slammed, and when he opened them both Ryan and Steve were staring at him, the game forgotten. “What?” Danny demanded.

            “Don’t you think you were a little hard on him?” Steve asked. Danny shrugged and picked up the chalk again, twisting it vigorously against the end of his cue.

            “You may as well let him celebrate a little, Dan,” Ryan spoke quietly.  For a moment Danny remained silent.  “You can’t help him out of this by being hard on him now,” his big brother continued in the same soft tone. “You know that, don’t you?” Danny looked down at his stick, concentrating intently on some unseen object as Steve and Ryan waited.  Finally, he looked at them.

“I should have been stronger with him before,” he replied, his voice cracking. 

            “It wouldn’t have helped,” Steve responded in the same undertone Ryan had used. “You would only have succeeded in getting his back up like you did just now.” Danny bit his lip and looked away.

            “I guess I better go talk to him,” he said at last, setting the stick down and leaning it against the table.  He started for the door, but Ryan took hold of his arm, pulling him back.

            “You can’t tell him, Dan.” Danny hesitated and Ryan turned to face him, looking squarely into his little brother’s eyes.  Danny tried to yank his arm away, but Ryan held him fast.  “You know the consequences!  Promise me you’re not going to tip him off!”  Danny averted his eyes and remained silent. After a minute, when he still had not spoken, Ryan tightened his grip, making Danny grimace.  “Promise me!”

            “I’m not going to tell him,” Danny replied wretchedly after a minute. Still, Ryan didn’t let go, and Danny looked up again to meet his eyes. “I promise,” he said.  Finally, Ryan released him, and Danny headed forlornly for the door. Steve and Ryan watched him go, and as Danny closed the common room door behind him, Ryan sank heavily onto the couch and put his head in his hands. Steve observed his little brother quietly for a moment, and then, without a word, he replaced the cues in the rack on the wall and sat down next to him.  Neither one of them had any interest in continuing the game.

 

File Two

 The Promise

 

"Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."
-Carl Gustav Jung

 

“Learning to believe you are magnificent. And gradually to discover that you are not magnificent. nbsp; Enough labor for one human life.”

-Czeslaw Milosz

 

            Danny knew just where to find Kevin, but he wasn’t in a hurry.  The kid was no joke when he was mad.  It was best to let him cool down a little before attempting a rational conversation.  Slowly, but surely, he made his way to the practice field of the Saber Bend University Bull Dogs, and as he went, he pondered quietly the success of the team so far this year.  Much of it was due to Kevin he thought proudly.  Danny was the quarterback, and Kevin, though just a freshman, had made the team as a running back and had proved himself in every game.  He was a gutsy kid.  Danny smiled as he thought of some of the plays Kevin had made.  Some of them, Danny would never have even thought about trying with a kid as green as Kevin if his little brother hadn’t pestered him so much. “Give the ball to me, Danny! I can do it! I know I can!”  Finally, Danny had taken a chance.  He had gone out on a limb to get Coach to agree to start his prize rookie.  If it hadn’t worked, if Kevin had been injured . . . well . . . Danny shuddered as he thought about it.  It had worked, though; it had paid off big. 

            ‘Another thorn in Gregg Mcarthy’s side,’ Danny thought, his lips twitching involuntarily.  He knew he shouldn’t be so smug, but it was almost impossible not to be. He had never really experienced the frustration Gregg had of being repeatedly shown up by younger,  more talented players.  Gregg was the kind of guy who was fairly capable in any position he played, and his versatility had kept him on the team, but he was not a star at any position.  He was a senior now, and chances to prove himself had become limited.  The day Danny took a chance on Kevin Kramer was the day Gregg Mcarthy had lost his starting position for the fourth year in a row. 

            Danny’s pleasant reminiscences began to fade as he got closer to the field.  They were replaced by thoughts of the impending night, and his stomach turned. ‘Damn the kid’s cockiness!’ he thought, but he understood it. Hadn’t he been the same way? He had reached the door of the weight room by now and he could hear the punching bag inside.  Someone was really knocking the shit out of it.  His hand was on the door knob before he changed his mind and retraced his steps to the field.  He sat down to wait on the perimeter and stretched his legs out before him as he chewed a blade of grass and continued to contemplate the good times the team had enjoyed this season and the fondness he had developed for Kevin.

            He smiled again to himself.  The kid really was cocky.  Danny, Ryan, and Steve were just about the only ones Kevin ever listened to, and it wasn’t often that he listened to them.  Danny had spent a lot of extra time with his little brother, encouraging him in his studies as well as on the field.  He’d tried hard to keep Kevin out of trouble, but Kevin seemed destined for it.  He was failing most of his classes, or just barely passing them.  He spent twice as much time partying as he did studying, and recently he was spending more and more time at Rho Beta Xi (zzEYE), the sorority counterpart to their fraternity, where many of the cheerleaders lived. The most disturbing thing, though, was his attitude.  Recently, he had been mouthing off all the time to everyone, even his three mentors. ‘He really has gotten just a little too big for his britches,’ Danny sighed.  ‘Well, he can’t help it!’  The defensive big brother in him flared. ‘It’s not like you, Ryan, or Steve handled things any better when you were freshmen.’ ‘Too true,’ the inner battle continued, ‘and thank God we all had the house there, waiting to straighten us out . . . .’

“What are you doing here?” Danny’s stream of consciousness was interrupted by Kevin’s hostile challenge, and Danny looked up at him, thoughtfully.

            “Waiting for you,” he replied quietly.

            “Why?” Kevin remained guarded, shifting his workout bag on his shoulder and glaring down at his big brother.

            “Just to talk.”

            “Well, excuse me if I’ve had enough of your kind of talk today,” Kevin snapped, and he turned away.

            “Kevin, wait,” Danny called, but Kevin didn’t stop.  “Wait,” Danny pleaded, getting to his feet and hurrying to catch up with him. “Please listen to me.”

            “Why should I, after you yelled at me that way? And in front of Steve and Ryan too!” Danny caught hold of Kevin’s arm, but Kevin yanked it away and continued storming down the field, forcing Danny to trot along side him. 

            “I’m sorry, Kev,” Danny replied softly, realizing now that he had really overstepped the line.  “I shouldn’t have done that.”  Kevin slowed his pace, but didn’t stop, and didn’t look at Danny.  Instead he just glared at the ground, swiping angrily at his eyes as they filled with hot tears. Danny put a hand on his arm again, and this time Kevin did not pull away.  Finally he stopped and looked up at Danny as tears spilled onto his cheeks. “I’m sorry, kid,” Danny said again.

            “Well, I don’t want another lecture!” Kevin retorted.

            “I’m not here to lecture,” Danny responded gently.  “I’m here to make peace.  This is your birthday weekend, after all, right? I don’t want to fight with you, Little Bro.”  Kevin, however, was not ready to let Danny off that easily.

            “That’s right, jerkweed! It IS my birthday weekend! Why did you have to do that to me? Why are you being such an asshole?” Danny didn’t respond.  There was no good way to explain to Kevin why he had acted as he had. “Come on, Man,” Kevin pressed him. “I want to know!  What exactly is your problem?” Still Danny didn’t answer him. “Are you jealous?” Kevin asked, finally. 

            Danny was taken off guard and before he could stop himself he responded with a contemptuous snort, “Of what?”

            Kevin in his turn was surprised by Danny’s open disdain, and he hesitated.  “I don’t know,” he returned finally, looking at his feet and shifting his weight.  “I’ve been getting a lot of the attention recently, getting a lot of the cute girls . . . maybe you’re wishing for the days when you had the spotlight.” Kevin’s tone was even more uncertain as he looked into his big brother’s eyes and saw the good humored, if somewhat condescending, twinkle of understanding.  Kevin’s sense of shame was complete when Danny responded with a hearty laugh and clapped him on the back. After all, Danny’s limelight days were far from over and Kevin knew it.

            “Oh kid,” Danny chuckled as they started to walk again. “No, Kev, I’m not jealous.  I’m just worried about you.”

            “Worried? Why?  What’s to worry about? I’m on top of the world right now.”

            “I know, Man, but you’re throwing it all away.”

            “No, I’m not!” Kevin returned irritably.  “I’m passing everything, but American History, and as long as I do ok on that report, I’ll pass that too.” Danny shot him a look. “What?? I’ll do it! Just not this weekend.  I promise, next week, I’ll get right on it! Besides,” he added as Danny remained silent and clearly unconvinced, “who cares about grades when you’re the star of the football team.  They’re not going to fail me!” Danny shook his head and walked faster, leaving Kevin to try and keep up now.

            “There’s more to life than football, Man!” Danny chided. 

            “Ok, Danny, I know.  I’ll do the report! Starting Tuesday, I’ll lock myself in my room and not come out until it’s done. I promise.”

            “Tuesday?” Danny questioned skeptically as he looked at his little brother.

            “Well, I can’t do it Monday,” Kevin stated in a tone that implied Danny was missing the obvious.  “Monday’s my actual birthday.” Danny’s brow furrowed, but as he opened his mouth to respond, Kevin cut him off.  “No more lectures today! Please!”  Danny still looked like he wanted to say something.  “You promised,” Kevin reminded.  Danny sighed and looked away.  The kid was right; he had promised. ‘Besides,’ he thought, ‘it won’t do any good now anyway.’

            “All right, Man,” he said finally as he looked back at Kevin, “no more lectures.  Just get that report done!”

            “I will,” Kevin responded gratefully.

            “What are you up to, now?” Danny asked.

            “Well,” Kevin looked sheepish and turned red as he looked once more at the ground.  “First, I’m going back to the house to change, and then I’m headed over to Rho Beta Xi (zzEYE).  The girls are throwing me a little party.” Danny’s brow darkened once again, but Kevin continued without noticing.  “You should come,” he said. “I could definitely set you up.”

            “Kev,” Danny interjected in an exasperated tone, “if I wanted one of those skanky-ass cheerleaders, I could get one.  The stuff simply doesn’t interest me anymore!”  Kevin stared at him in wide-eyed disbelief, and Danny couldn’t help grinning as he put his arm over his little brother’s shoulders.  “Come on; let’s get you back to the house, so you can get ready to celebrate properly.” Kevin smiled too now and they started to make their way back.  They walked in silence for awhile and then Danny spoke again quietly.  “You’re still coming to the house later, aren’t you?”  There was silence and Danny looked over at his little brother. “Kev?”

            “I don’t know, Danny.  It just seems awfully boring . . . .”

            Danny stopped, his heart missing a beat, and looked seriously at Kevin.  Kevin stopped too, as he saw the expression on Danny’s face. “Kev, you have to come. Attendance is mandatory!”

            “Oh, come on, Danny!” Kevin flashed his cockiest grin. “It’s probably just another initiation and who cares about that?”

            Danny’s face clouded at the mention of the initiations, but after a minute he cautioned softly, “You should care, Kev.  Someday, you’re going to be in the Bull Dog Hall of Fame.  Don’t you want people to come to your meeting?” Kevin shrugged, but Danny could tell the point had resonated at least a little.  “In any case, I don’t think it is an initiation, Kev’bo,” he continued seriously.  ‘At least not that type of initiation,’ he thought mordantly.  “Whatever the purpose, though,” he battled to keep his tone as neutral as possible, “it’s important for you to be there.”

            Kevin was studying his face intently now, and Danny did his best to pull his mind back from the fog of dark associations that had descended at the mention of the traditional initiation meetings that always took place at this time of the year. “I don’t get it, Danny,” Kevin repeated in a genuine effort to be respectful of his brother’s tone. “Why is it so important that I have to miss the last and probably best part of my own party to be there?” Danny looked away uncomfortably as Kevin continued to gaze at him.  “Unless . . . ,” Kevin started as if a light was just dawning.  “Unless . . . is it like a surprise party or something?”  Danny hesitated, and Kevin grinned.  “It is a surprise party, isn’t it?” he demanded triumphantly. “I knew it!”

            ‘Oh, it’s a surprise all right,’ Danny thought bitterly.  ‘Damn you, Steve! Why’d it have to be THIS weekend?’ “Just make sure you’re there!” he replied edgily as he finally met his little brother’s eyes once more.

            “I don’t know,” Kevin started teasingly, “it still seems pretty boring.  Did you guys bake me a cake? Because the girls baked me a cake . . . .”

            Danny grabbed Kevin’s arm hard, cutting him off. “Don’t play this, Kev!” he commanded.  Kevin squirmed, trying to pull away, but Danny just held tighter. “Promise me you’ll come!”

            “Oww, Danny! Oww! Ok!” Kevin flinched at the serious intensity of Danny’s countenance. 

            “Promise me, Kev!”

            “Ok, Man, Oww! You’re hurting me!” He tried once more, unsuccessfully, to pull his arm away.  “Ok! If it means that much to you, I’ll come!” A lance of guilt pierced Danny’s gut as he let Kevin go and walked ahead, leaving his little brother to rub his arm in wonder.  Kevin caught up a moment later, but he remained silent.  His big brother was acting very strangely.  Danny was rarely so intense about anything, at least not with him, but Kevin knew better than to question him when he was.

        

File Three

The Confrontation

 

"I seek the crucial region of the soul where absolute Evil and fraternity clash."
-Andre Malraux

 

            The common room was full now, and as he entered the house behind Danny, Kevin was mildly disturbed by the impression that the chatter had slowed, if not completely stopped, upon their arrival.  Ryan looked up from where he was now sitting at the common room table, working on a last minute report of his own.  He quickly averted his eyes when Kevin looked his way, however, and returned to his typing.  Steve was nowhere in sight.  Kevin did not like the feel of the atmosphere in the house right now, though he couldn’t explain why.  It seemed a mixture of gloom and anticipatory liveliness and it struck him as an odd combination.  He became more disconcerted as he looked around and noticed that it was all of Steve, Ryan, and Danny’s closest friends who seemed quiet and anxious.  They all refused to look at him.  ‘I’m sure I’m imagining things,’ Kevin tried to shake the feeling off as his own best friend and roommate, James, came up to greet him.  Nothing was unfamiliar about James’s greeting, and the two headed up the stairs to their room, leaving what Kevin felt was the general funk of the common room behind.  ‘Maybe they’re just stressed about exams,’ he pondered.  The older guys were so much more serious than he and his friends were. ‘I hope I never get to be like that,’ he thought.

            Danny watched them go, grateful that James had been there to distract Kevin, whose sharp eyes and ears would undoubtedly pick up things.  When they were safely upstairs, Danny made his way over to Ryan and sat down next to him. “Everything ok, now?” Ryan asked. 

Danny slumped and put his head in his hands. “For the moment,” he replied.

            Ryan looked at him, sympathetically. “Dan, none of this is your fault.  We all knew this was the way it would play out. Stop beating yourself up.”

Danny remained silent for a moment, and then looked at his brother miserably.  “He thinks we’re throwing him a surprise party,” he said quietly.            

            “What?” Ryan stopped typing, and stared at Danny with concern.  “Where’d he get that idea?”

            “Well, he was hedging again about whether to come tonight or not, and I simply reiterated that attendance was mandatory, and it was important for him to be here.  You know Kevin, though.  He’s convinced himself, now.  Nothing’s going to change his mind.”

            There was another long moment of silence, and then finally Ryan spoke.  “Well,” he started, smirking at his brother, “it’s not as bad as what you thought last year.”

“It’s pretty fucking close!” Danny snapped, not appreciating the humor in his brother’s tone.

             Ryan sighed, “He’ll get over it, Dan.”

            “Right! Maybe by next year!” Danny replied sourly.  “This is so fucking hard!”

            “I know it is,” Ryan returned supportively, placing a hand on his arm. 

            “He’s going to hate me!”

            “No he won’t.  He’ll understand, in time. You don’t hate me, do you?”

            “No,” Danny grumbled, “not anymore.”

            “Exactly,” Ryan returned with another faint smile, giving Danny’s arm a squeeze before he continued typing.

            “Where’s Steve?” Danny asked.

            “He’s upstairs,” Ryan replied. 

            "Wish he'd just stay there!" Danny carped.

            "Hey, Danny, come on. You know Steve would have done things differently, if he could.  He has no choice, but to follow the rules."

"Right," Danny muttered.  "He's only the fucking fraternity president.  Obviously, he has no control at all." Ryan's intent blue eyes settled on him reprovingly and Danny's scowl deepened, but he refrained from expressing any further thoughts of this kind.

            There were no freshmen in the common room now.  Those who ventured in didn’t stay long.  They all sensed the same moodiness Kevin had, and attributing it to exams like he did, they removed themselves from the distasteful atmosphere. They knew nothing.  Freshmen, especially those close to Kevin,  could not be trusted to keep secrets, so they were in the dark, as unsuspecting as Kevin was himself. Tonight was meant to be a wake up call for all of them.  Kevin was just the example.

            Ryan’s best friend, Sean, now made his way, from where he had been talking quietly with some of the other juniors, over to the table where Ryan and Danny were sitting.  He placed a hand on Danny’s shoulder as he sat down next to him.  “How you holding up?” he asked. Danny shrugged. “It’s going to be ok, Dan,” Sean encouraged. Danny still didn’t respond, and Sean looked at Ryan, inquiringly.

            “Kevin thinks that tonight is a surprise party,” Ryan explained softly with a worried glance at his little brother.

            “Oh Shit!” Sean exclaimed.  “How’d he arrive at that deduction?”

            Ryan shrugged, “Just all the importance placed on his attendance, I guess.” He looked at Danny again. “Kevin kept threatening to blow the whole thing off, and I guess Danny, Steve, and I might have gone a little overboard in our efforts to make sure he didn’t.”

            “Fuck,” Sean muttered as he tightened his grip on Danny’s shoulder.  An awkward silence passed, and then finally Sean spoke again.  “It’ll be all right, Danny,” he reassured quietly. “You know, last year, Ryan thought you would never forgive him, but look at you guys now.  You get what it was all about.  You understand that it was necessary, and in time, Kevin will come to the same conclusion.” His eyes then took on a mischievous twinkle. “After all,” he continued, “what Kevin thinks is no worse than what you had in your head.  If you could forgive Ryan, surely Kevin can forgive you too.”  Ryan smiled a little again too as he perused the screen in front of him.

            “Yeah, ok, hardy, har, har,” Danny bristled. “What about the meantime, though?” 

            Ryan stopped typing again and he and Sean locked eyes.  “I’m not going to lie and tell you it’s easy, Man,” Ryan said at last.  Danny’s friend, Jesse, entered the room at that moment and Sean silently waved him over. “You’re definitely going to need your friends.  Those three weeks last year when you refused to talk to me, even went out of your way to avoid me, were some of the worst weeks of my life.  I never felt so low.  I don't know what I would have done without Andy, Sean, Steve, and Matt.” Danny put his hands over his face, and a moment later he put his head down on his arms. Ryan put a consoling hand on his back. 

            Sean and Jesse remained quiet for a minute, but finally Jesse reached across to touch Danny’s arm.  “It'll be ok, Man.   Patrick and I got you through last year.  We’ll get you through this year too.  Don’t worry.” He squeezed his friend’s arm firmly, but Danny did not look up and nobody knew what to say.

            “Danny? Are you all right?” Kevin’s slightly rattled voice carried across the common room.  His friends, James and Alex, stood behind him, and they exchanged glances.  There was no doubt about it this time.  The whispered conversations had all but stopped when they entered the room, and something was clearly really bugging Danny. Exams couldn’t be this big a deal, could they?  Jesse got up and made his way over to them. 

            “Aaa . . . don’t worry about him, Kev’bo.  He’s all right.  Just running a little short on sleep and you know how Danny is when he hasn’t slept.  Don’t you have a party to get to?  I hear the girls are going all out.”

            “Yeah, sure, I guess so,” Kevin replied uncertainly, his eyes still on Danny who had not moved.  Ryan poked his little brother, and finally Danny raised his head.

            “Fuck,” he muttered, looking away for a moment.  Ryan squeezed his arm once more, and finally Danny got up and approached Kevin and his friends.  Jesse moved in close to him as he came up beside the little group, and Danny tried to gather his courage.  “You taking off, Bro?  You look very sharp.”

            “Thanks,” Kevin replied, still sounding unsure.  “Are you sure you’re ok, Dan? Do you want me to stay?”

            “No, Man,” Danny’s voice wavered, and he looked away.  Jesse put a hand on his friend’s shoulder as James and Alex looked at him strangely.  “It’s like Jesse said,” Danny finally continued in  a steadier voice, as he looked back at his brother, “I’m just stressed and a little short on sleep.  I’ll be ok. You better get going!  Birthday parties don’t last forever, you know.” 

            “Ok,” Kevin grinned, seeming mostly convinced, and he turned with his friends to go. 

            “Kev,” Danny called him back and all three boys turned to face him, “ten o’clock, don’t forget.”

            “Right,” Kevin smiled again, and winked knowingly at his brother, “and don’t worry,” he added in a conspiratorial whisper that only Danny, Jesse, and his two friends could hear, “I’ll be sure to act surprised.”

            “Just don’t be late!” Danny retorted.

            “Ok! I won’t,” Kevin called over his shoulder as James and Alex dragged him away.

            Jesse looked at Danny inquiringly as they heard the screen door at the end of the hallway close behind the three younger students. “What was that about?” he asked.

            Danny put his hand to his eyes. “Kevin thinks we’re throwing him a party tonight,” he replied.

            “A party?” The surprised exclamation came not from Jesse, but from the unseen figure lurking behind him.  “He thinks tonight’s meeting is a party?” Gregg Mcarthy snickered. “Oh, that’s rich!”

            “Shut it, Gregg!” Jesse snapped.  Sean and Ryan both looked up from the table, and got to their feet as Danny clenched his fists and glared at their rival.

            “Ohhhh . . . no!” Gregg responded to Jesse. “This is good! This is way too good to sit on!” Ryan was glaring at him now, too, and his smirk widened.  “Hey everybody,” he called out loud to the now busy common room.

            “Shut the fuck up, Mcarthy!” Ryan’s challenge rang out as the buzz of activity began to die.

            “Guess what?” Gregg continued with a malicious sneer.

            “Not another word,” Danny glowered, “or I’ll . . . .”

            “. . . or . . . you’ll . . . what?” Gregg baited.  Danny looked at Ryan, and Gregg too shifted his gaze to include Danny’s older brother. “Come on, then! Let’s see what you’ve got!” He leered at them nastily. The room was deathly silent now as Gregg continued tauntingly, “Some of us think a summons is long overdue for you two, so high and mighty because you’re the president’s younger brothers.  You’re both so damned spoiled!”

            “That’s enough, Gregg!” Sean reacted, but Danny and Ryan did not.  They didn’t give a flying rat’s ass what this loser had to say about them.  It was only Kevin that they cared about right now. 

            Gregg sensed it and returned to his former target. “Poor Kevie,” he jeered.

            “You are such an asshole,” Jesse hissed, placing his hand on Danny’s arm as Danny took a threatening step in Gregg’s direction.  Gregg ignored him and continued as Sean now placed a restraining hand on Ryan as well.

            “Y’all ready for this?” Gregg gloated as he looked around the now silent common room.  Sean and Jesse each tightened their hold as Danny and Ryan both fixed Gregg with an intimidating scowl.  “Our little Kev’bo thinks tonight’s meeting is a party to celebrate his birthday! Isn’t that sweet?!” 

            The two brothers lunged at Gregg.  Sean was ready and as the taller of the two had a fair amount of success containing Ryan, especially as their friend Andrew moved in to help.  Andrew had witnessed the scene from the upstairs landing, and, anticipating mischief, had come downstairs.  He was standing in the common room door when the trouble broke out, and he moved quickly, pushing Ryan back as Ryan struggled to break the hold Sean had on him.

            Jesse, unfortunately, did not have the same success restraining Danny.  He was  as tall as his friend, but not as strong, and Danny practically ran him over in his rage. “Pat!” Jesse called, spying his second closest friend in a corner across the room. 

            “No, Danny!” Patrick bolted out of his seat. “He’s so not worth it! Get out of the way!” he barked in frustration at anyone sitting or standing in his path as he leapt over chairs and sent garbage cans flying in a mad effort to reach his friend. Jesse made one last desperate grab for Danny’s shirt, but it was too late.

            “I’ll fucking kill you!”  Gregg’s derisive laughter was cut short as Danny grabbed him by the throat and forced him against the wall. “You sick son of a bitch! You are so dead!” he cried.  Gregg was choking now and clawing at Danny’s wrists. A second later, Sean’s strong hands were prying Danny’s fingers from Gregg’s throat. Patrick came up beside them and Danny fought as his friends dragged him back.  “Let me go!  Let me go!  I’ll get you, Mcarthy!  I’m going to fucking kill you!  You hear me?”  Danny pitched himself violently against Sean, and Sean braced himself, successfully keeping him back with Patrick’s help.

            Andrew, meanwhile, was still restraining Ryan who had calmed considerably as his concern for his brother pushed aside his own hot-headed anger. “Let me go, Andy!” he demanded, pulling away from his friend.

            “Are you calm?” Andrew asked him.

“Yes,” Ryan replied huffily, trying once again to push past him.

“You don’t look calm,” Andrew returned.

“Well, I am!” Ryan snapped.  “Come on, Man! I’m not going to do anything!”

“All right,” Andy replied, “but remember, you promised.”  Ryan nodded, and Andrew released him.

            “Calm down,” Ryan instructed his brother now as he came up beside Sean and Patrick.  Danny was still fighting them, and Patrick looked grateful as Ryan motioned him to step aside.  “Calm down!” Ryan commanded again, pushing Danny back as his younger brother rushed at them once more. Ryan looked at Sean and a moment later Sean stepped aside too.   Ryan closed his arms around Danny and pushed him back once more.  Danny continued to struggle briefly, but Ryan was used to him and knew how to handle him; he kept his little brother well in check as Danny glared menacingly at Gregg over his shoulder.

            Gregg, during this time had still been struggling to regain his breath.  He had his own hand to his throat now, and was still wheezing and gulping for air as he tried to recover from Danny’s unexpected onslaught.  It had really been a surprise.  He certainly had hoped to get a rise out of Steve’s brothers, but, despite the poignant taunts he had leveled at them, he had underestimated the probability of his success.  Danny, after all, was two years younger than he was, and the president’s second youngest brother.  For him to attack a senior would be unheard of.  Gregg didn’t think either he or Ryan would have the guts, and he looked smugly now at Danny as the air finally came back into his lungs.  “Congratulations, Lockheart!” he sneered. “You just guaranteed yourself a Summons!”

            Danny’s struggles subsided some and he turned ashen as he looked at Ryan. Ryan too turned deathly pale, and his little brother clutched at him.  “Oh God, Ry! He’s gonna kill me!” Danny whispered. “What am I gonna do?”

            Ryan swallowed as he looked into his little brother’s panicked eyes, “I don’t know, Kid,” he replied softly.

            “I didn’t mean it, Ryan!” Danny pleaded desperately. “I didn’t mean to do it!”

            “I know,” Ryan soothed as Danny clutched at him.   “I know you didn’t. Let me talk to him,” he continued as he felt Danny’s fingers digging into his arms. “It’ll be all right,” he murmured, as he looked into Danny’s still pasty face. “I’ll talk to him, ok?”

            “You two are such pussies!”  Gregg snorted scornfully.  “‘Oh God, Ry, what am I going to do?’” he mocked in a high pitched imitation of Danny.  Then he deepened his voice, “I don’t know, Kid. Let me talk to him.”  He laughed again.

            “Fuck you, Mcarthy!” Jesse took a step in his direction, but Sean yanked him back. 

            “Don’t you start!” he snapped.

            “You just love playing the hero, don’t you, Sanderson?” Gregg continued to needle Ryan.  “So fucking spoiled! Look at me, look at me!  I’m the president’s brother!  I can do what I want!”

“Shut the fuck up!” Sean’s temper flared, despite himself,  as some of Gregg’s friends laughed.  “He is not like that!”

            “Well, it doesn’t matter!”  Gregg jeered.  “He’s not going to be able to do jack shit this time and he knows it!  Look at him!”  Gregg sniggered again.  “It’s about time too!  At least one of Steve’s cocky-ass brothers will finally get what’s coming to him!”

            “All right, Mcarthy!  You made your point! Just drop it!”  Sean warned. Gregg was not about to let this go, though.  This was the most fun he’d had in a long time.

            “I can just see it now!” he continued gleefully.

“Shut it!” Andrew threatened, and Sean looked at him nervously.  Andrew was the biggest and strongest of the group.  If he decided to go after Gregg, nobody would be able to stop him.

            “‘Come on, Bro!  Let’s get it over with!’” The stillness of the room deepened as Gregg imitated the fraternity president.  He sounded just exactly like Steve, and Ryan and Danny’s friends looked at them in dread.  Ryan had so far suffered the insults quietly, but now as his little brother clung tighter, he balled his fists in an effort to control his anger.  “‘No, Steve! Please!  I’m sorry, I’m sorry!’” Gregg imitated Danny again now and laughed.  “It’ll be just like last year!” he leered.  “All the drama.  Sanderson begging and pleading on his brother’s behalf.  Such a touching scene! How I wish I could be there; I’d bring popcorn . . . .”

            “You fucking bastard!”

Gregg broke off mid-sentence as Ryan flew at him. “Ryan!” Andrew shouted, but Ryan had already sent Gregg sprawling with a solid blow to his jaw.  Sean, Patrick, and Jesse rushed to restrain Danny, and it took the efforts of all three to keep him from following his brother.

            “Fuck!” Gregg brought his hand to his mouth as he felt it beginning to swell.  “God, that hurt!” he glared up at Ryan.

            “Shit, Ry! What did you do?”  Sean looked back at him, horrified, still trying to keep Danny under control.  Ryan looked away as he cradled his hand and cursed under his breath.

            “Damn it, Ryan! You’ve really done it, now!” Andrew admonished.

            “I don’t care!” Ryan scowled, still nursing his hand.  “It was worth it!” His stomach turned violently despite his words, however, and his cavalier attitude didn’t fool either Andrew or Sean.  He continued to evade their eyes, and the eyes of his other friends.  Instead, he looked back at Danny and the two brothers locked eyes.  This was a moment they knew they would have to pay for.

            “What in the blue blazes is going on out here?”  Steve’s bedroom door opened and he stepped out, peering down into the common room from the railing above.

            “What’s going on is, your smart ass younger brothers just attacked me!” Gregg returned hotly.

            Steve felt the blood drain from his face, and he shifted his gaze to Danny and Ryan.  Reluctantly, they looked up to meet his eyes.  “Is that true?” Steve demanded.

            Both of his brothers swallowed, unable to answer right away, and Sean took pity on them. “They were provoked, Steve!”

            “That’s the understatement of the year!” Jesse growled as he too found his voice.

            “Yes, they were provoked!”

            “It’s not fair!”

“Mcarthy should learn to mind his own fucking business!” Similar cries of protest and a few in support of Gregg’s point of view were raised throughout the room, but Steve ignored them all, staring stonily down at his brothers.

            “IS- IT-  true?” he asked again.

            “Yes,” Ryan finally managed in a tiny voice, and both he and Danny hung their heads to avoid Steve’s scolding eyes.

            “All right, then, we will have to talk about this later! In the meantime, if you cannot control your tempers, it will be best for you to stay away from other people.  Both of you get upstairs, now!”

            “Steve . . .,” Ryan protested.

            “Now!” Steve barked and tears stung Ryan’s eyes as both he and Danny beat a hasty retreat for the stairs.  The house shook as one after the other they slammed their bedroom doors, and Steve closed his eyes.  It was going to be a long night.  Without another word, he turned quietly back into his room, shutting the door softly, and leaving the rest of the stunned fraternity members to sort things out for themselves.

 

File Four

The Plea

 

"A faithful friend is a strong defense; And he that hath found him hath found a treasure."
-Louisa May Alcott

 

            The remainder of the afternoon passed in heavy silence, broken only by the whispered conversations of the sophomores, juniors, and seniors.  The freshmen came and went, never staying for long, repelled by the eerie atmosphere, and determined to avoid it until the mandatory meeting later that night.

            Ryan, Danny, and Steve all remained in their rooms.  Ryan and Danny would talk to no one, not even Jesse and Sean, and as nine o’clock rolled around their friends felt compelled to seek Steve’s assistance.  They stood in front of the president’s door now, and Sean knocked softly.  Jesse glanced at him, uncomfortably.  Aside from Steve’s younger brothers and his friends, fraternity members normally visited the president in his room for one reason and one reason only.  Sean too seemed nervous as Steve opened the door and regarded them silently. “They’re not coming out,” Sean informed him quietly.  “We thought you should know.”  Steve sighed and stepped aside to let his brothers’ friends in.

            He motioned to the bed, inviting them to sit down, but with nervous glances towards the door just to the bed’s left, they shook their heads, and chose to remain standing.  Steve raised his eyebrows at them, smirking at their silliness.  A moment later, however, he fixed them with his most serious expression and inquired, “What happened out there, today?” Sean glanced at Jesse.  Jesse shifted his weight and looked at the floor, and neither of them spoke. “I need to know, guys,” Steve encouraged gently after a minute.

            Sean shrugged. “Gregg was goading them,” he finally responded.

            “Yeah, well, that, I got!” Steve returned sarcastically.  “But that’s nothing new.  What was it about this time?”

            “Kevin,” Jesse responded sourly.

            “What else would push them over the edge like that?” Sean demanded. 

            Steve nodded as the pieces of the puzzle began to come together.  “Go on,” he encouraged Sean and Jesse calmly. “How did it concern Kevin?” Sean glanced at Jesse as he continued, and Jesse shifted uncomfortably again. This room brought back bad memories, and he just wanted out as quickly as possible.

            “Well, Kevin has apparently gotten it into his head somehow that tonight’s meeting is a surprise party for his birthday.” Steve paled as Sean continued. “Danny had just come to the realization that Kevin had this idea, and we were all trying to cheer him up.  He was informing Jesse of the situation when Gregg picked up on the conversation, and after baiting Ryan and Danny for a considerable period of time, he finally alerted the whole common room to Kevin’s predicament. That’s when they lost it,” Sean finished quietly.

            “I see,” Steve replied, turning away and doing his best to mask his emotion.  “So, what you’re telling me is that Kevin thinks we are throwing him a surprise party tonight, and that now, due to careless conversation and Gregg Mcarthy’s mean streak, the whole house knows that’s what he thinks.  Did I get it right?”

            Sean and Jesse looked down, guiltily. The rebuke concerning their “careless conversation” had not been lost on either of them. “That about sums it up I guess,” Jesse replied sullenly.

            ‘Christ almighty, this is going to be just as bad as last year,’ Steve thought.  “All right guys,” he sighed after a minute, “thanks for telling me.  It’s good to have the whole picture.”  He still wasn’t looking at his brothers’ friends and Jesse and Sean traded glances.

            “You won’t be too hard on them, will you?” Sean whispered, and Steve finally turned to look at him.  “I mean about this afternoon?” he clarified, unable to read Steve’s expression. 

            A long minute went by as Steve collected his thoughts and emotions, but finally he looked once more at Ryan’s friend. “I’m going to do my best to be fair, Sean,” he answered gently.  Then, as he looked at Jesse’s taut face he assured, “I am not going to do anything about it tonight.  Tonight is going to be hard enough without that.” They were still eyeing him disconsolately, and resignedly Steve added, “I will try to wait until the after effects of this whole thing blow over, but I can’t promise more than that.”  Sean bit his lip and looked away and Jesse looked quickly at the floor again.

            Steve waited a moment for them to gather their emotions, and then spoke again softly, but firmly. “Go on now,” he urged, “and let me talk to them.” Jesse and Sean didn’t look at him and Steve waited patiently.  “This is not your fault, guys,” he said.  “Nothing you said just now has influenced in the least my thoughts about this afternoon.  Nor is there anything you could have said to change my mind.” Again Jesse and Sean were silent, and finally Steve urged them more firmly.  “Go on.  Don’t you each have things you need to do?”  They nodded glumly, and Steve opened the door.  Silently, Danny and Ryan’s best friends turned to leave, and Steve watched them go.  His brothers had both been wise in their choice of friends, he reflected.  It would be hard to find anybody more loyal than those two.

 

File Five

The Meeting

 

"We are all in the same boat, in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty."

-G.K. Chesterton

 

“Those things that hurt, instruct.”

-Benjamin Franklin

 

            Even for Steve, coaxing his brothers out of their rooms turned out to be no easy matter, and it was not with gentle persuasion, but with commanding authority that the task was ultimately accomplished. He went to the younger of the two first, anticipating a tougher battle in that quarter.  His expectations were not disappointed. “Dan, it is your duty!” he asserted through the closed door. “Just as it was Ryan’s last year! It’s going to happen, Man, whether you like it or not.  Kevin will take it best with you beside him to support and encourage him.  Do not deprive him of that.” 

            Finally, Danny opened the door.  He’d clearly been crying; his eyes were puffy and his face tear streaked.  Steve looked at him quietly for a moment and then stepped into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him as Danny went completely to pieces again.  “You’re going to have to try and pull it together, Danny. It’s almost time. Sean is rallying the troops.  Jesse is instructing the freshmen.  You need to be there for Kevin, Man.  As hard as it is, that’s your role.”

            “He’s not going to see it as support!” Danny choked.  “He’s going to blame me!”

            “Maybe at first,” Steve acknowledged gently, “but he will eventually come to see that this is bigger than you and him, that it’s a tradition, and a good one at that.”  Steve waited, but when Danny did not seem to calm down he added, “You know he has it coming, Dan, and regardless of how he takes it, it is your duty to be there with him.  Let him lash out at you.  These are hard lessons to learn, and that’s what big brothers are for.  It will make you closer in the end,” he promised quietly. “Trust me.”

            “Why couldn’t we move the meeting?” Danny sobbed. 

            “We’ve been through that, Dan, a hundred times.” Steve did his best to remain patient as his second youngest brother raised this tired subject for what seemed like the millionth time this week.

            “Well, it’s not fair!” Danny seethed. 

            “We looked for a better time, Danny,” Steve reminded gently, “and there wasn’t one.”

            Danny seemed at a loss.  He knew what his oldest brother was saying was true.  He just hated this.  “Did you fix things with Ryan?” he inquired brokenly, at last.

            “That’s where I’m headed next,” Steve replied softly.  “You guys really put me in a bad spot this afternoon.”

            “I know,” Danny returned ruefully. “I’m sorry.  Everything just happened so quickly.”

            “Well,” Steve returned in the same soothing tone, “what’s done is done.  We will have to deal with it, but not tonight. Tonight, we all need to be there for Kevin, ok?”  Danny nodded, but he was too broken up to respond and Steve left him in peace to collect himself as he moved on to Ryan.

            That had been nearly forty-five minutes ago now, and Danny had rallied tolerably.  At least he was no longer crying.  He had washed his face, rubbing his eyes hard to try and erase the redness and puffiness and only succeeding in making them redder.  Finally, he gave up and made his way downstairs.   Now, he sat sullenly between Ryan and Jesse on the couch, not talking to either of them and avoiding everybody’s eyes as people threw curious glances his way.   In his lap, lay the heavy ceremonial fraternity paddle of which he was now the keeper. He ran his fingers over the engraved names, nervously.  His own, at the moment, was last, to be followed shortly by Kevin’s, and he tried to forget how painful every smack had been, the shock he had felt, the betrayal, and how he was about to pass those feelings on to his little brother.  This was harder than he had ever imagined it could be.

            The newly aware freshmen sat in shocked silence on the other side of the room with the sophomores, their big brothers, hovering nearby.  The juniors and seniors were scattered about the room.  Some of them talked amongst themselves in low voices, and the atmosphere was once again clearly divided between those who couldn’t wait to see the cocky freshman get his just desserts, and those who acknowledged the necessity of the act, but were fond of Kevin and dreading the night ahead.

            Steve, meanwhile, was upstairs, having one more cigarette on the balcony off his private room.  He too was having a difficult time.  This was going to be hard, harder than even he had imagined.  He crushed out the cigarette with his foot.  He’d put on a brave enough face for Danny and Ryan’s benefit, but could he maintain it? He wondered.  That kid had really gotten under his skin too, and tonight he would have traded his private room to anybody just to avoid doing what it was his duty to do.  He leaned on the rail and looked out into the night sky.  He didn’t think he could go back in until it was really time.

            Ten o’clock came and went, and then ten fifteen.  Now, it was twenty after ten, and Ryan looked at Danny, nervously.  “You’re sure he’s coming?”

            Danny shrugged. “He said he would,” he responded agitatedly.

            “Danny, you know what will happen if he doesn’t show in the next half hour.”

            “I know, Ryan,” Danny replied, feeling queasy. “He said he’d be here, though.  He’ll come.”

            “I hope so,” Ryan returned, his stomach flipping  as he thought about last year’s meeting.  His own little brother had paid a severe price for antics similar to those that had Kevin in hot water this year.  Now, if Kevin didn’t show, Danny would be in  trouble again.  It was his responsibility to see that Kevin attended tonight.  If he failed in this duty to produce his little brother, not only would he stand in Kevin’s stead tonight, but the meeting would be rescheduled, and Kevin would still be forced to face his own inquisition at a later date. Danny‘s sacrifice would therefore not benefit his little brother at all. Ryan‘s brow puckered. 

            “I didn’t tip him off,” Danny whispered, reading his thoughts.  “I promise.”

            “I know,” Ryan met his eyes but his tone lacked conviction.

            “At least I wouldn’t blame you this time,” Danny rejoined in a small voice, clutching the paddle tighter.  Ryan regarded him silently for another moment, and then placed an arm over his little brother’s shoulders.  He knew exactly what Danny was going through. Another ten minutes went by before they finally heard the creek of the door, and then voices coming down the hall.  Three of those voices were identifiable as James’s, Alex’s, and Kevin’s, and Ryan and Danny both breathed a sigh of relief.  The three boys sounded drunk, but not as drunk as Danny had been afraid they’d be.  The next moment, however, horror struck Danny’s heart as he heard a female giggle and then a voice that was clearly not male.  The three freshmen were bringing girls into a restricted meeting when they, along with everyone else, had been explicitly warned not to. 

            Ryan looked quickly at Danny, his eyes reflecting all the panic Danny was feeling.  “He didn’t!” Ryan hissed.

            Danny shrugged.  “Apparently, he did,” he acknowledged wearily.

            Ryan and Danny were both paralyzed, now, by the feeling of dread that had overtaken them, but Jesse was not rendered quite as immobile.  “Here! Give that thing to me,” he indicated the paddle and Danny handed it to him.  Jesse lifted the blanket hanging over the back of the couch and stowed it just as the door opened and the seven students stumbled in.  Four girls had accompanied the young fraternity members back to their house. Three of them were freshmen, but one was a sophomore, and Danny’s lip curled as he recognized her.

            The room, which had been quiet before, now fell completely silent as everyone stared at the newcomers.  “Well, this is a rousing party,” quipped James.

            “They’re probably just waiting for the guest of honor to arrive,” one of the girls tittered.  Kevin and Alex were staring in shock at the faces around them, some of them horrified, and others trying to contain their amusement.  At last, Kevin’s eyes found first Ryan’s and then Danny’s, and he felt stung by the silent rebuke he saw there.  He felt all of a sudden that he had broken some major taboo.  He knew girls weren’t supposed to be here tonight, but it was his birthday, his party, wasn’t it? He was no longer sure as he passed his eyes over the room once more.

            “Kevin!” Danny was on his feet now, and his sharp admonishment finally brought Kevin’s eyes back to those of his big brother. His stomach lurched as he saw the anger and the . . . was that fear in Danny’s expression? “You know you’re not supposed to have girls in here tonight!  You’ve been told several times!”

            “I know, Danny! But it’s my party . . . I just thought . . . .”

            “Get rid of them!” Danny snapped, cutting him off.  Ryan stood too, now, next to Danny, eyeing Kevin sharply, and silently reinforcing Danny’s command.

            “Now, now, let’s not be so hasty,” Gregg Mcarthy spoke up, his voice oozing with mirth. “If the birthday boy wants to have girls at his party, I think we should consider making an exception.”

            “Absolutely!” The sentiment was echoed with relish by some of Gregg’s friends and his maddening smirk became even larger.

            “No!” Ryan and Danny responded as one.

            “Kevin,” Gregg turned to him, “you see how they treat you? Still like a little kid.  I know they’re your big brothers, but they don’t seem to want you to have any fun tonight do they? Even though this weekend is your one chance to celebrate your birthday. I think they’re being very mean!”

            “Shut your fat hole, Mcarthy!” Jesse snapped.

            “Tsk, tsk, Kinkaid.  Is there really a need for such hostility on this very special day?”  The malicious glint in Gregg’s eyes deepened as Jesse glared at him, and Kevin looked again, confused, at Ryan and Danny.  Why were they being like this? They had never been such sticklers for the rules before, and why was their arch nemesis now defending him? Everything was upside down.  On top of it all, he was definitely buzzed, which made it even harder to make sense of the situation.  He pressed his hand to his head.

            “I’m sorry, girls,” Ryan ignored Gregg and tried addressing the four females. “This is a closed fraternity meeting, so I’m afraid  you’re going to have to go.”

            “Not until Kevin tells us to,” one of them responded with a giggle, clinging to Kevin and pressing up against him.  She was a pretty, little brunette with curves, and Ryan cursed under his breath. They had to get the girls out before Steve came down.   Danny too had had enough.  He strode over and took Kevin hard by the arm, dragging him to the back of the room where the pool table stood.

            “Hey!” Alex and James reacted, coming out of their drunken stupor and trying to follow their friend.  Ryan and Jesse blocked their way, and Patrick, who was also close at hand, stepped up to take hold of Alex, hauling him back.  Alex was his little brother. 

            “Leave it!” Patrick instructed. 

            “Let me go, Pat!” Alex struggled briefly with him, but was unable to break free.

            “You do not want to ally yourself with Kevin right now, Man! Let it go!”

            “What the hell are you talking about?” Alex replied indignantly.  “I am allied with him! He’s my best friend.”

            “All the same,” Patrick tightened his grip as Alex renewed his struggles, “the best thing you can do for him right now is leave him alone and let Danny handle it!” 

            “I don’t understand!” Alex protested.

            “I know you don’t,” Pat replied in a gentler tone as his little brother yielded unwillingly, “but you have to trust me.” With that he pulled Alex further back against the wall, keeping a tight hold on him as Alex looked sorrowfully at his friend.

            A similar conversation was taking place between James and Jesse.  James was Jesse’s little brother, and James was not any happier than Alex was to see his friend dragged off by an arm in front of a roomful of people.  Gregg and his friends on the other hand were clearly enjoying themselves as they stared across the room at Danny and Kevin who were now in heated conversation.

            “You have no idea the situation you’re putting yourself in!” Danny fumed. “You have to tell the girls to go!”

            “You are not the boss of me!”

            “Right now, Little Man, I most certainly am!”  Kevin looked like he’d been slapped and tears sprang to his eyes.  Danny saw them and his heart wrenched.  He loosened his grip and softened his tone.  “Kev’bo, you do not want them here, right now.  Not tonight.  Trust me on this, please.” Kevin looked away and swiped at his tears as they started to streak his face.

            At that moment, they heard a door shut on the landing upstairs, and an instant later Steve peered over the railing into the open common room.  He narrowed his eyes when he saw the girls, and Ryan and Danny looked up at him, pleadingly.  He returned the stares of the two younger members he had come to regard as fondly as if they really were his own brothers, and he swore under his breath. ‘Shit! What was that little punk thinking?’ He finally broke eye contact with Danny and Ryan, and took in the rest of the room: Gregg’s smirking face, Jesse and Pat as they tried to keep James and Alex calm and under control, the terrified freshmen, the divided seniors and juniors.  It was his job to bring them all back together again, to lay down the law as justly as possible.  Now, as he looked at Kevin, still restrained by Danny, he hated his job more than ever.  “What’s going on, here?” he inquired for the second time that day as he finished surveying the scene.

            Gregg was the first to answer, almost gleefully. “Well, as you can see, Steve,” he began, “our young friend, here, decided to bring us some female companionship.  As he was celebrating his birthday, it seems, he didn’t feel the rules applied to him, and I was just saying that I thought he was perfectly right, and as he was so hell bent on having them here, the girls should be allowed to stay.”

            “Steve,” Danny whispered urgently, “please!”  Steve paused and looked at Ryan.

            “It wouldn’t be fair, Steve! You know it wouldn’t!” Ryan added his own beseeching plea to Danny’s. 

            Still, Steve remained quiet, looking over the room once more.  His lip curled as his eyes rested on Gregg’s simpering face.  “I understand your concern, Ryan,” he replied at last, “but rules have been broken.” Steve’s nauseous feeling increased as both Danny and Ryan turned a pasty white.  “I have half a mind to entertain Gregg’s suggestion.” ‘No I don’t,’ he thought to himself as Ryan and Danny turned pastier still. “Kevin,” he continued, “I know you have no real understanding yet of the situation you are in.  I also know for a fact, however, that you were advised against bringing girls tonight, several times.  I, myself, cautioned you more than once, and I also heard Ryan and Danny expressly forbid you. You have, therefore, unquestionably disobeyed, and your disobedience shall have to be dealt with.” Steve paused for dramatic affect and looked around.  His eyes settled once again on Gregg’s elated expression.

            “Steve please . . .!” The voices of his younger brothers reached his ears, but he kept his eyes on Gregg’s face, feeling smug as his next statement took the wind out of his adversary’s sails.

            “We shall deal with the matter internally, however.  I see no reason to put the girls in a position to witness the goings on of a private fraternity meeting.  Kevin had no way of knowing how serious the transgression was, and therefore it would be unjust to put either him or the girls in that situation.”

            “But Steve . . .,” Gregg protested. 

            “That is my final word,” Steve cut him off.  “Kevin, say goodnight to the girls and show them to the door, please!” 

            Gregg glowered unhappily.  There were others who were clearly disappointed too, but to them it was just a missed opportunity to add to the drama. It was only Gregg and his band of reprobates who seemed to take Steve’s decision as a personal offense, and now they fell to whispering amongst themselves as they continued to scowl in Kevin, Danny, and Ryan’s direction.

            Kevin and his friends, meanwhile, just stood there dumbfounded. This was not at all what they had been expecting. Even when Danny let go of him, Kevin still didn’t move.  He was fighting through the alcohol fog that was slowing his comprehension of the situation.  Danny and Ryan watched him sympathetically, but after a moment, when he still hadn’t budged, Danny gave him a little shove in the girls’ direction.  “Go!” He whispered harshly.  Kevin looked at Ryan.

            “Hurry up!” Ryan snapped.  He and Danny just wanted the girls out.  Only then, would they breathe easier.  Only then, could their empathy for Kevin begin to push out the sharpness created by their anxiety.  Things were bad enough now, if Kevin only knew.  The last thing the poor kid needed was four female witnesses to tonight’s events.  Besides the obvious humiliating factors, girls had notoriously big mouths.  It would be all over campus before dawn.

            Alex and James had, by this time, been manhandled into opposite corners by Patrick and Jesse, and now they stood helplessly watching their friend as Kevin miserably made his way over to their guests. Steve had, during this time, been making his way down the stairs, and now he stood at the bottom in the doorway of the common room, watching with everyone else as Kevin said his good-byes. Ryan and Danny sought his eyes, but he did not look at them, knowing he could not appear to be too sympathetic.  His heart ached, all the same, as he watched the youngest of their quartet.

            “Sorry,” Kevin managed in a low voice to the little brunette who appeared to be the ringleader of the girls. “I don’t really understand what’s happening here, but I guess you girls are going to have to go.”

            “That’s all right, Sweetie,” she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.  “We’ll see you tomorrow.  Besides,” she continued in a louder voice for the benefit of all, “it feels more like a tomb in here than a party!  If you guys ever have the notion to see what a real party is like, come to one of ours some time.”

            “We do go to yours, Beth! All the time!” Danny could contain himself no longer.  He knew the girl well, and she was nothing but trouble.  

            “Well then,” Beth batted her eyes in his direction and smiled, “it’s a shame you haven’t learned anything.” 

            “Get out!”  Danny bellowed, and Ryan put a hand on his arm.

            “Sooo serious tonight,” Beth drawled with another flirtatious bat of her eyelids and the other girls giggled.  “What’s wrong with you all?  Why are you so gloomy?”

            “That is none of your business,” Steve interjected before Danny could respond. “This is a closed fraternity gathering as Kevin, James, and Alex well knew before they brought you here tonight.  They broke the rules.  Don’t add to their guilt by prolonging your departure.  We are respectful of your sorority and would never presume to interrupt a meeting that we were informed was closed.”  Beth looked taken aback and finally a little rattled.  Steve had a good reputation within the college community as a whole. He was known among the other house leaders for being fair and respectful.  Nobody questioned his authority.

            “I’m sorry, Steve,” Beth replied at last. “We didn’t know.”

            “I know you didn’t,” Steve responded, “but now the situation has been explained to you, so please leave.”

            “Come on, girls.” Beth squeezed Kevin’s hand, and then turned towards the door, the other three girls trailing after her. Ryan and Danny each breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed behind them.

            Kevin was mad now, though, and they didn’t have much of a respite as he turned on them.  “What in the hell was that?  Are you trying to completely ruin my weekend? If so, you’re doing an excellent job!  This is what I left the party for? You’re all about as lively as a bunch of pall bearers carrying a casket in a funeral parade.  You must be on crack if you think I’m going to stick around here.  This is fucking bullshit!”

            “All right, Kevin! That is enough!”  Steve rebuked.  “You will not address your brothers in that tone!  They were trying to protect you!”

            “Like hell they were!” The outburst came not from Kevin, but from James who was still standing in the back corner where he had been dragged by Jesse.

            “Protect me from what?” Kevin sulked as he continued to glare at Ryan and Danny.

            “You have a lot to learn tonight, Little Brother,” Steve went on, ignoring both James’ outburst and Kevin’s question. “Before the night is over, you will learn to talk to your brothers respectfully; you will learn to shut your mouth when they are trying to advise you . . . .”

            James snorted, “Why should he listen to them?”

            “All they’ve done is lie!” Alex agreed, but he closed his mouth quickly as Pat glared at him.

            “You will, in fact, learn,” Steve continued as he moved further into the room and away from the door, “to respect this fraternity as a whole, and abide by the rules and traditions it upholds. Right now, Kev, you and I are going to have a little talk about the importance of following directions.  Come here!”

            “What?? What the hell is this shit? Are you serious?” James’ drunken state made him somewhat irrational, and a ripple of apprehension surfaced among the older students as he openly challenged Steve.

            “James . . .,” Jesse whispered in an urgent attempt to calm him.

            “No, Jess!” James turned on his big brother. “You told him this was a party for fuck’s sake! What the hell is going on?”

            “Shut up!” Jesse spat.  “You are going to make it worse!”

            “Worse? How could it be worse?”

            “Keep pushing and you’re going to find out!”

            “Is that a threat?”

            Jesse softened his manner a little and responded in a gentler tone. “No, Man.  It’s not a threat.  It’s an unavoidable fact.  Just calm down . . . .”

            “Calm down! You want him to calm down?” Alex made a threatening move towards Jesse, but Patrick intercepted him.  “Do you think we’re just going to roll over while our best friend gets scolded like a dog in front of everybody? On the weekend before his birthday, no less? Oh no! The hell with this! Come on, Kev, we’re out of here.” Alex started for the door, but Patrick yanked him back, and, taking him by the shirt collar, shoved him against the wall.

            “You are going nowhere!” he directed.  “This is not about you, and it is not up to you to interfere!” Alex gaped at his big brother, silenced by his forcefulness.

            Kevin too looked dismayed. Steve had never addressed him so sharply in front of others before.  As rattled as he was, however, he responded to Steve’s command. He had never yet disobeyed a direct order from his oldest brother, and now he made his way on shaky legs to stand before the president of the fraternity. 

            Steve rarely ever got angry with his brothers, but when he did, the scolding that followed was unbearable.  The couple of times Steve had called Kevin to his room for a lecture, his youngest brother had cried for hours afterwards.  Only Danny and Ryan had been aware of those occasions and Kevin had leaned heavily on them.  They had been subjected many times to similar reprimands.  As the younger brothers of the president, it was the special privilege they were all entitled to.  Now, it was not the fear of Steve’s anger that affected Kevin as he looked into his oldest brother’s eyes, it was the dread of his disappointment.  “We need to have a long talk tonight, Kev,” Steve spoke softly, and Kevin hung his head.

            “Where is it?” Steve turned to Danny with the same paternal air.  Danny hesitated as he regarded his chastened little brother, and he swallowed hard as memories of last year rushed back on him. Steve’s demeanor, however, was one of no-nonsense and Danny dared not disobey. Resignedly, he approached the couch, and keeping his eyes on Kevin, he raised the blanket and produced the paddle, picking it up and clutching it tightly.  Kevin was looking at him now, and at the sight of the paddle terror filled his eyes.  Steve took hold of Kevin’s arm, anticipating his youngest brother’s desire to run. “Bring it here,” he commanded Danny firmly.  Danny, however, was paralyzed by the look on his little brother’s face, and he remained where he was as Kevin’s friends reacted.

            “No! No! Oh my God, No!”  Alex pushed to get past Patrick, but Patrick kept him pinned against the wall and Alex turned resentful eyes on Danny.  “How could you do this?” he screamed.  “You’re his brother!”

            “You’re a no good traitor!” James raged, nearly knocking Jesse over.  Jesse, however, had the ultimate strength advantage this time and he hauled James back, gripping him by both his arms.  “Let me go, Jess! Let me go! I’ll kill you!” he shouted at Danny and Ryan.  “I’ll kill you both!”

            “That’s enough!” Jesse admonished him.  “Let it go!”

            “No! It’s not fair, Jess!” James continued to struggle.  “It’s not fair! They told him this was a party!”

            “They never told him that, James!”

            “Yes, they did!” his little brother persisted stubbornly.

            “No! Kevin came to that conclusion all on his own!”

            “Well they sure as hell didn’t deny it!”

            “They were not in a position to!” Jesse snapped as he lost what was left of  his patience.

            “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” James demanded.  “They totally set him up! God,” he choked, “they let him walk right into this!”

            “They didn’t have a choice!” Jesse snarled.  “You have no idea what you’re talking about, James! If you knew the first thing about what Danny and Ryan went through today, you would shut your mouth right now!”

            “I don’t give a rat’s fuck what they went through today!” James struggled once more to break free.

            “Drop it, James! I mean it!”

            James, however, was done listening and he lowered his head, driving Jesse nearly into the far wall before Jesse managed to get him in a headlock.  James spun around in an effort to free himself, but Jesse was in control now, and tears of frustration began to streak his little brother’s face. “Do it!” Jesse cried, facing Steve, and keeping James locked soundly in his vice like grip.

            Steve nodded and prompted his younger brother once more, “Let’s go, Dan!” Danny swallowed hard again as he fought to control his emotions, but finally he obeyed.  He approached Steve almost as apprehensively as Kevin had and held out the dreaded implement. Steve took it determinedly, meeting Danny’s eyes as he did so in an effort to reassure him. Danny hung his head, and Ryan came quietly up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

            Gripping the paddle resolutely, Steve returned his attention to Kevin. “Kev,” he addressed him sternly, “your lack of discipline is astonishing! Your shoddy effort, your arrogance, your obnoxious behavior and your unwillingness to accept advice or guidance even from those who have been where you are and know better has been a continual problem!” 

            Ryan put his arm around Danny and Danny leaned closer.  Both Kevin’s brothers knew how hard it was to face a scolding from Steve even in the privacy of their own rooms. Steve’s soft spoken and pointed rebukes did more to communicate his disappointment than the harsher words and more severe tone of any number of the other house leaders, and because all his little brothers looked up to him, his disappointment was devastating to them.  Now, Danny and Ryan sought solace from one another, feeling helpless as Steve tongue lashed their younger brother. 

            Steve took in Danny and Ryan’s pale faces and shrinking demeanor with a sinking heart, but he did not stop the dressing down. “You are truly incorrigible, Kevin!” he chastised.  “I really do not think I’ve ever seen anything like your cockiness or stubbornness!”

            “I have,” an unknown voice goaded from somewhere amongst the scattered seniors, and a few of the older students snickered. Steve dropped his chin to his chest, smiling just a little as the familiar tones reached his ears. ‘How he had missed the owner of that voice,’ he thought wistfully. He pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath as his throat tightened. At last, forcing down his emotions, he looked at his little brother once more.

            “What time were you supposed to be home tonight, Kev?” he inquired. 

            “Steve please, I’m sorry!” Kevin tried to pull away, but Steve held him fast and Kevin looked instinctively at Danny as panic overtook him. 

            “I did not ask if you were sorry, Kevin.  I asked what time you were supposed to be here.” Kevin was still desperately seeking Danny's eyes, and Ryan nudged his brother.  Danny looked up in an effort to meet Kevin’s gaze, but the expression of shocked betrayal on his little brother’s face was too much for him, and he looked down again as tears began to streak his face. Ryan squeezed his shoulder as Kevin looked back at his oldest brother and swallowed hard, using all his concentration, now, in an effort not to cry.

            “I’m waiting,” Steve looked sternly into his eyes.

            “Steve, please,” Kevin pleaded, struggling a little once more as reality penetrated his initial feeling of shock. “Please don’t do this!”

            Steve regarded him silently for another moment, and then he let him go and said quietly, “Tell me, Kev, do you think you deserve to be punished?”  Kevin was taken off guard as he stood rubbing his arm. He felt confused and didn’t know what to say, so he remained silent. “Listen to me very carefully, Kevin,” Steve continued after a minute. “If you truly feel that this punishment is undeserved, if you agree with your friends that you are being treated unfairly, you do have a choice, and the choice is this:  You may choose right now to go upstairs to your bedroom, pack all the belongings you have, and be ready to leave the house first thing in the morning.  If you make that choice, you will no longer be a member of Rho Beta Chi (Kigh), and after I talk to Coach about your behavior and your grades, you will no longer be on the football team, either. The choice is yours to make.”

            “Do it, Kev!”  James prodded from his powerless position.  “I’ll go with you! Who needs this shit, anyway?”

            “Me too, Kevin!” Alex added, disregarding Patrick’s scathing glare of disapproval.

            The rest of the room waited breathlessly as Kevin struggled with his emotions. The decision was not as easy for him as it was for his friends.  Neither James nor Alex was a starter on the team yet, nor were they on scholarship as Kevin was.  Danny covered his face and Ryan squeezed his shoulder even tighter.  Finally, Kevin looked back at Steve and in a voice so tiny not even Steve heard him, he said, “Ten o’clock.”

            “What?” Steve prompted gently.

            “Ten o’clock,” Kevin choked.  “I was supposed to be here at ten o’clock.”  His voice was still not very loud, but Ryan, Steve, and Danny all heard him.  Danny pressed his fingers hard into his eyes, and Ryan and Steve regarded their little brother with pride.  The kid did have guts, as Danny was always telling them.

            “That’s right,” Steve reproached him, sounding more relieved than anything.  “You were supposed to be home at ten.  You were almost forty minutes late, Kevin! Come here,” he gently took hold of Kevin’s arm once again, and drew him forward. 

            “No! Fuck you! You let him go!” With one desperate pull James ripped himself from Jesse’s grasp, taking everybody off guard as he lunged at Steve.  Danny and Ryan had just enough time to step in front of their oldest brother, taking the brunt of the assault, and falling backwards as James knocked them off balance.   James fell on top of them, and blindly he let his fist fly as Ryan and Danny both tried to protect their face. A moment later, James was dragged to his feet by Jesse and Sean.

            “Take him out!”  Steve ordered as he dropped to his knees by his younger brothers.

            Sean and Jesse hauled the fighting freshman towards the backdoor, and Patrick followed with Alex.  He had his little brother well in hand for the time being, but after the scene James had just made, he wasn’t taking any chances.  A shocked silence settled over the room as the screen door at the back of the room slammed shut, and one of the juniors got up to close the heavy wooden door behind them.

 

File Six

The Questions and Answers

 

“True friends, like ivy and the wall, both stand together, and together fall.”

-Thomas Carlyle

 

 

            “Let me go! Let me go!” James was still battling Jesse and Sean, and as the door closed behind them, they finally released him.

            “Kevin is about to get licked in front of the whole fraternity, Man!”  Jesse admonished.  “You want to be up there with him? Is that what you’re trying to accomplish?”

            “Maybe I don’t necessarily want to be,” yelled James, “but I should be! I’m just as guilty as he is!” 

            Alex pushed roughly at Patrick, twisting resentfully away from him. Pat let him go.

            “Have you guys got this, then?” Sean asked.  “I want to make sure Danny and Ryan are ok.”

            “Oh yeah, we’ve got it all right!” Jesse retorted, and Sean turned to go back in as Jesse grabbed James roughly by his arm again. “Come with me!” He yanked his little brother down the hill towards the woods behind the house.  Alex started to follow, but Patrick pulled him back.

            “Oww, Jess!  What are you doing?  Oww! You’re hurting me!”

            Jesse stopped at the edge of the woods, and took his army knife from his pocket.  “Take your pants down!” he commanded.

            “What?” James gaped at him.  “Why?”

            “Well,” Jesse replied coolly, as he reached up to the nearest tree and cut himself a thick switch, “I could stand here and tell you that you’re not as guilty as Kevin is because you at least are passing your classes, because you at least until tonight have been listening to me and respecting my advice, and because you are not letting football go so far to your head that you forget about everything else in life!  All of this is true,” he continued as he stripped the switch of its twigs, leaves, and bark until it was green and supple, “but it won’t stop you from feeling like you belong up there with him.  So, I am going to give you the barest glimpse of what Kevin is about to go through, and then if you still want to play the hero, I won’t stop you! Didn’t I tell you to take your pants down?”

            “Jess . . . .”

            “Come on, Big Man, you’ve earned this tonight! Let’s go!” Jesse’s voice was so commanding that James didn’t dare disobey, and with trembling hands he unsnapped his jeans, unzipped them, and pulled them to his knees.  “And your underwear!”  Jesse pressed.  James chewed his lip, fighting back tears as he once again complied.

            “What is he doing?” Alex protested, watching the scene below in wide-eyed disbelief. 

            Patrick was sitting on the hill now, and he took Alex’s arm and pulled him down beside him.  “Stay out of it, or I’ll do the same to you!” he cautioned.

            “Bend over!” Jesse ordered his little brother.

            “Jesse, please!”  James stammered.

            “Come on, James!  I thought you wanted to share Kevin’s punishment!”

            “I don’t want to! I just know I deserve to!”

            “Well, if you’re so sure you deserve it, we’d better do something to ease your conscience!  Bend over!”  Finally James acquiesced, presenting his naked bottom for punishment as silent tears began to streak his face.

“Oww!” he yelped as the switch cut him for the first time. “Oww! Oww! Oww!” he shrieked as Jesse really lit into him.   His big brother was holding nothing back.  “Damn Jess! I’m sorry!” James screamed.

            “Watch your mouth!”

            “Oww! Oww! Ok! I’m sorry! Please! Please!” He was gripping his ankles tightly now and sobbing. “Oww! Oww! Oww, Jesse! Oww! OK! I’m sorry! Oww! Please! I’m sorry!”

“All right, James!” Jesse finally relented.  “Stand up!”  James did so gratefully, his hands going immediately to his bottom as he tried to rub out the burn. “You still want to go up there now?  Keep in mind, that’s nothing compared to what Kevin’s going to get.” James shook his head, too broken up to speak.  “Good! Then pull up your pants and behave!” James nodded and with a final rub to his burning posterior, he bent stiffly to pull up his underwear and jeans.  He and Jesse then silently walked up the hill towards Patrick and Alex.  James avoided his friend’s eyes, sitting gingerly on the hill beside Patrick, drawing his knees to his chest, and hiding his face for a good cry.

            “You need this?” Jesse offered the switch to Patrick and Pat hesitated, looking at Alex.  His little brother’s cheeks were crimson and he was already fighting tears.  He didn’t seem likely to cause any more trouble, so Patrick started to shake his head.

            “Why not?” Alex sobbed, surprising both Jesse and Pat.  “I deserve it as much as Kevin and James do, I guess! I’m just as guilty as they are!” Pat and Jesse exchanged glances.  There was no sense, they knew, in trying to reason with Alex.  They knew exactly how he was feeling, and without a word, Pat removed the blade of grass he had been chewing on from his mouth, and took the switch from Jesse. 

            He got to his feet, and then put his hand under Alex’s elbow. “Let’s go, Bud,” he encouraged gently, pulling him to his feet.  Jesse sat down next to James, but remained quiet as Patrick drew his little brother to the side of the house, ordered his pants down, and bent him over his knee. 

             The punishment did not last long, but it was effective.  Patrick had a real little brother at home who he had spanked on one or two occasions in lieu of, “telling mom and dad,” so the activity was not a completely foreign one to him.  He felt sorry for Alex, but knew intrinsically that sparing him physical discomfort would do nothing to ease the true source of his distress. When he finally brought his little brother back, therefore, Alex sat just as uncomfortably as his friend, and cried just as bitterly.

            Pat sat down quietly next to Jesse, placing the switch on the ground, and stretching out his legs.  They remained silent, letting their brothers cry, and keeping their thoughts to themselves.

            “Why’d it have to be so near his birthday?”  Alex finally sobbed.

            Jesse and Pat were quiet for another moment, but finally Jesse shrugged. “It was convenient,” he replied with a tired sigh.  “They always do it around this time of the semester.”

            “Always!” James blurted brokenly.  “What the fuck are you talking about, always?”

            “There’s a meeting every year, James,” Pat responded in a placating tone.

            “Yeah,” Jesse affirmed, “and it always takes place around this time because there is so much going on all over campus. All the activity helps them disguise the meeting’s true agenda.  This year, Kevin’s birthday just happened to be one of those things adding to the activity . . . .”

            “But why?” Alex fumed, cutting Jesse off.  “Why do they have to lie?”

            Pat gave Alex a funny look.  “Well, if it was you, and you knew, would you come? Would you have come tonight, if you had known what was going to happen?” Neither Alex nor James had an answer to that.

“Besides,” Jesse added quietly after a minute, “technically they didn’t lie.”

            “Bullshit!” James spat as he looked accusingly again at his brother.

            “Technically,” Jesse went on patiently, “Kevin concluded on his own that tonight’s meeting was a party. Danny and Ryan could not dissuade him because they were already afraid he wouldn’t come, and if they told him anything that led him to the truth, they would have been in serious trouble as well.”

            “Well that’s still the same as lying!”  James returned in exasperation. “Even to let him think tonight was an ordinary, everyday meeting was a kind of lie.  To let him think it was a party was just mean!”

            “Well, what did you want them to say, James?” Patrick demanded.  “Have fun at your party, Kev; oh and by the way don’t forget the mandatory meeting at ten o’clock where we’re going to bend you over in front of the whole fraternity and whack your ass with a paddle.”

            “Well, something closer to the truth than what he got would have been nice,” Alex defended his friend's point hotly.

            “Well, you’ve been told what the situation was,” Jesse returned.  “You obviously have your feelings on the matter and we have ours, so let’s just drop it.”  Alex and James were both crying hard again now, and Pat and Jesse were silent for a while.

            “Danny didn’t want to do it this weekend,” Jesse finally spoke again quietly after a few minutes, when James and Alex had still not shown any signs of calming.  “He was horrified when he found out that Kevin’s birthday fell around this time.  The meeting had already been scheduled, but Danny went to Steve immediately, and begged him to move it. They looked for a better day, but there was always one objection or another, and they were really going at it over the whole thing earlier in the semester.  No time seemed like a good time, and in the end Steve decided the meeting was best where it was.  Danny continued to argue with him after that, but by then Steve was resolved, and Danny was furious with him.”

            “Yeah, he sure was,” Pat sighed. “It was an awful coincidence that Kevin’s birthday happened to fall around this weekend.  All his brothers felt awful when they realized that was the case, and certainly no one meant for him to think that tonight was going to be a party. You can’t imagine what Danny and Ryan went through when they learned that was what Kevin thought.”

“Well, what was he supposed to think after all that emphasis they placed on his attendance?” James protested brokenly.

            “That it was a mandatory meeting,” Jesse scoffed.

            “Well, you said they always use the stuff going on around campus at this time to ‘disguise their true agenda,’” James challenged.  “What does ‘disguise’ mean, if not lying?”

            “Way to go, Jess,” Pat smirked, stretching out on his side, and placing another blade of grass in his mouth as he prepared to watch his friend worm his way out of this one.

“Well, when I said ‘disguise,’ I really more meant ‘distract,’” Jesse started.  “With exams, and the end of the season, all the parties, and . . .,” Jesse’s lip twitched and he glanced at Patrick. Patrick grinned at him, and Jesse looked quickly away again.  “And . . .,” he started again with obvious difficulty; Pat laughed. “Shut up!” Jesse poked him.  “There’s just a lot of stuff, ok? There are a lot of initiation kinds of things happening.  All the fraternities and sororities are having meetings and that keeps the ‘chosen one’ for lack of a better phrase distracted, so his ears and eyes don’t pick up things they don’t want him to see. It keeps the rest of you rooks busy too for that matter, but that’s all it’s supposed to do.  It’s not supposed to be some elaborate scheme of deception.  This is the second year in a row that the strategy backfired.” Pat was smirking again in an effort to control himself, but he could not help the little chuckle that escaped and Jesse gave him a shove. “Shut up, you idiot!” he hissed.

            “I don’t see what’s so funny!” Alex snapped, and that brought Pat to his senses.  He propped himself on his elbow, and looked at his little brother who was staring at him with red, swollen eyes, and he sighed.

            “Nothing bud,” he said. “Nothing’s funny. We all feel terrible for Kevin.”

            “And nobody,” Jesse added, “is more empathetic than Danny.” Patrick looked quickly back at his friend, as he bit his lip to keep from laughing once more.  This time Jesse too was fighting the urge, and he dared not look at Pat.

            “You asshole,” Pat chided with a smirk.

            “Ok, fine!”  James rejoined. “Why Kevin? Why is he the ‘chosen one’?”  Jesse and Pat became serious once more and exchanged glances again.  For a moment, neither one of them spoke.

            “We all knew it would be Kevin,” Jesse admitted, finally.  “Right from the beginning of the semester, we knew.”

            Alex and James looked shocked. “But how?” Alex asked.

            Jesse shrugged. “That’s just the way it is.”

            “Theoretically,” Pat mused, “I guess things could play out differently, but to my knowledge, they never have.”

            “And I doubt they ever will,” Jesse added quietly.

            “What are you talking about?” Alex demanded.

            “You’ll know in time,” Patrick reassured.

            “But we’ve screwed up almost as much as he has,” Alex began to cry again as he thought of his friend. “So have a lot of other people.”

            “That’s true,” Pat replied.  “That’s what this night is all about, a wake up call for all you newbies.  If you guys don’t straighten up fast, I would definitely expect a Summons.  Steve doesn’t play around.  You may already get one, James, for jumping Ryan and Danny like that.  That’s a big no, no, attacking the president’s brothers! Steve may let it go because of extenuating circumstances, but I wouldn’t count on it.  I’m sure Danny and Ryan will do their best to get you off, but like I said Steve doesn’t kid around, and he has a soft spot where those two are concerned.  He’s probably pretty pissed right now.”

            “Yeah, if I were you, I wouldn’t go anywhere near Steve tonight, while he’s got that paddle out,” Jesse cautioned his little brother. There was a long silence, but at last Alex looked at Patrick.

            “What’s a Summons?” he asked timidly.

Patrick looked earnestly at his little brother.  “It’s just what it sounds like, Bro,” he replied.  “If you break a rule, Steve will summon you to his room for punishment.  If the infraction is minor, you might get off with just a lecture and a stern warning to not do it again. Most of the time, though, a summons means the paddle.”  Alex and James were both quiet for a minute as they tried to absorb this new and horrifying piece of information, but finally Alex screwed up his courage and looked at his brother again.

            “Have you ever been summoned?” he asked shyly.

Pat hesitated and looked at Jesse. “Yes,” he sighed finally. Alex and James then looked at Jesse, and Jesse nodded.

            “Does it hurt?” James inquired tentatively.

            “Like a son of a bitch!” Jesse replied.

            “More than the switch?”

“What?” Jesse scoffed.  “You mean that little tickle we gave you guys earlier? That’s nothing compared to that fucking paddle!”

            “How many licks did you get?” James asked. There was a long pause.

            “I got five,” Pat answered finally, lying all the way back in the grass and putting his hands under his head, “for coming in fifteen minutes late to a mandatory meeting.”  James and Alex paled.  They’d been nearly forty minutes late tonight.  After a minute,  Alex and James looked at Jesse.  He leaned back, resting on his elbows, and chewing his blade of grass.

“I got ten once,” he shrugged, finally, “last year, for cursing at Matt who was the president then.  I spent the day in my room crying, and I couldn’t sit for a week.”

“How many is Kevin going to get?” Alex asked.  Jesse and Pat were silent for a moment.

            “I don’t know,” Jesse finally replied softly.

            “More than ten?” James asked tremulously.

“Yeah, Bud, more than ten.” Jesse and Pat exchanged glances again, and then Jesse added, “Last year Danny must have gotten at least twenty-five or thirty.  I imagine Kevin will get about the same.  They’re very alike.  It was a good match.”

“Danny got licked last year?” James cried in astonishment.

            “The same way? In front of everyone?” Alex demanded.   Jesse and Pat smiled mysteriously, but didn’t respond.

            “Oh no! That’s not fair!” James protested.  “You can’t clam up now, just as we might really be getting some answers.”

            “I’m sure you’ll know it all in time,” Patrick assured.

            “Yeah,” Jesse smirked.  “Kevin will undoubtedly tell you everything even though he’s not supposed to.”

            “And when he does,” Pat continued seriously, “you will be just as obligated to keep it to yourselves as Jess and I are if you do not want to make trouble for your friend, and all his brothers.” Alex and James stared at him in amazement, and Jesse and Pat smiled again.

            “Everyone finds out eventually of course,” Jesse added, “but you have to let them find out in their own time.  Be there for Kevin.  Be his friend as always, and make it a practice over the next several years to forget whatever he tells you about certain things.  It will not be hard by that time for you to recognize what those things are . . . .”

            “Spilling secrets are we?” The voice, assuming a tone of mock severity, came from behind them, and startled them all. 

            “No!” Jesse replied irritably as he looked up into his big brother’s grinning face.

            “Oh, well that's a relief!”  Sean continued his teasing tone. “Otherwise Andy and I would know it all by now.”

            Andrew had come out with Sean and he smiled too.  “Truly, that was a near miss!” 

            “Oh shut up!” Pat too responded testily, pricked by his brother’s sarcasm. “As if anybody, but you guys would be coming out here tonight.”

            “You never know,” Andy cautioned more seriously as he and Sean joined the little group lounging on the grass.  “You guys want to be a little more careful, where and how loud you’re talking about this stuff.”

            “We didn’t even tell them anything!” Jesse protested defensively.

            “All the same,” Sean advised, “Andy’s right.  Just be careful.” Pat and Jesse both scowled as they were reprimanded, and Sean went on in a gentler tone.  “We really didn’t come out here to pick at you,” he said.

            “No that was just a bonus,” Andy teased.

            “We actually came out to find out how these guys were doing,” Sean indicated Alex and James, and the two youngest fraternity members shifted uneasily.  

            “Yeah, that was quite a performance in there,” Andrew inserted.

            “They certainly did give the two of you a run for your money,” Sean joked, smiling fondly at Pat and Jesse.  “I’ll warrant you didn’t give us quite as much trouble last year.” His eyes fell on the switch and he traded amused glances with Andrew before turning to address his little brother. “Keeping the tradition up, I see,” he quipped.

            Jesse flushed. “They were just asking us how much the paddle hurt,” he said to change the subject.  Andrew and Sean became instantly more serious and regarded each other silently for a moment.

            “Well, James old pal,” Sean said finally, “I’m very much afraid you’re going to get a chance to find out for yourself.”

            “That’s what we told him,” Jesse replied quietly.

“Don’t worry, Bro,” Sean soothed as the color drained from James’ face, “it won’t be that bad.  Jess will go with you.  It’ll be just you, him, and Steve.  I don’t expect you’ll get more than ten.” This news seemed to have the opposite effect from that which Sean had intended as James hugged his knees and hid his face, and Sean looked at his little brother inquiringly. 

            “I told him about the time I got ten last year,” Jesse explained dismally.

            “Oh, I see,” Sean replied, looking at Andrew for help.  Andrew didn’t know what to say either though, and an awkward silence descended.

            “How are Danny and Ryan?” Patrick asked finally, and James began to cry harder.

“They’re going to make it,” Andrew replied softly, as Sean moved in next to James, and put his arm around him.

“Hey, Bud,” he murmured, “it’s all right. They don’t blame you.  Steve’s a little perturbed, but he’ll get over it.”  James just turned his face into Sean’s shoulder, really letting go as the full weight of his predicament settled upon him.  Sean tightened his arm and let him cry.

            “What about Kevin?” Alex finally asked in a tiny voice.  Andy and Sean traded another glance that was much more sober this time. 

            “He’s hanging in there,” Andy whispered, “but he’s taking one hell of a licking! There’s no doubt about that.”  Alex blanched, and Patrick sat up and put an arm around him. 

            Andy met Sean’s eyes once more, and Sean bit his lip as Alex pressed his fingers desperately to his eyes and then gave up, hiding his face against Patrick‘s shoulder. Sean tightened his arm still more around James, and Patrick and Jesse looked uneasily at their older brothers.  They all knew there was nothing they could say to comfort Kevin’s friends.  They remembered well the feeling of helplessness and shock, the feeling of guilt, the feeling that it really should have been them instead.  It was a flat out sucky position to be in. Sean squeezed James’ shoulder and dropped his chin to the top of his youngest brother's head as memories and feelings from the past two years swept over him.  He sighed.  As bad as last year and the year before had been, this year was bound to be worse.  He truthfully had never seen Steve look so mad, and Kevin had taken at least half of the licks, in the first ten minutes, as Danny had taken in total last year.

            Sean looked up to find Jesse and Patrick eyeing him apprehensively.  ‘Come on, Sean, get it together!’ he chided himself. He knew he was not doing a very good job of hiding his emotions, and his fear was confirmed as Jesse mouthed. “Steve’s really pissed, isn’t he?” Sean nodded, and felt his throat tighten.

            “When we came out,” Andrew recounted softly, “they still had not even begun to read The Code.”  James and Alex were both crying too hard to even hear Andy’s whispered assertion let alone inquire about its significance, but Jesse and Pat both paled, and Patrick held his little brother tighter.       

File Seven

The House Rules

 

“He who graduates the harshest school, succeeds.”

-Thucydides

 

            As Jesse hauled James down the hill to receive his just comeuppance, Sean re-entered the common room, shutting the door as quietly as possible behind him.   Andrew was standing against the wall nearby, and he glanced at his friend as Sean moved in beside him.  “Are James and Alex all right?” he asked in a tone meant only for Sean’s ear. 

            Sean shrugged. “They will be,” he returned just as quietly.  “Pat and Jesse are with them.  How are Ryan and Danny?” He had hoped to find his friends already on their feet again, but he could see even from across the room that Steve was still bent over his brothers, trying to ascertain the extent of the damage.

            “Word’s still out,” Andrew replied, following his gaze.  “James clobbered them pretty good, I think.”

*******************************************************

            “Are you guys ok?” Steve inquired softly.  Neither of his brothers had shown signs of moving, and now Steve received no answer. “Will somebody get me some icepacks please,” he requested, “and some paper towels?”

            “I’m all right,” Ryan struggled to a sitting position, dabbing at his lip.  His cheek was bruised and he was clearly in pain, but he seemed more irritated than anything, and Steve turned his attention to the youngest of his injured brothers.

“Let me see, Dan,” Steve coaxed as he tried to part Danny’s hands.

            “Oww!”  Danny sucked air through his teeth. “Fuck! It hurts!” he grimaced as Steve gently pried his hands from his face.  Steve glanced at Ryan and Ryan met his eyes, swallowing hard.  Danny’s whole face was covered in bruises, his lip was bleeding, his jaw was swelling; there was not a single place that didn’t look tender. 

            “Will somebody get me some damn ice, please?” Steve repeated his earlier request with agitation.   This time several fraternity members responded as Steve’s sharpness penetrated their shock, but Sean and Andy were already returning with the desired items.

            Kevin, meanwhile, stood looking down at his three brothers in horror as he tried to sort out his emotions.  Part of him was appalled by what James had done, but part of him felt that both Danny and Ryan had deserved it.

            Ryan was cradling his little brother’s head in his lap now as Sean squatted beside him and handed him the ice.  Ryan took it silently and as carefully as possible placed it against Danny’s hot, swollen jaw. 

            “Owww!  Owww! Holy shit, it hurts!”  Danny struggled to sit up, but Ryan gently kept him down.

            “You’re all right, Dan,” he soothed, “you’re all right.  The ice will help keep the swelling down. Lie still,” he coaxed.

  As he saw how much pain Danny was in, Kevin’s feelings for his brothers won out, and he dropped on his knees beside them.  “I’m sorry, Danny!” his voice shuddered. “I’m so sorry!” Ryan looked at him sternly and Steve got to his feet, taking Kevin by the arm and pulling him up after him.

             “Steve!” Danny became agitated, and struggled to sit up once more.  “Please! I’m all right!”

             “Sh . . . lie back!” Ryan directed once more in a palliative tone.  He too had recognized the look in their older brother’s eyes, but in this particular moment his concern for Danny overrode his empathy for Kevin.

             Steve did indeed regard his youngest brother severely, and Kevin looked away as tears stung his eyes.  His oldest brother’s voice, however, was patiently paternal when he spoke. “This is not your fault, Kevin,” he said, and Kevin put his hand to his face.  “Look at me please,” Steve instructed and Kevin did so. “I do not blame you for what happened to Danny and Ryan,” Steve continued, “and I know they do not blame you either, but Kevin, this is precisely the kind of wild, reckless behavior we have been trying to prevent.  It starts with a basic lack of respect for rules and codes of conduct like that which you have demonstrated all semester.  What you did tonight, coming in late to a meeting, and bringing girls is just one example.  Your fight with Danny this morning is another. You’ve had a good ass whippin’ coming all semester, Little Brother.  Now you are going to get one, and after tonight the kind of disobedient, inconsiderate behavior you’ve been engaging in will no longer be tolerated.  Is that clear?”

             “But we didn’t mean . . . ,” Kevin started.

             “No! No ‘buts’! There will be no excuses, tonight, Kev! It is about time that you learned to do as you’re told!” Steve looked back at Ryan, wordlessly indicating the paddle he had left lying on the floor, and, with a heavy heart, Ryan handed it to him. 

             “No! No!” Danny tried a third time to get out from under his brother’s strong hands, but his attempts were fruitless.  Ryan once again soothed him, forcing him to lie quiet, and keeping the ice against Danny’s face as his younger brother grimaced in frustration.

             With resigned determination, Steve turned back to confront his petrified little brother.  He looked grimly at him, and the blood drained from Kevin’s face.  “This is long overdue, Kev,” Steve reprimanded quietly.  “Let’s get it over with. Turn around, and  bend over!”

             Kevin turned ashen as the soft spoken directive raised in his mind specters of his childhood that he’d just as soon forget.  He had, as a kid, received plenty of lickings for his, at times, outlandish behavior.  Well into his teenage years, his father had marched him out to the woodshed and bared his bottom for the strap.  Often it was because he had been back talking. His father would look at him just as Steve was looking at him now, and just as he had respected his father then, Kevin obeyed Steve now without question.

            Steve shifted his grasp from Kevin’s arm to his waist as his little brother yielded to his authority. He could feel Kevin shaking and he tightened his grip to steady him as he raised his t-shirt to expose the full rounded back of his jeans.  Kevin clutched at Steve’s arm, and Steve gave him an answering little squeeze of support.  “Come on,” he encouraged gently, tapping the paddle against Kevin’s inner thighs, “spread them.” And Kevin once again obeyed, dropping lower over Steve’s arm, and tucking his chin against his chest in an effort to hide the tears that now began to streak his face.

            Steve placed the paddle against his bottom and he whimpered in anticipation as his oldest brother paused and looked up to address the freshmen. “You do not ever come in late to a meeting that has been designated as mandatory! Count aloud, Kevin!”  There were some mutterings and whisperings in response to Steve’s admonishment, but, as he drew back his arm, silence descended once more.

            WHACK! The sound of the paddle resonated in the stillness of the room. “One!”  Kevin yelped.

            WHACK!  Kevin’s face contorted and he clutched Steve’s arm tighter. “Two!”

            WHACK! “Ahh!”  Kevin squeezed his eyes shut, and gritted his teeth. “Three!” he finally managed.

            WHACK! The blow landed hard on his now tender bottom and his knees buckled. “Four!” he sobbed.

            “Straighten!” Steve commanded, and slowly Kevin did as he was told.

            WHACK! “OWW!” he shrieked, shooting straight up and grabbing his bottom.

            “Did I tell you to get up?” Steve queried.

             “No,” Kevin protested brokenly, “but it hurts!”

             “You will learn to take direction, Kevin! We will start over.  Bend!” Tears burned Kevin’s eyes, but he did as he was told, giving his bottom a final rub as he bent once again over his brother’s arm.  His eyes found Danny’s, and Danny struggled to sit up as Steve raised the paddle.  This time Ryan did not stop him.

             “Hang in there, Kev’bo,” he mouthed to his little brother, “just hang in there.” Kevin bit his lip and looked away, swiping at the tears that trickled down his face.

             “Count, Kevin!” Steve commanded.

             WHACK! There was a long pause as Kevin struggled to maintain some little bit of dignity. “One!” he sobbed finally.

            WHACK! “AHH . . .! TWO!”

             WHACK!  “JESUS, OWW! THREE!”

             “Watch your mouth!” Steve cautioned.

             “Sorry,” Kevin choked. WHACK! “GOD!! Jesus Christ, it hurts!”

             “Kev, I just now told you to watch your language!”

             “I’m sorry! But it really, really hurts!”

             “Regardless, Little Bro, you will do as you’re told!  You did not count that stroke either.  Count it now, and don’t swear!”

             “OK!”  Kevin replied wretchedly.  He clutched Steve’s arm again and his oldest brother gripped him tightly, encouraging him with another little squeeze as he raised the paddle once more.

             WHACK! The sound reverberated throughout the room as the paddle thudded into Kevin’s bottom once more, and he inhaled sharply. There was a long pause as he hung his head and fought to get his breath.  “Four!” he finally croaked.

             WHACK! The paddle fell again in the same exact spot it had hit just a moment ago and Kevin screamed.  “Five! That’s five! Please Steve! Please!”

             “All right, Kevin,” his brother finally relented, “you may stand up.” Kevin collapsed into sobs, his dignity forgotten as he stood slowly up.  His hands went immediately to soothe his bruised and burning bottom and Steve looked sternly at him.  “I said you could get up, Kevin.  Did I tell you, you could rub?”  Kevin looked at him dismayed. “Bend Over!”

             Steve’s strict command caused the juniors and seniors to begin to whisper among themselves.  He was sure being hard on the kid.  A couple of the freshmen began to cry and their big brothers responded, doing their best to calm them.

            “No! Please, Steve, please!” Kevin pleaded.

             “Steve!” Danny was on his feet now, despite Ryan’s efforts, and Ryan got to his feet too, trying to reason with his little brother.

             “Stay out of it, Dan!” he whispered urgently.  “You’re only going to make it worse!”Danny, however, wasn’t listening.

             “No! No! Please!”  Kevin clutched his bottom tighter as Steve took him roughly by the arm.  His strength was no match for that of his oldest brother, however, and his poignant sobs filled the air as he found himself forced to bend for the paddle once more.  Steve took aim and raised his arm.

             “Steve, no!” The desperate cry of his second youngest brother caused the fraternity president to pause and look in his direction.  “Please!” Danny protested, struggling against Sean and Ryan as they restrained him.

             “He has to learn, Dan,” Steve responded gently.

             “He needs a break!” Danny asserted contentiously.

             “And he’ll get one,” Steve replied calmly, “just as soon as he learns what it means to follow directions and do as he’s told.”

             “You are not being fair!” Danny bristled.

             “Fair? I’m not being fair?” Steve lost his patience.  “Well, let me tell you something, Danny, and this goes for all of you,” he looked around the room as he spoke and a hush descended until the only remaining sound was that of Kevin’s gut wrenching wails.  “We have become way too lax around here recently.  We all seem to have forgotten that there are rules to follow and certain codes of conduct that must be observed.  I will not tolerate any more rule breaking or disrespect.” He paused and looked sternly at Danny and Ryan.  “I will especially not tolerate any more fights!” His younger brothers reddened, and after a moment he went on in a more compassionate tone. “I will do what I have to, to get my point across, and if my brothers must pay the price to set an example, then that’s the way it is, but you all better pay attention and learn from their experience.  Be grateful it’s not you and understand that next time it could be!”

             There was a derisive snort and some snickering amongst the juniors and seniors and Steve glared in their direction. “That means you too, Mcarthy!” The room became quiet again, and even Gregg dared not respond. “I know exactly what happened this afternoon! Ultimately, Danny and Ryan were in the wrong and I will deal with them when it is appropriate to do so.”

             An air of shock penetrated the room as Steve openly condemned his two brothers.  The older students shifted uneasily, exchanging nervous glances, and Ryan and Danny stared at the ground to avoid the sympathetic looks that came their way. 

             “I know the part you played, though, Gregg,” Steve continued, “and it was far from an innocent one.  Know now, that I will be watching you, and if I ever hear of you behaving again the way you did earlier today, I will not hesitate to summon you!  Consider today a gift, Mcarthy, and do not push me ever again! Count, Kevin!” Steve turned his attention back to his weeping little brother and before the consternation in the room had a chance to settle he had resumed the punishment.

            WHACK! “OWW!” Kevin screamed. “One!”

            WHACK! “TWO!” he yelped as he scissored his legs.

             “Stand still!” Steve commanded and Kevin instantly obeyed, continuing to sob out his unhappiness.

             “Steve, let him go! Please!”  Danny begged, struggling with Sean and Ryan again.  This time, however, Steve did not acknowledge his younger brother’s plea, and Sean and Ryan tightened their grip as he raised the paddle once more. “Please, Steve! Please!”

            WHACK! “OWWW!” Kevin howled.  “Three!”

  Danny glowered at Steve, clenching his fists and his teeth as Sean and Ryan held him helpless.

            WHACK! “AHH! . . . .Four!”  Kevin uttered hoarsely.

            WHACK!  Kevin’s knees buckled, and Steve tightened his arm around him in support.  For a long moment there was silence as Kevin struggled for breath.  “Five!” he finally managed in a strangled sob.

             “All right, Little Bro, stand up,” Steve urged gently.  Stiffly, with bitter sobs, Kevin complied.  “Don’t rub,” Steve cautioned and Kevin nodded, digging his nails into his palms to keep them from going where they most wanted to go.  “I’m proud of you, Kev,” Steve said softly.  “You’re learning. You’ve earned a break, but understand that we are not done!”

             The expression of dismay on his little brother’s face sent Danny over the edge and he twisted violently to get away from Ryan and Sean.  It took all of the strength his brother and friend could muster and all of their ingenuity to keep him in their grasp as Andy hovered nearby.

             “Let him go,” Steve instructed, his attention attracted by the commotion.  Ryan looked at his big brother and raised his eyebrows skeptically as Danny pulled away from him once more.  “Do it,” Steve commanded again, and all at once Danny found himself free as Sean and Ryan complied. Danny glared at Steve for a moment, clenching his fists.  Then, he scowled at Ryan, and without a word turned towards the door. 

             “Danny,” Ryan tried to call him back, placing a hand on his arm.  His little brother jerked his arm away. “Dan,” Ryan tried again and Danny pushed at him.

             “Let him go, Ryan,” Steve directed firmly, and tears welled in Ryan’s eyes as he did what he was told.  Sean silently came up beside him and put a hand on his shoulder as Danny stalked angrily out of the common room, and into the hallway, slamming the door behind him.

             “Go on, and get to the corner, Kevin,” Steve directed as Kevin stood before him, sobbing.  “You may rub once you are there, but be sure to come back to me when I call you.” He indicated the corner behind the couch, farthest away from the other fraternity members, where Kevin would have the most privacy.  Kevin swallowed and nodded.  Then, with as much dignity as he could muster, he limped his way over to stand with his head against the wall. Once there, he collapsed into sobs again, his shoulders shaking in relief as he finally brought his hands back to soothe his swollen, smarting bottom.

             “Matt, The Code!”  Steve called, and from the crowd of juniors and seniors, his big brother came forward. As the former year’s president, Matthew Sheppard had returned to support his little brother and to read The Code, as was tradition. He had slipped in discretely, however, and only a few had known of his presence, so his appearance now created a stir. 

             Leaving the room in Matt’s capable hands, as Kevin sniffed in the corner, Steve made his way over to Ryan and his friends. Ryan had his hand to his eyes and was still fighting back tears as Sean and Andrew tried to comfort him.  “It’ll be all right, Ry,” Steve assured his little brother as he came up beside them.  “Come on,” he placed his hand tenderly on the back of Ryan’s head, “let’s see if we can talk some sense into him.”   Ryan nodded and took his hand from his eyes.  Steve moved his hand to his little brother’s shoulder and they started for the door of the common room.

             “I’m going to check on the compatriot faction,” Sean called after Steve quietly.  Steve turned, and keeping his arm around Ryan, nodded to show that he had heard.

            “I’ll go with you,” Andy said to Sean.  Sean nodded, and silently they made their way to the back door as Matt unrolled the parchment he was carrying, and the reading of The Code began.

 

File Eight

The Code

"Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak, and esteem to all."

-George Washington

 

“If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.”

-Catherine Aird

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

-Albert Ellis

 

            “Pay close attention, members of Rho Beta Chi (Kigh),” Matt's baritone voice rang out. "Big brothers, little brothers, freshmen, and seniors, it matters not if this is your first time to hear the reading of The Code, or your last, for The Code plays no favorites. Enumerated in the lines below, are the doctrines around which you must form your lives as members of this fraternity. Take The Code seriously, or you shall reap the consequences."
            As Matt began reading, Steve quietly guided his little brother from the room, leaving the door slightly ajar, so he could hear the proceedings. They found Danny in the hallway, sitting on the bottom step of the staircase, his head in his hands. Ryan, without a word, sat down beside him, and put his arm around him.
            "I can't do this!" Danny sobbed without looking up. "I can't do this! It's too hard."

            "Yes you can, Dan," Steve reassured quietly as he looked affectionately down at his younger brothers. "You're doing fine. Your role is to support Kevin, and you are definitely doing that, maybe a little too well," he added ironically. "I'm not altogether happy that you challenged me the way you did, but I'm sure it meant a lot to Kevin that you stuck up for him."
            "No it didn't!" Danny countered. "Did you see how he looked at me? He hates me!"
            "No he doesn't," Ryan assured. "He doesn't know what he's feeling right now. He's a little too shocked to process it all, but he'll come around."
            "Sure he will!" Danny retorted, balefully. "He thought we were throwing him a party for Christ's sakes! When he has time to process it all, he'll hate me even more! God, Steve! Why'd we have to do it THIS weekend?" Steve and Ryan gazed empathetically at their brother, and Ryan tightened his grip on his little brother’s shoulder, but they did not respond.  Danny was already worked up and looking for a fight.  All points of view had been heard on this subject, and the issue had been decided.  Any potential argument was moot, now, anyway. “James was right,” Danny continued to rant, “about everything! I would have kicked our asses too, if I were him!” Ryan and Steve still did not say anything. “And then you gave him extra, Steve!” Danny berated. “Why? Why did you do that?”
            Steve waited a moment until Danny seemed calm enough to hear and understand him. “Kevin's got a real attitude problem right now, Danny,” he explained, at last.  “His insubordinate behavior has to be corrected before it creates even bigger problems than it has already.  You know how the other freshmen idolize him.  Look what happened with James! He has a responsibility, Bro. He has to learn to take direction."
            “But he was trying!” Danny protested.  “He didn't know! You never told him not to stand or rub, and that paddle hurts! It hurts so bad . . . ." Danny put his head down on his knees, unable to continue, and Ryan kept a consoling hand on his back as he met Steve's eyes. With patient concern, Danny's older brothers waited and finally he went on. "I didn't even get that many licks last year," he choked, "and I deserved it just as much as he does!"

            “You got your fair share, Dan," Steve responded softly. "Kevin is too impulsive . . ."

            “He’s no more impulsive than me!” Danny interjected exasperatedly. “Or Ryan.”  He shot a half apologetic glance at his brother.

            “Considering the events of this afternoon,” Steve started evenly, “I would say that is a fair point; it unfortunately seems that the two of you could do with a bit of a reminder yourselves when it comes to the subject of house hierarchy and deportment.” 

            “That’s not fair!” Danny raged through his tears as he looked up to meet Steve’s compassionate eyes.  “It’s not like we go around starting fights all the time, you know! You weren’t there, Steve.  You don’t know what that louse did! You didn’t hear him . . . .”

            “I know what happened this afternoon, Danny,” Steve interjected, and both Ryan and Danny looked at him, then, apprehensively. “Jesse and Sean gave me the full story,” Steve admitted. Danny looked down again and Ryan’s jaw clenched as he bit hard on his lip. “They came to see me just before the meeting,” Steve continued. “They were very concerned about both of you.”   Danny and Ryan remained silent.  “They didn’t want to tell me anything,” Steve went on.  “I had to drag every word out of them, but you should be glad that they finally did tell me.  No one could have done a better job clarifying your side of the story.  Nothing has changed,” he added quickly as Ryan’s expression turned hopeful. “No matter how understandable your actions may be to me, I cannot condone them. I know, though, that this situation was extreme, and perhaps it was an unfair comparison to Kevin’s overall unruliness. 

            You can both be a bit on the impulsive side, it’s true, and perhaps a little mischievous.  We have some things we have to work through in light of what happened with Mcarthy, but neither of you is as ornery as Kevin. You do not, often, oppose me openly.  You do not, intentionally, undermine my authority.  When I ask you to do something, you do it, even if you are not happy about it. 

            Kevin, at the moment, is intoxicated with his newly discovered power.  He has come to realize just how much influence he has over not only the fraternity but the student body as a whole.  If we do not rein him in now, he will fall beyond even our reach and there will be no one to help him climb out of this hole he is digging himself academically. He will discover, one day, that football fame and glory does not last forever and then what’s he going to do, Dan? Kevin has got to learn to think before he acts.”

            "Well, it's a little hard to think when your ass is on fire!" Danny sobbed.
            "Danny, look at me," Steve squatted down in front of his little brother. "Look at me please," he placed a gentle hand under Danny's bruised chin and forced him to look tearfully up at him. "You deserved what you got last year. There's no doubt about it, and Kevin deserves his punishment too. The two of you are very much alike in so many ways. I know this is hard. Believe me, I know, but it's necessary and I think you know that. Just look at how you turned around! You're going to class, doing your homework, staying out of trouble for the most part, and according to this hotshot right here, you're going the right way for straight A's this semester. In fact, he's already predicting you'll be valedictorian and class president, and now we're all praying for maybe just a little slip on your part, so we don't have to hear his mouth all next semester." Ryan couldn't help grinning a little sheepishly as he tightened his hand again on Danny's shoulder.

            "I've never seen anyone straighten out faster than you, Danny," Steve continued more seriously, "but I'm betting Kevin will challenge your record. Know why?" Danny shook his head and brushed at his tears. "Because of his attachment to you! He adores you, Dan. I'm not saying things won't be rough for awhile, but he'll get past it, like you did. He's just as smart as he is stubborn. Ryan tells me he hasn't had a moment's trouble with you this semester, and by this time next year he's going to be sick to death of hearing about all of Kevin's accomplishments! We do not pick our younger brothers idly, Danny. We know what we're doing, and when you and Ry are picking for Kevin next year, I'm sure some cocky little bastard will distinguish himself in a way that will make it just as easy as it was this year and the year before when Matt and I picked you for Ryan." Steve fell silent and Ryan remained quiet too, letting Danny absorb all that Steve had said to him. Danny placed his head back on his knees as Steve took his hand from his chin, and for a few long moments he did not look up. He was still crying, but not as hard, and the only other sound to be heard was the drone of Matt's voice coming through the cracked door. He was near the end now, and Steve and Ryan exchanged glances as they listened. They really had to go back in.
            "What do I do in the meantime?" Danny questioned desperately as he finally looked up at his brothers.
            "What?" Steve responded distractedly. His attention had been completely absorbed by the proceedings in the other room, which he was straining to hear, so Danny's question caught him off guard.
            "In the meantime," Danny repeated, "while I'm waiting for Kevin to `get past it,’ what do I do?"
            "Well," Steve advised gently, "you start by going back in there with us now, and helping him to get through tonight."
            "Yeah, and then what?" Danny questioned belligerently.

            "Then, just give him time," Steve responded quietly.
            "And be prepared for anything," Ryan added, giving his little brother’s shoulder a squeeze. "It's going to be ok, Danny. We'll get through this. I promise!"

            Matt was reading the last couple of doctrines now, and as his voice drifted through the door Steve grew restless, sharing another look with Ryan.  "Are you ready?" he asked. Ryan nodded. "Dan, it's time, Bud. Are you ready?" Danny was quiet for another couple of moments as he tried to pull himself together. "Kevin is going to need you, Man. You think you can do this?" Finally, Danny nodded, and Ryan got to his feet, helping Danny up after him.  Silently, they followed their older brother to the door, and, as discretely as possible, slipped back into the common room. Steve stood to the side against the wall, flanked by his younger brothers, as they waited patiently for Matt to finish.

            Their reappearance caused some restlessness in the room, but Matt was undeterred. His voice remained strong and unwavering as he began to read the last section of The Code: "These are the doctrines of The Code as decreed and maintained by the Fraternal Order of Rho Beta Chi (Kigh). Any violation of the above code will result in swift and severe consequences to be determined by the president of the order and those he chooses to advise him. Consequences may range, as previously  stated, from the application of the traditional disciplinary implement to eviction from the fraternity, and, or, expulsion from school. Any member summoned for discipline to the chamber of the president must report promptly, without questions. The president will hear any defense the member may wish to give in his behalf at the time of the summons. Any member summoned to the chamber of the president will be notified by a pink slip of paper placed in his mailbox, stating the date and time of the summons. If the paddle is to be applied, the member's big brother will be summoned also, by way of a blue slip, to act as a witness and a support. After punishment has been administered, formal written or verbal apology will be made, if the president deems fit, to the injured parties.  These are the Disciplinary Codes, hereafter to be known and adhered to by all members of the fraternity known as Rho Beta Chi (Kigh)."
            Steve stepped up beside Matt as he finished reading, and Matt wordlessly handed him the parchment.  All eyes followed the president as he hung The Code in its honorary place on the wall.  Steve then turned to face the freshmen, and giving his brother a look of encouragement, Matt quietly took his place amongst the juniors and seniors. Steve swallowed hard in an attempt to calm his nerves as he looked at the terrified younger students, but finally he took a deep breath, and began to address them.
            "Freshmen year," he stated with calm authority, "is a transition year. Many of you are away from home for the first time in your lives. You are dealing with new roommates, new surroundings, new responsibilities. Some of you," he glanced back at Kevin, "are also dealing with the pressures that go with new found stardom. Balancing these pressures against those of your everyday responsibilities can be, at best, difficult sometimes. At worst, they can cause you to neglect what is most important. Those of us in this fraternity who have made it through our first year successfully have taken a vow to help those behind us succeed as well. The vow includes a strict code of discipline, as you just heard. You may wonder why you have not been told more explicitly about The Code before now. Why would we wait until the end of the semester was so close to bring this up? It is because we all know and remember how hard freshmen year can be, especially the first semester. We know you have enough to do, enough to worry about without this being an added stress. It is why you are assigned a `Big Brother' to help guide you when you stray, to help encourage you when you're feeling down, and to prod you when you start to slack off as you inevitably do once you become comfortable. It is largely based on your response to your brother's advice and encouragement that you are judged."
            Steve took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. This last part would be the hardest to say. Danny and Ryan too knew what was coming. Danny looked at the ground, and Ryan put his hand on his shoulder. Finally, Steve continued, letting his voice ring out and praying it would not waver. "Your behavior, no matter how understandable to us within these walls, is still a reflection on the house. It determines how the rest of the campus views and treats us. Therefore, every year, as the end of the first semester approaches, the freshman who has most flagrantly violated the rules and shown the least concern about doing so, must pay the price as an example to the others. This year, that freshman is Kevin Kramer. Kevin, come here." Steve's commanding voice called his youngest brother from the corner, but Kevin had hidden his face against his arm, and he neither looked up nor responded to his brother's summons. Steve waited a moment, but then looked nervously at his two other brothers who were still leaning against the wall by the door. "Dan," he prompted. Danny looked up at him and cringed as he read Steve's expression. Ryan squeezed his shoulder, and a moment later Danny resignedly made his way over to Kevin.
            "Don't make me haul you over there, Kev," he whispered, his voice cracking, as he gently addressed his younger brother.
            "Just leave me alone, Danny," Kevin  mumbled.
            "You're not going to help yourself by disobeying," Danny cautioned empathetically, but Kevin refused to look at him. "Come on, Little Bro," Danny placed a hand on his arm. "I'm going to get you through this. I promise."
            "No!" Kevin jerked his arm away and finally raised his red-rimmed eyes to glare accusingly at Danny. "Get away from me!" He pushed at his big brother.
            "Kev . . .," Danny started, taken aback by the venom in his brother's tone. He moved in closer, but Kevin pushed at him again.

            "No, Danny! You knew this would happen!" he cried. "You knew all along, and you never once told me! You knew! You knew!" Kevin swung at him and Danny ducked, grabbing his arms.

            "Stop it, Kevin!" Danny looked anxiously in Steve’s direction. Kevin struggled, but his efforts were futile and he became more and more worked up as he desperately twisted to get away.
            "Calm down," Danny instructed quietly, but his younger brother only fought harder and out of the corner of his eye Danny saw Ryan move closer. "Please, Kev, trust me!"
            "Trust you?" That caused Kevin to pause as he stared at his big brother contemptuously, his eyes brimming with tears of rage. "Trust you?! You lied to me, Danny! You lied! How can I trust you, now, or ever again? How could you do this? How?" Kevin finally succeeded in breaking Danny's grasp and he struck violently at his big brother, not even taking time to aim. Danny was done playing around now, though, and he easily caught his brother's arms once again. "Let me go, Danny!" Kevin screamed in frustration. "I hate you! I hate you! How could you do this?" Through all Kevin's struggling and pushing Danny held on, and finally his little brother collapsed against him. "How could you let this happen to me?" he sobbed, clinging to Danny and pressing his face into his shoulder.
            "Kevin, Let's go!" Steve's stern rebuke filled the room and Danny glanced uneasily at him once more.
            "Please don't let them do it, Danny, please!" Kevin pleaded. "Please! I'll listen to you, I promise! I'll do exactly what you tell me to! I'll do the report for Merrick right now! I'll never go to Rho Beta Xi again! I'll do anything you want! Anything! I promise! Please, Danny, please!" The room was silent now except for Kevin's erratic sobbing, and Danny clutched him tightly, letting his chin fall to the top of his little brother's head.
            "It's too late now, Kev'bo," he murmured, "it's out of my hands. There's nothing I can do except help you through this, and I will do that, I promise." The strength of Kevin's sobs increased as his only hope went out the window, and he clutched at his brother. Danny tightened his arms around him and let him cry, his conscience plaguing him as his little brother became more and more distraught. Steve waited a few more moments, but when Kevin had finally calmed slightly, he caught Danny's eye. Prolonging this, he knew, was not doing any of his brothers any good. Danny swallowed hard as he received Steve's silent command.  "Let's get it over with, Kev," he whispered.
            "No, Danny! Please, Please!" Kevin clung to him and Danny looked pleadingly at Steve, but Steve just frowned at him, reprovingly. With a sore heart, Danny tried to extricate himself from Kevin's grasp, but Kevin clutched at him once more, clinging to his neck and sobbing.

Steve prompted Ryan and, reluctantly, Ryan stepped up beside his younger brothers. "Come on, Kev," he encouraged gently, as he attempted to loosen his little brother’s hold.
            "No!" Kevin yanked his arm away and clung tighter. Danny kept a soothing hand on his little brother's back and he and Ryan locked eyes.
            "Kev," Ryan tried again, "you're not making this easier for yourself."
            "I don't care!" Kevin raged. "It's not fair!"

"Now, come on, Kevin," Ryan became just a little impatient. "You've done nothing, but break rules all semester. You refuse to listen to anyone who tries to help you, even Danny, and recently you've developed a real attitude. The last few weeks, you've been mouthing off to everyone, even us. You have had this coming for a while now, Bro, and I think you know it, so how is it not fair?"
            "It's not fair because you knew!" Kevin sobbed. "You knew this would happen and you never once told me. Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded brokenly. He was still clinging to Danny, but now he turned his tear streaked face to glare at Ryan, resentfully.
            "Because, Kev," Ryan replied patiently, "you are not a little kid. You are in college, now, and it is time for you to learn how to determine the difference between right and wrong on your own. Danny, Steve, and I are here to guide you, but ultimately, the choices are yours to make."

            "Besides," Danny added bitterly, "if we had told you anything, we would have been kicked out of the fraternity and maybe even off the team.” Kevin looked at Ryan for confirmation and Ryan nodded. Kevin took a deep breath as he finally began to comprehend the difficult position his brothers had been placed in.
            "Well, you could have hinted at least," he rejoined weakly with another little sob.
            "We did hint to you, Kev!" Ryan responded. "You just never wanted to listen to us! Over and over again, we tried to make you understand without breaking the rules, ourselves." Kevin began to cry harder again, and Danny tightened his arms around him. "Why do you think we were so hard on you the day we caught you and your friends telling stories?" Ryan asked quietly.
            `Why, indeed?' A surge of bitterness washed over Kevin. He had just been thinking about the very same thing. There had always been rumors of the paddle's existence, and occasionally his friends had recounted strange tales of searching for their older brothers, only to be told that they were "indisposed." Further inquiry, usually among their brothers' rivals, led them to Steve's door where their brothers would eventually emerge, red-eyed and limping, their own big brothers behind them. The oldest fraternity members would place protective hands on their little brothers' shoulders and require Kevin’s friends to say what they wanted and who had sent them. Kevin’s friends would be too flabbergasted to answer and would watch as, without a word, their big brothers limped past them to their rooms where they would almost always stay for the remainder of the day.

            If the younger fraternity members inquired whether their big brothers were ok, they would be told patiently not to worry, and the juniors would step into their younger brothers' shoes for the day. If Kevin's friends pressed too hard, or became too nosy, however, their curiosity would inevitably meet with a sharp admonishment to, "mind their own business." Kevin felt queasy as he thought of these whispered tales, always told in secret behind closed bedroom doors. Such stories told in the open, would meet with a stern command to, "Find something better to do, and keep such nonsense to themselves," especially when the freshmen began to speculate about the paddle.
            Ryan and Danny had come upon them one time, telling these tales, and had been furious with him. They had hauled him before Steve who had delivered a biting lecture, reminding him that he had plenty of his own business to take care of, and that he should mind his own affairs rather than waste his time worrying about those of others. Until that day, Kevin had brushed the stories off as just that, stories. From that day on, though, a part of him had known they were true, and he had no longer joined in his friends' huddled midnight conversations. He had, thus, been lulled into a false sense of security. After all, he had never encountered Ryan or Danny in that awkward situation, and he began to doubt his conclusions. Perhaps, he had been wrong. Maybe it was just a story after all, or a scare tactic. Now, he knew the truth. Another wave of fury washed over him. How could this be happening to him? How could Danny and Ryan have let it?
            All of Kevin's feelings were communicated to his brothers in his expression, and Danny swallowed hard. "We're going to get you through this, Bro," he whispered as Kevin continued to glare at Ryan.
            "We never said the stories weren't true, Kev," Ryan responded to his younger brother's silent accusation. "We never even told you to keep them to yourself! In fact, we brought you to Steve because we wanted you to know that the rumors were true! Even Steve tried hard to warn you; he ordered you to attend to your own business and stay out of the affairs of others, didn‘t he? He as much as told you that what you had heard was true, Kev. After all, why would he tell you to stay out of it, if there was nothing to stay out of? We were all hoping you would put two and two together and shape up!"
            "It backfired, though," Danny added miserably. "We only succeeded in stopping you from listening to the stories, and eventually you convinced yourself they weren't true. We tried, Bud! We really tried."
            "We did try," Ryan acknowledged again softly, "but ultimately, Kevin, you brought this on yourself. I've never seen anyone who deserved a  licking more."

"Well, now, I don't know if that's true," Steve reprimanded gently, reminding his brothers of his presence and that of the rest of the fraternity.  He eyed both Ryan and Danny with an air of paternal sternness and both his little brothers flushed under his gaze.  Unlike Matt's earlier comment, Steve's words carried not even a hint of humor. They were meant only to remind Ryan of the role he should be playing, and to comfort Kevin. Both objectives were accomplished.  Ryan shuffled his feet, shifting his eyes guiltily under Steve’s penetrating gaze, and though Ryan and Danny's younger brother missed the full significance of the remark, the contradiction (especially coming from Steve) lessened the sting of Ryan's rebuke. Kevin pressed his face into Danny's shoulder, rubbing it against his older brother's shirt in an effort to dry his tears.  The rest of the room looked on in silence, and the three older fraternity members waited patiently. This was a terrible moment for their youngest brother, they all knew, the moment when he had to claim responsibility for all the poor choices he had made this past semester, the moment when he was forced to acknowledge that he had only himself to blame for the trouble he was in now.
            "Oh, come the fuck on!" Mcarthy's cry of disgust penetrated the formidable silence of the common room. "This is bullshit! Let's just get on with it, already! None of us wants to be here all night.  The kid has it coming. We all know he has it coming! Even he knows he has it coming, so let's stop stalling!" The outburst caused a commotion as the unsettled freshmen leaned across one another to commiserate and speculate about their friend and classmate's unenviable circumstances. The sophomores too began whispering amongst one another, wondering how Steve would handle Gregg's challenge. Even some of the seniors and juniors were talking, and Matt took the opportunity to slip from his chair.  Stepping up beside his little brother, he placed a hand on his shoulder. "As much as I hate to admit it," he whispered, "Mcarthy's got a point. Enough is enough, Steve!" Steve swallowed and nodded, unable to take his eyes off of Danny and Ryan as they looked at him, pleading silently for one more moment. Danny tightened his arm around Kevin again, and tears stung his eyes as he read Steve's expression.
            "Bring him here," Steve commanded his brothers quietly, as Matt took his seat. A look of anguish pierced Danny's expression, but he knew better than to argue with a direct order, and after a moment he attempted once again to separate himself from his little brother.
            "No, no!" Kevin pleaded, clinging tighter. "Please! Can't we at least do it upstairs? Please! I'm sorry! I know I deserve it!" he sobbed hysterically. "I'll take twice the number of licks! I'll do bathroom duty all next semester if we can just do it upstairs!"

            Danny put his arms around Kevin again, in a soothing gesture, but he looked away as his little brother looked hopefully up into his face.  Kevin's request seemed more than reasonable, and in fact Danny, in his time last year, had made a similar plea. He too had offered to take on "bathroom duty," a particularly dreaded chore usually rotated among the freshmen, if only the punishment could be carried out in private. The decision was, in fact, up to the discretion of the president, but no president in recent history had honored such a request. To do so, would defeat the purpose of the night.
            Now, Danny turned to Ryan for help. Ryan looked uneasily at Steve, and Danny followed his eyes, holding his little brother tightly and pleading silently with his oldest brother to let Kevin's petition succeed where his own last year had failed. Steve sighed as he looked at his brothers' hopeful expressions, and he bit his lip as slowly he shook his head. Tears started to streak Danny's face again.

            Danny knew there was no way he'd be able to make Kevin understand right now why the punishment could not be carried out in private. After all, as far as Kevin knew, nobody else had ever been treated this way. Other punishments, when they took place, obviously took place in private. To deny him this same right to privacy, then, would seem to him like an unnecessary and particularly cruel way to exacerbate what were already severe consequences. Danny clutched Kevin tighter as his own tears came faster. This was the moment Danny had battled with last year, the moment for which he had been unable to forgive Ryan. He had seen it as his big brother's ultimate betrayal and he knew Kevin would see it that way too. "I'm sorry, Kev," he choked at last. Steve was looking at him sternly now, and Ryan was also trying to look stern, but he was fighting back tears despite himself, and he looked away as Danny sought his eyes.
            "Ryan," Steve addressed his little brother firmly. Ryan looked at him, and with a wordless tilt of his head Steve indicated Danny and Kevin. Ryan hesitated and Steve raised his eyebrows. Finally, with bitter resignation, Ryan stepped up once again beside his brothers.  Danny was still gripping his little brother tightly, but as he felt Ryan's hand on his shoulder, he loosened his hold, and forcing back the lump that rose in his throat, he reached up and gently took hold of Kevin's arm, attempting to break his little brother's death grip.
            "No, no! Danny, please!" Kevin's voice was panic stricken. "Please don't do this to me! Please!" Danny bit down hard on his lip as Ryan took hold of Kevin's other arm. Kevin braced his feet, but despite his opposition, his  big  brothers managed to clasp hands under his arms, and together they half lifted, half dragged him in the direction of their oldest brother.
            "No!" Kevin struggled with them. "No! Ok! Ok, I'll go! Let me go! I can walk by myself!" He tried to jerk away again and Danny met Ryan's eyes over their little brother's head. The next time he pulled away, they let him go. Kevin stumbled forward and then, with clenched fists and a scowl that pierced Danny's heart, he turned his head to look at them. Danny pointed at Steve, and Kevin bit his lip as his vision blurred once more, but finally, he turned and made his way stiffly over to the fraternity president. He stopped in front of his oldest brother and tried to look at him with red, swollen eyes. Steve glared at him, and Kevin hung his head.
            "If you fight us the whole way, Kev'bo, you're going to earn extra, and it's going to be a long night," Steve scolded as Danny and Ryan came silently up behind their younger brother. "Turn around and bend over." Kevin hesitated and Steve grabbed his arm, spinning him around and forcing him to bend. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
            "OWWW!” Kevin's cries of agony filled the air.

"You're making this much harder than it needs to be, Kev," Steve admonished as his little brother cried and squirmed to get away. "You're breaking Danny's heart," he added softly as tears  began to once more leak their way down the stricken face of his second youngest brother.
            "I don't care!" Kevin snarled.

"I think you do," Steve replied gently as Kevin snuck a look at Danny and went totally to pieces. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
            "OWWW!" Kevin howled. "Oww! Oww! Oww!" He dissolved into embittered sobs, and finally Steve stopped.
            "All right, Little Bro. Stand up!" Steve kept tight hold of Kevin's arm as his little brother obeyed. "Don't rub!" he cautioned. Kevin inhaled, sobbing harder, and clutching his leg in an effort to keep his free hand away from his scalding rear.
            "Look at me!" Steve commanded, and Kevin tentatively raised his eyes. "You have a lot to answer for tonight, Young Man! Do not rub!" he warned once more as Kevin's hand inched toward the back of his thigh.
            "It hurts!" Kevin groused as he grasped the front of his jeans again.

"Yes, I know it does," Steve replied, "but we are just getting started."
            "No! Steve, please!" Kevin entreated desperately.

"Kev, not only were you forty minutes late for the meeting tonight, but you were drunk and you brought girls! Take your pants down!"
            "What?!" Kevin gasped.
            "Kevin, you are spending too much time partying and not nearly enough time studying! You are getting in over your head at Rho Beta Xi, but you will not listen to anybody who tries to advise you, even Danny, who knows better than anyone how much trouble those girls can be." Gregg snickered, but one of his friends jabbed him in the ribs as Steve glared in his direction and he quickly stifled his amusement. "You are failing all your classes," Steve continued to upbraid his little brother, "a fact you tried to conceal from Danny until he confronted you. Even then, you swore up and down that it was only American History you were failing . . . ."
            "It IS only American History!" Kevin seethed. "I still have time to pass everything else. I can even maybe pass American History if I do ok on that report!"
            "The same report you were arguing with Danny about this morning?" Steve demanded. "The one you've been putting off for weeks? Kev, the point is not to perform miserably all semester, procrastinating on everything until the last minute, so in the end you just skate by with bare minimum effort. That is not acceptable!" Kevin flushed, crying too hard to respond now as he tried again to pull away from Steve. Danny and Ryan both moved in closer. "You have been blowing off assignments, skipping class, and talking back to professors for weeks. Recently, all you've done is smart off to Danny as well! Your behavior is arrogant, obnoxious, and downright rude. As I said earlier, you have been asking for a good ass blistering all semester, Kevin, and now that's exactly what you are going to get! Take your pants down!" Steve eyed him resolutely.
            "No!" Kevin remonstrated. "Please, Steve, don’t! Not here! I'll go quietly upstairs with you and Danny and Ryan! I'm sorry for everything! I know I deserve it, but please don't do it here!"

            A long, uncomfortable silence followed as the president and his youngest brother stared one another down. "I'm sorry, Kev,” Steve responded softly, at last.  “I can't do what you're asking.  I would like to, but I can't.” Kevin gazed at him in disbelief. Steve was the president; he could do anything he wanted to, couldn't he? Angrily, Kevin once again jerked his arm away, and this time Steve let him go. Ryan stood right behind him now and he placed his hands on Kevin's shoulders in a soothing gesture, but Kevin twisted away from him.
            "I'm going to go pack," he sobbed.

"Keeevin," Ryan started in his best big brother `you're overreacting' type voice.
            "No!" Kevin turned on him. "You obviously don't want me here anyway, if my behavior is so unbearably rude and obnoxious!" Ryan paled, and Kevin looked at Steve who blanched too. Kevin could barely bring himself to look at Danny, but finally he did as tears of rage continued to fill his eyes and spill down his cheeks. Danny met Kevin’s accusing eyes with an aching heart.  This was the moment he had been dreading most. Unlike Steve and Ryan, he had seen it coming from the beginning. His little brother was so proud, and the smart of the betrayal was so potent, as Danny well knew. There was only so much a bold spirit like Kevin’s would submit to.  Rebellion, as far as Danny was concerned, had been nearly inevitable.
            "Don't do it, Kev," he whispered. For a moment, Kevin just continued to glare at him. Then, without a word, he turned and started for the door. Ryan put a hand on his arm, and Kevin wrenched it free, only to discover that Danny now blocked his way. He tried to move around him, but Danny stayed with him. He tried the other side, but once again his brother matched his steps.
            "Get out of my way, Danny!" he cried in frustration.
            "I'm not going to let you do this, Kev!"

Kevin tried once more to get past him, but Danny was too quick and Kevin pushed at him in frustration. "Don't be a jerk!" he sobbed.
            "If you walk out of here, you are out of the fraternity and off the team, Man!"
            "Who cares?!"
            "I do!"

"Oh yeah? Then why'd you let this happen in the first place?" Kevin demanded viciously.

"I know you don't understand right now," Danny intimated regretfully, "but you will!"
            "Well, you can save your explanations!" Kevin pushed once more in an effort to get by his big brother, but Danny grabbed his arms. "Let me go, Danny!"
            "I'm not going to let you throw your whole life away, Kev."
            "What do you care?"
            "A lot! How are you going to pay for school?"

"I don't know," Kevin returned acidly. "I guess I won't. Since, according to you, I'm failing all my classes anyway, what's the point?"
            "The point, Kevin, is that you've made some mistakes, as we all have. You're paying for them now, and I know how hard it is . . . ."
            "No you don't!"
            "Yes, I do," Danny returned softly.

"Yes he does," some of Danny's friends and enemies resounded in conflicting tones of sympathy and mirth. Danny ignored them.
            "I do know how hard it is, Kev," he said, "but it's one night! You'll get past it, believe me, and you'll make better decisions in the future because of it."
            "A fat lot you know!" Kevin spat.
            Danny lowered his voice and spoke gently, in tones only his brother could hear. "You have more talent and promise than anyone else in this room, Kevin. You have the intelligence and ability to succeed in anything you do. Lord knows you are one hell of a football player, and you will probably be able to play in the NFL someday if that's what you want, but that's not all you are, Kev! It's time you realized that! You have a lot of living to do both before and after any potential football career. It's those parts of your life you ought to be thinking about. Don't push us away, Man! We all just want to see things go well for you!"

            Kevin looked at him incredulously. "So, you're going to let Steve paddle my bare ass in front of the whole fraternity! That's making sure things go well for me?"
            "Kevin, along with all your intelligence and talent you got a big dose of cockiness, and that's not surprising, but it's working against you, Man! You're not making good choices!"
            "And you think this will help?" Kevin snapped.
            "Yes," Danny responded quietly, looking directly into his little brother's smoldering, tear filled eyes, "I know it will."

"Well, then why didn't you do it before?" Kevin demanded exasperatedly. "I would have listened to you, Danny! I would have done whatever you told me. If you and Ryan had brought me to Steve like you did before, I would have accepted whatever punishment he gave me. I would have been pissed, but I would have accepted it without question. I would still go upstairs with just the three of you right now, but damn it, Danny, you're asking an awful lot of me!"
            "I know," Danny's voice broke, "I know I am. I wish I could spare you all that's ahead tonight, Kev, and I know you don't understand what's happening. If I could explain it all to you right now, I would, but I can't. All I can tell you is you've been chosen tonight to take the fall for everybody, to set an example of what not to do, and I know it doesn't seem fair, but it really is a good thing, Kev'bo." He put his hand tenderly on the back of his little brother's head. "It's a good thing," he said again softly.
            "You're damn right, it doesn't seem fair!” Kevin rejoined. “I don't know what you expect, Danny, but it's already been the most humiliating night of my life. I can't do what you're asking! I just can't do it! I'll never be able to face anybody again! Mcarthy will never let me hear the end of it!"
            "Mcarthy will keep his damn mouth shut if he knows what's good for him!" Danny growled. Steve and Ryan both glared menacingly at Gregg in an effort to reinforce their younger brother's words. Gregg just simpered.
            "Wipe that ridiculous smirk off your face!" Matt hissed as he too glared at Gregg, and with effort Gregg did so.

"As for everyone else," Danny continued, "there is nobody you care about who feels anything but sympathy for you right now. All these jokers right here," he indicated the freshmen in general, "just ought to be grateful that it is your ass and not theirs!" Danny looked up at them and addressed the cowering freshmen in a voice stronger than any he had used so far tonight. "Understand that!" he commanded. "My brother is taking the heat for all of you tonight! It's not just about him and what he's done to deserve this punishment; it's about making sure that all you clowns shape up and learn your place!" The younger students shifted in their chairs, most of them sinking lower as they looked at Danny's angry face. Some of them sought out their big brothers only to meet the sophomores' stern eyes as they received nods of confirmation. Danny looked back at his little brother.

"I can't, Danny, I can't . . . . Why do you have to do this, this way? It's not fair!"
            "Kev, I know that you're mad at me, but I can get you through this! Let me help you! You're the gutsiest kid I know . . .," Danny's voice cracked again. "Don't give up now."

Kevin clutched his brother, pressing his face into Danny's shoulder as he struggled with his emotions. "What do I do?" he choked, finally. "Tell me what to do."
            Danny breathed a sigh of relief and squeezed his little brother's shoulder. "It's going to be ok, Kev," he whispered. "The first thing you're going to do is walk with me back over to Steve. You're going to tell him you're sorry and that you changed your mind. Then, you pretend like you are in the locker room before a game. You turn around and face me, you take your pants down, and you don't look at anybody, but me for the rest of the night. Ok?" Kevin clung to him and Danny tightened his arms around him. "Ok?" he whispered again, and Kevin nodded. "I'll get you through this Kid," Danny repeated softly. "Come on."
            Danny kept his hand on Kevin's shoulder as they turned and approached Steve once more. Silently, Danny pleaded with his oldest brother to go easy. Steve nodded reassuringly at him, and Danny tightened his hold on Kevin's shoulder as they came to a stop before the fraternity president. Kevin raised his eyes tenuously to meet those of his oldest brother, and Steve gave him a look of encouragement. "I'm sorry," Kevin sobbed. "I still want to be a part of the team and in the fraternity, and I will do whatever you tell me to."
            Steve nodded. "You know what you have to do, Kev," he returned gently. Kevin swallowed and looked at Danny. Danny squeezed his shoulder again and prompted him silently to look at his eyes. With crimson cheeks, Kevin turned to face his big brother. His fingers went fumblingly to the top of his jeans and with shaking hands he managed to unbutton and unzip them, but he got no further as his eyes shifted slightly from Danny's and he froze, sobbing in mortification.
            "Right here, Bud," Danny prompted again. "Look only at me. Just changing before a game, Man," he whispered softly. Kevin swallowed hard and swiped at his tears again. Finally, however, he took hold once more of his jeans and pulled them to his knees, wincing as the rough material slid past his already well-punished bottom. "Here, look here," Danny urged, anticipating his brother's impulse to look elsewhere. "Now, here's the deal." Danny placed his hands on his knees, bending low. Instinctively Kevin followed suit, entirely focused now on his brother's eyes. "These guys are tough. They are real good at forcing the third and long, so I'm going to be relying heavily on you today, to keep us out of that situation. Are you ready?" Kevin started to nod, but then he shook his head as Steve raised his t-shirt and took hold of his briefs, sliding them down to join his jeans at his knees.
            "It's not working, Danny," he sobbed. "It's not working."
            "Ok, Bud," Danny soothed, standing up and moving in closer, "just hold on to me, then." He took his place beside Steve, and raised Kevin's t-shirt higher to keep it out of the way. Steve and Ryan nodded at him in approval as he gripped his little brother's waist, and Kevin tucked his chin against his chest and sobbed.
            "Pay close attention!" Steve admonished the horror struck freshmen. "These rules are for all of you! Remember what I say tonight, or you too will find yourself in this position." He indicated his youngest brother's already black and blue bottom with the paddle, and the young Saber Bend Bulldog rookies squirmed. "First," Steve continued, "no girl, girlfriend or otherwise, is ever again to come through these doors when we are gathered for a meeting that has been earmarked as mandatory! What goes on inside these walls stays inside these walls tonight, and any other night we meet! Is that clear?"
            "Yes," the freshmen chorused disconcertedly.
            "Is it clear, Kevin?" Steve pressed the paddle firmly against his little brother's bottom.
            "Yes," Kevin whimpered.

            "Good. Then next time you will know better! Now, count!" Steve raised the paddle and a hush of anticipation filled the room as Kevin braced himself.
            THWHACK! "One!" Kevin inhaled sharply, and clenched his fist. Steve waited, giving the sting a moment to settle before he raised the paddle again. THWACK! There was a long pause and nobody made a sound. "Two," Kevin sobbed finally. THWACK! "AHH!" He gritted his teeth and shifted his weight as Danny tightened his arm supportively. "THREE!" he choked. THWACK! "FOUR!" He bit his lip, and scissored his legs.
            "Hang in there, Bro," Danny whispered.
            THWACK! "AHH! GOD! OWW! Five!" Kevin sobbed, digging his nails into Danny's arm.
            "It's all right, Kev, you're ok," Danny comforted huskily as Steve brought the paddle back to his side and looked again at the rest of the freshmen.
            "What I have to say now concerns the amount of partying that has been taking place this semester, particularly with thanks to the girls over at Rho Beta Xi. Understand me when I say that what they do over there is their business, but in this fraternity, school comes first! If you are not maintaining at least a B average you cannot afford to be partying every weekend, let alone every night! I will not tolerate poor grades at any time! If, however, your poor grades are the product of too much partying, your situation will be just that much worse! Anyone who does not have at least a B at the end of the year will not be returning next year. This means most of you have a lot of work to do between now and the end of next semester. Anyone who does not straighten up and fly right starting now should expect to hear from me soon!" Many of Kevin's friends started to cry now and the sophomores moved quickly in among their younger brothers, doing their best to mitigate the impact of Steve's strict warning. Steve in the meantime, placed the paddle once more against his own little brother's bruised bottom, causing him to wince and writhe as he awaited the agonizing smacks that were sure to follow. "Kevin," he scolded, "with as much potential as you have, there is simply no excuse for your astoundingly poor performance this semester! I can't tell you how disappointed, Ryan, Danny, and I all are!”

       “Steve, please," Danny objected quietly, but Steve ignored him and Danny tightened his arm around Kevin protectively as their older brother continued.  "There will be no more partying for you at all, Young Man, until you shape up and show that you can conduct yourself responsibly! Is that understood?”

            "Yes, Sir," Kevin whimpered, clutching Danny's arm tighter. "I'm sorry!"

            "All right, count!" Steve instructed. The paddle whistled through the air and thudded into Kevin's bottom with a force that nearly drove him to his knees. His face contorted, and it was a moment before he could get the breath to react at all, but when he did, he screamed. "OWWWW! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! Holy Shit, it hurts!" he sobbed.
            "Kevin," Steve reprimanded softly, "you forgot to count, and you swore! We will have to repeat that one."
            "Steve, Please!" It was not Kevin, but Danny who protested once more. Kevin was crying too hard, now, to react to either of his brothers. Steve raised the paddle again, and without responding to Danny's plea he drove it once again into Kevin's bottom. THWACK!
            "AHH!" Kevin threw his head back and gritted his teeth. "Oww!" he sobbed. "OWW!"
            "I'm going to keep repeating it until you count, Little Bro," Steve warned.
            "Don't do it so hard!" Danny fumed as his weeping little brother clutched at him.
            "Danny," Ryan cautioned in a loud whisper, "stay out of it!" Danny bit his lip and tightened his arm once more around Kevin. Again, Steve raised the paddle. THWACK!
            "AHH! ONE!" Kevin cried. THWACK! "YOW! TWO!" Kevin stamped his feet and scissored his legs in an attempt to shake out the burn.
            "Stand still!" Steve directed, and his little brother did so, hanging lower over Danny's arm as his heart rending wails filled the air.
            THWACK! Kevin clutched his knees and inhaled. "THREE!" he finally breathed, and he couldn't help squirming a little.
            "Stand still!" Steve commanded again.
            Kevin once again obeyed, whimpering with the effort, and Danny tightened his grip supportively. THWACK! "FOUR!" Kevin screamed. "It hurts! God, it hurts! Please Steve, Please!" Danny had trouble containing his brother as Kevin fought to reach back.
            "Come on, Bro, I know it hurts, but you can't rub yet!" Danny tried his best to reason with him, but Kevin was beyond reason. The fire in his ass had eliminated every other thought from his mind. Danny pinned both his wrists to his back, now, and Kevin struggled futilely to pull his hands free from his brother's strong grip. Finally, however, his struggles began to subside, and the intensity of his sobs increased as he resigned himself to the helplessness of his situation. Steve waited for Kevin to become still again, not wanting to catch his younger brother on the thighs, but the moment he quieted, THWACK! Steve brought the paddle down with such strength that Kevin was once again thrown forward and this time Danny staggered back a little in his effort to bear his little brother's full weight.
            "FIVE!" Kevin cried so inarticulately that it was hard to understand him. "Please, Danny, Please! It hurts!" His pleas had a potent affect on his big brother, and it was all Danny could do to maintain his composure and his grip. Steve raised the paddle again, but before he brought it down, Ryan stepped up beside his older brother, and the beseeching expression on his face caused Steve to pause and look inquiringly at him.
            "They need a break, Steve," Ryan begged into his brother's ear, "Danny as much as Kevin." Tears were welling in his eyes now, and Steve's heart ached as he regarded his little brother with indulgent concern.
            "I know this is hard, Ry," he consoled softly, "but it's better if we finish it now." He went to swing the paddle once more, but Ryan grabbed his arm.
            "Please, Steve!" Ryan broke down completely for the first time that night. "You know how they are!" he entreated. "They are both so passionate! You are going to push them right over the edge, and then God only knows what they'll do. Please! Just give them a little break!"
            Steve looked once more at his little brother's distraught face, and then at the feverish face and bloodshot eyes of his second youngest brother and with a sigh of resignation he brought the paddle to his side. It was against his better judgment, but he had never been good at denying Ryan. "All right, Ry," he said softly, "a little break."
            "Thank you," Ryan sobbed, and Steve turned to address his two youngest brothers as Ryan tried to pull himself together.
            "Ok, Kev," he commanded, "stand up and look at me please. Do not rub!" he added as Danny released Kevin's hands. Painfully, with agonizing sobs, Kevin did as he was told, clenching his fists in a ball in front of him and biting his lip as he resisted the impulse to rub his tortured bottom. "I am going to give you a little time to get yourself together and prepare for the last phase of your punishment." The vehemence of Kevin's sobs increased as a feeling of relief swept over him. "Listen to me," Steve cautioned and Kevin tried to calm himself as he looked into his oldest brother's eyes. "We are not done!" Steve continued. "Do you understand me?" Kevin nodded, but was still crying too hard to answer. "I do not want any fuss this time when we get ready to begin again. Are we clear?" Kevin nodded once more and Steve softened his demeanor just a little. "All right then, Little Bro, your break starts now. Stay right here where I can see you, please." He pointed to an overstuffed, blue arm chair that stood directly next to him, and gratefully Kevin sank into it on his knees, clutching the back of the chair, and hiding his face on his arms. "You may rub," Steve said gently. Immediately, Kevin's hands went where they had so long wanted to go and finally as the sting began to subside a little so did the intensity of his distress. He pressed his face into the back of the chair and sobbed quietly, as he continued trying to rub the burn from his bottom.
            Matt got up and approached Steve as hushed whispers rippled through the room and Ryan made his way over to Danny as the two older students began to converse in low tones. Danny was a wreck. He had his hands over his face and he was crying harder even than Kevin, now. "Come on, Little Bro," Ryan put his arm around him, "you're doing fine. Everything will be ok." He tried to pull Danny's hands from his face, so he could see his brother's eyes, and as he did so, he caught a glimpse of the damage Kevin had done with his nails. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed, taking hold of Danny's arm and gently pushing up his sleeve to expose the mass of  purple and red scratch marks. Some of the marks were fairly deep. They were red and inflamed and starting to puff up. "Steve!" Ryan called, interrupting his brothers' whispered conversation. Steve looked his way. "We'll be back," Ryan held out Danny's arm and Steve paled, nodding in comprehension. "Come on, Bro, come with me," Ryan encouraged, keeping his arm around Danny and ushering him towards the door of the common room. Danny went quietly, allowing his brother to guide him into the hallway, up the stairs, and into one of the four house bathrooms.
            Ryan then let go of his little brother whose agitation had not abated much, and began gathering supplies from the medicine cabinet. He immediately found the peroxide, and after a brief hunt he was also able to produce some antiseptic ointment, some gauze, a roll of adhesive tape, and a tiny pair of nail scissors. "Sit," Ryan indicated the toilet as he put the seat down and closed the lid. Automatically, Danny obeyed, and for a moment all was quiet as Ryan began to minister to his arm. The gentle attention had a pacifying effect on Danny and finally he began to calm down.
            He screwed up his face as Ryan swabbed his arm with peroxide, but after the initial sting had passed, the persistent burn left by Kevin’s nail marks became considerably duller, and he looked at his brother gratefully. For a moment they remained silent as Ryan began to dab the gauze pads with ointment. He placed the pads evenly, and then took a firm grip on Danny's arm as he began to tape it up. Finally, he met his little brother's eyes. "Is there any place you're not bruised?" he asked with gentle sarcasm.
            "My ass," Danny responded sullenly.
            `Yeah, but for how long?' Ryan pondered dejectedly, dropping his eyes back to the work he was doing. `How long would Steve wait?' he wondered. `Just long enough for the rest of these bruises to heal.' He couldn't stop the bitter thought from popping into his head and he sighed, careful now to keep his eyes away from Danny. `If only I could have kept my own temper!' he berated himself. `Then I know I could have talked Steve out of it.' His throat tightened and he swallowed. As it was, he knew he would be acquiring some new bruises of his own.
            "I can't do this anymore!" Danny choked, interrupting Ryan's thoughts as he cut the last strip of tape and let go of his brother's arm.
            "Well, you certainly can't hold him anymore," Ryan agreed.

            "No Ry, I mean I can't go back down there. It's too hard! I just can't do it!"

            "Yes you can, Dan. Come on, it's almost over. We'll get through this. I'll help you," Ryan encouraged quietly. Danny was becoming agitated again, and after a minute Ryan inquired, "What's the alternative, Danny? To leave Kevin down there without any support at all? Is that what you want?"             

            Danny was silent  for a minute as he fought with his emotions, but finally he shook his head.  "No, I guess not," he sobbed.
            "I didn't think so," Ryan replied softly. "It'll be all right," he said again as Danny brushed at his cheeks in frustration. "Besides," he added, "we really can't afford to piss Steve off anymore. I think we've just about hit our quota." Danny looked up quickly and met his brother's eyes. Ryan hadn't really meant the comment to be funny, but the corners of his mouth tilted  just the same, and even Danny smiled a little through his tears. They had a lot more breathing room than others did, they knew, when it came to pissing Steve off. For them to have met their quota in this respect was a fairly impressive thing.
            "How we doin'?" Steve's best friend, Kurt, appeared in the doorway. Ryan and Danny locked eyes and remained silent. "Your brother's gettin' a little antsy," Kurt tried again.
            "Ok," Ryan responded, "we're coming." Finally, Danny got to his feet. "You ready?" Ryan asked, and Danny nodded. "Let's go," Ryan said softly. With an embarrassed sidelong glance at Kurt, Danny walked past him and into the hallway. Ryan followed him and Kurt brought up the rear.
            "How antsy is he?" Ryan asked after a moment, dropping back beside Kurt.
            Kurt looked at him and smiled. "You know Steve when it comes to you, Ryan. He's fine. He just wanted to be sure you were coming back." Ryan nodded and breathed a little easier. "How's Danny?" Kurt asked in a low tone of concern.
            "He's been better," Ryan sighed, and Kurt put a hand on his shoulder.
            "Hang in there, Kid," he comforted.
            With feet as heavy as his heart, Danny made his way down the stairs. He wanted nothing more than to retreat. As the low murmurings from the common room came closer, the impulse to turn and run for his room became stronger, but he knew his big brother wouldn't permit it. Besides, Ryan was right. Kevin needed him. It would be wrong to abandon him now and, as Ryan had also pointed out, they had to watch their “p’s” and “q's” a little around Steve. It was definitely not a good time to embarrass him. He had reached the doorway of the common room now, and he paused as he took in the scene.
            Kevin had calmed considerably, and in fact did not appear to be crying at the moment. He was still crumpled over the chair where they had left him, his face pressed into the cushions as he attempted to rub the burn from his bottom. Danny bit his lip and swallowed hard as he took in the bruised and inflamed state of his little brother's hind end. He couldn't bear the idea of contributing to further punishment. Uneasily, he shifted his eyes to the activity in the rest of the room. Things had changed slightly. The line between upper and lower classmen had blurred. The sophomores and juniors were interspersed with the visibly upset freshmen, and though the seniors for the most part remained aloof, there were a few to be found in the midst of their own little family units, their arms around their youngest brothers as the concerned juniors and sophomores looked on. Danny's eyes came to a rest on his own two oldest brothers who were still deep in serious conversation, and Danny guiltily wondered if Steve was informing Matt of the bad behavior he and Ryan had displayed earlier in the day.

            At that moment Gregg Mcarthy looked up from where he was whispering amongst his own ragtag bunch of villainous friends, and he smirked as he caught sight of Danny hovering in the doorway. Others followed his gaze, and slowly a hush descended, leaving the room in stillness once more. Kevin turned his head to look at him too, as the room quieted, and Danny's stomach churned as he looked at his little brother's petrified expression. He felt Ryan's strong hands on his shoulders as he came up behind him, and despite his thoughts of a few moments before, it was only his brother's physical presence that kept him from bolting now.
            Ryan waited patiently, sensing his little brother's emotions, and Kurt hung back respectfully, too. After a moment, however, when Danny still hadn't moved, Ryan tightened his grip. "Come on, Bro," he whispered, "let's just get him through this." Danny looked up at him and Ryan squeezed his shoulders as he saw the tears in his little brother's eyes. Danny bit hard on his lip, but finally he nodded, and with Ryan behind him, he slowly entered the room, and approached his little brother.
            The room settled completely as the two brothers entered the room with Steve's best friend tagging after them. Those who were not sitting sat, and the random whispers that Danny and Ryan's reappearance had sparked were quelled. Kurt made his way through the room as discretely as possible and took his seat amongst Steve's other friends. As he sat down next to him, his friend Mike caught his eyes. "Are they doing ok?" he whispered. Kurt bit his lip; his expression was the only answer Mike needed.

  "Are you ok, Kev'bo?" Danny asked softly as he and Ryan came up beside their little brother. It seemed like sort of a stupid question, especially as Kevin looked up at him, his eyes brimming with resentful tears. "Hang in there, Bud," Danny placed his hand on his back as his little brother hid his face once more. "It will all be over soon."

 

File Nine

The Resolution

 

"Help your brother’s boat across and your own will reach the shore."

-Hindu Proverb

 

“A leader takes people where they want to go.  A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go, but ought to be.”

- Rosalyn Carter

 

 

  Matt and Steve had been finishing their own whispered conversation as their younger brothers entered the room, and now Matt looked frowningly in Ryan’s direction.  Ryan dropped his gaze, avoiding his oldest brother’s eyes and turning his attention instead to Danny and Kevin.  He didn’t want to think about the conversation Steve and Matt had been having.  He could guess easily enough what they had been talking about, and the look Matt had just given him didn’t bode well for his own future ability to sit down comfortably.     “It’s all right, Kev,” he echoed Danny’s attempt at comfort with a new, more potent empathy.  He too placed his hand soothingly on his youngest brother’s back, but Kevin didn’t respond. 

  After a minute, Ryan tentatively raised his eyes again, and flinched as he met Steve’s grim expression.  “Give us your hands, Bud,” he coaxed his youngest brother softly as he saw Steve tighten his grip on the paddle. 

             Kevin looked up, and, following his older brother’s gaze, he clutched his bottom harder, burying his face once more as tears began to streak his cheeks. Matt quietly took his seat among the seniors and, wordlessly, Steve approached his three brothers.

             “Come on, Man,” Danny added his encouragement. “Let’s just get it over with.” 

             Kevin was sobbing hard again now, but he had learned his earlier lessons well, and after a minute he obediently brought his hands to the top of the chair.  He did not fight Danny and Ryan this time.  In fact, he seemed somewhat comforted by their presence; he just pressed his face into the chair again, and wept as they gently pinned his arms.

             “Kevin,” Steve began, his voice tight with the emotion he had so far successfully suppressed.  The extreme degree of his brothers’ distress was starting to affect him.  He could hardly stand the way Danny was looking at him, and Ryan would not look at him at all now.  His throat constricted once more as he continued.  “As bad and irresponsible as your behavior has been this semester, overall, it is not your excessive partying, your failing grades, or your inattention to fraternity rules that has earned you this punishment tonight.  These infractions, as serious as they are, on their own make you no different than the majority of your classmates, and there is more than enough time for sufficient improvement if you work hard from here on in.” He paused and Kevin’s retching sobs filled the otherwise silent room. 

             “There is one distinguishing factor, however, that has led you to be singled out tonight,” Steve finally went on, “and that is your attitude.  Your behavior to the fraternity in general these last few weeks, and specifically your behavior towards Danny, Ryan, and me has been absolutely unacceptable.  We are here to help you, Kevin, to guide you through this first year.  We all remember how difficult it was, and all the advice we offer is given with nothing but the best of intentions.  You may not like what we have to say, you may disagree with us, but you are still required to respect us. Do you understand?”

             “Yes,” Kevin sobbed, without lifting his head.         

             “From here on in,” Steve continued, “there will be no more drinking or partying in general until you get your grades up.  There will also be no more girls!  Danny, Ryan, and I will monitor your class work and your schedule closely.  Danny will help you come up with a study plan that you will stick to religiously, and you will report to him each day.  You will keep an assignment book, which he will check, and if he feels at any time that you are lying or concealing things from him he will bring the matter to my attention.  You and I will then have another discussion very similar to the one we are having right now.  Is that clear?”

             “Yes,” Kevin choked once more.

             “Because you have lied to him in the past, in keeping track of your activities now, Danny will have the right, if needs be, to consult your professors regarding your progress.  You will sign a statement giving him that right.  Understood?” Kevin was sobbing so hard now that he could not answer right away, and Danny squeezed his arm. “Answer me, Kevin,” Steve prompted.

             “Yes, ok! I understand!” Kevin wailed.

             “Good.  There will be no leisure activities at all, with the exception of team practices, until you complete each day’s scheduled assignments.  There will be no more backtalk or vulgar language!  You will address all of your professors and fellow fraternity members respectfully, and you will especially watch your tone when you are addressing the three of us.  Is that clear?”

             “Yes,” Kevin sobbed once more. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” He was unable to articulate any other thought he might have had as he dissolved into choking, hysterical sobs, and Danny rubbed his back soothingly.

             “All right, Little Bro,” Steve softened his tone.  “You are not the only one who has had to learn these lessons the hard way.”  Ryan and Danny both acknowledged their older brother’s words with another affectionate squeeze. “Many of us, in our time, have been where you are. Some of us,” he looked around the room in general, “still choose the harder path to learn our lessons by, and though you have many things still to learn, Kev, it took great courage for you to admit your mistakes tonight, and I’m proud of you!”

             “Understand,” Steve turned to the rest of the freshmen, “that I would make no different decisions if this were the beginning of the semester once more! I would still pick Kevin to be my youngest brother, and it is because he is my brother that I am hard on him now, not because I have doubts about the choice I made.  There is not a single one among you who has any reason to think yourself better than him.   It is his job as my youngest brother to set an example for you to learn from, and that is what this is about.  As Danny said earlier, Kevin is taking the heat for all of you tonight, so pay attention and learn from his mistakes; then, hopefully, you will not have to learn the hard way like he did.” Kevin, Danny, and Ryan were definitely not the only ones affected by Steve’s stern admonition, and it was with a heavy heart that the fraternity president turned to face his three younger brothers once more.  It was time to get this night over with for good. 

             Kevin began to calm slightly, now.  Steve’s words, though they did nothing for his burning posterior, nevertheless acted as a soothing balm to his equally wounded heart, and Ryan and Danny now seemed more agitated by comparison  than he was.  As they felt Steve’s eyes on them, Kevin’s two older brothers did their best to pull themselves together and meet his gaze, but the severe expression they encountered caused them to fall completely to pieces. “Lift his shirt up,” Steve instructed them in the same patiently paternal tone he had been using with them all night.  Danny was sobbing again by now, and Ryan too was battling his emotions, but they didn’t dare disobey, and they each tightened their grip on Kevin’s arm, hoping to communicate their support to their little brother as they did what they were told, pinning his t-shirt about half-way up his back, leaving his already damaged bottom completely vulnerable and exposed. 

            Kevin found strength as his brothers fell apart, and, though a shock went through him when his t-shirt was lifted, he took a deep breath and steeled himself for the punishment he knew would follow.  “I want you to understand, Kevin, how serious I consider this issue of respect to be,” Steve reprimanded softly. “That is why we are going to go through my list of expectations one by one now, while I have your attention.” He pressed the paddle firmly into his brother’s bottom and Kevin winced. “I’m sorry we had to do it this way, Little Bro, but this was the only way we felt we could get through. Don’t forget to count and when I ask you if you understand please answer me with a clear ‘yes,’ or ‘no.’ Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” Kevin moaned. He gripped his brothers’ hands, and stifling his sobs in the top of the chair, he let Steve’s comforting words run through his head.  ‘It is my duty to set an example,’ he thought, ‘an example my friends and classmates can follow.  Steve’s proud of me,’ the thought continued as tears of a more cathartic kind started to streak his face.  ‘I’m going to do a better job,’ he vowed to himself, and he meant it.  He would eventually return to that resolution and stick to it, faithfully, but there was a lot of emotion for him to work through between now and then.  He had a lot of hurt feelings that it would take time to heal, not the least of which was his anger towards Danny.  Kevin, at the moment, was feeling comforted by his brothers’ presence, Steve’s words, and the acceptance on a deep level that he did deserve this punishment.  His impulse was to forgive and forget and try harder, but Kevin was young and not yet fully aware of how complex human emotions can be.  He did not yet understand that sometimes our own feelings betray us, making rifts harder to repair than we want them to be.

            He inhaled deeply as he felt the paddle leave his bottom, and he clutched Danny and Ryan’s hands harder.  They returned the pressure, and the room became still once more.  There was not a whisper or a breath to be heard, anywhere.  “First,” Steve’s voice rang out, “there will be no more back talking! Do you understand?”

             “Yes,” Kevin’s voice shook.  WHACK! The paddle landed hard in the center of his bottom and Kevin threw his head back. “AHH! ONE!”

             “There will be no more whining, sulking, stamping, slamming doors, throwing things or other tantrum like behavior! Do you understand?”

             “Yes,” Kevin sobbed.  WHACK! “OWW!” Kevin shot up in his impulse to reach, but Ryan and Danny kept his hands firmly grasped in their own. “Two!” their little brother choked.

             “There will be no more vulgar language directed at your fraternity brothers, ever, at any time! Is that understood?” Kevin bit his lip as he hid his face again in the top of the chair. It was so hard to answer when he knew his effort would only be rewarded with another stinging smack across his bottom.  “Answer me, Kevin!”

             “Yes,” he sobbed finally, “I understand!” WHACK! Kevin’s face contorted, and he pulled his bottom inward, fighting desperately to free his hands, but once again Danny and Ryan hung on. “THREE!” he wailed.

             “You will be respectful at all times!” Steve drew back again and WHACK! He brought the paddle down hard once more.

             “AHH!” Kevin grimaced, clenching his teeth and pressing his cheek hard against the chair as he sobbed. “Four!” Danny and Ryan continued to offer all the little physical gestures of comfort they could, but they could not think of anything reassuring to say, and they were too broken up now to express themselves clearly anyway. 

             “You will be polite when you are addressing your teammates and peers . . . .” WHACK!

             “OWWW!” Kevin shrieked. “Five!”

             “When you are addressing your professors . . . .” WHACK!

             “SIX!” Kevin yelped, squirming hard in his effort to get away. “That’s six,” he sobbed, finally into the chair, his shoulders heaving in frustration.

             “And you will especially be considerate when you are addressing Danny and Ryan! Do you hear me?”

             “YES! OK! I’m Sorry!”

             “Don’t tell me! Tell them!”

             “I’m sorry,” Kevin whimpered, looking tearfully at his big brothers. 

             “It’s all right, Bud,” Ryan replied huskily.  Danny couldn’t even answer him.  He just took his hand from Kevin’s t-shirt, placing it instead on the back of his little brother’s head, and leaving Ryan to take up the extra material as Kevin’s shirt slipped slightly.

             “You will remember words like ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ you will not interrupt when someone else is speaking, and you will not raise your voice! Do you understand?”

             “Yes!” Kevin keened. WHACK! Kevin threw his head back, gritting his teeth as his bottom shot inward once more.  “SEVEN! Please, Steve, Please!”

             “You will tone down the sarcasm, particularly when you are being addressed on serious subjects such as your grades or class work. Do you understand?”

             “Yes, Sir,” Kevin sniffed.  WHACK! “AHH! GOD! FUCKING JESUS CHRIST! I mean . . . I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

             “All right Little Bro,” Steve appeased, making up his mind to let the transgression slide.  “What stroke was that?”

             “Eight,” Kevin sobbed.

             “Ok, we’re almost done. From now on, you will be on time to your classes, to team practices, and to fraternity meetings! Under no circumstances are you to miss any of the above without clearing it with Danny! Do you understand?”

             “Yes, Sir,” Kevin wept. WHACK! “OWW! OWW, please! That’s nine!” he pleaded. “Please!”

             “I will not tolerate any more rudeness of any kind, Kevin! Is that clear?”

             “Yes! It’s clear!” he bawled.  “It’s so clear!”

  Steve aimed the last stroke directly under Kevin’s bottom, and his little brother howled, shooting straight up and pulling frantically at Ryan and Danny’s hands as the fire in his bottom pushed every other thought from his head.  He did not count, but Steve decided not to force the issue.  He could tell that Kevin had had enough.  He nodded at Danny and Ryan, and with palpable relief, they let their little brother go.  Danny buried his face in his hands and Ryan turned away, biting hard on his lip as he too struggled to pull himself together. Kevin remained crumpled over the chair, digging his nails into the cushions as he once again remembered his lesson from earlier. As desperately as he wanted to, he did not rub.

             “All right, Little Bro, stand up and face me,” Steve directed softly.  Slowly, with stiff, painful movements, Kevin did as he was told, holding his hands in front of him and digging his nails into his palms.  “You may rub,” Steve authorized affectionately, and his little brother, amidst a fresh burst of relieved sobs, immediately availed himself of the permission. “Come here,” Steve held out his arm, and Kevin went to him, burying his face in his chest as Steve closed his arm around him. 

             “I’m proud of you, Kev,” Steve whispered.  “You showed a lot of courage tonight.”  Kevin just continued to sob.  “Tomorrow, after you’ve had some time to think about all this, I want you to do two things for me, ok? Are you listening?” Kevin still couldn’t speak, but he nodded against his brother’s shoulder.  “First, I want you to draw up a list of all the rules we discussed tonight as you understand them.  Danny, Ryan, and I will all look at it.  We will continue to discuss and revise it until we have a list we can all four agree on, and then we will all sign it.  Ok? That’s one.” Kevin nodded again.  “Two, I want you to draft a schedule for yourself, blocking out all your study times, practice times, and class times for the next three weeks.  You and Danny will go through this process more formally next semester, but for now I just want to know that you’re getting to your classes and doing your work.  Once again, Danny, Ryan, and I will look at it, and help you refine it if we have any concerns.  We are all going to keep a copy, so we know where you are and when you should be studying.  Ok?”  Kevin nodded once more, crying harder, and clinging to Steve’s neck. 

             “I know this is all very overwhelming right now,  Kev’bo, and I know it’s going to be an adjustment for you, but Danny, Ryan, and I all see how much potential you have, and we just want to help you live up to it. We are at least going to make sure you don’t fail, and if we have to get a little deeper into your business to prevent that possibility, then that’s what we’re going to do.  Understand?” His tone was gentle, and carried no further trace of strictness or severity.  He was no longer the fraternity president fulfilling his duty, now.  He was just Kevin’s big brother, and he was trying to comfort him the best way he knew how.

             Kevin clung to him for another couple of minutes and Steve held him as he cried.  Ryan and Danny were still trying to collect themselves, but the rest of the room was quiet. “Go on, now, and get to the corner, Kevin,” Steve ordered finally, and his voice, though it was not loud, carried in the still stunned silence of the room.  “While you are there, I want you to think about how you ended up there, and what you can do differently next semester.  I am going to dismiss the meeting by class, and when everyone has gone, you may go too, but not before.  Do you understand?”  Kevin nodded against his chest, and Steve squeezed his shoulder. “All right, Little Bro, go on.”

             With a heavy, shuddering sigh, Kevin left the safe confines of his brother’s arm and limped his way to the far corner.  He collapsed into sobs as he reached it, and he leaned his head against the wall.  He brought his hands to his bottom, but he did not even really have the energy to rub anymore. Steve turned to face the freshmen, and surreptitiously, with a furtive glance at Steve, Danny made his way over to his little brother.  He placed his arm around him, and Kevin turned his face into his chest. Danny held him tight.  “Hang in there, Bro,” he managed brokenly. “It’s almost over, now. Here,” Kevin felt his brother press something hard into his hand and he looked down.  It was the key to Danny’s single room.  Single rooms were rare commodities in the house.  Not many people had one, and they were awarded by merit.  Both Danny and Ryan had one this year and Kevin was one of many in the fraternity who envied them.  Now he clung to his brother, keeping tight hold of the key and sobbing.

             “But where are you going to stay?” he protested.

             “With Ryan,” Danny replied throatily.  “We agreed a long time ago that we would do this.  Everything is set.  We brought a cot in yesterday, we moved your books and some of your clothes into my room, and I have everything I need in Ryan’s room.  You can stay as long as you want . . . .”

             “But where was I?” Kevin sobbed in exasperation.  “How did I not know about all this?”

            Danny brought his hands up to Kevin’s face, trying to dry some of his tears with his thumbs as he met his little brother’s searching eyes.  “You were thinking about your birthday,” Danny murmured, “and planning all the different ways you were going to celebrate it . . .,” his voice cracked as Kevin hid his face on his shoulder once more.  “I’m sorry, Kev,” he whispered as his brother cried.  “I’m so sorry.”

            As Danny held Kevin, Steve began to dismiss the rest of the meeting.  He cautioned the freshmen to remember the example they had been set tonight, and warned them again that many of them were on a track to face similar consequences if they did not shape up immediately.  He glanced at the scene taking place in the corner and sighed.  Danny was not supposed to be over there.  Kevin, in the tradition of the fraternity, was supposed to be using these last few minutes to reflect on the night, and the mistakes he had made this past semester. He was supposed to be standing in the corner by himself as one last warning to the already shaken freshmen as they filed by him, but Steve simply did not have it in him to be that hard hearted.  ‘The point has been made,’ he thought wryly.  ‘Let it rest.’  That sounded very good to him, and that is just what he did.  “You may go,” he turned back to the youngest fraternity members.  They did not wait for a second invitation, and as they passed by their disgraced companion, the disconcerted glances they cast his way made it abundantly clear to Steve that no further example was needed.

            “Sophomores,” he continued as the last of the freshmen disappeared, “thank you for all your help tonight. You are all doing an excellent job of mentoring.  This next semester is of the utmost importance as you all know.  Please inform me early if things are not going well. It will be difficult to fix things at the last minute and, as you are aware, after this semester there will be no second chances.  Thank you again for your help. Keep up the good work, and you may go.”  The sophomores got to their feet and slowly made their way from the room.  Some of them were talking quietly amongst themselves.  There were a few glances thrown in Danny and Kevin’s direction, but most of these were prompted by sympathy for their friend and his little brother.  They were not as visibly upset as the freshmen, not this year. 

            “Juniors, thank you, you may go,” Steve spared them the fanfare.  They had heard it all before. They followed their little brothers, some of them stopping briefly to talk to Ryan and offer their support.  He had grown considerably calmer now, but he was still feeling crummy.  It didn’t get easier; that was for sure.  ‘What would next year be like?’ His stomach lurched as the question flitted briefly through his mind.  He didn’t want to think about it. 

            “All right everyone,” Steve turned at last to his peers, “thanks for all your support tonight.  I appreciate it more than I can say!  You can go.”  The seniors too had been whispering amongst themselves as the underclassmen exited, but now, out of respect for Steve and his younger brothers, they stopped their conversations, got to their feet, and made their way slowly out of the room; well most of them did.  Some of them placed reassuring hands on Steve’s back or shoulder as they passed by him, and Steve acknowledged their support gratefully.  He watched the last of his classmates as they disappeared, and then turned to face his brothers.  It was not Danny, Kevin, Ryan, or Matt, however, that he encountered as he turned, and he narrowed his eyes lividly.  He was staring down at Gregg Mcarthy’s simpering face. 

            “I believe I’ll do some studying,” Gregg Mcarthy quipped, dragging an empty chair forward and propping up his feet.  He picked a book up off the floor that wasn’t even his and opened it. “What?” he asked, feigning innocence as he met the fraternity president’s smoldering eyes. “Kevie won’t mind standing there for just a little longer, will he?”  Gregg probably to this day has no real concept of how close he came to losing his life in that moment, but fortunately Matt was there. 

            “Give me that!” He stepped between Steve and Gregg and forcibly took the paddle from his little brother.  Then in one quick movement he collared Gregg and jerked him to his feet, causing the book to fall to the floor once more.  “You are coming with me,” he informed the astonished senior as he hustled him towards the back door.  “We are going to have a long discussion right now, Mcarthy, concerning what is and is not appropriate and respectful behavior.”

            “No, wait! Matt, please! I was just joking, Man! Come on . . . .” It was quite a sight to see: Matt dragging a pleading and whimpering Gregg Mcarthy across the common room. But Steve and Ryan were way too emotionally drained to enjoy it, and Kevin and Danny did not even seem to be aware that it was happening.

            “Matt,” Steve called tiredly, and his big brother looked back as he reached the back door with his struggling captive firmly in hand.  “Since you’re going that way, anyway, would you send James and company back in here, please?”

            Matt nodded.  “Not a problem,” he responded as he swung the heavy wooden door open.  Gregg was still protesting as Matt pulled him roughly outside, letting the screen door clatter shut behind them.

            Steve looked at his three younger brothers as he found himself alone with all of them for the first time since their pool game that morning.  How far away that seemed now.  Tears stung his eyes.  It was hard to say who was having the hardest time, but Kevin and Danny had each other, and Steve’s first concern was for Ryan.  Silently, he made his way over to his little brother, who stood alone to the side.  He was still trying desperately to get himself together as he pressed his fingers to his eyes and swiped roughly at

the tears that escaped.  He was not having much success, however, and as Steve placed his arm around him, he gave up the effort altogether, beginning to sob in earnest as he laid his head against his big brother’s shoulder.

            There was no time for the comforting words Steve was preparing in his head as the screen door banged once more, letting the four occupants of the room  know that they were no longer alone. Steve looked up to see Danny, Ryan, and Kevin’s best friends standing frozen at the far end of the room, their eyes fixed anxiously on the scene in front of them. Sean closed the wooden door softly, and Steve beckoned them forward.  Still, they hesitated.  “Come on, it’s all right,” Steve encouraged a little impatiently, and finally, with a sidelong glance at his brothers and friends, Sean started towards the president.  Andrew followed him, and a moment later, the others did too.  They came to a rest in front of Steve, and for a minute, no one said anything. Ryan, Danny, and Kevin seemed oblivious to the presence of their friends.

            “I want to thank you,” Steve began quietly, looking particularly at Sean and Jesse, “for everything you did tonight and all the help you have given us over the last couple of days.”  He shifted his eyes to include Andrew and Patrick. “I know this night was not much easier on you guys than it was on us.  You’ve all been tremendously supportive and I don’t know what we would have done without you.” 

            “We wanted to help, Steve,” Sean responded quietly. “I just wish we could have done more.”

            “You did plenty,” the president rewarded the lanky young man with the beginnings of a smile as he squeezed Ryan’s shoulder and pulled his little brother closer. He was glad Ryan had a friend like Sean to turn to.

            “Alex and James come out here, please,” Steve summoned the two freshmen with an air of resigned determination.  They had been cowering in the middle of the pack, hoping to remain unnoticed, and now they came timidly forward as Andrew and Sean reluctantly parted to let them through.  Jesse placed a reassuring hand on his brother’s shoulder, and James dropped his eyes as Steve glared at him. “I know how difficult and shocking tonight has been for both of you,” Steve started evenly, “and I can appreciate the passion you displayed in defense of your friend.  Kevin is extremely lucky to have you both in his corner.  That is still no excuse, however, for the disrespectful behavior you displayed tonight!”

            “Sorry,” Alex and James mumbled, looking at the ground.

            “I hope so,” Steve retorted.  “Alex, look at me, please.” Tentatively, Alex obeyed, shrinking against his big brother as he met Steve’s stern eyes.  Patrick placed a hand on his shoulder as the president continued.  “Be advised, Young Man, that Pat and I will be keeping in close touch from here on in regarding your progress. Your performance has been barely satisfactory this semester, and I urge you to spend some time rethinking your priorities before a more serious discussion concerning your habits and behavior becomes necessary!”

            “Yes, Sir,” Alex replied meekly, glancing at James. 

            Steve too shifted his eyes once again to the more disgraced of Kevin’s two friends. “I’m afraid you and I are going to have to have a long talk tomorrow, James,” his voice was gentle, but stern, and Sean and Jesse both paled as tears filled their little brother’s eyes. 

            “Is that really necessary, Steve?” The soft question came from Ryan, showing them all that he was more cognizant than they had imagined him to be.  He had composed himself considerably by now, and Steve looked fondly down at him as his little brother looked at him pleadingly.  Steve brought his hand up to brush at some stray tears that were still trickling down Ryan’s face and he remained quiet for a moment.  “It was an accident,” Ryan continued softly, grasping hopefully at the indecision with which he equated his brother’s silence.

            Steve raised his eyebrows at him, “An accident?” he questioned.  “You think it was an accident? Come on, Ryan.” There was the tiniest glint of amusement in the fraternity president’s eyes, now, as he looked at his little brother.  He knew what Ryan was trying to do, and he wanted to give in.  He wanted to, but he couldn’t.  It would be wrong to let this go.  “Danny, come here for a moment, please,” he called.

            “Do I have to?” Danny demanded from the corner.

            “Yes, you have to,” Steve insisted.  Reluctantly, Danny separated himself from Kevin, leaving his little brother to sob in the corner by himself as he made his way quietly to stand just in back of Steve’s shoulder.  “Come on,” Steve encouraged, “come up here so they can see you.”  Biting his lip, Danny did as he was told, avoiding Jesse and Patrick’s eyes as he stepped up behind his brother.  They had not seen the damage yet, and now they both sucked in their breath.

            “Jesus Christ,” Jesse muttered.

            James snuck a look as he heard his brother’s horrified exclamation, and as he saw Danny’s face, he started to sob.  “I’m sorry!” he exclaimed.  “I’m so sorry!” Jesse tightened his grip on his little brother’s shoulder as an awkward silence fell. Danny’s red, swollen eyes and tear streaked cheeks might have made things look a little worse than they were, but it was bad.  There was no doubt about that. Alex gaped at him in dismay and Sean and Andrew shifted uneasily.

            “It’s ok, Bud, I’m ok,” Danny finally broke the silence as James’s agonized sobs continued to fill the air.

            “No!” Steve contradicted sharply. “No, it’s not OK!  I’ll have you know, James,” he went on grimly, “that I was this close,” he illustrated with his thumb and forefinger, “to having you switch places with Kevin tonight! This,” he reached up to grasp Danny’s jaw gently in his hand, “was NOT an accident.”

            “Ok,” Ryan acknowledged fretfully as he tried to regain his brother’s attention, “but James just reacted, Steve.  He didn’t mean to hurt Danny so badly. It’s been a very long night for all of us.  Can’t we just let it go? Please?”

            Steve tightened his arm around his brother, but he was looking at Sean and Jesse, now.  “Does he know what a summons is?” he asked quietly, indicating their little brother.  They swallowed hard and nodded as James started to cry harder.

            “No!” Danny cried as the significance of the conversation finally caught up with him, but Steve ignored him.

            “Look for one tomorrow, James,” he instructed Kevin’s best friend with dismal finality.

            “No! Steve, come on! Please!” Danny begged.  “He didn’t mean it to happen! Can’t we just forget it, please?”

            “No, Danny.  I’m afraid we can’t. We simply do not do these kinds of things to one another, in this fraternity.  In this fraternity, we do not fight!” The pointed reprimand went over the heads of the youngest fraternity members, but nobody else missed it.  Ryan and Danny lost what little color they had left in their faces, and Danny clutched his head in exasperation.  They had no leverage in this situation, clearly, where they might have had some before.  Steve had grabbed hold of this fighting thing now, and he was intent on making his point.  For a minute, Steve’s younger brothers were quiet, not knowing what else to say.  They avoided their friends’ eyes and Patrick, Andy, Sean, and Jesse shifted restlessly as James continued to weep.

            “Does it have to be tomorrow?” Ryan choked, finally, still clinging to his brother. “Can’t it wait a little?”

            “We’ll talk about it later, Ry,” Steve responded, hugging his little brother close to his side.

            “But Steve, please . . . .” Danny entreated desperately.

            “Later, Danny,” Steve repeated.  “We’ll talk about it later.”  Steve had no intention of changing his mind, but he also had no intention of arguing with his brothers at the moment, and he could tell they weren’t going to let the issue go.  Danny and Ryan both opened their mouths to protest, but Steve held up his hand to cut them off.  “It is late,” he continued decisively. “We are all exhausted, and it is time that we all went to bed.” 

            It had been a very long night as Ryan had previously pointed out, and now was not the time to talk about this.  He certainly was not going to involve his brothers’ already anxious friends in the dispute. Besides, if Ryan and Danny were going to insist on bringing this subject up right now, he had things to say to them that he would rather nobody else heard.  “Go on back to Kevin,” he commanded his second youngest brother in a tone that was not to be argued with.  “Let’s get him upstairs, so we can all start to put this night behind us.”  With an anguished look of apology in Jesse’s direction, Danny did as he was told, and Ryan buried his face on Steve’s shoulder once more. “Thanks again, guys,” Steve turned back to his brothers’ friends.  “Ry and I are going to help Danny get Kevin upstairs.  Why don’t the rest of you go on and go to bed.  We’ll see you guys, tomorrow.”

            “Night Steve,” Andrew returned quietly, and, ushering Alex before them, Andy and Patrick headed for the hallway.  Jesse and Sean started to follow with James, but Steve placed a hand on Sean’s arm, and covering Ryan’s ear with his hand, he mouthed, “Make sure he,” he pointed at James, “checks his mail early tomorrow.”  Sean swallowed again, but he nodded.  He had one hand on each of his little brothers now, and he offered Steve one final good night as he guided both Jesse and James towards the door of the common room.

            Not long after Sean and Jesse had gone with their little brother, Danny came up behind Steve and Ryan with Kevin.  He had his hand on his little brother’s shoulder and was carrying his jeans.  Kevin had managed to pull his underwear painfully back up over his still burning bottom, but Danny had seen no point in having him go through the excruciating business of pulling up his jeans when he was just going to take them off again upstairs.

            Poor Kevin.  Upstairs seemed such a very long ways away now and getting there was such a very slow, disconcerting process.  All he wanted was a bed and a pillow, and an opportunity to cry himself to sleep.  He couldn’t think straight at all, and he leaned heavily on Danny as they inched their way up the stairs. Steve and Ryan came behind.  Danny took the spare key he had given Kevin from his little brother’s hand and opened the door to his room, steering his little brother inside to the bed.  Ryan and Steve saw them that far, and then left them with some last gentle words of encouragement for Kevin.  Kevin was not really paying attention by that time, though.  He already had his face buried deep in the pillow, and he was hugging it tight to his chest as he sobbed. 

            “I’ll be down in a bit,” Danny managed brokenly as he followed his big brothers to the door.  “I just want to make sure he’s all right.” 

            Ryan nodded.  “Take your time, Bro,” he responded hoarsely. “We’ll see you in a little while.” The two brothers shared, in that moment, a look that spoke volumes. For them, they suspected, the night was not yet quite over and Ryan gave his little brother’s shoulder one final parting squeeze before he followed Steve into the hallway, and closed the door softly behind him.

            Alone, finally, with his own little brother, Danny dropped to his knees beside him.  There was a pile of icepacks on the nightstand that he and Ryan had brought in earlier. They were the kind that you had to crush to activate.  Danny took one now, and immediately began the necessary activation process, with perhaps just a little more than the necessary amount of vigor. It was no time at all before he felt the pack growing cold in his hands, and when it was cold enough to satisfy him he whispered a warning to Kevin, “This is going to feel cold, Bud, but it will help.”  He then unceremoniously lifted the waistband of his little brother’s briefs, and as gently as possible slid the icepack between his bottom and his underwear.  The sudden cold against his scalding skin made Kevin buck a little and clutch the pillows tighter, but it did feel good and after a moment he relaxed.  Danny was already repeating the process and soon Kevin had another icepack sticking out of his underpants. He was still sobbing, but slowly, as the cold went to work soothing his tortured bottom, the vehemence of his sobs began to subside. His eyes began to droop as Danny stroked his hair, and at last he fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.  For at least an hour, Danny stayed with him.  Several times, he changed the icepacks which quickly warmed beyond usefulness, and finally the cold seemed to be lasting a longer time.

            Danny prayed, as he changed the icepacks one more time, that his little brother would sleep through the night.  He remembered all too well what those first few days after the meeting felt like.  “Night, Kev’bo,” he whispered as he got to his feet, and gently pulled the sheet over him. Kevin’s world had been turned upside down tonight, and when he woke up Danny knew that he would feel like everything had changed, and not for the better.  He looked back one more time as he silently made his way from the room.  Kevin was still sleeping soundly.  ‘Let him get a good night’s sleep,’ Danny thought again, ‘he’s definitely going to need it.’ Softly, he closed the door and with a bitter heart made his way down the hall to Ryan’s room.

            Steve was still there, and Danny found his two brothers engaged in heated conversation regarding James’s impending punishment. Slowly, he started to undress.  He felt just as strongly as Ryan did, but he didn’t have the energy to argue about it right now.  Ryan was sitting on the cot that Danny would be sleeping on, and now Danny stripped to his boxers and flopped down next to him, clutching the pillows and burying his face. Ryan placed a soothing hand on his back, but the argument continued, and a few minutes later they were joined by Matt as they heard Gregg Mcarthy’s door slam all the way down in the lower corridor of the house.  “If he woke Kevin up, I’ll kill him!” Danny seethed into the pillow as hot tears once more began to streak his face.  That brought the conversation to a momentary halt. 

            “I think it’s all right,” Matt said softly, cracking the door and listening hard. “I don’t hear anything.  Want me to go check on him?” Danny shook his head.  If Kevin was awake, they’d probably hear him.  “What were we arguing about?” Matt asked quietly, addressing Steve and Ryan now. 

            “It wasn’t an argument exactly,” Steve replied softly, glancing uneasily at Ryan.  He wasn’t sure he wanted his older brother involved in this conversation right now.  Matt was already pretty put out with both Danny and Ryan. “It was more of a discussion, really,” Steve went on, carefully.  “We were discussing the importance of controlling our impulses and specifically we were talking about the fraternity’s position on fighting.”

            “Ahh, I see,” Matt returned, taking a seat on Ryan’s bed next to Steve, and looking steadfastly at their little brother.  Ryan gritted his teeth and looked away, and for a moment, there was silence. “Would somebody like to elaborate further?” Matt inquired, finally.

            “Steve is going to summon James,” Ryan began to sob again as all the emotions of the night resurfaced.  Danny flipped over onto his back, bringing his hand to his eyes as Ryan’s distress over the situation reignited his own.

            “Well of course he is,” Matt said gently.  “What other choice does he have?”

            “To let it go,” Danny sobbed in support of his brother.

            “But then, what has this whole night been about?” Matt inquired in the same soft tone.  Ryan and Danny didn’t respond.  “There is a certain standard for the way we treat each other in this fraternity,” Matt went on, placing his hand on Steve’s shoulder as Danny and Ryan continued to sob.  “We do not fight,” he reiterated. 

            In that moment, Ryan and Danny knew they had lost.  There was no point in continuing the argument. They also knew the conversation had taken a turn.  This discussion was no longer about James.  Ryan placed his head in his hands and Danny covered his eyes with his arm. Patiently, Matt and Steve waited while they tried to collect themselves.

            “Are you going to summon us?” Ryan queried fretfully. Neither Matt nor Steve was really prepared for the question, and Steve stood abruptly, turning his back and bringing his own hand to his eyes.  That was a question he did not want to think about, let alone answer right now.  He bit down on his lip hard as his little brothers looked at him and waited.

            “Steve and I have not talked at length about this yet,”  Matt began, gently redirecting Danny and Ryan’s attention as Steve’s agitation became apparent, “but I think you should prepare yourselves for the answer to be yes.”   Both his little brothers’ faces crumpled and they hid them once again, crying more quietly than they had been before, but just as hard. For a few moments, the soft sounds they made were the only ones to be heard, but finally Matt broke the silence again. “Why don’t you go to bed, Steve,” he suggested evenly.  “I would like to have a private word with our little brothers on this subject.”

            Danny’s sobs became audible again and Ryan glanced quickly at their oldest brother. He swallowed as he met Matt’s now stern eyes, and his bottom began to tingle.  Matt was not a big believer, as all his little brothers knew, in the process of the summons. He had certainly made use of it at times when he was president; it was fraternity tradition, and, as such, had to be respected, but it was far too formal and dramatic a process for his tastes. When it came to his brothers, therefore, he was  used to employing on the spot discipline, and most of the time, he felt that his hand, or the small wooden ping pong paddle he had nicked from the game room, served as a more than sufficient implement.  He had, more than once, punished Danny and Ryan this way in their freshmen and sophomore years, though not many people knew it.  He had, in the past, punished Steve this way too, and even fewer people knew that.  In any case, they all recognized the signs.  Steve was reluctant to have the night end like this for his already emotionally taxed little brothers, but he was also too emotional himself to argue.  Still biting his lip to keep the tears back, he made his way over to Ryan, and placed his hands on top of his little brother’s bowed head.

            “We will talk more about this tomorrow, Ry, ok?” he inquired tenderly.

            “About James, or about us?” Ryan looked tearfully up at him and Steve cupped his face in his hands.

            “About both,” Steve answered huskily and tears started to streak his face despite himself as Ryan looked down again and began to sob harder.  He brushed his fingers through his little brother’s hair once more, and then catching Danny’s ankle in his hand, he gave it a brief, gentle squeeze as he made his way to the door, and then out into the hallway.

            “Danny, come here,” Matt called softly as the door closed.

            “Matt, don’t, please . . .,” Ryan  pleaded.

            “Ryan,” Matt looked sternly at his little brother, “you and Danny are subject to the same rules and codes of conduct as James, Kevin, and everyone else in the fraternity.  When you break rules, there are consequences. It’s as simple as that. This is not so much about the fight because that it is too serious for me to handle right now.  This is more about the extremely awkward position the two of you put Steve in.  I want to impress upon both of you the gravity of this situation.  You have no room to be begging favors right now, for yourselves, or for others.  Your actions this afternoon left Steve with few recourses.  Danny, come here,” he repeated firmly.

            Anguished sobs racked Danny’s shoulders as he got hesitantly to his feet, and in one swift movement Matt took him by the wrist and pulled him across his knees, lowering his boxers and resting his hand on his bottom.  “Go on and get ready,” he commanded looking up at Ryan again as Danny twisted under his arm.  “I am seriously disappointed in both of you,” he scolded as he began to spank.  Danny yipped and squirmed as Matt’s hand fell, and Ryan rose sobbingly to his feet. He was still wearing his jeans, but now as Matt continued to punish their little brother, he unzipped and unbuttoned them, pushing them down and off.

            “Oww! Oww! Oww!” Danny yelped and wiggled, but  Matt continued to spank him hard, toasting his bottom to a warm, rosy pink before sending him to bed and moving on to Ryan.

            “I’m sorry,” Ryan sobbed as Matt pulled him over his knees and lowered his boxers. 

            “I know you are,” Matt replied gently, but his hand was not so sympathetic.  Danny lay in his bed, rubbing his bottom and sniffling as Ryan too paid his penance.  Matt spanked him perhaps just a little harder and a little longer even than he had Danny.  Ryan’s bottom, by the time Matt let him crawl into bed, was perhaps just a little redder because Matt expected more of him, especially when it came to protecting Steve and understanding his position.  It was nice to be the president’s pet, but on occasion there was a price to be paid, and tonight Ryan paid it.

            It wasn’t that the spanking Matt gave either of his brothers was very severe. Really, it was just enough to make them uncomfortable, and the punishment hurt their hearts more than anything.  They knew they had put their big brother in a bad position by acting on impulse the way they did.  Matt had reminded them that it was their fault, not Steve’s that they were in this mess.  Steve had a responsibility now; he was not in any kind of position to play favorites, and they were the ones who had put him in that awkward situation.

            Matt was extremely fond of all his brothers, and he was sorry this whole thing had happened.  He had not wanted to punish Danny and Ryan, but in the end he had felt it was necessary to place the responsibility back on them.  By punishing them, he had put an end to any possible protests they might have otherwise made when more serious consequences were handed down.  There would be pleading and begging for sure, and the scene would be plenty emotional, but there would be no bitter sense of injustice to get in the way of their relationship with Steve.  They would remember exactly whose impulsive actions were to blame.  With the punishment he had given his little brothers tonight, Matt had paved the way for the healing they all so desperately needed, and he had also set the tone for the summons Danny and Ryan would inevitably receive.

            Ryan and Danny were both crying softly still as Matt pulled the blankets up over them. He explained his position once again, gently, said some soothing words to both of them and then left them to cry themselves to sleep as he turned off the light and closed the door softly behind him.

            Finally, the night was over.  He checked on Kevin who was still sleeping soundly, and then made his way down to Steve’s room.  A rare peace had settled over the house, and for the moment all was quiet.  There was a long way to go yet, and a great deal of emotion to be worked through, but in those early morning hours of deep and dreamless slumber the healing had finally begun.

Folder Two: The Healing

 

File One:  The Disappearance

 

File Two: The Quandary

 

File Three: The Consequence

 

File Four: The Melt Down

 

File Five: The Search

 

File Six: The Talk

 

File Seven: The Admonishment

 

File Eight: The Reprieve

 

File Nine:  The Talk (Reiterated)

 

File Ten: The Reconciliation

 

File Eleven: The Portent

 

File One

 The Disappearance

 

"Life only demands from you the strength that you possess. Only one feat is possible; not to run away. "

-Dag Hammarskjöld

 

"Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."
-Henry Miller

 

 

            “WHERE . . .IS . . .KRAMER???????????” 

            The young quarterback for the Saber Bend Bulldogs was just about to release the ball when the loud booming voice of the head coach rang out and caused it to slip from his hand.  The ball fell uselessly to the turf and the next moment the quarterback coach was in his face.

            “What in the hell was that, Lockheart? What!? You can’t hold onto the ball all of a sudden?!” Danny was looking now towards the rampaging head coach at the opposite end of the field and Coach Ricks followed his distracted gaze.  “What in the hell are you looking at? What’s wrong with you!?” he demanded with somewhat sincere amazement.  Danny was a star.  In fact, he was THE star of the team (second only to Kevin Kramer), and he was known best for his poise on the field and his collected head.  He was not normally rattled by anything, least of all the screaming of the coaches, so what had distracted him now? “That end of the field does not concern you! Do you hear me?” the coach continued. “This end of the field and that ball should be the only two things concerning you right now and if you don’t get your mind back where it’s supposed to be, both those things are going to be concerning you in a much more intrusive way! Are we clear!?”

            “Yes, Coach,” Danny replied automatically.

            “All right, then! Let’s try that again.  This time, hold onto the God Damn ball until you’re sure you know where it’s going.”

            “Yes Sir,” Danny replied again quietly and the coach moved aside.  Danny’s hands shook just slightly as he picked the ball off the ground, and as he stood up he met the concerned eyes of his two most reliable wide receivers.  Danny tried a slight smile to reassure them, but it was no use, and he bit his lip as he brought the ball into his chest, and turned away.  He snuck another look at the head coach who was storming his way towards the practice squad now, and he swallowed.  He looked for Jesse among the running backs, meeting his best friend’s panicked eyes briefly, before necessity forced him to look once more at his receivers.  The same two players who had met his eyes before stepped up now, their concern obviously increasing as they willed him with their eyes to remain calm. They knew exactly what Danny Lockheart’s problem was, and for the rest of the practice they would catch whatever he threw, no matter what kind of acrobatics was needed to accomplish the feat.

            “Delane! Hanson!” the head coach snapped now. “Get out here!”  The ranks of the practice squad parted and the two freshmen were shoved forward by their lemming like teammates. “Where is he?” The coach continued his frightening tirade as they stood tremulously in front of him.  “And don’t tell me you don’t know!  The three of you are as thick as thieves!”  He was definitely pushing the boundaries of personal space now, and Alex Delane blanched as James Hanson’s face flushed with indignation.

            “He’s sick, Sir,” Alex replied timidly.

            “Bullshit! That’s Bullshit, Delane! Don’t you feed me that crap! You think I was born yesterday?!” The coach aimed all his ire in Alex’s direction now and Alex shrank against James.  “You pansy! Stand up straight when I’m talking to you!”  Alex, with obvious chagrin, did as requested, and James’s fists curled into balls at his side as his face turned still a deeper shade of red. “WHERE IS HE?!”

            “Alex is telling you the truth, Coach,” James interjected.  “Kevin is sick!”

            “Horseshit!” The coach redirected his gaze to James, but James did not shrink.  He met the coach’s blazing eyes head on.  “It has been over a week!” Coach Becket snapped.  “If he was that sick, he’d be in the hospital or dead! Now, you tell me where he is, or you two jokers are going to spend the rest of this practice running the bleachers! You have three seconds!” James clenched his fists tightly, and Alex swallowed.  “One!” Kevin’s two friends remained silent.  “Two!”  James lost some of his color, and Alex pressed close to him once more.  “Three! Coach Anderson!” The head coach summoned the assistant practice squad coach, and the militaristic young man stepped forward.  He couldn’t have been more than 28, but he was already hardened and had a somewhat sadistic look about him.

            “Sir?”

            “Wear their asses out!” the coach commanded.

            “Yes, Sir!” Anderson returned smartly, leering at Alex and James.  “Let’s go, gentlemen! It’s bleacher time!”  James and Alex hesitated momentarily and the young coach took James roughly by the shoulder, shoving him in the direction of the bleachers, and Alex after him.  “Let’s go! Move!” he barked as the two disgraced freshmen broke into a sprint before him.  Anyone who saw the gleam in Anderson’s eyes at that moment would have known that he needed only a bullwhip in his hand to make him happier.

            Despite the best efforts of the other coaches, all play had come to a standstill now and all eyes were on Coach Becket as he broke the unnatural silence that had descended.  “Lockheart, Sanderson, Jankowski! Get your asses over here!” A rash of whispering broke out and spread up and down both sidelines as everyone shifted their gaze to where the quarterback had been practicing with his five wide receivers. 

            Three of the players in question were relatively unaffected, though they shifted anxiously as all their teammates looked their way.  Danny, on the other hand, swallowed hard and cursed under his breath, seeking once more the eyes of his two remaining receivers.  They were both pale now, but their expressions were still reassuring.   They met Danny’s eyes, and Ryan held his arm out to him.  They were in this together and that was how they would get through it.  It had been a long time since any of the three stars had been made to run the bleachers as punishment, and, now, in a matter of moments, they fully expected to be joining their younger counterparts. Danny made his way over to his big brother, heaving a sigh as Ryan’s hand settled bracingly on his shoulder.  Anderson was no joke.  He wouldn’t stop until they were all sick on their knees vomiting or passed out from exhaustion. Ryan squeezed his shoulder as if reading his mind, and slowly, they started forward, their friends watching miserably from a distance as Kevin Kramer’s three big brothers trudged desolately down the field to face the irate coach.

            “Well, well, well, Kramer’s three guardian angels . . .,” the coach started as Danny, Ryan, and Steve formed a line in front of him. “I have to tell you, boys, I’m starting to lose my patience here.  In fact, this whole business of our star running back not showing up for practice . . .I gotta tell ya, it’s starting to really piss me off!” The coach had been pacing up and down in front of them, but now he stopped and looked at them.  “Take those damn helmets off!” he snapped. The three players quickly acquiesced, letting their helmets dangle as they did their best to meet the coach’s eyes without flinching. Coach Beckett was a very scary man when he was truly angry and ‘angry’ didn’t quite come close to describing the feelings of the man now glaring at them. 

            “That’s better,” the coach approved, looking now by turns into the eyes of each of his three veteran players.  “As long as you boys continue to follow directions and answer my questions with the same degree of cooperation you just displayed, we’re all going to be just fine; this will be very easy.”  The three players in front of him shifted uneasily, trying not to look at each other.  “Now,” Coach Beckett persisted, pretending not to notice their obvious discomfort, “what is that little pet name you three have for our young friend?” Tentatively, Danny risked a sidelong glance at Ryan.  Ryan caught it and tightened his grip on his little brother’s shoulder.  “‘Kevie’ or  ‘Kev’bo,’ or something? That’s it, ‘Kev’bo.’” 

            There was some noticeable snickering, pushing, and jostling along the sidelines where Gregg Mcarthy and his followers had positioned themselves to view, from the best vantage point possible, the scourging the three team favorites were about to get.  “Kevie,” Gregg called in a high pitched voice. “Kevie, Oh Kevie, where are you? Save us, Kevie! Save us!” More laughter followed.

            Some of Danny, Ryan, and Steve’s friends responded with insults and threats of their own, and some extracurricular shoving broke out along the sideline that was soon broken up by the coaches.  All the activity was ignored, however, by Coach Beckett and Kevin’s three brothers.  Carefully, Danny, Ryan, and Steve kept their eyes on the coach as he continued to pace in front of them.  “All I want to know, boys,” the coach stopped and looked at them once more, “is where our little Kev’bo is and why he hasn’t been coming to practice?  It’s simple really, just a very simple question.  Jankowski?” He looked at Steve.

            “Alex told you, Coach,” Steve replied coolly, “Kevin’s been sick.”

            “My ASS!” The coach grabbed Steve by the collar, pressing his face right into his.  “Now, I am done playing around!  Kramer has missed a week’s worth of practices and two games! We lost for the first time since the beginning of the season last week, and we came damn close to losing yesterday too!  We have worked hard as a team all season to get here and it is the first time in ten years we have made it this far! It’s been ten years, Jankowski, since the Bulldogs had a chance to get to the Championship, and all our hopes are riding on that kid! I do not intend to lose this opportunity, so one of you three boys had better start talking! NOW!”  He gave Steve a little shake before shoving him away, and Steve brought his hand to his throat, rubbing the red mark the coach had left.  His face was ashen now, but his eyes remained steadily on the coach, and his mouth was firmly set in a stubborn line.  “No?!” the coach demanded.  “Not convinced?” He shifted his eyes to Danny.  “What about you, Lockheart?  You care to help yourself by talking?”  Danny bit hard on his lip, but remained silent.  “Sanderson?” Coach Beckett looked last of all at Ryan with no further success, and he turned away, running his hand through his thinning hair in exasperation.  “All right then, boys,” he said finally, turning to glare at them once more, and looking from one stubbornly set pair of eyes to another.  “The three of you are done for the day! Hit the showers, and meet me in my office in fifteen minutes!”

            “Yes, Sir!” they chorused.

“All right, go on!” the coach ordered, and his three disgraced players hung their heads for the first time as they quietly started in the direction of the locker room.  “Mcarthy!” They heard behind them. “Go in for Lockheart!” Tears stung Danny’s eyes, and Ryan looked worriedly at his little brother as Danny subtly swiped at his cheeks.  Football was Danny’s life, his passion, his heart. Steve knew it too and he came up on Danny’s other side as they heard the coach behind them calling in replacements for Ryan and Steve.

            “I’m sorry, Dan,” Steve said quietly.  “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.  You were right.  I should have listened to you.”

            Danny pressed his fingers to his eyes.  “It’s not your fault,” he managed quietly after a minute.  Danny was not the kind of person who would ever dream of saying, ‘I told you so,’ to his big brothers, at least not in the face of a sincere apology.  But this was exactly the situation he had been afraid of.  ‘I fucking knew this would happen!’ he thought darkly, now, as they continued to walk. ‘I absolutely fucking knew it!’ 
 

File Two

 The Quandary

 

"Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of a dilemma."

-H.L. Mencken

 

“See everything, overlook a great deal, correct a little.”

- Pope John XXIII

 

            It had all started the night after the meeting. They had just played their last regular game of the season.  Kevin hadn’t played (not that anyone would have asked him to) and they had lost for the first time since the beginning of the season (before Kevin was a starter on the team).  They had planned the meeting, as usual, around the last few weeks of the semester, so there would be ample time for Kevin to get his act together and pass his classes.  The football season by that time was traditionally winding down for them, anyway.  The last game never made any difference to anything but the pride of the team.  They had honestly not thought about the possibility that they might be in contention for the Championship, and had certainly not counted on the important role Kevin would play in getting them there.  It had been a long time since the team had so much riding on a mere freshman, a rookie!

            When Danny, Ryan, and Steve finally began to see the direction things were taking, they talked about it, but there didn’t seem to be anything they could do.  Kevin was sinking academically.  He needed help.  He needed their guidance, and that was what they were there for.  They cared more about him than they did about the Championship, and the tradition needed to be upheld.  So, they had proceeded with the meeting as planned, knowing that Kevin would not play in the game the following day.  Their belief was, however, that he would be recovered enough to participate in the remaining two games that followed.            

            After that first game, Ryan, Danny, and Steve had returned to the house hot, tired, and frustrated, to find that Kevin had, as requested, turned in his version of the rules he had been set along with a copy of his schedule. He had left the two pieces of paper in an envelope that he had slid under Ryan’s door.  He had addressed it: ‘To: the wardens of Rho Beta Chi (Kigh) From: The prisoner in cell 17,’ and the three brothers had gathered in Ryan’s room (which Danny and Ryan were now sharing) to discuss it. 

            “What do you think?” Steve looked at Ryan and Ryan shifted uncomfortably as Danny too looked his way.  He hated always being in the middle.  He looked down again at the two pieces of paper laid out on the bed before them. ‘Their impish little brother,’ he simpered as he thought of Kevin, ‘the cause of all this discord as usual.’  This time, though, it was not Kevin’s cheekiness that was causing the problem.  After all, they had agreed, with everything their kid brother had been through, they had to cut him some amount of slack.  The problem was that Kevin had dutifully laid out every second of his day for the next three weeks, including 15 minute ‘piss breaks’ scheduled intermittently throughout each day.  His class times were there as requested, and his study times, but nowhere had he included the scheduled practice times for the team.

“Do you think he forgot?” Steve inquired of Danny, hopefully.

            “No!” Danny snorted. “The kid eats, sleeps, and breathes football.”

            “Do you think he didn’t put them on because he knows we know them already?” Ryan asked quietly.

            Danny shook his head. “He’s trying to get back at us,” he returned softly.  “Specifically, he’s trying to get back at me, and he knows this is the best way.”  Ryan and Steve frowned as they met their little brother’s eyes.  It was what they had suspected also, but they had been hoping Danny would have another theory.  “He doesn’t intend to go,” Danny confirmed their worst fears in the quietest voice imaginable.  For a moment, there was silence.

            “Ok, then,” Steve finally spoke.  “The next question is what do we do about it? Do we make it an issue or not?”

            “I think we have to,” Danny returned.

“I don’t know if we can, Dan,” Steve admitted.  “I told him I just wanted to know he was getting to class and doing his work.  I want to pick my battles.  Right now, his grades are the priority.  I don’t want to make practice an issue only to have class and study time become one.  We’ve all been emphasizing how there’s more to life than football, how he needs to take those other parts of his life seriously . . . .”

            “I know what we said, Steve!” Danny interjected. “But football IS his life.  It’s his schooling! He’s on fucking scholarship for Christ’s sakes!”

            “I know, Danny! But if he doesn’t want to play, I don’t feel like we can make him!  If he doesn’t get his grades up, the football will be a moot point anyway! Maybe he doesn’t feel he can handle all the studying and practice too.”

            “That’s bullshit and you know it!” Danny glowered. “That’s his stress release! He loves playing!  We’re not allowing him to do anything else! This next three weeks is going to kill him without football!”

            “That is his choice to make, though, Dan!” Steve returned somewhat heatedly.

            “But he’s not thinking straight, Steve! He’s just thinking how he can best hurt me! He’s not thinking about what’s good for him right now!”  Steve pursed his lips as he looked at his passionate little brother.  Danny did have a point.  “What will Coach say?” Danny continued after a minute in a quieter tone as he looked at Steve’s face, hopefully.  “You think he’s just going to let his star player disappear, no questions asked, three weeks before the Championship?”

            Steve remained quiet for a minute, thinking over what Danny had said.  Finally, he looked at Ryan.  “What do you think?” he whispered once more.  Ryan had, up until now, remained silent, hoping that his opinion would not have to be the deciding factor.  He chewed his lip as he looked thoughtfully down at the paper before him.

            “I definitely understand the point Danny is making,” he started quietly after a minute, “BUT,” he continued hurriedly before his little brother could celebrate, “I think we would be very wise to pick our battles right now.”

            Ryan raised his eyes and flinched at Danny’s accusing expression.  “Steve’s right, Danny,” he said softly. “Kevin’s academics are the priority right now. They have to be.”

            “Fine!” Danny sulked, looking away.  An awkward silence passed and then Danny got up and made his way to the door.  “You guys are making a huge mistake!” he groused, glowering at his brothers once more as he opened it.  “Huge!” he repeated, and he stepped into the hallway, shutting the door hard behind him.  Even then, Steve and Ryan had each wondered privately if their little brother might be right.  Now, they knew that he had been.

 

File Three

 The Consequence

"A gentleman accepts the responsibility of his actions and bears the burden of their consequences."
- William Faulkner

 

"What is the point? We assume that every time we do anything we know what the consequences will be, i.e., more or less what we intend them to be. This is not only not always correct. It is wildly, crazily, stupidly, cross-eyed-blithering-insectly wrong!"

-Douglas Adams (The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide: Five Complete Novels and One Short Story)

 

            Fully showered and changed now, the three young men waited tensely in the coach’s office for him to return.  They said little and avoided one another’s eyes.  They were each privately preoccupied with their own thoughts, and Ryan and Steve especially were battling with the feelings of repentant guilt that overwhelmed them.  Finally, Coach Beckett entered. It had been considerably more than fifteen minutes by that time that the boys had been fretting.  He came in quietly and closed the door.  Danny and Ryan were sitting in the two chairs in front of the coach’s desk.  Steve was sitting in the chair against the wall behind them.  They all stood as the coach entered, but he waved them back to their seats, and Steve dragged his chair forward to sit beside his brothers.

            Without a word, or more than a glance in their direction, the coach threw his playbook on the desk, and hung his hat and jacket on the coat rack in the corner. Danny, Ryan, and Steve watched him tensely, and finally he turned to look at them.  He regarded them seriously as he sat in the chair behind his desk.  His anger was gone.  These were three of his favorite players, ever, both on and off the field.  Their skill on the field and their compassion and empathy for others off the field had from the beginning won them his admiration.  Not all the boys that made up his team had earned his respect the same way these three had; the same way the fraternity president’s brothers always did.

            Coach Beckett had been at the university a long time now, nearly twenty years, and he had seen countless numbers of boys come and go.  The finest of them were always the president’s brothers, and for years the coach had known why; that is, he had at least suspected, and never really wanted to admit to himself that he knew what went on at the end of the first semester every year in the Rho Beta Chi (Kigh) house.  Never before had he had occasion to question it, and it was just easier to close his eyes.  He sighed now as he looked at Danny, Ryan, and Steve.  “He’s the one isn’t he?” he asked quietly.

            The blood drained from Steve’s face, and he glanced at his two brothers.  Surely, the coach was not asking what he seemed to be asking.  “Sorry, Coach,” Steve replied tightly after a minute, “but who’s the one?”  His heart pounded.

            Danny and Ryan were looking pale again too now as the coach repeated, “Kevin.  Kevin’s the one isn’t he?”

            Steve swallowed hard.  “Sorry, Coach.  I still don’t get what you mean,” he replied trying to keep his voice steady. “Kevin’s the one, what?”

            “All right, now look! Let’s just cut the crap here!” the coach snapped impatiently.  “You know what I mean!” He glared steadily at them. “You all know EXACTLY what I mean! I know what goes on in that house!  I know how things are ‘handled.’ I’ve seen too many bruises in my many years coaching this team to doubt it!  I do not approve!” he stated emphatically as he continued to stare into the eyes of the three astounded young men.  “I do not approve, have not in the past approved, and will not approve in the future!”  He paused and Danny, Ryan, and Steve just stared at him in disbelieving horror.  “However,” he finally went on, “I have never before found any reason to question it either.  Never have the young men affected, in the long run, seemed worse for wear, and it is undeniable that in some cases lives have been literally pulled out of the toilet and turned around.  Young men who I feared in their freshmen year were destined for disaster have gone on to be Valedictorian and class president, and it would be unfair if I did not acknowledge that the beginning of the change was always traceable to whatever goes on in that house!  Never, however, have I ever had a kid miss practice for a week in a row because of that nonsense, and so help me if I find out that Kevin Kramer’s absence now is due to the amount of injury inflicted on him . . . .”

            “NO!” All three of the brothers responded, horrified, cutting the coach off.

            “You’ve got it wrong, Coach,” Steve repeated quietly.  “We would never hurt Kevin or do anything that wasn’t for his benefit, ultimately.  He just needs some time to sort things out.”

            The coach was quiet for a moment.  “I hope that’s the case,” he replied quietly.  “I certainly do hope so.  That being said, the team needs him! It’s been ten years since we’ve gotten this far, and we’re all relying on Kevin.” Kevin’s brothers were quiet for a moment, and the coach bit his lip.  What he had to do next, he did not want to do, but he felt he had no choice.  “I’m afraid, boys,” he began quietly at last, “that until I see some evidence that Kevin is ok, until he returns to practice and starts working out with the team once more, until that time, I’m afraid the three of you are done playing football for me.”

            “What!?” Danny exclaimed.  “Coach, that’s not fair! Please! Kevin is fine.  He’s going to be fine; he just needs some time.  Please don’t do this! Please! The Championship is two games away! If we lose this next game, we’re out! Coach, please!”

            “I’ve made up my mind, Danny,” Coach Beckett returned evenly.  “You boys may come to practice, you may change, but until Kevin is back on that field and I am certain he is ok, you will not step a single foot on the turf again.  When I am satisfied that Kevin is ok, I will review the situation and reconsider my position. If I am not convinced, shortly, however, that all is well, the ban from the team will be the least of your worries.  If Kevin Kramer is not back on the field within the week, I promise you, I will go to the college authorities and let them know my suspicions.”

            Steve, Danny, and Ryan gaped at him.  ‘Surely he wasn’t serious.’ But the coach’s expression promised them that he was indeed as serious as he could be.

            “It’s not fair!” Danny protested.

            “I’m sorry . . .,” Coach Beckett began.

“This sucks!” Danny slammed his hand on the desk and without waiting to be dismissed, shoved his chair back and headed for the door. 

            “Danny!” Ryan tried to call him back, but Danny was already gone.  Ryan looked quickly at the coach, wanting to be respectful, but worried about his little brother’s state of mind. 

            “Go on,” Coach Beckett authorized quietly, and swiftly Ryan followed his brother.

            “Sorry,” Steve offered softly when his brothers were gone.  “You know how Danny is about football.”

            “I know,” the coach responded compassionately.  After all, football was his life too.  The fraternity president and the coach continued to eye one another for a moment, understanding one another’s position even if they didn’t agree with one another.  Sometimes, being in charge meant making unpopular decisions and doing things you didn’t want to do. “Go on,” Coach Beckett said finally, “your brothers need you.”  Steve nodded and without a word or a backward glance, he made his way to the door.

 

                    

File Four

The Melt Down

 

“What Strange Creatures Brothers Are.”

-Jane Austen

 

            “Can I come in?” Ryan asked softly.  The door to Danny’s room (where Kevin was currently staying) was ajar, and Danny stood motionless in the middle of the room.  He did not respond to Ryan or acknowledge him in any way.  Without waiting for an invitation, Ryan quietly moved further into the room and saw, as he came up behind his little brother that Danny was holding what looked like several little pieces of torn paper in his hands. “What have you got there . . .?” Ryan started, but as Danny turned to face him he recognized with horror what those pieces of paper had been. “Oh, Dan,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” Danny’s face crumpled, and Ryan folded his arms around him, holding him tight.  “I’m sorry, Bud! I’m so sorry!”

            “He hates me!” Danny sobbed, burying his face on Ryan’s shoulder as he clutched the pieces of the torn picture tighter.  It was his favorite picture of himself and Kevin, taken after their first win this year. 

            “He doesn’t hate you,” Ryan assured quietly.  “He is angry, hurt, and frustrated and you are the closest person to him.”  Danny just continued to sob.  “Do you have the negatives?” Ryan whispered.  Danny barely nodded against his shoulder and Ryan breathed an inward sigh of relief. “I was going to suggest that you take that picture out, but we got busy with all the other stuff and I forgot.  He’s just lashing out, Danny.  He’ll get over it.  You’ll see.”  Danny just continued to cling to him and Ryan held him, letting his chin drop to the top of his little brother’s head.  “Come on,” he said quietly after a minute when Danny had still not calmed down, “get the negatives and come with me.  I want to show you something.”  At first Danny did not respond and Ryan squeezed his shoulder, holding him for another minute before he prodded gently, “Come on, Bro.”  Finally, Ryan’s patient, calm authority penetrated Danny’s grief, and, taking a deep breath, he dutifully pulled away from his brother and made his way over to his desk.

            His shoulders heaved as he searched through the bottom right hand drawer, but he found the waterproof container that contained all his negatives, took the box in his hand, and turned to face Ryan once more, starting to sob harder again as he encountered the warm comprehending expression on his big brother’s face.  “It’s all right,” Ryan encouraged, moving quickly to put his arm around him.  “Come on.” He gently took the box from Danny’s hand and guided him from the room, closing the door softly behind them, and steering his little brother towards the room they were currently sharing down the hall.  He took his hand off Danny’s shoulder just long enough to dig his key out of his pocket and open the door.  He then nudged his brother inside and gently pushed the door shut behind them.  Danny made instantly for his bed, throwing himself down and burying his face.  He was still clutching the pieces of the picture Kevin had torn, and Ryan sighed. 

            Silently, he contemplated his little brother as he set the box of negatives on his desk.  He opened the top drawer and slowly withdrew a worn and tattered picture of his own.  Wistfully, he smiled down at it and then, keeping it in his hand, he approached the bed where Danny lay clutching the pillows. He sat down next to him and wordlessly, without looking up, Danny made room for him. 

            “I have something to show you,” Ryan gently repeated his earlier assertion. 

            “What is it?” Danny demanded petulantly.

            “Well you have to look, dingwit!” Ryan chided affectionately. Reluctantly, Danny did so, and Ryan held the picture up so he could see.

            “Yeah, so?” Danny questioned bitterly.  “What’s so special about that? It’s the same stupid picture you have in the frame over there on the desk. The same one I have too . . .”

            “Look closer,” Ryan encouraged. 

            Danny brushed in frustration at his cheeks, but he did as his brother requested, trying hard to see the picture through his blurry eyes.  “I don’t get it!” he protested.  “I mean, it’s a great picture, but what’s the big deal?”

            Ryan stared at him in disbelief.  “You really don’t remember, do you?”

            “Remember what?” Danny demanded.

            “Look again,” Ryan urged.    

            “Come on, Ry! Just tell me! I really don’t want to play this game right now!”

            “I can’t believe it!”  Ryan couldn’t help laughing.  “You don’t remember! You ripped my heart right out of my chest, and you really don’t remember a thing!”

            “What are you talking about?!” Danny cried again in exasperation. 

            “You tore this up in front of me, Danny!”

            “I did?” Danny looked confused.

            “Yes,” Ryan laughed again.  “See the tape?” Danny looked closer and finally saw where all the torn and ragged edges were lovingly placed back together in the very best repair job a roll of scotch tape could do. “You threw one holy fit! Told me you hated me (that was actually the nicest thing you said), you ripped the picture right off the wall where I had taped it and tore it into as many tiny pieces as it would go! You scattered them on the floor, told me you’d never speak to me again and then stomped out of the room.  I was still crawling around on the floor an hour later, trying to find every last piece when Steve finally found me.  He helped me put the picture back together.  Thank God I was able to  save it because it is a good picture, and I didn’t even have the negatives. I had to take this one to a photo shop and have it copied. I can’t believe you don’t remember,” he finished quietly.” Danny turned his face back into the pillow.   He was quieter now, but he was still crying and clutching the pieces of his own torn picture.

            “Let me see, Bud,” Ryan laid the picture of himself and Danny on the bed and gently took the pieces of torn photo from Danny’s hand.  His brow furrowed slightly as he tried to piece it together on the bed in front of him.  Finally, however, he smiled a little.  “It’s not that bad, Dan,” he assured quietly.  “We can put it back together.”

            “Who cares?!” Danny sobbed.  “I can always redevelop the picture, but what’s the point? He hates me! All I was going to do was talk to him! See if I could get him to come back, you know? But he wasn’t even there! I was going to just leave him a note and then I found those on the floor! I know he hates me, Ryan! I know he does! Maybe if I leave the team, he’ll come back!”

            “And how is that going to solve anything?” Ryan asked quietly.

            “The team will win their game.  The Bulldogs will be champions.  Kevin will be a hero.  He’ll be happy . . . .”

            “Stop it!” Ryan snapped in a tone of such uncharacteristic severity that Danny raised his head from the pillows to look at him. “Do you really believe that the team will win without you, or even that we’d want to?” Danny shrugged, still swiping at his tears. “This is your team, Dan! Kevin is my brother too and I care about him. I want him to come out of this snit he’s in as much as anybody, but if I had to choose there would be no contest! Your leaving the team will not solve anything . . . .”

            “I don’t know what to do, Ryan! I just don’t know what to do!” Danny sobbed in frustration, placing his face back down in the pillows. 

            Ryan placed a hand on his back. “It’s going to be ok, Danny,” he whispered. “You’ll see . . . .” At that moment there was a knock on the door.  “Who is it?” Ryan called. 

            “It’s me,” the quiet voice stated from the other side of the door.  Feeling relieved, Ryan gathered the pieces of Danny’s picture in his hand and then got up to open the door.  Steve entered unceremoniously, taking in the scene without comment as he closed the door behind him.  Ryan showed him the pieces of picture and Steve took them in his hand, biting his lip to keep back the slight smirk that played at the corners of his mouth as he tried to piece them together.  Finally he looked up again at his little brother. “What goes around comes around, eh?” he intimated in a tone Danny was unlikely to hear.   Ryan didn’t respond, and after a moment Steve made his way over to the bed.  With a delighted little laugh, Steve picked up the other picture as he sat down and he looked at Ryan once more. “You saved it huh? Good call,” he commented wryly.

            “He doesn’t remember,” Ryan returned a little sheepishly.

            “No?” Steve chuckled.  “You don’t remember, Dan?” He turned to look at his other little brother who still had his face buried in the pillows.  “You nearly broke Ryan’s heart,” he laughed again.  “I could have killed you.  We had to find every piece of the damn picture before he’d settle down at all . . . .”  Danny’s sobs became louder, and Steve stopped.  He and Ryan were enjoying the memory but it was clearly not bringing the intended comfort to their younger brother.  His own heartbreak was  still too fresh.  “Come on, Little Bro,” Steve started again tenderly, placing a hand on the back of Danny’s head, “we’re going to get through this.  I promise.”

            “What if we don’t?!”

            “We will!” Steve and Ryan assured in unison. 

            “But now I can’t even play football!” Danny countered.  “That’s the only thing that was getting me through! God this is torture!”

            “I know,” Steve sighed sympathetically.  “I know it is.  But it’s temporary.  It’s all temporary.  Kevin’s going to get over this.  He’s going to go back to the team,  he’ll still look up to you, still want and need your guidance, probably more than ever before, and the moment Kevin is back you know Coach will put us back on the field.  I mean come on, Dan . . . .  Who does the man think he’s kidding? He wants this Championship.  He wants it bad! And he needs us all out there to make it happen.  This whole business about ‘reconsidering his position,’ is a bunch of bull crap if you ask me! He can’t win without his star quarterback and he knows it!” Danny was still sobbing into the pillows and it was hard to tell if Steve’s words were really having an effect or not.  Just then there was another knock at the door, and Ryan, who was still standing helplessly beside it, turned to open it. 

            “Hey Man,” Sean said through the crack as Ryan peered out at him.  “Is everything ok?” Ryan shook his head slightly.  “What’s going on?” Sean asked worriedly.

            “Hang on,” Ryan returned softly.  He shut the door again briefly and turned to his brothers. “Sean wants to know what’s going on . . .,” he started quietly.

            “No!” Danny protested, his cheeks warming.

            “I think we should tell him, Dan,” Ryan replied gently.

            “So do I,” Steve agreed in the same undertone.

            “God! Does my opinion ever fucking count around here anymore?!” Danny cried.

            “Of course it does,” Ryan replied quietly as he and Steve exchanged guilty glances once more.

            “They’re going to find out sooner or later anyway, Danny,” Steve pointed out as gently as possible.  “I’d rather answer the question once for Sean and let him and Jesse handle things than have to answer it over and over again for everybody else tonight.  Don’t you think?” He moved his hand from his brother’s hair to his back as he tried to calm him down.  He and Ryan would rather keep the news of the suspension to themselves too, after all, but that just wasn’t realistic. 

            “Ok! Fine!” Danny retorted.  “God this sucks!”  He knew his brothers were right, but this was all just a little too much to deal with right now; he couldn’t help feeling resentful.  Steve continued to talk softly to him as Ryan opened the door once more and slipped out.

            “So, what’s going on, Man?” Sean repeated as soon as Ryan stepped into the hallway and closed the door.

            Ryan paled.  Reality was just beginning to sink in.  He loved football too, after all, and to be suspended from the team was a blow he had not anticipated in his wildest imagination.  He looked around the hallway where fortunately nobody else happened to be at the moment.  Most of the exhausted players, having returned from practice now, were lounging in the common room or crashed out in their rooms, recovering.  It had been a hard practice.  “Where’s Jess?”  Ryan asked in a low voice, returning his eyes to those of his best friend. 

            “He and Pat are still with Alex and James,” Sean replied, his voice deepening now in concern.  “Anderson was pretty hard on them.”

            “Is there anybody in your room?” Sean shared his room with Ryan’s other best friend, Andy, and people were always coming and going.  Now, Sean shook his head. 

            “I don’t think so,” he replied.  “Ryan, tell me what’s going on.”

            “Let’s talk in your room,” Ryan responded. 

            “Ok,” he agreed anxiously.  He led the way down the hall and taking his key from his pocket, opened the door to his somewhat cramped and messy room, stepping back to let Ryan pass in before him.  He followed and shut the door, watching his friend quietly as Ryan made his way over to his desk, and began fidgeting with some of the miscellaneous little toys that sat on the top.

            “Cute,” Ryan said finally, picking up the bobble head of the great New England Patriots Linebacker, Tedy Bruschi, that Sean’s girlfriend had recently given him, and turning to face his best friend.

            “Yeah,” Sean acknowledged wryly.  “Come on, Ry,” he coaxed, “spill it.  What did Coach say?”  Ryan looked down again at the toy, playing absently with the head as he tried to form the words that were so difficult to say.

            “He suspended us,” he said quietly at last, turning to set the doll back on the desk as tears welled in his eyes.

            “WHAT!?” Sean cried.  “What do you mean he suspended you?”

            “I mean just what I sound like I mean,” Ryan whispered, still unable to meet Sean’s eyes. “He suspended us.”

            “All three of you?!” Sean questioned incredulously, and Ryan nodded.  “FOR WHAT?!”

            “He suspects, or actually he just about as good as knows, what goes on in our mandatory meetings every year.  He figured out that Kevin was ‘THE ONE’ this year and he’s worried since Kevin hasn’t been at practice that he might be seriously hurt . . . .” Ryan’s voice trailed off as he finally looked up and saw the expression on his friend’s face.

            “Jesus!” Sean exclaimed, sitting on his bed and placing his head in his hands.  An awkward silence passed.

            Finally, Ryan went on, “Coach told us we ‘Are done playing football for him,’ until Kevin is back on the field and he’s sure he’s ok.  Then he will, ‘Reassess the situation,’”  Ryan pronounced sullenly.  “Not only that,” he continued, gratified by Sean’s outraged expression, “if Kevin does not return to the team by the end of the week Coach is going to go to the dean with his suspicions about the discipline!”

            “Oh, shit!” Sean exclaimed again.

            “Yeah,” Ryan agreed.

            “Sorry, Man!” Sean didn’t really know what else to say; he was still trying to get past his own shock. “Are you doin’ ok?”  Ryan shrugged and avoided his friend’s eyes once more as Sean looked up at him. “How are Danny and Steve?” Sean asked, quickly changing the subject.

            “Not good,” Ryan’s voice cracked, and he was unable to hold back any longer as tears started to streak his face. “Well, Steve’s all right,” he corrected himself, “but Danny’s taking it really hard.  He came back here to try and talk to Kevin and found his favorite picture of the two of them in pieces on the floor, so you can imagine . . . .”

            “Oh, yeah!  I can imagine all right!” Sean remarked angrily. “I think that’s just about enough of this horseshit!” He rose from the bed and moved once more towards the door.

            “Sean, wait!” Ryan cried, alarmed by Sean’s unusual burst of temper.  “Where are you going?”

            “To find Kevin,” he replied.  “Somebody’s got to talk some sense into that kid!”  Ryan grabbed Sean’s arm just as he was about to open the door and Sean looked at him, meeting his friend’s tear filled eyes head on now.

            “Go easy on him, Sean,” Ryan pleaded.  “He’s just really mixed up right now.”

            “I know,” Sean replied.  “I know he is, but he’s got to understand that this is much bigger than him now.  He has responsibilities to the team, and he is letting everybody down.  I know it’s hard, Ry, and I know he’s been through a lot, but he’s got to be made to understand that his actions affect others.  Don’t worry,” he remarked drolly as he looked into Ryan’s anxious face, “it’s not as if I’m taking the paddle with me or anything.”

            “I know,” Ryan smirked a little despite himself.  This was, among other reasons, why Sean was his friend; he never failed to make him laugh in even the darkest of moments. “This whole thing has just been so rough on all of us,” he met Sean’s eyes again, and Sean squeezed his arm. 

            “Hang in there, Man,” he encouraged, “you guys will get through this.  You always do,” he reminded. Ryan tried a smile that came out more as a grimace, and Sean squeezed his arm again before stepping into the hallway. Ryan followed, pulling the door firmly shut, and making his way quietly  back to his own room and his brothers, leaving his friend to start his determined search for Kevin.

 

File Five

The Search

 

"Failing to fetch me at first, keep encouraged. Missing me one place, search another. I stop somewhere waiting for you."
-Walt Whitman (Leaves of Grass)

 

 

            “Yeah?”

            The tone that reached Sean’s ears was clearly irritated and Sean grinned despite himself, feeling just a twinge of guilt as he opened the door to the room his youngest brother usually shared with Kevin. James HAD been through a rough time at practice today.  It was little wonder if he didn’t want to be disturbed right now, but this was an important conversation, and there was no help for it. “Hey,” Sean stuck his head around the door, and almost laughed at the sight that met his eyes, his guilt dissipating quickly.  James was propped up in his bed, the pillows fluffed behind him, the covers pulled carefully over him.  The remote to the TV and the controls to his Play Station II sat on the nightstand beside him.  “May I enter, your Highness?” Sean quipped.

            “Don’t give me a hard time, Sean,” James grumbled.  “Anderson nearly killed me today!”

            “Sorry, Man,” Sean smirked as he stepped in and closed the door.  “Where’s Jess?”

            “He went to make me a sandwich,” James replied, huffing a little at the expression of delighted disbelief on Sean’s face. 

            “Come on, Bro. When are you going to let him off the hook?” Sean laughed.  “That poor boy’s going to worry himself to death,” he simpered again and James shrugged, his brows knitting into a truculent pout.

            Kevin had not been the only one to get a somewhat bruised and aching bottom out of the mandatory meeting that had occurred just over a week ago now.  James had been summoned by Steve the day after to pay the consequences for jumping Danny and Ryan.  Jesse, as James’ big brother, had gone with him.  As the infraction had been serious, the consequences too had been severe.  Steve had been stern and James had received ten smart smacks of the fraternity paddle on his bare bottom while Jesse had held his arms to keep him from reaching.  The whole thing had been very hard on both of them, obviously, but Sean knew it had nearly killed Jesse.  James knew it too and was still working his big brother’s conscience, milking the situation for all it was worth.

            “What are you doing here?” James asked grumpily.  He loved his older brother but it was harder for him to manipulate Jesse when Sean was around.

            Sean’s expression became serious.  “I need your help with something, Bud,” he returned quietly.

            “You need my help?” James perked up a little. This was an occasion.  Sean was seeking HIS help.  “With what?” 

            “Do you know why Kevin hasn’t been going to practice?” Sean asked quietly.

            James’ brow darkened again and he hunched further down in bed.  “Who the hell knows?” he returned bitterly.  “I think it’s because he doesn’t want people, especially Mcarthy, to see his butt,” he snorted. 

            “Is that the only reason?” Sean asked.

            James shrugged again.  “He might be a little pissed off at Danny,” he acknowledged tentatively. “Why are you asking?”

            “Where would he be now if he’s not studying?” Sean asked.

            “Why don’t you ask his brothers?” James groused.  “They know about every last piss break he’s going to be taking between now and the end of the semester!”

            “Well, I’m not asking them,” Sean returned shortly.  “I am asking you.”

            “Why do you want to know?” James demanded; his guard was fully up now.

            Just then Jesse returned with James’ sandwich. “Hey,” he acknowledged his big brother as he entered without knocking and made his way to the bed with the plate.  He looked from his little brother to his big brother as he handed James his food.  James took the plate without saying anything.  He was glaring at Sean now.  “What’s going on?” Jesse inquired softly.

            Neither James nor Sean answered and James dropped his eyes to his sandwich, fiddling with the edges of the neatly cut, crustless bread.  “Aww, Jess!” he scowled. “I hate tuna!”

            “You do?” Jesse questioned in dismay.  “I didn’t know that.  Here, I’ll get you something else . . . .” Jesse started to take the plate, but Sean intervened.

            “No! Now, James, that is enough!” he insisted.  “You are not an invalid.  If you don’t want tuna then you can go downstairs and get something else . . . .  Not now, though!” he added as James looked ready to do just that if only to get away from his older brother.  “Right now, I have something I have to tell both of you, something serious.”

            Jesse paled and James settled back into the pillows, crossing his arms in front of him and trying to appear like his curiosity was not piqued. “Does it have something to do with Danny and Ryan?” Jesse asked anxiously, sitting down next to James.  He had been worried about their friends, but he had been even more worried about his little brother, so he had not accompanied Sean on his mission to seek Danny and Ryan out after practice.

            “Yes,” Sean returned quietly. “It does concern them and Steve too.”

            “Who cares about Steve!?” James griped.  Frankly, he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about Danny and Ryan either. As far as he was concerned, they were just as responsible as the president for his sore bottom (he was only just beginning to sit really comfortably again).  He didn’t dare express these feelings in front of his brothers, however; he had to content himself instead with somewhat cheap shots at Steve wherever he could get them in.  These,

at least, his brothers could understand.  They ignored him now as they locked eyes.

            “What did Coach say?” Jesse barely breathed.

            “He suspended them,” Sean returned just as quietly.

            “WHAT!?” Jesse lost all remaining color from his face, and even James seemed somewhat disconcerted, shifting uncomfortably next to his brother. “All three of them?”  Sean nodded.  “Why?”

            “He knows, apparently, about the meetings we have every year.  He figured out what happened to Kevin, and is worried because he hasn’t been coming to practice.  He’s given Ryan, Danny, and Steve an ultimatum:  If Kevin’s not back on the field by the end of the week not only are Danny, Ryan, and Steve off the team, but Coach is going to bring his concerns to the dean.”

            “Oh, Shit!” Jesse exclaimed.

            “That,” Sean looked back at his now ashen younger brother, “is why I am looking for Kevin.”

            James met Sean’s eyes and swallowed.  He might be pissed at Kevin’s brothers right now, but he certainly would not have wished that on any of them, not even Steve. “He might be working out,” he responded meekly.

            “I thought he didn’t want anyone to see his butt,” Sean scoffed.

            “He’s been using the general facilities instead of the team facilities and I think he’s been changing before he goes, or maybe in the bathroom or something . . . .”

            “Ok, kid,” Sean replied affectionately, feeling sorry that he had been so snappish earlier. “Thank you, you’ve been very helpful.” Was it really such a surprise, after all, if Danny, Ryan, and Steve were not topping his little brother’s list of favorite people at the moment? Sean grinned a little again as he turned towards the door.

            “Want me to come?” Jesse piped up quietly.

            “No,” Sean looked back at his other little brother as he opened the door.  “I think it would be better for me to have a little one on one time with our young friend,” he responded, his hand on the doorknob.

            “You’re not going to yell at him, are you?” James asked timidly.

            “No, Bud,” Sean reassured gently, “I’m not going to yell at him.”

            “Well, don’t tell him I told you where to find him,” James replied.

            “I won’t,” Sean chuckled. 

            “Is Danny in his room?” Jesse asked just as his brother was leaving.

            “Yeah,” Sean responded softly, “but you might want to give him some time.  Steve and Ryan are with him.  Kevin ripped up that picture he’s so proud of . . . .”

            “Oh, no he didn’t! That little shit!” Jesse interjected. Sean and James both gave him a look and Jesse scowled.  “Sorry!” he remarked.  “But I mean really! He didn’t have to do that!”

            “Yeah,” James acknowledged sorrowfully.  “I don’t know why he would do that.  I didn’t think he was that mad.” He could never imagine being mad enough at Jesse to do something like that, and he almost felt sorry for Danny, almost.

            “He’ll come round,” Sean replied.  “See you guys later,” he said and he stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him.  Kevin would come round, he was confident, with or without him, but he intended to speed up the process a little.  He headed for his own room, grabbed his gym bag and made his way out of the house towards the Saber Bend University Gym facilities.  He shifted his bag on his shoulder and sighed as he walked.  The last thing he really wanted to do after this morning’s practice was to work out again, but Ryan was his best friend and Sean would do anything he

could to help repair this terrible situation.  For Ryan, Sean would do anything.

File Six

 The Talk

 

"The real leader has no need to lead. He is content to point the way."
- Henry Miller

 

            “Mind if I join you?” Sean asked quietly and Kevin shrugged, scowling to show his displeasure. He was lying flat on his back on the bench press and Sean noted that he was lifting without a spotter. ‘Danny would freak out!’ he thought wryly. He was wearing his running shorts now and a fresh t-shirt.  He had picked out a couple of free weights well within his limit, mostly to look like he was doing something. After this morning’s work out he didn’t dare try anything serious.  His arms were already screaming in complaint.  He stood just behind Kevin now and a little to the side, and for a while they continued lifting without speaking. Conveniently, the weight room was very nearly empty. It was the middle of the day, and, being near the end of the semester and exam time, most everyone was cramming. Besides Sean and Kevin, there were only two other people in the room, and they were at the far end.  Sean was aware how sensitive this subject was likely to be and had there been more people he might have tried to coax Kevin into taking a walk; as it was, however, now seemed like as good a time as any. “We’ve missed you at practice recently,” he started carefully at last.  He waited for a minute, but got no response and Kevin showed no interest in the conversation.  ‘At least he’s lifting well under his limit,’ Sean mused still thinking about the lack of a spotter.  “How come you haven’t been coming?” he asked finally.

            “Don’t know,” Kevin shrugged, letting the weights rest on the bar for a moment.  “I’m just busy I guess, trying to pass everything, stay up with the studying!  Besides, I’m not supposed to be doing anything fun! Remember?”

            “Your brothers didn’t mean practice and you know it!” Sean replied shortly.  “In fact that was supposed to be on your schedule!”

            “Oh, well excuse me for not obeying every single command set by my three lords and masters!  I’ve done every other fucking thing they wanted me to do, so I don’t know what their problem is!”

            “They do not have a problem, Kevin! They are content to let things go and happy that you’re putting time into your classes.”

            “Well, what are you doing here, then?!”  Kevin demanded. 

            “I’m here to find out what’s going on with you,” Sean admitted quietly, “but they didn’t send me.”

            “Well, who did?!  And how’d you find me, anyway?! Did James tell you where I was?”

            “No, James did not tell me.  I just had a hunch . . . .”

            “Yeah, right!”

            “ . . . and nobody sent me.  I’m here on my own.”

            “Why? What do you care?”

            “What do you mean, ‘What do I care?’” Sean returned.  “The team needs you, Kev! Don’t you know that?” Kevin was silent now as he continued lifting, but Sean could see he was getting to him.  He waited another moment and then tried again.  “Come on, Kev, why aren’t you coming to practice?”  There was still no answer as Kevin pretended to be concentrating really hard on his lifting.  “Is it because you’re embarrassed?”  Sean pushed gently.  There was another pause.  “Don’t be embarrassed, Kev‘bo,” he went on quietly.  “Most of us have been there at one time or another.  No one’s going to say anything, and if they do, they’re going to find themselves in hot water . . . .”

            “I just don’t want to go, Sean! Ok?” Kevin cried, tears welling in his eyes.  Sean was quiet for a moment.

            “Well, it may not be about what you want, anymore, Kevin,” he replied softly at last.  “You have made a commitment to the team, and by skipping practice you are letting everybody down!”

            “Like anybody really gives a shit!” Kevin snapped.

            “We all give a shit, Kevin!” Sean retorted, really feeling angry for the first time.  “Did you even know we lost last week?”

            “Yeah, so?” Kevin returned crisply.

            “You don’t care?” Sean demanded. Kevin shrugged. “We almost lost, yesterday, too, you know, Kev’bo.”

            “Oh, please!” Kevin snorted.  “Like that really would have happened!  Losses fire Danny up! He never loses two in a row!” Sean quickly dropped his free weights on the floor and sat on the bench next to Kevin’s.  The next time Kevin lifted the weight Sean took it from him and set it back on its bar.  “What the hell are you doing?!” Kevin screeched.

            “Sit up!” Sean commanded.

            “What?”

            “Sit up and look at me!” Sean repeated, and Kevin did so, responding automatically to the authoritative tone in Sean’s voice.

            “Ok! What?!” he sulked as Sean peered intently into his eyes. 

            “I did not want to tell you, Kevin,” Sean started quietly, “and I’m sure your brothers would not want you to know, but clearly you do not understand how serious this is . . . .” Kevin’s stomach knotted at the solemn tone of Sean’s voice.  Sean was one of the most laid back people he knew.  Things rarely seemed to get to him.  “Your brothers have been suspended from the team,” Sean went on finally and all the color drained from Kevin’s face.

            “What?!” he exclaimed softly.  “Why?”

            “Because Coach is worried about your ass!” Sean replied sardonically.

            “For real?” Kevin demanded irritably. “How does Coach know anything about my ass?”

            “Well he’s had his suspicions for years, apparently, about the way discipline is handled in the house.  He’s seen his share of bruises I guess and he figured out based on past experience what happened to you.  He’s worried you might really be hurt,” Sean scoffed.  “He told Danny, Ryan, and Steve that they are done playing football for him until you’re back on the field and he can see that you’re ok.” Kevin sat for a minute, stunned, as he tried to absorb all that Sean was saying. “This Championship means a lot to all of us, Kev,” Sean went on quietly after a minute. “We haven’t gotten there in ten years.  Even so, it doesn’t mean as much as you do, certainly not to your brothers or to Coach! This is his big chance, you know, to reclaim some glory for the Bulldogs, but we’re in this position largely because of you . . . and Danny,” he added quietly.  “It’s the way you guys work together!”  Kevin looked away and bit his lip.  “Coach wants this win, Man! He wants it bad! But it doesn’t mean anything if you’re not out there with us!  We need you, Kev! We all need you!” 

            “It’s just so hard right now, Sean!” Kevin choked.  “Going back in that locker room, changing in front of everybody, it will just bring it all back! They’ll all be staring! I know it!  Especially Mcarthy! I know Mcarthy’s going to say something!”

            “No he won’t,” Sean replied with certainty, his brow darkening, and finally Kevin looked back at him.  “I promise,” Sean whispered.  Tears slipped quietly onto Kevin’s cheeks and he brushed at them in frustration as Sean leaned forward and placed a hand on his shoulder.  “Mcarthy is not going to fuck with you!” he whispered again.  “Danny and Ryan will kill him for sure if he does.”  Kevin was chewing his lip hard now in an effort to force the tears back.  “You should talk to Danny, Kid,” Sean encouraged.  “He knows what you’re going through.”

            “How can he?” Kevin replied, wiping desperately once more at his cheeks.  “Everybody keeps saying that, but how can he know?” 

            A tiny smile pulled at the corners of Sean’s mouth. “I think he’d tell you that now, Kev’bo, if you asked him, but you’re going to have to talk to him.”

            “I can’t Sean! I’m not ready . . . .”

            “Look, Kev,” Sean cut him off, “what goes on between you and Danny is your business.  I am not going to tell you what you should or should not do there, but the team is another story.  You’ve got responsibilities, Man! You understand?” Kevin swallowed and nodded as he met Sean’s eyes once more.  “I know it’s hard, Bud,” Sean whispered.  “Believe me, I know! Just think about it, though, Ok?” Danny’s younger brother nodded again and Sean squeezed his shoulder.  He then got up, collected his free weights and placed them back where they belonged.  “See you back at the house, all right?” He turned to Kevin again and his heart wrenched at the expression on the kid’s face.  One more time Kevin nodded and Sean turned for the locker room, his gut twisting as he heard Danny’s little brother burst into sobs behind him.

 

File Seven

The Admonishment

 

"It takes a long time to bring excellence to maturity.”
-Publilius Syrus

 

“The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts.”

-Charles Darwin

 

            The week that followed Sean’s talk with Kevin was brutal on all the members of the South Bend University Bulldogs.  Everyday, Sean, Ryan, and Jesse looked hopefully for Kevin and everyday, they were disappointed.  They had decided it would be best not to tell either Steve or Danny about Sean’s undertaking.  Danny would be heartbroken, they knew, if things didn’t work out and Steve, well Steve just had enough other worries on his mind.

            Coach Beckett became more and more irate each day that Kevin’s absence continued.  The Championship was breathing down his neck now and none of his stars were playing; Danny, Ryan, and Steve were forced to sit on the bench day after day watching miserably as the coach vented his growing anxiety and rage on their teammates. 

            Now, it was the morning of the last big game before the Championship and still there had been no sign of Coach Beckett’s star rookie either in the locker room or in the house.  On rare occasions, Kevin’s three brothers or some of their friends glimpsed him as he came in or went out, but he kept to himself most of the time, staying in his room, and only admitting James or, occasionally, Alex. Jesse tried to press his little brother for information, but James was maintaining a stubborn silence, and things were starting to look desperate. 

            The mood in the locker room as the players drifted in was one of gloom and despair.  They had worked hard all year and they were a good team, but their record was not stellar.  Now, every game was critical.  Each time they played, they faced the possibility of sudden death, and they had come closer to losing last week than any of them liked to think about, even with Danny, Ryan, and Steve in the game.  Without any of their stars  . . . well some of them felt like the game wasn’t even worth playing.  Everyone went quietly about their own activities, nobody spoke, and the silence that hung in the air was oppressive.

            Danny was changed already.  He had arrived early, long before anyone else, in the hopes that he could talk to Coach Beckett, and make him change his mind.   He had seen the coach, but his plea had fallen on deaf ears. Now, he sat miserably on the bench in front of his locker, replaying the conversation in his mind and devising a new plan of attack.

            Steve and Ryan entered, and exchanged glances as they took in their brother’s hunched shoulders and morose expression.  Ryan dropped his bag on the floor and sat on the bench beside him.  Steve made his way to his own locker, giving Danny’s shoulder a squeeze as he passed.

            “No luck, I take it, huh?” Ryan questioned softly.  He and Steve had known of Danny’s intentions, but had not banked a whole lot on his success and so Ryan was not surprised now when Danny shook his head.  “I’m sorry, Bro,” he brought his hand up to his little brother’s shoulder, but Danny didn’t respond, and Ryan didn’t know what else to say.

            It must be said now that in the midst of the generally downcast locker room, there were those who were having at least a little fun.  Gregg Mcarthy was as worried about the game as anyone; this was his moment to shine.  It was late in the year, however, and for that matter a little too late in his career to hope that one game might make a difference for him come Draft time.  Consequently, the majority of his pleasure now came, not so much from his own opportunity, but from the knowledge that he was stealing Danny’s spotlight.

            Nonchalantly, he propped his foot on the bench between the two brothers. “The kid’s really coming through for you, huh, Danny?” he sneered as he pulled up his sock and tied his shoe.  Danny ignored him, but Ryan shoved his foot roughly off the bench before bending to unzip his bag. Gregg, however, was not about to let this go yet.  He placed his other foot on the bench and pretended he was adjusting his sock as Ryan turned to glare at him.  “All those hours you spent with him,” Gregg continued tauntingly, “all the guidance, all the advice, all the chances you gave him . . .  they’re really paying off aren’t they?” 

            Danny pressed his hand to his head, and Ryan shoved Gregg’s leg harder this time causing him to stumble back as he lost his balance.  “Get the fuck out of here, Mcarthy!” Danny’s big brother fumed.  He was not in the best mood himself.  Changing into a uniform that would never see the first bit of grass or dirt today was a depressing prospect, and it was killing him to look at his younger brother. Every bit of the fire and passion that made Danny who he was, was gone, and Ryan felt helpless. This was something he could do; if he couldn’t get Danny back on the field, he could at least get Mcarthy off his back.

            “You got something to bring?” Gregg leered as Ryan got to his feet.  “Come on then, bring it!” he challenged.

            “You think I won’t?” Ryan snapped.

            “I’d be surprised if you had the guts,” Gregg baited.

            Steve came out of nowhere in a half state of dress.  He was just in time to intercept Ryan.  Firmly, he pushed his little brother back as Gregg and his friends snickered. Jesse and Sean watched the scene from across the locker room, their hearts in their mouths.  It was only when they saw that Steve really had the situation under control that they began to breathe again.  “Calm down,” Steve commanded his brother firmly.

            “But Steve . . .,” Ryan protested.

            “Let it go!” Steve repeated in his most authoritative voice, and Ryan pursed his lips.

            “It’s not fair,” he complained.

            “I’ll handle it,” Steve assured him quietly.  “But first you have to calm down, all right?” Ryan glared unhappily in Gregg’s direction.  “I mean it, Ry,” Steve cautioned.  “Let me handle it.” Finally, Steve saw Ryan’s jaw line relax and felt the tension in his body begin to dissipate.  “It’s all right,” he soothed as Ryan sought his eyes.  “You ok?”  Finally, Ryan nodded, hanging his head, and Steve squeezed his shoulder.

            “Well, well, well, big brother to the rescue . . . ,” Gregg started, but Steve was done playing now and Gregg yipped loudly as the fraternity president whirled around and grabbed him forcefully by the arm, twisting it back and forcing Gregg  to bend. 

            “I’ve had it Mcarthy!” he admonished sharply.  “This is where it stops!  I told you two weeks ago not to push me, and I meant it!” He lowered his voice and bent down to peer into Gregg’s agonized face.  “I will hold my brothers accountable once and only once for their behavior,” he warned in Gregg’s ear.  “If you continue to bait them, the next incident is on you.  Do you understand?”

            “Oww!” Gregg whimpered. Steve tightened his grip and Gregg grimaced.  “Ok!” he croaked.  “Oww! Let me go!” Finally, Steve did.  Gregg stood up and glared at him, rubbing his arm.  Steve just raised his eyebrows, waiting until Gregg had retreated to the other end of the locker room before turning back to Ryan. 

            Ryan evaded his eyes and Steve’s brows furrowed as he gazed at his little brother. He was already dreading the thought of the summons he knew he had no choice but to issue for both Danny and Ryan, and Ryan was digging himself deeper by the moment. His stomach tightened and he cringed as he thought of the conversation he knew he would now have to have with Matt.  Ryan’s continued rashness and disobedience was not something that Steve wanted to discuss any further with his own big brother (Matt was not likely to view this latest incidence of insubordination with a sympathetic eye).  Given the circumstances, however, his little brother’s tendency to react was a real problem, and Steve knew he needed his older brother’s advice, even if it was advice he didn’t want to hear.

            “Sorry,” Ryan muttered.  His face flushed and he hung his head again as Steve continued to look at him.

            Steve sighed.  “You’re going to be president next year, Ry,” he scolded softly.  “You can’t let things get to you that way. Mcarthy will be gone, but most of his followers will still be here, and Atchinson is just as bad (Kyle Atchinson was Gregg Mcarthy’s little brother).  There will always be at least one, Bud,” Steve cautioned.  Finally, Ryan met his eyes.  “Don’t let them get to you, ok?” Ryan nodded, and Steve swatted him lightly on his boxer clad butt as he returned to his own locker.  “Watch yourself, Kid,” he warned. 

 

File Eight

 The Reprieve

 

"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."

- Martin Luther King JR.

 

            Soberly, Steve and Ryan continued changing and at last the rest of the team members found their way to the locker room.  The drama that had taken place between Gregg and Ryan only deepened the silence. The atmosphere now was nearly unbearable for all of them.

            Fifteen minutes later, the door at the end of the hall that led to the coach’s office shut hard and everyone looked up expectantly.  Coach Beckett was ready to address the team.  A rash of whispering broke out as he appeared, spreading quickly and breaking the stifling silence, but it was not Coach they were all looking at; Kevin Kramer stood behind him. He was not in uniform, but he carried his bag on his shoulder. 

            Ryan nudged Danny and his little brother looked up.  He followed Ryan’s gaze and got to his feet, hopefully. Kevin looked his way and for the first time in over two weeks, the two brothers made full eye contact.   Silence descended once more as everyone waited to see what would happen. Kevin’s cheeks burned, and he shifted uneasily under all the attention. 

            “It’s good to have you back, Kid,” Danny ventured softly, trying to ease the way.  The silence intensified around him, and his stomach clenched.  “You going to play?” he managed finally. 

            Kevin bit hard on his lip, his eyes never leaving those of his older brother.  Finally, he nodded and the locker room erupted. The coach placed his hand on Kevin’s shoulder.  “Suit up, Kramer,” he commanded.

            “Yes, Sir,” Kevin responded, and tearing his eyes away from Danny’s, he turned to do as the coach had directed.

            Coach Beckett was doing his best to maintain his stoic, businesslike demeanor amidst the now otherwise jubilant locker room, but even he couldn’t help grinning as he looked now at the expectant faces of Kevin’s three brothers.  “All right, you three,” he addressed them gruffly, “go on out and warm up with the team.  You will be starting.”

            “Yes! Huhha!” Ryan whooped and clapped Danny on the back two seconds before Steve swept him off his feet.  “Hey!” he laughed as Steve whirled him around. “Put me down, you imbecile!”

            Danny hadn’t moved, and as Steve set Ryan down, both his brothers laughed at the stunned expression on his face.  Keeping his arm around Ryan, Steve hooked his arm around his other little brother’s neck and pulled him to him.  “I told you it would all work out,” he whispered tenderly.

            Danny tried to smile, but his eyes were still on Kevin and he found all of a sudden that he didn’t care as much about the game as he thought he had.  It meant nothing to him without his little brother.  Steve and Ryan followed his eyes.  “It’s going to be all right, Dan,” Steve whispered.  “I promise, ok?”

            Danny swallowed hard.  Kevin hadn’t looked back at him once since he had looked away.  “It’ll be ok, Bro,” Ryan echoed their older brother.  “Trust us! You’ll see!”

            “I know,” Danny did his best to sound more hopeful than he felt, and he had to laugh despite himself as the next moment Jesse bounced up to him.

            “We’re going to the Championship!!!!!!!!!” he screamed as he flung himself at his best friend. 

            “Take it easy, Jess,” Danny chuckled as his friend tried to lift him and teetered backwards under his weight.  “We haven’t won the game yet!”

            “But we will!” Jesse replied with genuine conviction and Steve and Ryan laughed too as Sean appeared and pulled his overly exuberant little brother off of Danny.  The next moment all their friends surrounded them and swept them into the now frenzied celebration.  Danny had time for only one quick glance back to where Kevin too was now surrounded by his own doting admirers and friends.

            The atmosphere of the locker room now was a stark contrast to the gloom of ten minutes before and the team that had been more ready for a funeral than a football game was now as fired up as anyone could ever hope. There was only one person not celebrating.  Gregg Mcarthy was sitting in the back corner alone, every bit as miserable now as Danny had been fifteen minutes earlier, but nobody noticed, not even Kyle. 

            Ten minutes later, Kevin was dressed (no one had commented on the meeting or his butt which was healing nicely), and all four brothers were pushed to the front of the pack as the team made their way onto the field where they were greeted by the deafening roar of the fans who loved them. Kevin was received especially well, having missed the last two games, and Danny was touched by the expression on his little brother’s face. “Welcome back, Bud,” he whispered again and tentatively he placed his hand on Kevin’s shoulder as they stood for a moment, looking up at the fans. Kevin stiffened slightly, but did not pull away and as small as the victory was, Danny took more hope from that moment than from all the reassurances his two older brothers had given him put together.

 

 

File Nine

 The Talk (Reiterated)

 

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."
-M. Scott Peck

 

 

            The game did not go particularly well.  The Bulldogs won it of course (Danny sure as hell wasn’t going to lose it), but it was hard fought and came down to a field goal in the end.  Kevin didn’t have as much to do with it as one might suppose either.  He had, after all, not practiced for over two weeks and the strain between him and Danny was evident.  He made a couple of good plays and gained some significant yards, but he did not score any touchdowns.

            Danny, in his excitement at the end of the game, tried to embrace him, but Kevin pushed him away.  “Kev . . .,” Danny started.

            “Don’t, Danny!” Kevin held up his hands as Danny approached him again and Danny stopped.  “Just . . .don’t . . .ok?” 

            Danny’s face fell.  “Kev, come on . . . .”

            “Just leave me alone, ok?” Kevin cautioned, backing away.  “Just leave me alone!” He turned quickly, shoving the unsuspecting camera men out of the way, and keeping his head down as he headed for the locker room.  Steve and Ryan, caught in the thick of the commotion themselves, had not seen the exchange, nor did they notice the affect it had on Danny as two seconds later they swept him back into the celebration, but someone had noticed, and that same someone followed Kevin into the locker room. 

            “Come on kid,” Kevin jumped at the sound of the voice behind him and spun around to confront Jesse Kinkaid’s inquisitive eyes.  “Just how long do you plan to make him pay, huh?” Jesse inquired softly. 

            “Leave me alone, Jess, please,” Kevin requested tiredly, turning back to his locker and beginning to strip off his sweaty uniform. 

            “No can do, Kev’bo,” Jesse replied, “not until you tell me what’s going on.”

            “Nothing’s going on!” Kevin protested.

            “Bullshit!” Jesse countered.  “You really hurt him just now!”  Kevin remained quiet as he threw his jersey in the laundry cart and began to unbuckle his pads. “Why are you holding this over his head?”

            “I’m not ‘HOLDING IT OVER HIS HEAD,’ Jesse!” Kevin returned exasperatedly.  “I’m just not ready to talk to him!”

            “Why not?” Kevin was silent once more as he started to untie his pants.  “He has done everything for you!” Jesse began to get angry, now.  “There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you, Kevin, and none of this is his fault! The meeting nearly destroyed him! Why are you so mad at him?”

            “I’m  . . . I’m not mad!” Kevin’s voice caught in his throat.

            “That is such a load of crap, Kevin!”

            “No, really, Jess! I’m not mad, ok?! Jesus! I just need some space! Is that really so much to ask?”  Jesse regarded him for a moment without speaking.

            “All right, Kevin,” he said at last, “if you’re really not mad, then why did you rip up his picture? You know how much he loved it.  He showed it to everyone.”

            “He knows about that?” Kevin’s face drained as he tossed his pants in the laundry cart, and finally turned to face Jesse.

            “Yes,” Jesse returned quietly.  “He went to try to talk to you the other day and found it on the floor.”  Kevin pressed his fingers to his eyes.  “Why did you rip it if you aren’t mad?” Jesse prompted gently.

            “That was nearly two weeks ago, Jess! I was a little mad then, ok? I was confused! But I’m not now!”

            “Well, why won’t you talk to him then?” It was Jesse’s turn to be exasperated.

            “Because, Jesse, I’m a fuck up! Ok? I fucked it all up! Don’t you get it??” Kevin’s voice cracked.  “I thought it was a party! I strolled into that meeting like I was the shit, broke I don’t know how many fraternity rules, and basically made a complete ass out of myself! I feel like such a fucking idiot! After all the times Danny tried to tell me, after all the things he did to try and help me, and I never listened . . . .  I just can’t face him, Jess! I can’t face him!”   Kevin sat down on the nearest bench and covered his face as tears began to streak his cheeks.

            Jesse gazed uncomfortably down at him for a minute, trying to think of the right words.  “Danny doesn’t think you’re an idiot, Bud, I promise you,” he said softly at last.  Kevin didn’t respond and Jesse sighed, sitting down next to him and feeling encouraged when Kevin didn’t move away.  “You need to talk to him, Kid,” he went on softly.  “He’s crazy about you! Now, more than ever!”

            “I don’t see how he can be!” Kevin sobbed. “I’ve done nothing but fuck up all semester long! I nearly failed all my classes, gave him nothing but shit when he tried to help me, and then because of me all of my brothers got suspended from the team! They probably hate me!”

            “They don’t hate you,” Jesse returned quietly.

            “But I let the whole fucking team down!”  Kevin insisted.

            “You didn’t let anyone down, Kev,” Jesse assured.  “You showed up today, didn’t you?”

            “Yeah so? Fat lot of good I did!”

            “You played hard, Kevin! And your brothers got to play, and we won, Bud! We’re going to the Championship! It doesn’t have to be all on you all the time, you know.  You put too much on yourself!”

            “I almost blew the whole thing, Jess, by being such an ass wipe! I just feel so . . . so . . . dumb!” he choked at last.

            For a moment Jesse was silent, choosing his words carefully.  This was a conversation Kevin needed to have with Danny.  “Listen to me, Kevin,” he started at last.  “Are you listening?” Kevin nodded.  He was still crying hard, but he wiped at his face now, and made an effort to pay attention.  “You need to talk to Danny,” Jesse repeated with quiet emphasis.

            “I can’t,” Kevin objected.

            “Wait,” Jesse held up his hand, and Kevin hung his head, brushing at his cheeks once more. “You are not dumb, Kev! Nobody thinks that! Least of all, Danny.”  Kevin looked at his brother’s best friend now and Jesse met his eyes.  “He knows exactly what you’re going through, kid,” Jesse finished quietly.

            “But how can he?” Kevin protested disbelievingly.

            “He does, Kevin,” Jesse cut him off, gazing intently into Kevin’s confused eyes.  “He knows EXACTLY what you’re going through, Bud,” he repeated softly.  “Do you understand what I’m saying to you?” Kevin just gazed at him in shock, unable to believe Jesse really meant what he seemed to mean.

            “Why didn’t he tell me?” he sobbed, finally.

            “He couldn’t, Kev’bo,” Jesse replied softly.  “There’s a whole lot you haven’t figured out about all this just yet, Bud, and that’s why you need to talk to him.”  Kevin looked down now as he tried to process everything Jesse was saying.

            “Did he think the meeting was going to be a party too?” he demanded wretchedly, after a minute.

            Jesse couldn’t help the little snort that escaped, and Kevin looked at him in surprise. “You should ask him what he thought, Kid,” Jesse encouraged with another little chuckle.  “You might not think you had it so bad, when he tells you.” Kevin hung his head again, and Jesse waited patiently for a few moments, but finally he asked, “So, will you talk to him?” Kevin nodded, brushing at his cheeks once more.  “Tonight?” Jesse pressed. Kevin nodded again. “Promise?”

            “Ok, Jess,” Kevin responded at last with an exasperated little laugh.  “I promise I’ll talk to him. Tonight,” he added as Jesse eyed him skeptically. 

            Finally satisfied, Jesse squeezed his shoulder and got to his feet.  “Why don’t you get dressed and come on out there with us, Kev’bo?  This is your celebration too. It’s been ten years since we went to the Championship, and you and Danny together had a lot to do with getting us this chance.”

            Kevin shook his head.  “I don’t really feel like celebrating, Jess,” he replied softly.

            For a moment Jesse gazed sympathetically at him, wishing there was something more he could say or do, but he could think of nothing.  “Ok, Bud,” he finally sighed. “Are you going to be all right?” Kevin nodded, and quietly Jesse left the locker room, intent now on rejoining the still raucous festivities on the field.  For a long time, after he was gone, Kevin just sat there, trying to pull himself together, thinking about all Jesse had told him, and planning what he would say to Danny later on that night.

 

File Ten

 The Reconciliation

"Nothing can match the treasure of common memories, of trials endured together, of quarrels and reconciliations and generous emotions. It is idle, having planted an acorn in the morning, to expect that afternoon to sit in the shade of the oak."

-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (Wind, Sand, and Stars)

 

 

            The news spread quickly from Jesse to Sean, from Sean to Ryan, and from Ryan to Steve.  By eight o'clock that evening, Danny was the only one inside their little circle who did not know of the impending event. He headed back to the house in low spirits.  There were still plenty of parties going on of course, but he wasn’t in much of a party mood, not when Kevin was clearly still mad at him. Ryan went with him and hung out for awhile, trying to cheer him up with little success. Then, around nine, Sean and Steve showed up, claiming to need Ryan for something.  Danny encouraged him to go and thus he was alone in their room at the computer when the knock finally came.

            “Come in,” he responded moodily.

            “I hope . . . I mean is this a good time? I can come back  . . . .”

            Danny looked quickly towards the door at the sound of his little brother’s voice and sat up straighter in his chair.  “Yeah, Bro, of course it is,” he responded.  “Come on in.” Hesitantly, Kevin stepped into the room, shutting the door after him and for a moment, the two brothers just looked at one another.  “Have a seat,” Danny finally offered.  “You want something to drink?” he asked, getting up and going to the mini fridge in the corner by Ryan’s bed. “Soda, water, beer?” he turned to look at Kevin who was now sitting awkwardly on the end of Danny’s bed. Kevin met his eyes briefly, but shook his head and looked away again quickly. Danny shut the door to the fridge and contemplated his little brother thoughtfully for a moment.  “What’s up, Bro?” he prompted quietly at last. “What’s on your mind?”

            “I um .  .  . I thought you might want to see this.” Kevin looked up once more to meet his brother’s eyes and his face reddened.  It was then that Danny saw his little brother was clutching a packet of paper stapled together in the upper left corner.

            “What is it?” he asked softly as Kevin tentatively offered it to him. He received no response and gently he took the packet from Kevin’s hand. Kevin looked uneasily at the ground, and Danny looked down at the papers he now held.

            “Oh my God!” he exclaimed.  “You got an A?” He looked at his little brother for confirmation and Kevin nodded, though he did not look up.  “Oh my God, Kevin! I can’t believe it!” he laughed.  “Merrick never gives A’s! I knew you could do it, Bud! This is awesome!”

            “Yeah,” Kevin grumbled in embarrassment.  “Turns out, studying DOES help. Go figure, huh?”

            Danny laughed again.  “So are you going to pass?”

            “Yeah, looks like it,” Kevin murmured, his cheeks flaming.  “Merrick said if I come to every class between now and the end of the semester and make at least a B on the Final, he’ll pass me, so I think I’m set.”

            “Wait until Ryan and Steve hear about this!” Danny gloated, looking down at the history report once more and smirking to himself as he thought of Gregg Mcarthy’s earlier comments.  ‘All the time, energy, and work had indeed paid off.’  “I’m proud of you, Bud,” he looked once more at his little brother, only to find that Kevin had his fingers to his eyes; he was fighting back tears.  

            “Hey, Bro,” Danny sat quickly down next to him and placed his arm around him, laying the report beside him on the bed.  “It’s ok,” he whispered.

            “I’m sorry, Danny,” Kevin choked.

            “For what?” Danny asked softly.

            “For everything,” Kevin sobbed.  “I’m sorry for everything!”

            “You have nothing to be sorry for, Kev,” Danny assured.

            “I let you down,” Kevin wept.  “I let everybody down!”

            “You didn’t let me down, Bro,” Danny comforted once more.  Kevin was only becoming more worked up and Danny tightened his arm, pulling him closer to his side.  “You didn’t let anybody down,” he repeated as Kevin buried his face in his shoulder. “You’re all right, Bud,” he whispered soothingly.  “We’re all right.”

            “I just feel like such a jerk, Danny! I fucked everything up! Everything!”

            “You’re not a jerk, Kev,” Danny murmured, “and you didn’t fuck anything up.” Kevin’s gut wrenching sobs continued to fill the room and Danny squeezed his shoulder.  “Hey, Bud, come on now, you’re fine,” he whispered. “Everything’s going to be ok.  I wasn’t such a model of perfection myself, you know, last year.”

            “I know!” Kevin sobbed. “Jesse told me.”

            “He did, did he?” Danny chuckled, and Kevin nodded against his shoulder. For a few more minutes there was silence as Kevin worked up the courage to ask what he wanted to ask.

            “Did you get licks?” he sniffed at last. Danny hugged him closer but remained silent.  Last year’s meeting was not among his favorite topics of conversation.  Finally Kevin began to grow calmer and he looked up, brushing at his cheeks. “Jesse said you got licks, last year,” he insisted.

            “He told you that, did he?” Danny whispered, meeting his little brother’s eyes. 

            “Well,” Kevin blushed a little once more, “not in so many words, maybe, but yeah.” Danny too was red, now, and he pulled his little brother closer again. “So, did you?” Kevin prompted.

            Danny was quiet for another minute, but then he sighed. “Yeah, Bro,” he admitted softly, at last, “I got licks last year.”

            Kevin’s eyes widened and Danny squeezed his shoulder again. “In front of the fraternity? Like I did?”  Kevin barely breathed.

            “Yeah, Bud,” Danny confirmed once more.  “What did you think I meant when I said I knew how hard it was, huh?” Kevin shrugged and cuddled closer, thinking it all over.  Danny too was quiet.

            “Did you think it was a party too?” Kevin broke the silence with a little sob.

            “Well, sort of.” Danny couldn’t help smirking, for once, at his own memory.

            “What do you mean, ‘sort of’?”

            “Well,” Danny explained sheepishly, “cocky little ass that I was, I thought they were inducting me into the Bulldog Hall of Fame.”

            Kevin looked up in surprise. “As a freshman?”

            “Yeah,” Danny flushed again.  “Presumptuous little bastard, wasn’t I?”

            Kevin hid his face again, but he wasn’t quick enough to hide the smile pulling at the sides of his mouth and Danny poked him in the ribs.

            “Oww!” Kevin laughed. “I’m sorry, Danny,” he declared, “but Jesse was right! That is worse!”

            “Thanks, Bro,” Danny quipped, “just rub it in, why don’t you?”

            Kevin looked up and smiled (really smiled) for the first time in weeks, and Danny’s heart soared. He brought his thumb up to wipe the last of the tears from his little brother’s cheeks and then closed his arms completely around him as Kevin snuggled in closer again.

            “So, how come you didn’t tell me?” Kevin questioned after a while.

            “I couldn’t, Bro,” Danny responded.

            “Why not?”

            “There’re a whole lot of reasons.”

            “Like what?”

            Danny was quiet for a moment.  “It’s complicated, Kev,” he said, finally.

            “Can you tell me now?”

            “I can try, I guess,” Danny affirmed, wondering where to start. “It’s kind of a tradition,” he went on at last.

            “Great tradition,” Kevin scoffed, hiding his face once more as tears burned his eyes. 

            Danny couldn’t help laughing a little as he squeezed his little brother’s shoulder.  “It is, actually,” he returned seriously. “You haven’t figured it out yet, have you, Kev?” he whispered.

            “Figured out what?” Kevin inquired.  A knock on the door prevented Danny from answering.

            “Who is it?” Danny cried irritably.

            “Room service!” came the high pitched response. 

            “Damn it!” Danny cursed under his breath but couldn’t help smirking all the same. “It’s not a good time, Ry,” he warned. There was a long pause and Danny waited, listening intently to the nonexistent sounds outside the door. “You see, Kev,” he started again when all seemed quiet, but another knock interrupted the thought.

            “What??” Danny exploded.

            “Housekeeping . . . .” This time it was Steve’s barely recognizable falsetto voice that floated through the door, and now even Kevin couldn’t help laughing a little.

            “Beat it!” Danny commanded. 

            There was a pause and then, “No Habla Ingles!” came the reply.

            “Sorry, Kev!” Danny muttered, and he got up from the bed, and went to the door as Kevin brushed in frustration at the tears that persisted in streaking his cheeks.

            “What do you want, guys?” he started, cracking the door just wide enough to peer out at them.  “It’s not a good . . . .” He stopped in mid-sentence as his eyes fell on the packages his brothers were carrying, and they grinned at him.   “You knew?” Danny demanded, opening the door wider.  Steve and Ryan just simpered at him.  “You bastards!” he accused laughingly.  “You totally fucking knew!”

            “So, are we just going to stand out here in the hall all night?” Ryan quipped. 

            “Yeah,” Danny teased, and he started to close the door.

            “Come on, Bro,” Steve laughed, wedging his foot in the door.  “Let us in before we drop something.”

            “Would serve you right,” Danny griped, but he swung the door open, stepped back to let his two impish brothers pass, and then shut it securely again behind them.

            “Hey, Kev,” Ryan greeted as he placed his boxes carefully on the desk.

            “Hey,” Kevin returned the greeting half-heartedly. He resented having his time with Danny interrupted, especially when he was just about to get some answers, finally. “What’s all that stuff?” he asked, indicating the boxes Steve and Ryan had brought in.

            “Well,” Steve began, “rumor has it that someone around here had a birthday not too long ago.”

            Kevin raised his eyebrows, hopefully, feeling all of a sudden a great deal more cordial towards his two oldest brothers.  “Those are for me?”

            Ryan laughed.  “You know someone else who just had a birthday?” Kevin smiled sheepishly.

            “We just thought we’d celebrate it properly, Bud,” Steve asserted more seriously, and everyone was quiet.

            “We didn’t mean for things to go down like they did, Kev’bo.  We all want you to know that,” Ryan added softly after a minute.

            “I know,” Kevin muttered.  “It was my own stupid fault . . . .” His voice trailed off, and he looked down uncomfortably.

            “Hey, Man, we’ve all been there,” Ryan soothed.

            “Yeah, we have,” Steve agreed.

            “Did Danny tell you what happened to him, last year?” Ryan threw a lopsided grin  at his little brother.

            “Ok!” Danny cut him off.  “Yes, I told him. As you said, we’ve all been there, ok? No need to dwell on it.”  With a crimson face, Danny made his way to the pile of packages, and plucking one off the top, sat down on the bed next to Kevin.  “Here, Bud,” he pushed the box into his little brother’s hands as Steve and Ryan traded looks of amusement.  “Open this one, first.  It’s from me and Ryan.”

            “You guys didn’t have to do that,” Kevin started quietly.

            “We wanted to, Bro,” Danny assured.

            “I don’t deserve it,” Kevin remarked bitterly.

            “Oh, Kevin,” Ryan laughed,  “Danny had the thing picked out months ago and he’s been waiting all this time to give it to you.  Just open it, Bud! And happy birthday!”

            Kevin looked at Danny, and seeing the anticipation in his big brother’s eyes, he couldn’t help smiling a little.  Finally, he turned his attention back to the box and taking no more than a moment to strip off the somewhat crude wrapping, he lifted the top.  In that moment all else was forgotten.

            “It’s authentic!” he squealed, jerking the blue, red, and silver jersey from the box, and all his brothers laughed as he hugged it to his chest.  “I can’t believe it!” he cried.  It was indeed an authentic New England Patriots jersey, sporting the number twenty-eight.  Kevin had idolized the team since childhood.  His dream was to play for them, someday. Number twenty-eight  was a popular number that year and jerseys were hard to come by (even the replica jerseys).  Authentic number twenty-eight jerseys were nearly impossible to get and very expensive. Now, there were not enough words in the English language for Kevin to accurately dispel his feelings of gratitude and enthusiasm.  He hugged both his brothers a thousand times and kept holding the jersey up to himself.  Finally, when it became apparent that he was not going to let go of it, Steve laughingly told him to shut up and put it on.  Happily, Kevin complied.  More gifts followed, lots of odds and ends that his brothers had felt it necessary for him to have (some of them related to school).  The clear second favorite was an autographed picture of his favorite New England player (from Matt and Steve), but nothing delighted Kevin more than the jersey.  He kept looking down and fingering the number as though to be sure it had not disappeared, and Ryan and Danny couldn’t help exchanging smug smiles of satisfaction. 

            Finally, only one package remained.  An air of anticipation filled the room as Steve picked it up and Danny and Ryan once again sought one another’s eyes.  The festive mood that had been developing was replaced by one of sober expectation, and Kevin felt it instantly.  Danny brought his hand up to his shoulder, and Ryan moved from the desk chair where he had been sitting to sit on Kevin’s other side. Steve dropped to his knees before them and gently laid the package on their little brother’s lap.  Kevin bit his lip.  “Is this something I want to open?” he mumbled.  None of his brothers answered and he looked at Danny.  Danny met his eyes, and squeezed his shoulder.

            “Go on, Bud, it’s all right,” Ryan urged softly from the other side.  Kevin swallowed, dropping his eyes again to the package as Ryan placed his hand soothingly against his back.  Slowly, and with considerable dread, Kevin peeled back the paper and lifted the top of the box. 

            His cheeks burned and tears welled up quickly as he saw what was inside.  He pressed his fingers to his eyes.  “Do we have to do this?” he choked.  “I’m sorry for the way I acted.  I know I was a brat!”  Tears started to streak his face and Danny’s stomach tightened.  He placed his arm around his little brother once more and hugged him close.  “I’m sorry!” Kevin sobbed, burying his face on Danny’s shoulder.  “Please can’t we forget it? I just want to forget it! I’ll try harder from now on! I promise I’ll try!” he whimpered.

            “Kev,” Danny soothed, “this is not what you think, Bud.  This is not about you or your behavior right now.”  Kevin just continued to sob.  “You know those questions you were asking me earlier?” Danny went on huskily.  Kevin nodded.  “Well that’s what this is about, Bud.  Look at the handle.” Danny directed his little brother’s eyes back to the intimidating fraternity paddle that lay in the box.  It was a minute before Kevin could bring himself to look, but finally he turned his head and wiped at his cheeks as he did his best to focus on the blurred object before him.  “See the names?” Danny whispered.

            “Oh, that’s great!” Kevin blurted, crying harder as he zoned immediately in on his own name. “That’s just fucking great!” he sobbed.  “Now, the whole world will know what a shit head I was my freshman year.  What an honor!” Ryan turned his head and Danny chewed his lip to keep from smirking, but Steve laughed outright.

            “Well, Bud,” he assured affectionately.  “You’re not alone.  Look a little higher.” Kevin wiped at his cheeks again and tried to peer closer, but all the names blurred together.  Finally, he made out Danny’s name just above his own.  “Look higher, Bud,” Steve urged again, seeing that he was still confused.  At last Kevin saw what his brothers wanted him to see.  Before Danny’s name, came Ryan’s, before Ryan’s was Steve’s, before Steve’s was Matt’s and the string of names continued all the way up the handle, but what did it all mean?

            “I don’t understand,” he sobbed.

            “This is not just any paddle, Kev,” Steve explained. “This implement has been passed down for over fifty years, now, from the Rho Beta Chi president to his youngest brother upon completion of the Mandatory Meeting.” The look on Kevin’s face left his brothers in no doubt of his feelings regarding the tradition and Danny and Ryan were doing their best not to laugh.  “It’s yours now, Kev,” Steve persisted. “Until next year, you are now its keeper.”

            “I don’t want it!” Kevin cried, looking at the box with undisguised distaste.

            “I know,” Steve acknowledged with a small smile. “I’d be surprised if you did, but it’s your duty, now, to keep it safe, until it’s time to pass it on to your little brother next year.” 

            Kevin just looked at his oldest brother blankly. “Don’t you need it?” he petitioned brokenly. 

            “Naw,” Ryan answered for his big brother. “This paddle is special, made especially for us. It’s nothing but the best for our royal asses.  We get the polished oak, while the rest of the fraternity has to endure the lower class, everyday variety.” Steve glared at his little brother reprovingly and Ryan grinned crookedly at him.

            “Don’t you understand, Bro?” Steve returned his eyes to Kevin, who now looked even more confused than before, and gently cupped his youngest brother’s face in his hands, forcing him to look at him.  “We don’t do this idly, Kev,” he continued softly. “We didn’t single you out to torture or humiliate you.  Why do you think it was you, Bud, instead of James or Alex or one of the other fraternity miscreants?”  Ryan and Danny both pressed closer as Kevin’s agitation visibly increased.

            “I don’t know!” Kevin sobbed.

            “Do you think your behavior was worse than theirs?” Steve asked softly. Kevin shrugged, and Steve used his thumbs to wipe the fast flowing tears from his little brother’s cheeks.  “Well, it wasn’t,” Steve assured tenderly, looking intently into the tear filled eyes.  “Many of your classmates deserved it just as much as you, Kev,” he whispered, “but they are not my brothers.  As my youngest brother you have a responsibility to set and maintain a certain standard of behavior.  Others will look to you, Bud.  You have to set an example they can follow.  We expect more of you, Kev, because you are capable of more, and when you’re not setting that example we have to come down harder on you than on them.  They have to know that we are all accountable, that everyone in the house must abide by the rules or suffer the consequences.” Steve glanced at Danny and Ryan, but they avoided his eyes.  “It has to be clear, Kev,” he went on softly, “that there are no favorites.  You took your licks in one big dose, Kid, and you took them in front of the fraternity.”  Kevin cried harder as feelings from that night rushed back on him and Danny squeezed his shoulder once more. “I know it’s hard, Bud,” Steve continued, “but it’s over, ok? And hopefully there will be no need for any repeats. Do you understand what I’m saying, Kev’bo?” Steve caressed Kevin’s cheek gently as his little brother sobbed.  “It’s only supposed to happen once for you, Bud,” he whispered.

            Kevin hung his head, and when, after a minute, he still didn’t respond, Steve got to his feet.  He removed the box with the offending implement, and placed it once more on the desk.  He then pulled Kevin to his feet and folded him in his arms. “You’re all right, Kev,” Steve reassured as his little brother buried his face in his chest.  Ryan and Danny looked on quietly, fighting now with their own emotions.  Steve looked at them again as he spoke comfortingly to Kevin.  “It’s over, Bro, ok?  Nothing but the most serious kind of infraction would induce me to summon you, now. Understand?”  Kevin nodded against his chest, and Steve stroked his hair.  “It’s only supposed to happen once,” he repeated.  He was talking to Kevin, but his eyes never left Danny and Ryan and his two other little brothers cringed. Tears burned Danny’s eyes and he looked down, putting his face in his hands.  Ryan slid closer to him as Steve went on. “You know what it feels like, now, Kev’bo,” he said.  “You know how horrible it is to be on the receiving end of such a paddling.  That’s important, Bud.  Neither The Code nor the process of the summons is to be taken lightly.  The paddle is to be used only in the most serious instances and as a last resort.  Knowing what it feels like, makes it less tempting to abuse that power.”

            “What power?” Kevin sobbed.  “I don’t have any power!”

            “You will,” Steve chuckled.

            “What?” Kevin looked up at Steve with a bewildered expression that touched his oldest brother’s heart. 

            “Don’t you get it, Bro?” he asked softly, bringing his hand up to wipe away Kevin’s tears once more.  “In three years, Kevin, you will be president.”

            “Me?” Kevin exclaimed.

            “Yeah, Little Bro, you,” Steve laughed at the look of astonishment. “What do you think about that?”  As he tried to process it all, Kevin turned to Danny.  Danny still had his face in his hands and Ryan had his hand on his back.  His big brother nudged him gently and Danny looked up to find Kevin’s eyes on him.  Kevin seemed not to notice his distress, and Danny had to smile a little at the shocked expression on his brother’s face.

            “So, what do you think, Kev?” he repeated Steve’s question. Kevin thought about it for a moment; he was still trying to collect himself.

            “I think,” he said finally and he paused.

            “Out with it, Bro,” Ryan coaxed.
            “I think,” Kevin repeated with another little sob, “that I don’t know if I really want to be president.” He hid his face on Steve’s shoulder again, and all his brother’s laughed.

            “Welcome to the club, Kid,” Steve commented. “That’s how we all feel about it, but it’s not so bad.  By the time you get here, you’ll be very used to the idea.”

            “Come on, Bud, cheer up,” Ryan encouraged from the bed.  “That’s three years away.  I’m the next one on deck,” he asserted tentatively, watching his older brother for a reaction.  He got none and Steve avoided his eyes.

            “Yeah,” Danny agreed.  “Don’t worry about it just yet, Bro. Lots of time between now and then.”

            “Yes there is,” Steve agreed.  “And in the meantime, Kev’bo, whenever you’re ready, I think there are a few more people who might like to wish you happy birthday.”

            “There are?” Kevin queried into his shoulder.

            “Yes,” Steve smiled.

            “Who?”  Danny’s surprised tone echoed Kevin’s, prompting Ryan to grin too. 

            “Sean, Jesse, Alex, and James for starters,” he laughed, “but by now who knows?  I believe they’ve invited all of Rho Beta Xi and only the good Lord knows who those girls will drag through the door.”

            “The girls are invited?” Kevin looked up eagerly.

            “Don’t sound so surprised, Bro,” Steve laughed.  “We all like a good party.  It’s just that there is a time and a place.”

            Ryan’s eyes sparkled.  “I hear there’s going to be cake and ice cream, and maybe even, now don’t quote me on this,” he quipped, “but I hear there might even be beer.”

            “Beer?” Kevin’s squeak of excitement made even Danny laugh, now, as his little brother turned eagerly to Steve.  “Can I have some, Steve? Just one or two? I promise not to overdo it!”  Steve squeezed his shoulder, touched by the earnest appeal.

            “Well, you have been working very hard, Kev . . . .”

            “Hey, that reminds me!” Danny interjected excitedly.  He picked up the report from where it still lay beside him on the bed and dangled it mischievously in front of his two older brothers.  “Who here has ever gotten an A from Merrick?” he grinned.

            “You mean besides you?” Ryan retorted.

            “Yeah, well, Danny is his pet,” Steve ribbed.   “The man doesn’t give A’s to anyone else.  It’s just a fact.  Scored another miracle this semester, did you?” he smiled indulgently down at his second youngest brother.

            “Nope, not me,” Danny could hardly contain himself.

            “What? Let me see that!” Ryan made a grab for the report, and Danny let him have it.  “Kevin!” Ryan exclaimed in disbelief.  “Kevin got an A from Merrick??” he laughed.

            “What?” Steve too had trouble concealing his astonishment.  “Let me see.”  Keeping his arm around Kevin, he stretched out his other hand for the report and Ryan gave it to him.  “How’d you get an A from the biggest hard ass on campus, Kev?” he teased as he thumbed through the clearly legitimate report.  Kevin shrugged and blushed with pleasure, looking along with Steve as his brother continued to leaf through the pages.  The comments definitely had Merrick’s tone.  Though Steve had never gotten anything so positive on his own papers, he had read the comments on some of Danny’s before.

            “Why should you be so surprised?” Danny demanded, bursting with pride as Ryan and Steve tried to get over their shock.  “He’s MY little brother.”

            “Oh, shit,” Steve laughed, rolling his eyes at Ryan as he closed the report and laid it carefully on the desk.  “Here we go . . . didn’t I tell you?” Ryan just grinned.

            “So, can I have a beer or two tonight, Steve?” Kevin returned to the subject foremost on his mind at the time and all his brothers laughed once more.

            “How can I say no, after that, Bud?” Steve replied.  “Let’s just make sure we get back on track on Monday, ok?”

            “Yes!” Kevin jumped out of Steve’s embrace and punched the air in victory, and Ryan and Danny smiled, enjoying their brother’s happiness.

            “Coach told Jesse and Sean they could use the gym,” Steve went on when Kevin was finally done dancing about the room.  “I told them, we’d be over whenever we were through here.  It’s almost ten now.  I said I thought we’d certainly be done by ten-thirty.  They’re probably going to jump out at you, Bud, so try to act surprised? Ok?” Steve grinned.

            “Ok,” Kevin grinned back. 

            “All right, Bro, why don’t you go get in the shower?”

            “Ok,” Kevin agreed.  “Thanks guys!” he hugged all his brothers again, giving an especially long hug to Danny, and then off he went.  His mind was filled for the first time in weeks with nothing but eager anticipation of the night ahead. If only everyone’s thoughts could have been as wonderful.

 

File Eleven

 The Portent

 

“May the Gods avert the omen.”

-Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

            The mood changed instantly as the door closed behind the youngest of the four brothers. Now, that all of the business with Kevin had been settled, they had no choice but to think of the other serious matter hanging over them. Danny hung his head again and Ryan bit his lip as Steve looked at them. Time had run out, they knew. Their big brother could not put off the inevitable much longer.
            Steve tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he looked at his two younger brothers. They avoided his eyes and he knew what they were thinking about. He wanted to say something comforting, but could think of nothing. He knew too, that the day was fast approaching when he could no longer stall. "I'm going to go get ready," he whispered huskily at last. Neither Danny nor Ryan looked up, but they both nodded to show they had heard, and without another word, Steve left the room, shutting the door gently behind him.
            "You ok?" Ryan asked softly when their older brother was gone. Danny shrugged. Ryan placed his arm around him, pulling him close, and Danny turned his face into his big brother's shoulder.
            "I can't stop thinking about it, Ryan," his voice quavered as all the mixed emotions of the night caught up with him.
            "I know," Ryan returned softly. "I can't either." Tears began to streak Danny’s cheeks and Ryan held him, pressing his cheek to his head, and rubbing his back soothingly. They sat like that, without talking, for another few minutes before they reluctantly began to get ready for the party.  Neither of them really felt like going, but they would not abandon their brother. They would make this night special for him, and maybe, just maybe if they focused enough attention on Kevin, they would both forget the potent reprimand hidden in their older brother's comforting words.

            `It's only supposed to happen once for you, Bud.' Danny paused in front of the closet where he was trying to select a shirt and put his hand over his face. Those words kept pounding through his head. `Nothing but the most serious kind of infraction would induce me to summon you, now. Understand?' Danny took a deep bitter breath and felt his big brother's hand on his shoulder.  Without a word, Ryan selected a shirt and handed it to him and, gratefully, Danny began to put it on. Ryan then selected a shirt of his own, and the two brothers finished getting dressed in silence. `It was only supposed to happen once.' The bitter thought kept going through their minds.
            Twenty minutes later, Kevin bounced into the room, looking squeaky clean and smelling strongly of cologne. He was wearing his jersey with a clean pair of jeans and his brothers smiled a little despite themselves. Kevin was too excited to notice the change in their mood, but Steve sensed it instantly when he stepped into the room. He sent Kevin on ahead of them, and as Ryan closed the door and locked it behind them, he put an arm around each of his other two brothers. "It's ok, guys," he whispered as they pressed close to him. "We'll get through it. I promise." They nodded, but Steve could tell they had doubts. Hell, didn't he have doubts too? `It's only supposed to happen once!' His own words still echoed in his mind as well and he squeezed his brothers' shoulders as Kevin bounced back to reclaim them.

            He watched Kevin drag Ryan and Danny each off by a hand and wished desperately that there was a way to make this whole business easier on them. He pressed his fingers to his eyes. `Just get through tonight, Steve,' he cautioned himself. Tonight was not the time to think about this. Tonight was a night for being with his brothers, enjoying their company, and strengthening their bond. `Tonight is a night for healing,' he thought warily to himself. `I will think about the summons tomorrow.'

Folder Three

The Summons

 

File One: The Summons

 

File Two: Rallying Support

 

File Three: The Feud

 

File Four: Anticipation

 

File Five:  Break Down

 

File Six: The Reprimand

 

File Seven: Damage Control

 

File Eight: Stalling

 

File Nine:  Indecision

 

File Ten: The Lecture

 

File Eleven: Danny’s Penance

 

File Twelve: The Revelation

 

File Thirteen: The Storm Before the Calm

 

File Fourteen: Reflections Prompted by a Proverb

File One

The Summons

 

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."
-Charles Dickens (Great Expectations)

 

 

            The Championship was over.  For the first time in ten years the South Bend University Bull Dogs were division champions.  The celebration had been massive; the feeling euphoric, but that was three days ago.  It was over, now.

            Danny sat on a rock high above the rushing creek deep in the woods behind the Saber Bend University campus. It was where he always came to be alone.  Tears welled in his eyes and he swallowed hard as he looked down at the two slips of paper he was clutching in his hand.  He had been dreading the pink one for weeks, but he had not expected the blue one to accompany it.

            “Hey,” the soft, husky voice broke into his thoughts and he looked up, brushing quickly at the tears that began to trickle down his face.

            “Hey,” he responded dismally.

            “You got it?” Ryan asked. 

            Danny nodded miserably as his brother sat quietly down beside him. “But why did he summon Kevin?” he choked, becoming fixated on the blue paper once more. 

            Ryan was silent for a moment as he regarded his little brother, then he sighed. “It’s not Kevin,” he said finally, looking at the ground as he felt his cheeks grow hot, “it’s me.”

            “What?” Danny looked at him, and Ryan shrugged as tears filled his eyes too.

            “I guess Steve figures since he can’t perform both roles at once, you’re the next best option.” Ryan bit his lip, and Danny hung his head, not really sure what to say.  “I’m sure he won’t really make you do it,” Ryan’s voice cracked.

            “Do you want me to?” Danny asked softly, looking at his brother once more. 

            Ryan swallowed as he finally met his little brother’s eyes. “I guess.  I’d rather have you than anybody else,” he choked, and Danny hugged him.  “I don’t think it’s going to be my call, though,” he continued, holding tightly to Danny.  “I think the blue slip Steve sent you was more of a formality, for appearance’s sake. You know, to keep from giving that rat, Mcarthy, any excuse to pry, just in case . . . .” Ryan didn’t finish, but Danny understood what he was getting at.  Steve had taken every precaution  he could to keep the details of his brothers’ pending punishment from leaking, but Mcarthy had been sniffing around, and these things had a way of getting out.  Steve had to at least look like he was trying to preserve the process. “On the low down,” Ryan confided after a minute, “Steve told me he’s going to try and have Matt there to ‘make things easier on all of us.’”

            Danny tightened his arms. “Are you ok with that?” he asked softly.            Ryan hesitated.  “I guess so,” he whispered again, at last.  “It’s not as if  anything is going to make this a pleasant experience, but Matt might be able to take some of the pressure off Steve at least, and off you.” The last of his words caught in his throat, his brave front collapsed, and Danny held tighter, feeling sick as his brother pressed his face against his shoulder.  “Sean was with me when I checked my mail this morning,” Ryan sobbed after a minute.  “I’m pretty sure he saw the slips.”

            “Oh, Jesus!” Danny clutched at him as he too began to sob.  Words were no longer possible or necessary, now.  The two brothers just held one another and cried.

 

File Two

Rallying Support

 

"For a friend with an understanding heart is worth no less than a brother."
- Homer (The Odyssey)

 

            Sean had been looking for Jesse all morning.  He had asked everyone in the house it seemed, and no one had seen him.  ‘Where the hell is he?’ Sean thought irritably.  Finally, at around two o’clock, he saw Jesse’s roommate as he was crossing campus.  “Hey Dave!” Sean called.  “Have you seen Jess, today?”

            “Yeah,” Dave shouted back. “I think he’s at the bookstore, getting his books for next semester.”

            “What, are they having a sale or something?” Sean quipped. 

            “No,” Dave grinned, “but I think the newest edition of ‘Growl’ is out.”

            “Oh, I see,” Sean smirked.

            “Yeah, I think it’s the special ‘Year in Perspective’ issue,” Dave simpered.   “Grrr!” He assumed the customary stance of ferocity all the team players assumed when referring to the college sports periodical, and Sean couldn’t help laughing.  His little brother was one of the few who took the magazine seriously.

            “Thanks for the information, Man!” he returned.

            “Not a problem,” Dave replied.  “Tell Jess that we will not be coating our walls with the pictures this year.”

            “Ok,” Sean grinned, “I’ll tell him.” He switched directions and made his way towards the campus store, and as he walked the anxiety he had previously been feeling settled over him once more. Finally he stood in the doorway of the thronged shop, scanning it for signs of his little brother. ‘It had to be something special to bring Jess in here, today,’ he thought grumpily as people pushed and shoved to get by him.  He started in the direction of the stairs, greeting friends and acquaintances in a half-hearted manner as he went.  He took the steps two at a time and at last the crowd became thinner as he neared the top. ‘He probably has the sports section to himself,’ Sean thought ironically. 

            Sure enough, he found Jesse comfortably ensconced in an armchair by the window, surrounded by all the latest magazines detailing the heroics of the Saber Bend University Bulldogs.  The newest team sweatshirt was draped over his knees and his class book list sat idly on top of the magazines at his feet.  He was completely absorbed in the article he was reading, and Sean grinned again despite himself.  “Getting a jump on next semester, I see,” he cracked.

            Jesse looked up and smiled sheepishly at his big brother.  “My intentions were good,” he returned.  “Look at this!” He held up the magazine he’d been perusing.  “Is that a great picture or what?”  Sean came forward and took the magazine from his brother, and as he examined it closely and saw the picture Jesse was referring to, the smile faded from his face. It was a picture of Jess and Danny together right after Jesse had scored a much needed touch down. “What’s the matter?” Jesse asked.  “You don’t think it’s good?”

            “It’s a great picture, Kid,” Sean replied, handing the magazine back to him.

            Jesse looked at him, dismayed. “What’s wrong?” he finally asked again.

            Sean sighed and sat down in the chair across from him, looking steadily into his little brother’s now worried eyes.  “It’s going down today,” he said quietly, glancing around to make sure no one they knew was in hearing range. 

            The blood drained from Jesse’s face.  “Oh, no! You mean he summoned them?”

            Sean nodded.  “Five o’clock,” he said softly.  “I was with Ryan when he checked his mail.  He tried to hide the slips, but those things are so damn bright.  I think he knows I saw them.”

            “Fuck!” Jesse exclaimed.  “I guess I thought Steve would wait until next semester now, and to be honest, when we didn’t hear of a council meeting, I really started to hope that he had changed his mind.”

            “I know,” Sean replied softly. “Me too.” He sighed, “I think the council must have met.  I can’t imagine that Steve made this decision on his own.  Guess we weren’t invited,” he added somewhat bitterly.

            “Well, Steve already knows what we think,” Jesse mirrored his brother‘s sardonic tone.  “So, who else knows?”

            Sean shrugged.  “I haven’t seen Pat or Andy at all.  I don’t know about anyone else. I haven’t heard anyone talking, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Mcarthy knows.”

            “Oh, I’m sure he does,” Jesse replied acidly.  For a moment they were both silent.  A summons was a sober and serious thing.  The privacy of anyone who received one was protected by the ethics of The Code.  Rumors, however, spread like wildfire in the Rho Beta Chi house, and Danny and Ryan’s status as Steve’s younger brothers wouldn’t help them.  It wasn’t everyday that the president summoned his brothers.  In fact, no one could remember the last time it had happened, and ever since the fight three weeks ago, there had been speculation as to whether Steve would even go through with it.  As serious as the transgression was, Steve’s affection for his brothers was well known.  Many people had doubted his conviction in this matter, and some had even placed bets.  At last, Jesse spoke again. “What about Kevin?”

            “I don’t know,” Sean returned worriedly.

            “Well, I guess we better find him one way or another,” Jesse replied glumly.  “Him hanging on their coat tails is just about the last thing Danny and Ryan need right now.” 

            “That’s for damn sure!” Sean spat.  “I just can’t believe Steve’s going to do this less than a week before the semester ends!”

            “Yeah,” Jesse chewed his lip resentfully. “I wonder if he told them.”

            For a moment Sean was quiet.  “I think he probably told Ryan,” he admitted finally in a soft voice.  “Ry didn’t seem too surprised this morning, and Steve never really has played by the rules where his little brother is concerned.  I’m sure this is killing him, and if it weren’t for Mcarthy, he’d undoubtedly let the whole thing slide.”

            “It does always seem to come down to that slime ball doesn’t it?” Jesse agreed. Sean was quiet again, and after a moment Jesse got to his feet.  “Come on,” he said, “we better find Kevin.”  He bent to pick up his sweatshirt, booklist, and the issue of ‘Growl,’ he’d just been looking at.

            “Aren’t you going to put the rest of this stuff away?” Sean asked, as he too got to his feet.

            Jesse shrugged and looked around, unconcerned, at the mess he was leaving.  “That’s what these people get paid for,” he responded with  a gesture that included all the retail staff in the general vicinity of the sports section.

            “Jeeesss,” Sean reprimanded.

            “What?” Jesse looked at his big brother.  “Oh, all right!” he retorted as Sean raised his eyebrows.  “Here, hold these.” He shoved his sweatshirt, magazine, and booklist at Sean and bent to pick up the remaining piles of magazines, carting them away one on top of another.  Sean’s lip twitched as he tried to hide his amusement.  The kid was incorrigible. A moment later Jesse came back and took his stuff from Sean, and they headed down the stairs to the front of the store.  The line was huge and Jesse stared at it in dismay. 

            “Come on, Jess, we’ve got to go,” Sean prompted impatiently.

            “I’m just going to have them hold these,” Jesse replied and Sean looked at him in exasperation.

            “What?”

            “Jesse, there’s a million copies of that magazine and twice as many sweatshirts. They’re not going anywhere.  You don’t need the store to hold them.”

            “But these are mine,” Jesse protested.  “Back in a jiffy!”

            “Jess!” Sean called after his brother, but Jesse was already gone, and Sean shook his head in disbelief. He glanced around the store while he was waiting to see who else he might recognize, but there was no one. ‘That’s strange,’ he thought.  Ten minutes ago, it had seemed like everyone he knew was here. He looked uneasily at his watch, and then peered into the crowd at the front again in an effort to catch a glimpse of his brother.  As he did, his heart froze.  To the right of the register, in the corner, was a whole pack of his fraternity brothers.  They were all looking at him, some sympathetically, and some with maniacal mirth.  Gregg Mcarthy stood at the center.

            Two seconds later, Jesse was back and pulling at his arm.  “Come on, we’ve got to go,” he said, following his brother’s horror struck gaze.  “I don’t know how that bastard found out, but he’s telling everybody he knows.  We’ve got to find Kevin.” Absently, Sean allowed his brother to pull him towards the door.

            “Hey, Mcnally, Kinkaid!” Gregg called just as they were leaving.  Jesse and Sean glared back at him.  “You better hope you find him before I do,” Gregg leered. 

            Sean clenched his fist, and took a step toward Gregg, but Jesse pulled him back.  “He’s not worth it,” he cautioned quietly, scowling once more in Gregg’s direction. “Come on, let’s just go.” Jesse pulled on his brother’s arm once again, and with one more scathing glance at their rival, Sean followed.

 

 

File Three

The Feud

 

"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate."
-Charles Dickens

 

            Jesse and Sean turned the campus upside down, looking for Danny and Ryan’s younger brother.  They checked all his regular haunts: the football field, the weight room, the sorority house where the cheerleaders lived, the coffee shop. They even went back to the bookstore, but by four o’clock they had still had no luck, and, discouraged, they decided they better get back to the house.  They could only hope that Kevin was there and that Gregg’s search had been as fruitless as theirs.  They were sure he would not have tried so hard.

            After checking Kevin’s room one more time, they headed back downstairs to stake out the house’s main entrance; if Kevin showed up, they didn’t want to miss him.  They slumped into the common room to find Andy and Pat sitting apprehensively at the table, each with a pile of new books before them.  They were, for the moment, the only ones there.  Sean and Jesse avoided their eyes as they flopped into two comfy, overstuffed chairs near the door, but Patrick and Andy both turned white as they looked at their friends’ faces.

            “It’s true?” Andy finally ventured in a small voice.  Sean looked wearily at him and nodded.

            “Let me guess,” Jesse remonstrated bitterly, “Mcarthy told you.”

            “How did that fucking blabber mouth even find out?” Pat demanded angrily.

            Andy sighed.  “Gregg’s been waiting for this day for nearly a month now,” he said.  “I’m sure he has spies everywhere. I was sure hoping he was wrong, though.”

            Sean shook his head. “I was with Ryan when he checked his mail this morning,” he said softly. “I saw both slips.”  Andy sank lower in his chair, and leaned on the table, propping his forehead against his hand.

            “Damn it!” Pat protested.  “Why now?”

            “I don’t know,” Sean whispered.

            “I’m sure Mcarthy’s been riding Steve about it,” Andy speculated darkly, “but still!  I mean if you’re going to do it, do it, but to wait to the last week of the semester?  That’s bullshit! He’s totally blindsiding them!”

            “I don’t think so,” Sean replied quietly. “He’s blindsiding us for sure, but I think Danny and Ryan were not quite so surprised.  I’m sure Steve and Ry have been talking about it.  It makes sense, kind of.  I know they didn’t want anymore problems from Coach.  Plus, there’s a whole month between now and next semester for everyone to forget about it.”

            “I don’t care what his reasons are!” Andrew seethed.  “It’s still bullshit!  Why isn’t Mcarthy getting a summons?”

            “You know Matt already handled that,” Sean defended Steve as he knew Ryan would want him to.

            “Well, it’s not the same, and I don’t think it’s fair either!” Patrick sulked, and an awkward silence fell.

            “We’ve been looking for Kevin,” Sean finally continued, changing the subject.  “You guys haven’t seen him have you?”

            “Fuck!” Patrick exclaimed.  “He doesn’t know, does he?” Jesse and Sean shook their heads.

            “Not unless Mcarthy found him,” Jesse added sullenly.

            “Ryan and Danny never told him what happened?” Andy asked. 

            Sean shook his head, despondently. “I don’t think they wanted him to know.  We were all hoping Steve would just forget about it.”

            “How stupid were we?” Jesse piped up once more with his cheery perspective.  “Mcarthy’s probably been badgering Steve about it everyday between then and now.”

            “Speaking of the devil,” Patrick scowled.  His friends turned their heads, and followed his gaze to see Gregg Mcarthy’s gloating face as he stood in the doorway of the common room.

            “Keep him away from me!” Jesse muttered, turning around once again, and glaring balefully at the floor.

            “Well, well, isn’t this a quaint little gathering,” Gregg baited as he came further into the room with his little band of no goods behind him.  “What? No Kev’bo?” He came up and placed a hand on Jesse’s shoulder, and Jesse jerked it away, looking at Sean as Sean glowered at their adversary.  “Surely, you invited him,” Gregg sat down in a chair next to Jesse and kicked back, smugly, placing his feet on the coffee table in front of them.  “I know you would want him to be aware of all this before it went down. It would, after all, be a rather nasty surprise, don’t you think?” Gregg taunted and his friends laughed as they spread out around the common room.  Some of them sat at the table across from Andy and Pat, smirking at them as Gregg continued. “You’d want to be there to support him, soothe him, tell him how it’s not his fault, and basically blow sunshine up his ass.” Gregg traded amused glances with his allies as Danny and Ryan’s friends shifted uncomfortably.  “You’d want to keep him away from Ryan and Danny,” Gregg went on, “so they could go to some little corner somewhere and cry like the little bitches they are, in peace, without their little brother nagging at them.” Sean’s face flushed, and Andy’s brow darkened.  Jesse and Pat gritted their teeth, and Gregg once again paused to enjoy the moment.  “Most of all,” he continued at last,  “you’d want to keep me from finding him because you know I’d tell that whiney little shit exactly how it is:  how his brothers deserve every painful smack they get today, and how it’s all his fault for being such a spoiled little brat!” Jesse sat forward in his chair, gripping the arms.

            “Take it easy, Jess,” Sean warned.

            “For all these reasons,” Gregg focused entirely on Jesse now, “I know you told him.  Unless,” he let his feet drop, and sat forward again, getting right in Jesse’s face.  Jesse dug his nails into the cushions and tried to avert his eyes, looking for Sean once more.  Sean and Andy were both sitting straight up now and frowning at Gregg in a menacing manner.  “Unless,” Gregg continued, “you couldn’t find him.” He smirked again.  “That means he’s still fair game!”

            Gregg’s friends tried to sign a warning, but they were not fast enough.  Nobody had heard Matt come in, and Gregg never knew what hit him as Steve’s big brother yanked him out of his chair by his collar and threw him against the wall, pinning him there. “You are a real horse’s ass! You know that?” he snapped.  “You apparently don’t remember the talk we had three weeks ago, so let me refresh your memory!  There will be no more warnings, Gregg.  You think you’re such hot shit, always picking on little guys, but you just keep in mind that the rules are not the same for me as they are for them!  If I were Steve, I would have worn your ass out a long time ago, but he’s got too big a heart and an unshakeable propensity for fairness.   I’ve got neither, asshole, and I’m telling you now, if  you mess with Danny, Ryan, Kevin, or any one of their friends  just one more time in the littlest, tiniest way,  you are going to be hearing from me!  Do you understand?”  Gregg swallowed hard and nodded.  “Good!” Matt let him go, and Gregg brought his hand up to rub the red mark on his neck.  “That goes for all you jokers!”  Steve’s brother glared at each of Gregg’s friends in turn.  “Consider yourselves forewarned and leave these guys alone today, unless you want the tables to turn!”  With that, Matt stalked out of the room and continued up the stairs to Steve’s room. 

            Now, it was Danny and Ryan’s friends who couldn’t help smiling just a little lopsidedly as Gregg and his cronies retired to the far corner of the room, where they could bitch about Matt without being detected. “I wish Danny and Ryan had been here to see that,” Patrick asserted wistfully.

            “I wish I had a damn video camera!” Jesse remarked sardonically.   Sean looked at Andy, but looked quickly away again as they both tried to keep a straight face.  Jesse, Danny, Kevin, and Kevin’s best friend, James, were all arguably in the running for the world’s original drama king, but in his big brother’s opinion, given the chance, Jesse would lock it up nicely. 

            Nobody paid much attention as Matt entered Steve’s room.  Not long after that, however, they heard his door open again, and Steve’s friends, Kurt and Mike, peered irately down from the railing above.  “You need a babysitter, Mcarthy?” Kurt called.  Gregg flushed and muttered something under his breath as Mike closed Steve’s door, and the two seniors headed for the stairs.  A moment later they appeared in the common room.

            “Are you all right?” Kurt came up beside Jesse, and put a hand on his shoulder.

            “Yeah, I’m ok, I guess,” Jesse replied gloomily, and Kurt dropped into the chair beside him that Gregg had so unwillingly vacated.  Without a word, Mike sat too as he glared in Gregg’s direction.

 

File Four

Anticipation

"There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it."

-Alfred Hitchcock

 

“The public has more interest in the punishment of an injury than he who receives it.”

-Cato the Censor

 

 

            It was four forty-five now, and still there had been no sign of any of Steve’s brothers, but the common room was starting to fill up.  “What the hell is going on?” Patrick whispered in dismay as he and Andy brought their chairs closer to their four friends.  “Why aren’t they all at dinner?”

            “Human nature,” Jesse growled.  “Where else would they be after Mcarthy told them all?”

            “So much for Steve’s brilliant plan,” Kurt remarked quietly, exchanging glances with Mike.

            “What plan?” Pat questioned sourly.

            “Well, I mean, you don’t think Steve wants to do this, do you?” Mike too was becoming agitated as the room continued to fill.  “He wanted to make things as easy as possible on Danny and Ryan, so he chose five o’clock because he assumed everyone would be at dinner.” People were looking and whispering now, intrigued especially by Kurt and Mike’s presence among Danny and Ryan’s friends.  Nothing could have confirmed the rumors Gregg had been spreading, faster.  Seniors, particularly friends of the president, did not mix so openly with underclassmen unless there was an occasion of some sort.  To see Kurt and Mike with their little brothers, Sean and Andrew, wasn’t so unusual, but for Jesse and Pat to be with them too? That was practically unheard of.   “He’s going to have a fucking hissy fit when he finds out about this,” Mike added with a nervous glance at all the activity. 

            People opened new books, fresh from the campus store, as he looked their way, lowering their heads, and pretending to be hard at work.  “That’s the understatement of the year!” Kurt agreed. “Is this really because of Mcarthy?”  Jesse and Sean nodded glumly and recounted their run-in with Gregg.

            “That sorry son of a bitch!” Mike fumed, meeting Kurt’s eyes again. Kurt threw another smoldering glance in Gregg’s direction, but Gregg was looking quite pleased with himself again now, and he did not acknowledge Kurt’s silent threat, if he even saw it.  Instead his grin widened and he looked up over all their shoulders.

            “Hey, Kev’bo!” he greeted, and with a collective feeling of dread, all six of Ryan and Danny’s friends turned their heads in the direction of the door. Kevin swallowed as all eyes turned toward him and the din of the common room began to die.  He had been standing there, unnoticed, scanning the room for his brothers for at least a couple of minutes.  He had not approached their friends because he did not like the feeling he got as he surveyed the room.  Now his anxiety increased still more.  The last time people had behaved like this around him, he had gotten his ass beat, but good.

            “Has anyone seen Danny and Ryan?” he questioned tentatively, focusing particularly on the little group sitting closest to him. 

            Gregg snorted, and Kurt narrowed his eyes at him. “Not one word!” he hissed.  “Not one single word!”  Gregg raised his hands in a gesture of protest and assumed his best look of injured innocence.  He then sat back, crossed his arms on his chest, and once again traded looks of amusement with his closest friends.

            “What’s going on?” Kevin asked.  After all, he wasn’t stupid.  Jesse put his head in his hands as Pat and Andy traded nervous glances.  Sean gnawed at his lip, and looked at his five allies, but none of them looked back, and finally he looked again at Kevin.

            “Nothing,” he answered him softly.  “Nothing’s going on, Kev.  What did you need from Danny and Ryan?”

            “I was just hoping Danny could help me with my history project,” Kevin replied timidly, his stomach turning.  Something was definitely not right.  Sean cursed under his breath and looked at Jesse.  Jesse met his eyes and shook his head as he in turn bit hard on his lip. “Fucking unbelievable!” he muttered.  It was the one place they had not looked, and where Kevin had most assuredly been, the library.  They were just not used yet to the golden boy reputation Kevin was fast acquiring.  It had, after all, been less than a month since he was the party king.

            “Why don’t you bring it here,” Sean encouraged, at last.  “I bet Jess and I could help you.”

            “But Danny’s the History major,” Kevin protested and Gregg Mcarthy snickered again.

            “Yeah, Sean, Danny’s the History major!”

            “Shut it!”  Sean turned on him, unable to contain himself any longer.

            “You know what, never mind,” Kevin backed away.

            “See you later, Kevie!” Gregg called brightly.  “Hey, why don’t you ask Steve where your brothers are?” 

            “You asshole!”  Mike fumed, and Kevin gave them both a funny look.

            “Yeah, I’ll do that,” he replied, turning towards the stairs.

            “No!” all of his brothers’ friends exclaimed together. Kevin returned once more to the door of the common room, all his anxiety written clearly on his face now, as Kurt and Mike stood up to confront Gregg.   

            “You,” Kurt pointed his finger at him, “are going to get your ass beat!”

            “What the hell is going on?” Kevin shouted in distress.

            “What’s the matter, Kev’bo?”  The tired sounding voice in the hallway made everybody freeze.

            “I don’t know!” Kevin answered his brother in exasperation.  “They won’t tell me!” 

            Mike sank back into his chair and brought his hand to his eyes. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. 

            “Oh, yeah!” Gregg sneered. “It’s show time!”

            “Your day is coming, asshole!” Kurt clenched his fist tightly, but as Danny and Ryan appeared behind their brother, he too sat down again, propping his head on his hand, and closing his eyes.  

            Sean looked quickly at the floor, and Jesse bit his lip, reddening, as their two best friends looked their way. Andrew colored too, and Patrick dodged Danny’s eyes. 

            “Mary, mother of God,” Ryan breathed as they surveyed the scene in the common room.  Danny turned ashen and Ryan’s hand went to his shoulder. 

            “Where have you two been?” Kevin asked, turning to look at them. “I’ve been searching for you everywhere!”  He paused as he caught sight of their wan complexions. “God, are you guys all right?” he asked.

            “Yeah, Bro, we’re ok,” Ryan assured him quietly.  “We just had some things we needed to take care of.”

            “Yeah, Right. ‘Things,’” Gregg mimicked. His friends laughed with him, while Danny and Ryan’s friends clenched their teeth and glowered in their direction.

            Ryan and Danny ignored them all. “What did you need, Kev?” Danny inquired softly.  “Is it something that will wait?”

            “I guess,” Kevin replied uncertainly, his former anxiety creeping back into his voice as he regarded his brothers.  “I just wanted some help with my History project for next semester.  I thought maybe we could talk about it at dinner.”  Jesse and Sean came quietly up beside them, now, and Danny and Ryan looked away. 

            “We’ll help you, Kev’bo.” Sean carefully focused his attention on Danny’s younger brother as he repeated his previous offer.  “Why don’t you go get it, so we can see what we’re working with?” 

            “I have it,” Kevin protested, pulling the crinkled syllabus from his pocket, “but I wanted Danny to help me.” 

            “I can’t, Bro,” Danny replied gently, and Ryan tightened his grip on his brother’s shoulder, “not right now.” 

            “Why not?” Kevin’s disappointment was evident and it cut his brother sharply.

            “I just can’t, Kev,” he looked away again, struggling to maintain his composure.  Kevin hung his head, and the expression on his face, when Danny looked back at him, was more than his big brother could bear. “Here, let me see it, Kid,” he said softly, holding out his hand.  His voice was tight with emotion.

            “Danny, come on, man,” Ryan urged him uneasily.

            “I just want to look at it!” Danny snapped, and Ryan squeezed his shoulder again.  He knew how hard it was for his brother to deny Kevin this kind of request.

            “Won’t you guys tell me what’s going on?” Kevin pleaded, the paper forgotten as tears filled his eyes.

            “It’s nothing, Kev, it’s nothing,” Danny tried to reassure, “let me see,” he indicated the paper again, and doubtfully, Kevin handed it to him.  Danny opened it up, and tried to smooth out the wrinkles, glancing over it as he did.  Finally he looked up at Jesse.  The two friends shared a long look and tears welled in Danny’s eyes too, now, as he looked back at Kevin.   “Jess should be able to help you with this,” he said softly. “We did the same thing last year.”

            “But I want you!” Kevin’s anxiety increased as he saw his brother’s tears.  “Why can’t you help me?”

            “I can’t do it, right now, Kev’bo,” Danny said again, still trying his best to remain calm.  “Let Jess get you started and I’ll help you later, ok?”

            “But why?”  Kevin’s agitation was mounting by the minute and Danny pressed his fingers to his eyes. Ryan hung his arm lower over his little brother’s chest and pulled him against him.

            “We’ve got to go now, Bro,” he whispered in his ear. “We are going to be in big trouble if we keep them waiting any longer.”  Danny swallowed, and nodded, looking at Kevin one more time through blurred eyes as Ryan maneuvered him towards the stairs.

            “Wait!” Kevin followed them, putting his hand on Ryan’s arm.  “Where are you guys going?”

            Ryan’s face flushed, and he bit his lip.  “We have to go talk to Steve, Kevin,” he replied tensely. Danny stood before his brother on the very first step, still in his protective embrace, and now he covered his face with his hand.

            Kevin, in his own anxiety, missed the tone in his brother’s voice.  “Ok, I’ll come with you,” he started.

            “No, Kev.  You can’t, Bud.”

            “Ryan, please . . . .”

            “I said no!”

            Tears stung Kevin’s eyes again as Sean came up behind him, and put a hand on his shoulder.  “Why not?” Kevin pressed.

            “You just can’t, Kev’bo.  Not this time.  I’m sorry,” Ryan spoke gently now.  He tried to urge Danny forward, but Kevin clung to his arm.

            “Why can’t I come, Ryan?” he demanded desperately.  “Why?”  Ryan took hold of Kevin’s arm, and looked at him earnestly.

            “Because, Bro, it’s not a social call,” he said quietly, his face turning beet red.

            “What?” Kevin looked at him in amazement.  “What do you mean?”  Both his brothers were a deep crimson now and Kevin’s stomach knotted as he looked at them.

            “Look, Kev,” Ryan soothed, affected by his little brother’s anguished expression, “everything’s going to be all right, ok?  But you have to let us go. Let us go,” he commanded softly. Too shocked to argue, Kevin took his hand from Ryan’s arm.  Ryan urged Danny forward once more, and in a daze Danny obeyed, swallowing hard to keep his tears back just a little longer.

            “Ryan,” Kevin tried to follow again as they neared the top of the stairs, but Sean held him back.  “Ryan . . .,” Kevin called, but neither of his brothers looked at him.  He could see that Danny was just barely holding it together.  “What did you mean?” The question came out so softly that even Kevin wasn’t sure if his brothers had heard him, but they did, and it was with an aching heart that Ryan ignored his pleas, and continued down the hallway, pushing Danny in front of him.

            Finally, they stood outside their big brother’s door, and Ryan paused, swallowing hard as his emotions started to get the better of him.  This room had never been anything, but a warm and inviting place to go since Steve had assumed the presidency at the beginning of the year.  Now, his stomach was in turmoil.  He knew, as he looked at him, that his younger brother was having similar thoughts, and he kept his hand on Danny’s shoulder as he finally got up the courage to knock.  After a minute, Steve opened the door, and Ryan hung his head as his brother looked reproachfully at him.  He had seen that look in Steve’s eyes many times, but rarely had it been directed at him. 

            The fraternity president regarded his little brothers silently for a moment, and then grimly stood aside to let them in, closing the door with an ominous click behind them.

File Five

 The Break Down

 

"When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
-Henry J.M. Nouwen (The Road to Daybreak)

 

 

            It was with considerable consternation that Kevin watched his big brothers disappear, and now he looked pleadingly up into Sean’s face.  “What did Ryan mean, Sean? When he said it’s not a social call?”  Sean tightened his grip on Kevin’s shoulder and met his eyes. 

            “They’re in trouble, Kev,” he said softly.

            “What? Trouble for what? What do you mean, trouble?” Kevin inquired anxiously. Sean sought his little brother’s eyes, and Jesse’s throat tightened as Kevin too looked his way.  For a long moment, nobody said anything as Sean and Jesse struggled with their emotions.  Then, finally, Jesse looked at Kevin.

            “They’re going to get licks, Kid,” he whispered, and tears filled his eyes as the blood drained from Kevin’s face.

            “What?!” Kevin looked back at Sean and Sean nodded, tears welling in his eyes too.  “No!” Kevin regarded his brothers’ best friends in disbelief.  “No! I don’t believe you!”

            “Kev,” Sean tried to quiet him.

            “No!” Kevin jerked his arm away and glowered at them.  “Steve wouldn’t do that! Not to them!  What could they possibly have done . . .?” Kevin’s voice caught in his throat as he looked at Sean and Jesse’s tortured expressions.    “But why?” he sobbed.  “Why? What did they do?”

            “It’s ok, Kev,” Sean put his arm around him again, and Kevin hid his face and clung to Ryan’s best friend. 

            “What did they do?” Kevin repeated.

            “They got in a fight with Mcarthy,” Jesse grumbled as he stood looking on awkwardly.

            “What?! When did that happen?”

            “About three weeks ago.” Sean pulled him closer and dropped his chin to the top of his head.

            “That long ago? Why didn’t they tell me?” 

            “They knew they were going to be in trouble, Kev’bo,” Sean replied gently.  “They didn’t want you to worry.”

            “Well, where the hell was I? How did I not hear about this?”

            “It was around the time of the meeting, Kev,” Jesse returned softly.  “You were a little distracted, and afterwards Ryan and Danny made sure everyone knew they better zip it around you.”

            “Around the time of  The Meeting?”  Gregg scoffed from the other room.  “Around that time? If I recall correctly, it was the same damn day!”

            “Stay out of it, you piece of shit!” Mike warned.

            “Just making sure the kid has all the facts,” Gregg countered smugly as Steve’s friends glowered at him.

            Kevin looked disconcertedly up to meet first Sean and then Jesse’s eyes.  “It was the same day?” he croaked.  “What were they fighting about?”  There was silence and Sean squeezed Kevin’s shoulder harder as he met Jesse’s eyes once more.

            “No,” Kevin looked at each of his brothers’ friends in turn, reading their expressions.  “NO! Oh my God!” he wailed. “It was my fault? They were fighting about me?”

            “No, Kev, it wasn’t your fault!”  Jesse assured. 

            “There’s nothing you could have done to stop it,” Sean agreed.

            “I can’t believe this is happening!”  Kevin sobbed, turning for the stairs. 

            Sean pulled him back.  “Where are you going, Kevin?” he asked, gently.

            “To stop this!” Kevin cried.  “This is crazy!  Let me go!” he pleaded as Sean once again hauled him off the stairs. 

            “You can’t stop it, Kev!” Ryan’s best friend uttered brokenly.  “Jess and I already tried, right after it happened. We begged Steve to go easy, but I guess he felt, given the circumstances, he couldn’t let it go.”

            “Well I can’t just sit here!” Kevin pushed at him, struggling to free himself from Sean’s strong grip.  “Let me go, Sean, please!”

            Sean took a firmer hold of his arm and drew him to the side, away from the door, in an effort to escape the prying eyes of the common room.  “Look at me, Kev,” he directed.  Danny’s little brother was still looking at the stairs and straining against him.  “Look at me please,” he repeated, taking him by the shoulders now, and finally Kevin did, turning sulky, resentful eyes on him.  “If you go up there, it will only make things worse!” Sean’s voice caught again as he continued. “You will embarrass your brothers, and in the end, you will only prolong the inevitable.”

            “But there must be something we can do!” Kevin protested desperately, looking at Jesse as Danny’s best friend came up beside them. 

            Jesse shook his head.  “Let them get it over with, Kev’bo,” he choked. 

            “No!” Kevin stared incredulously at them. “How can you just stand there and let this happen?”  He twisted to get away, and Sean tightened his grasp.  “Let me go!” he raged.  “Let me go!”  He shoved at Sean again, throwing him off balance, and Sean fell back against the wall.  His grip loosened slightly and with one desperate twist, Kevin ripped himself free, and headed for the stairs.   Sean, however, was not that easily defeated and as he regained his balance he reached out and grabbed Kevin from behind, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him against him. “No!” Kevin howled.  “Let me go, Sean! Let me go!” 

            Kevin fought with everything he had, and for a time Sean successfully contained him as Kevin kicked, squirmed, and strained against him.  Finally, though, Ryan’s friend started to tire.  Kevin successfully negotiated the first step of the stairs, and as Sean lifted him off, he kicked back, accidentally catching his brother’s best friend in the groin.  Sean dropped him quickly and bent low, clutching himself as the shot of agonizing pain sucked all the air from his lungs. 

            “Fuck! Oww!” he finally uttered through clenched teeth.  “Jesus Christ, that hurt!”

            “Are you all right?” Jesse’s concern for his brother made him forget Kevin who was already sprinting up the staircase. 

            “Yes . . .God! . . .Yes,” Sean barely managed, squatting lower in pain.  “Go!” Jesse looked at him in confusion.  “Kevin!” Sean reminded, but in that instant Andy tore past them and up the stairway.  Pat was close on his heels, and Jesse chose to leave Danny’s younger brother to their friends as he dropped to his knees beside Sean and put a hand on his arm.

            “Steve!” they could already hear Kevin calling, “Steve!”, and as Sean finally got his breath back he began to sob.

            “You all right, Man?”  Kurt asked softly, coming to the door of the common room.

            “No!” Sean seethed, falling back against the wall, and covering his face with his hands.  “This is exactly the kind of scene Ryan and Danny don’t need!”

            “Steve, don’t!”  Kevin was pounding on Steve’s door now, and his screams of frustration filled the air as Andy lifted him off his feet and away from the entrance to his oldest brother’s room.  Sean drew up his knees, hugging them to his chest, and hiding his face.  Jesse had been bolstered, up until now, mainly by the strength of his big brother, and as Sean collapsed so did he.  Sagging against the wall, he too brought his knees to his chest and hid his face. For a moment Kurt remained quiet as he gazed fondly down at his little brothers.  Finally, as the sounds of Kevin’s fury continued to fill the air, he moved into the hallway, and sat down on the other side of Sean.  Sean had been holding back a long time, and now, as he felt his brother’s arm come around him, he turned his face into Kurt’s shoulder and really let go.  Both of Kurt’s brothers had endured all they could possibly endure.  Now, as they finally broke down, their poignant sobs combined with Kevin’s shrieks of rage to send a chill through the otherwise silent house.

            “Come on now, you two,” Kurt prodded gently.  He took his hand briefly from Sean’s shoulder to squeeze Jesse’s shoulder bracingly.  “Jess, come on,” he comforted.  “I know this is hard, but after all, Danny and Ryan are not the first to ever receive a summons.  They are Steve’s brothers, and that makes it a tad awkward, for everyone, but they made what was actually a fairly serious mistake, and they deserve to be punished, just the same as anybody else.”

            “What the fuck is the meeting all about, then?” Sean demanded hostilely.  “If they are going to be subjected to the summons anyway, why should they have to endure that? It’s not fair!”

            “The meeting’s not really about them,” Kurt replied calmly.

            “Not about them?” Jesse challenged in a tone of incredulity, looking up at his oldest brother with red-rimmed, accusing eyes.  “Just who the fuck is it about then?”

            “All of us,” Kurt replied simply. “The meeting is about setting standards for the fraternity as a whole. The president and his brothers are expected to lead the way, and to set that example.  It’s a tough night, I know, but it doesn’t give Danny and Ryan a pass to do whatever they want afterwards.  If anything, they should be even more cognizant of their behavior. Small things can be overlooked from time to time, but when they pick a fight with a senior it has to be dealt with.”

            “THEY didn’t pick it!” Jesse returned aggressively.

            “I’m not going to get into this with you right now, Jess,” Kurt maintained his level tone.  “The fact is, they initiated the fight by throwing the first and only punches.  They have to be punished for that.  Steve had absolutely no room to consider other alternatives.”

            “Well it didn’t have to be like this!” Sean railed.

            “Like what?” Kurt asked gently.

            “Like this!” Sean repeated in frustration. “A whole big spectacle, right at the end of the semester! This sucks!  Why did he wait so long, Kurt? Jess and I thought maybe he had changed his mind.”

            Kurt sighed as he began to understand more fully what his brothers were feeling.  He and Mike had been in the loop all along, and had known this was coming.  Ryan and Danny had known too, but Sean, Jesse, Andy, and Pat had been in the dark. Danny and Ryan had begged Steve not to tell anyone, even Kevin.  Not that anyone was privy to that information anyway, but this situation was problematic.  Typically, when a summons was issued, it concerned only two of  four brothers.  There was always one big brother left to handle things.  In this case, though, all of Kevin’s brothers were occupied.  It had been gently suggested to Ryan and Danny that they let Sean and Jesse know what was happening, but they had stoutly refused. They thought, and eventually they had convinced Steve, that if they planned carefully enough, there would be no reason anybody had to know. Kurt saw how foolish that was now.

            “We should have handled it differently,” he squeezed his brother’s shoulder.  “I’m sorry.  Steve certainly didn’t intend for it to come down like this.  Danny and Ryan, understandably, didn’t want anyone to know, and you know how Steve is about them.  He has a very hard time putting his foot down, but he should have in this case.  It wasn’t fair to you guys or to Kevin.  Don’t feel like it was unexpected on Danny and Ryan’s part, though,” he soothed.  “Steve made it very clear to them what to expect and when to expect it. He waited, I think, primarily because he didn’t want to catch anymore flack from Coach, but also to give Danny some time to repair his relationship with Kevin.”

            “Well that was a fucking great idea!” Jesse interjected.  “The kid’s going to have a nervous break down, no doubt.  I hope Steve will be satisfied then!”  Kevin’s tempestuous wails were still echoing throughout the house, and Jesse’s comment brought a slight smirk to Kurt’s face despite himself. 

            “Yeah,” he agreed, biting on his lip, “that once again might not have been the best way to handle things.  I think Steve was thinking more of Danny in that case, than of Kevin.”

            “I’m sure he’s thinking of Kevin now!” Jesse remarked sarcastically.

            “I’m sure he is,” Kurt agreed.  “How did you guys find out?” he asked quietly after a minute. “From Mcarthy?”

            Sean shook his head.  “That’s how Pat and Andy found out.  I was with Ryan when he checked his mail this morning.” 

            Kurt frowned. “So you guys have been carrying this around with you all day?”

            Sean nodded against his shoulder.  “We spent all damn day looking for Kevin just so we could prevent . . . well, . . .this! We looked fucking everywhere!  Who would have thought the little fucker would be in the library three days before the end of the semester! We just wanted them to be able to get this over with, without the whole world knowing, and now thanks to Mcarthy and Kevin this is as bad as things could possibly be, and worse than Jess and I even imagined!” 

            Kurt was quiet for a minute.  “We should have told you, Sean,” he said finally. “There’s no doubt about it!  We fucked up! Ultimately, this is our fault for not planning better.  Even if we had just prepared you and Jess, without Danny and Ryan having to know about it, that obviously, now, would have been the smart thing to do.  Then the two of you could have handled Kevin, but what’s done is done.  Unfortunately, we can’t reverse the damage Mcarthy has done, but he’ll get his! Trust me! He really stepped in

it this time. As for Kevin, given the circumstances, he’s not hurting anything.”

            “Are you kidding me?” Jesse lowered through his tears.  “With all that racket? He’s making them the center of attention!”

            “Now, come on, Jess,” Kurt responded indulgently, “what do you think they were all doing in there, before,” he indicated the common room, “studying?” Jesse remained silent as he hid his face again, and hugged his knees harder. “He’ll calm down,” Kurt went on in the same patient tone.  “He’ll get tired soon, and when the tantrum has finally run its course, he’ll realize that somehow the world has not come to an end, and he’ll go cry the rest of it off in his room.  The day will pass.  Danny and Ryan will be fine, a little sore undoubtedly, but fine.  In another couple of days, the semester will be over, and when we come back everyone will have more important things to focus on.  This will blow over eventually as these things always do,” he tried to assure his distraught little brothers, but he began to wonder.  A tantrum was just exactly what Kevin Kramer was having, and as the sounds of his misery continued without abating, Kurt uneasily started to think that he could possibly be wrong.

 

 

File Six

The Reprimand

 

"Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, whether you like it or not."

-Thomas Henry Huxley

 

            Steve tried to ignore the pang in his heart as his brothers faced him, doing their best to look him in the eye.  They looked scared to death.  He had wished many times over the past several weeks that he could go back and erase the events preceding the night of his youngest brother’s punishment.  He wished it more than ever now.  If there had been any way for him to prevent this moment from coming, he would have, at almost any cost, but come it had.  Now, there was nothing to do, but get it over with.

            With a deep inward breath, he mustered all the severity he could, and regarded Danny and Ryan sternly. “You’re late,” he scolded, raising his hand to brandish the small wooden paddle that Matt had, on more than one occasion, used to discipline all three of his brothers.  Danny and Ryan recognized it immediately, and both turned pasty white as Matt too frowned at them in an intimidating manner. 

            “It’s my fault,” Danny sobbed, unable to hold himself together any longer.

            “I’m not particularly interested in whose fault it is,” Steve returned, taking hold of his arm. 

            “No!” Ryan protested as Steve escorted their younger brother towards the door that had caused Sean and Jesse so much apprehension three weeks earlier.  “We would have been here, Steve! We were here, in fact. It’s just that Kevin . . . .”

            “I don’t want to hear it!” Steve snapped. Opening the door, and propelling his distraught younger brother inside, he then turned to address Ryan.  “I don’t care who is at fault, or what the excuse is!” he ranted as his two little brothers locked eyes in silent commiseration. “When you are summoned for a punishment, you report on time, and that’s final! You two of all people should know that! Time after time, this semester, the two of you and Kevin have put me in bad situations.  Kevin, of course, didn’t know any better until a few weeks ago.  The same cannot be said for the two of you!”

            “How are we putting you in a bad situation?“ Ryan protested. “Nobody’s even supposed to know about this!”

            “So, it’s ok to break the rules as long as no one knows?” Steve retorted. Ryan didn’t respond, and Steve turned to the younger of his two brothers. “Take your pants down, Dan!” he commanded. “And get over the table!” Then he turned back to Ryan.  “You’ll be next!” he admonished, and with that he followed Danny inside and pulled the door shut hard behind him.

            Ryan stood stunned, looking after his brothers for a long minute before he finally sank to Steve’s  bed and clutched the pillows, hiding his face and attempting to smother long repressed sobs as the first sounds of Danny’s punishment carried through the door. 

            Matt remained silent.  Taking a  seat in the somewhat ratty armchair on the far side of the bed, he folded his hands and pursed his lips.  His feelings in this moment were conflicted.  He felt bad for his little brothers; no one with a heart could resist them in this state.  He knew they were well meaning and had not intended to cause trouble for Steve, but that is what they had done, all the same, and this was not the first time.  They had to learn that their actions had consequences.  “What did you think he was going to say, Ry?” he probed gently, at last. 

            Ryan, however, chose not to answer the question.  “You told him to do it, didn’t you?” came the garbled accusation from the bed.

            “When you were late, we discussed the appropriate way to handle it, yes,” Matt conceded, “but the ultimate decision was Steve’s.  You guys have to start respecting his authority, and following the rules!” 

            Ryan was silent, just gripping the pillows tighter as the sounds of wood smacking skin, followed by Danny’s cries, continued to creep under the doorway.  Another minute or two of cool silence passed before the door finally opened.  Then, with little ceremony, and without saying anything, Steve exchanged one brother for the other.  Neither one protested.  Ryan was still too disconcerted, and Danny was now too embarrassed and sore.  He and Ryan avoided one another’s eyes as Steve hauled Ryan out of the bed, and Danny crawled into his place.  Matt said nothing more; he didn’t feel there was anything more to be said.

            Danny clutched the bedspread and hid his face as  guilty sobs shook his shoulders. It had been his fault they were late, and he felt entirely responsible for the trouble between his two big brothers.  As sore as he now was, his own punishment was all but forgotten as the sounds of Ryan’s pushed every other concern from his mind.  It seemed an eternity to him before Ryan and Steve emerged, and the disgruntled protests coming from inside the room countered by Steve’s  biting rebukes did nothing to ease his mind.  When he finally heard the door open, he peeked up from the pillows, seeking some sort of reprieve. 

            Steve’s hand was on Ryan’s shoulder as they came out, but Ryan’s petulant scowl told the world he felt an injustice had been done. He turned his head as he sensed Danny’s eyes on him, and his glower deepened.  He bit his lip hard, and then, jerking away from Steve, he made for the only vacant space in the room where he could possibly hide his face, the overstuffed armchair in the corner of the room that was the partner to the one Matt still occupied.  Gratefully, Ryan sank into the pillowy softness, buried his face, and let all his frustration go.  Unlike Danny, who was wearing jeans, Ryan was wearing the flimsy mesh running shorts he habitually wore to work out in, and the backs of his legs vividly displayed the severity of the reprimand he’d just endured.  The sight, overall, affected his big brother deeply.

            Matt had, so far, observed his little brother’s actions with silent approval, but he could see now that Steve was becoming emotional.  He got up from his chair, and made his way across the room, moving in beside his little brother, and placing a hand on his shoulder. “You all right?” he asked in a tone his sobbing brothers were unlikely to hear.  Steve nodded, but his throat tightened and he was afraid to try and speak. “You’re doing great,” Matt whispered. “I know that was hard, but it needed to be done.”  Steve swallowed as tears started to streak his cheeks.  “Come on, Man,” Matt squeezed his shoulder, “you can’t let them see you like this.”

            Steve knew his brother was right, and he tried hard to force down the lump in his throat, but his stomach was churning now, and the sounds from downstairs weren’t helping.  For some time now, Steve had been dimly aware of them as they drifted up the stairs and snuck under his doorway, but they were not very loud, nor were they distinct, and he had been focused on his brothers.  Now, however, as the room became quieter, the noises were becoming louder, and he couldn’t help wondering what was going on.  Matt too, got a bewildered look on his face.  “What the hell is that?” he questioned rhetorically.  He hadn’t heard it before, but there was definitely a commotion of some sort going on, and it was becoming harder and harder to miss.  Even Danny and Ryan began to grow calmer, distracted from their own misery by the raucous disturbance outside. 

            “No! Let me go, Sean! Let me go!”  The blood drained from Steve’s face as for the first time distinct tones reached the ears of the four brothers.

            “Oh, Jesus!” Danny sobbed, and Ryan began to cry harder again too.  Matt was the only one who did not recognize the sounds for what they were and he looked at Steve inquiringly.

            “It’s Kevin!” Steve exclaimed in a tone of incredulous frustration, but by that time no explanation was necessary as Matt too identified the voice.

            “Steve!” they heard their youngest brother calling.  “Steve!”  A moment later he was pounding on the door.  “Steve, don’t!”  Steve put a hand to his eyes, and Matt tightened his grip on his shoulder.  Not long after, they heard Andy’s low tones and Kevin’s infuriated screams filled the air.  There was no more pounding after that, but Kevin’s furious caterwauling intensified, and they heard Pat’s voice now too as Danny and Ryan’s friends tried to soothe the youngest of the president’s brothers.

            “God damn it! Who told him?” Steve’s temper flared as the onslaught of emotion became too much for him, and his brotherly instincts kicked in.  Danny and Ryan were both unable to speak for a moment, and Steve had not really expected them to answer. He didn’t think they would know. 

            Finally, however, Ryan responded.  “I th . . .ink Jess . . . and . . . and Sean probably did,” he managed brokenly. His words were so mangled that both Matt and Steve had a hard time understanding. They got the gist though.

            “What?!” Steve demanded.  “Why? Why would they do that?”

            “I didn’t leave them much choice,” Ryan sobbed. 

            “Ryan,” Steve started gently, “slow down, and back up. You’re not making any sense.  What are you talking about?”

            “It’s what I was trying to tell you before!” Ryan choked into the chair.  Danny’s agitation had reached fever pitch as he clutched the pillow to his face, and without a word, Matt went and sat on the bed next to him, placing a hand on his younger brother’s back and whispering softly to him. 

            “Come on, Dan, it’s all right, we’ll get through this.”  It was hard to even hear what Ryan was saying now, but Matt looked up in an effort to get what his other little brother was trying to convey. 

            “When we came in, the first person we saw was Kevin.  He was just standing there in the hallway and he was clearly upset.  I was afraid someone might already have told him, but then he certainly wasn’t acting like he knew!  Danny and I looked to see what he was looking at and . . . everybody knows, Steve! Everybody knows!” Ryan too was becoming hysterical again, and Steve went to him, squatting down beside him, and placing his hand on his back. 

            “Come on now, Bro,” he started patiently. “I know it was upsetting to come in and find Mcarthy here, and I’m sorry that your friends found out, but that is hardly everyone . . . .”

            “No, Steve! Everyone knows! The whole fucking house is down there! It’s standing room only, and believe me, they all know!”

            “What?!” Steve paled and looked at Matt.  “They’re all supposed to be at dinner!”

            “Yeah, well, they’re not!” Ryan returned bitterly. He turned his head to look miserably at his brother. “That’s why we were late! The only one who didn’t know when we came in was very clearly Kevin, and we could barely get up the fucking stairs! He was looking for Danny.  Wanted help with his History project.  We kept trying to get away, but he wouldn’t let us go.  Then, when I told him we had to come see you, he wanted to come with us, and the only way I could get him to back off was by telling him it wasn’t a social call.  He didn’t get it though, and I’m sure he asked Jesse and Sean about it.  They’ve just been trying to help.  We should have told them to begin with, I guess, like you said, and then this wouldn’t have happened like this,” he sobbed.

            Steve and Matt were silent as they looked at one another in dismay.  How could their beautifully orchestrated plan have gotten so far off course? Absently, Steve continued to rub Ryan’s back. ‘How the hell did this information get out?’ he pondered to himself.  He didn’t understand. The only people who had known anything were his brothers and his two best friends.  Not even Danny and Ryan’s closest friends had been aware of the impending punishment.  Steve did not know how it had happened, but he was furious, and he was going to find out.

            “I’m going to fix this, Ry!” he assured quietly, and with one last comforting squeeze of his little brother’s shoulder, he got to his feet and headed for the door. 

            “What are you going to do, Steve?” Matt asked softly.  He still had a hand on Danny’s back, but Danny’s anguished cries had not decreased by much.

            “I don’t know,” Steve replied honestly. “First, I want someone to tell me how the fuck the whole house came to be in possession of information that we have guarded very carefully for weeks now.”

            “Somebody must have slipped,” Matt continued in the same undertone.

            “Like who?! Kurt and Mike? It will be their asses, if they did!” Steve snapped, his hand on the doorknob.

            “Steve, before anything else, and especially if you’re determined to go out there, you have got to calm down! I know you’re pissed, but if you open that door, you have to be prepared first and foremost to deal with Kevin. The last thing you want to do is inadvertently make things worse.”   Steve looked at his sobbing brothers and paused.  Matt was right.  The last thing he wanted to do was make things worse. 

            “What do you think I should do?” he asked as Hurricane Kevin continued to rage on the other side of the door.

            “I don’t know,” Matt replied softly.  “It’s a tough call.  Someone’s got to get that kid calmed down, and the best way to do that might be to let him in.”

            “No! No! Jesus, No!” Danny interjected even before his opinion was called for. 

            “Well, there you have the thoughts on that idea,” Matt replied wryly.  “The only other choices are to forget about it and get this over with and try to deal with Kevin and everything else in the aftermath, or open the door with a very specific plan, knowing the kid’s going to try and push his way in here.”

            Steve looked again at Ryan and Danny, and another wave of fury washed over him.  It burned him to think people were out there reveling in their misery.   “If I can just get Andy’s attention for a moment, or Pat’s, maybe they can tell me something,” he intimated to Matt in hushed tones.

            “NO!” his younger brothers pleaded, horrified.  Steve had not intended for them to hear, and he met Matt’s eyes uncomfortably, looking away as his older brother raised his eyebrows at him.   “Please just leave it, Steve! Please!” Ryan implored. “There’s nothing you can do about it, now!”

            ‘I can find the sons of bitches responsible!’ Steve thought darkly to himself.  He was trying very hard to think rationally, but at the moment his more practical side had been overridden by his protective feelings for his brothers. He would find out who had done this to them! He would find out right now, and if Mcarthy had one single thing to do with it, he would eat his liver for lunch.

            With that thought in mind, Steve turned again towards the door.  All his brothers were against him, but he was the president, and in this case, anyway, he would do as he pleased.

 

 

File Seven

Damage Control

 

"Empathy during agony is a portion of divinity."
-Neal A Maxwell

 

            Kevin was not calming down at all.  In fact he seemed to become more, instead of less, worked up as he fought to get at Steve’s door.  It took the efforts of both Andrew and Patrick to restrain him, and they were losing ground.  They were stronger than Kevin, but not as resilient and he was wearing them down.  Privately, each wondered how much more he could take.

            Mike had, to this point, not involved himself.  He knew Steve would at some point find out that the summons had become public information, and he and Kurt, as the only two uninvolved people he had confided in, were in the immediate line of fire.  The last thing he wanted was to be part of the drama exacerbating the situation.  He had assumed that Pat and Andy would be able to get things under control, but he had not counted on the kid’s persistence. 

            He passed Kurt who was still trying to calm his own little brothers in the hallway downstairs, and his friend smirked at him.  “Good luck,” he commented drolly.

            “Yeah, thanks,” Mike returned as he started up the stairs. ‘What would Pat and Andy do if that was me in there, getting my ass beat?’ he wondered wryly.  Somehow, he couldn’t picture them throwing themselves against the president’s bedroom door.  Then again, he couldn’t picture much of anybody taking that chance, ‘except maybe James, if Jess was in trouble,’ he thought.  ‘Thank God the kid was gone already for the holidays.  That was one less potential drama to worry about, anyway.’  Steve had summoned the poor kid for what was probably the ass blistering of his life the day after the meeting, and James was still brimming with resentment.

            Steve had a soft spot, though, where his brothers were concerned, and they all knew it.  They definitely took chances no one else would take, and sometimes broke rules no one else would even think of breaking. Most of the time, they got away with it. The funny thing was, no one seemed to mind. Mike knew it was a natural fascination with anything sadistic that had brought the majority of the fraternity together today, not a particular wish to see Danny and Ryan suffer.  Most of them, when asked where their sympathies lay, would undoubtedly side with the two brothers.  As spoiled as they most certainly were, they were also lovable.  Ryan, as the prankster, and Danny as the intense and passionate driving force behind their football team, were almost as well loved by the rest of the fraternity as they were by their brother, and Kevin too was making friends just as quickly as they had. Their little brother’s willingness to speak his mind, his guts on the field, his eagerness (especially the last few weeks) to do the right thing, and his devotion to his brothers had quickly made him a house favorite.  

            There weren’t many in the fraternity who would not have eagerly seen Gregg Mcarthy in Danny and Ryan’s place tonight.  ‘But it didn’t stop them from coming here and making it worse,’ Mike pondered bitterly. ‘We just can’t help involving ourselves in the pain and misery of others.’  The last thought hit him hard as he came around the corner and saw for himself the state that Danny and Ryan’s little brother was in. ‘Poor kid,’ he sighed heavily.

            Pat and Andy had him cornered like a trapped animal between the railing overlooking the common room, and Steve’s door.  His eyes were red and swollen, his face was flushed, and tears continued to streak his cheeks.  He was quiet at the moment as he contemplated his next move, not willing to admit yet that he had nowhere to go. ‘At least he’s getting some good drill time in,’ Mike thought ironically.  As a running back it was important for Kevin to be able to get out of tight spots.  Steve’s friend paused, contemplating what to do, and at that moment his brothers looked his way and saw him.  Kevin followed their gaze.

            “Mike!” Steve’s youngest brother cried.  “Mike! Please!” The next moment Kevin was rushing towards him, and Mike instinctively put out his hands to intercept him, taking a firm grip on Kevin’s arms.  “Mike, please!”  Kevin pleaded desperately.  “You can talk to him! You can stop this! Please!”

            “I can’t, Kev’bo.” Mike looked sorrowfully down into Kevin’s panicked face.  “It’s not my call,” he asserted gently.

            “But can’t you talk to him?” Kevin entreated, and Mike shook his head.

            “I can’t go in there now, Kev,” he said softly, “and if I did, it wouldn’t make a difference.  We just have to let them get it over with.”

            “But they didn’t mean to do it!” Kevin’s frustration resurfaced.  “I know they didn’t! And, anyway, whatever they did, I’m sure Mcarthy deserved it!”

            “That is neither here nor there, Kevin,” Mike replied, bending lower to peer in his face. “In this fraternity, we do not fight, and when you are the president’s brothers, fair or unfair, the ability to control your temper becomes vital.  Under no circumstances is it acceptable for underclassmen to attack a senior.  Danny and Ryan know that!”

            “But Mike . . . ,” Kevin started, and then he just dissolved into tears. 

            “Come on, now, it’s all right.” Mike pulled him close and Kevin clung to him, pressing his face into his chest.  Mike pushed his hair away from his hot, feverish forehead, and tightened his arms, looking up to meet the grateful expressions of his own younger brothers.

            Before anything could be said, however, Steve’s door opened just a crack and they all looked over in surprise.  Steve peered out at them, and Patrick and Andy paled at the sight of his furious face, swallowing as they looked back at Mike.  Steve was staring right at their brother, and Mike sighed inwardly as he unflinchingly met the fraternity president’s smoldering eyes. ‘Well, obviously the cat is out of the bag,’ he thought grimly, holding tighter to Kevin.

            At that moment Kevin turned his head towards the door and caught sight of his oldest brother.  Steve’s expression softened as he looked at Kevin’s face, and Kevin looked timidly at him.  “Is it over?” he asked tremulously, and tears welled in Steve’s eyes as he barely shook his head.  Kevin saw his window of opportunity and lunged towards him.  “Don’t do it, Steve! Please, please!” he wailed as Mike hauled him back and tightened his grip.  Kevin fought him, frantically.

            “It’s all right, let him go,” Steve instructed his friend softly, stepping outside and pulling the door, so it was barely cracked behind him. The next moment Kevin was grasping his knees and sobbing as Steve looked down at him and softly stroked his hair. “All right, Kev.  It’s all right,” he soothed.

            “Please don’t do this!”  Kevin pleaded again.

            “I don’t have a choice, Little Bro,” Steve returned quietly, his throat tight.

            “But why? Why?” Kevin sobbed.  “Why are you siding with Gregg when everything he ever does is mean spirited with the intention of hurting somebody, and you know Danny and Ryan aren’t like that!  You know it! Whatever they did to him, he was asking for it!”

            “That’s not the point, Kev’bo.” Steve reiterated Mike’s earlier assertion, keeping his voice as controlled as possible.  “The way Danny and Ryan behaved left me no choice.  I have to punish them.”

            “But why? When you know they didn’t mean it?”

            “They attacked a senior, Kevin.  Even if they were seniors too, I’d probably still have to punish them, but as underclassmen there is simply no way around it.”

            “But he provoked them, Steve! I’m sure he did!”

            “Kevin you are not listening to me,” Steve admonished softly. “Gregg did not throw the first punch! In fact he did not return any punches at all!”

            “That’s because he’s a weak ass pussy!” Kevin exclaimed hotly.  Tears had welled in Pat and Andy’s eyes by now, but even so they had to bite their lips to keep from laughing, and Mike quickly turned his head.  Even Steve had to pause and take a deep breath before he looked once again into his youngest brother’s infuriated face.

            “Try to get what I’m saying to you, Kev,” he squatted down and took his little brother by the shoulders, peering intently into his raging green eyes as Kevin brushed in frustration at the tears that continued to spill down his cheeks. “What Ryan and Danny did is very serious.  It does not matter what Gregg may or may not have done to provoke them.  They have to be punished.  I cannot let it go.  Look at me,” Steve commanded as Kevin averted his eyes and began to sob again.  “Look at me, please,” he repeated.  Finally, Kevin met his big brother’s eyes once more.  “The minimum punishment,” Steve had been talking softly, but now he lowered his voice still more, “for an infraction of this kind, is a severe paddling.  Do you understand me?” he asked as Kevin’s sobs increased again.  “It’s the minimum punishment, Kev.  If they were anybody else, I would probably have had to evict them from the fraternity.”  Steve gave Kevin a moment to absorb what he had said and then he repeated quietly, “I can’t let this go completely unpunished.  Do you understand?”

            “Then punish me!” Kevin sobbed as he looked into his big brother’s eyes.  “It’s my fault! I know they were fighting about me!  Punish me if you have to, but please don’t paddle them, Steve, please!”

            “Oh, Kevin,” Steve’s eyes filled again despite his best efforts, and he regarded his little brother fondly, “it’s not your fault.”

            “Yes, it is!” Kevin protested. “If I wasn’t such a selfish brat all semester long, Mcarthy wouldn’t have had anything to provoke them with!”

            “How do you know it was about that?” Steve asked quietly.

            “Oh, please, Steve! Mcarthy said it was the same day as the meeting! I’m not stupid you know! What did he say?” Kevin sobbed.  “Did he call me a brat, tell them I was spoiled and I deserved it? What? Whatever he said, he was right! I wish they had just left it alone!”

            “Jesus Christ!” The muffled sob came floating through the crack in the door, and Kevin barely recognized his brother’s voice. “Let . . . .”

            “What, Dan?” Steve opened the door just a little wider.  “I didn’t hear you.  What did you say?”

            “I said, let him in!” Danny sobbed, taking his face out of the pillow and turning it toward the door.

            “Are you sure?” Steve asked softly, standing up, and looking into the room. 

            Matt had his hand on the back of Danny’s head, and had been stroking his hair. Now, he paused and looked up to meet his little brother’s eyes as Danny answered.  “Yes,” he sobbed.  “I’m sure.”

            Steve shifted his gaze to Ryan, still crumpled in the chair.  “Ry?”

            “If it’s what Danny wants.”

            Kevin heard the choked reply from his other brother, and Steve looked down at him.  “All right, Kev’bo,” he said softly.  “Come on.  Maybe, it’s for the best.”  He pulled his little brother to his feet and opened the door just wide enough for him to get through.  Kevin looked at him, hesitantly.  “Go on,” he urged softly.  “It’s all right.” Kevin swallowed and wiped at his tears, but then he ducked under Steve’s arm and entered the room.   A moment later he collapsed into sobs again as he dropped on his knees by Danny, put his head down on the bed, and cried.  Quietly, Steve closed the door and turned to look at Mike, Andy, and Patrick.  His accusing eyes lingered a moment on Mike, and then he looked back at his friend’s little brothers once more.

            “Andy,” he stretched out his arm, and beckoned him, “come here for a minute.”  Nervously, Andy looked at Mike.  “Come here,” Steve repeated, glancing at Mike.  Mike gave Andy an encouraging nod, and Andy approached the president.

            “Tell me honestly,” Steve put his arm as far around Andy‘s bulk as it would go, and Andy once again looked for Mike.  “No, no, look here,” Steve commanded gently, and, anxiously,  Andy obeyed.  “Tell me honestly,” Steve started again, looking intently into Andy’s eyes.  “How did you and Patrick find out about this?”

            “Mcarthy told us,” Andy replied without hesitation.

            Steve’s face flushed and he clenched his fist.  “Mcarthy told you? Are you sure?”

            “Yes,” Andy replied again.  “He set up shop in the campus store.  He was telling everybody.”

            Steve’s blood began to boil and he gently took hold of Andy’s jaw as Andy once again looked for his brother.  “Andy, this is really important,” he said earnestly.  “Are you being straight with me?”

            “Yes!” Andy exclaimed.  “Why would I lie?”

            “Are you sure that Mike didn’t tell you, or even maybe just let it slip by accident?”

            “No!” Andy replied horrified.  “Mike never said a word!”

            “Pat?” Steve glanced at Mike’s other little brother, and Pat shook his head, too broken up to respond. 

            “Answer me, please,” Steve prompted.

            “No,” Patrick choked.  “It was definitely Mcarthy!” Steve let go of Andy and turned away to hide his emotions.

            “He was in the bookshop, telling people?” he inquired disbelievingly, and Pat and Andy nodded as he turned back to face them. 

            “All right,” he said.  “The two of you may go.  Tell Kurt to come up here, please.”

            Pat and Andy glanced at Mike uneasily.  “It’s all right,” he assured them quietly, and resignedly the two brothers made their way around the landing and down the hallway.

            “Well that was quick,” Kurt simpered as they started down the stairs.  “Mike must have the magic touch.” 

            Pat and Andy didn’t smile. They stopped near the bottom of the stairs and sat down.   Pat was still brushing at his eyes as Jesse and Sean who had grown much calmer looked up at them. “It wasn’t Mike,” Andy said quietly. “Steve came out.”

            “Did he really?” Kurt replied in surprise.  “So, that’s what everyone was looking at,” he said mostly to himself as he glanced over his shoulder at the restless activity in the common room. He looked back at Pat and Andy then and asked quietly, “So, what did our fearless leader have to say?”

            Andy shrugged.  “He talked to Kevin for a few minutes, and tried to calm him down.  Kevin got real emotional, started blaming himself, and Danny overheard him from the bedroom, told Steve to let him in, so now Kevin’s in there with them . . . .”

            “With Danny and Ryan?” Kurt interjected in astonishment.  Andy nodded. “Wow,” Kurt drawled, “way to go, Kevin! Way to get what you want by throwing a tantrum!”

            “Hey, ease up!” Jesse snapped. “The kid’s having a really hard time, and who can blame him?”

            “I know he is, Jess,” Kurt responded apologetically. “I just can’t believe Steve let him go in there.”

            “Did you see Danny and Ryan?” Sean inquired softly.

            “No,” Andy’s voice wavered, “but we heard them talking to Steve.  They’re having a really tough time.”  Sean pressed his fingers to his eyes, and Jesse put his head back on his knees.  For a moment no one said anything. “Steve knows about Mcarthy,” Andy spoke again quietly after a minute, looking at Kurt.  “He wants to see you.”

            “He does, does he?” Kurt returned softly.  “All righty, then, I guess I’ll be back.”  He gave Sean’s shoulder one last squeeze as he got to his feet. “It’s all right,” he reassured his brothers as they looked worriedly up at him. “If Mike and I aren’t back in fifteen minutes, though, some loud wailing, sobbing, and a little pounding on Steve’s door would be very much appreciated.” All four of the younger students looked at him now, in alarm.  “I’m kidding!” he exclaimed as he tried to keep a straight face.  “Relax you guys! I’m kidding.  I’ll be back,”  he gave Jesse and Sean an encouraging little smile, “and so will Mike,” he promised, placing his hand on Pat’s shoulder as he stepped through Mike’s two younger brothers, but he couldn’t keep from smirking again as he continued up the stairs.  ‘It’s not funny,’ he reprimanded himself, but he couldn’t help it.  He just couldn’t get used to thinking of his best friend as the intimidating person that so many of his fellow fraternity members saw him as.

 

File Eight

Stalling

 

"You may delay, but time will not."
-Benjamin Franklin

 

"One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer (in a milder and symbolic form) the punishments what we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies."

-Aldous Huxley

 

            Kurt found Steve and Mike in Mike’s room.  The door was open, and Steve was pacing the floor.  Mike was sitting dejectedly on the bed, and Kurt glanced at him as he entered.  Mike met his eyes, and swallowed.  Kurt was serious now; the urge to laugh had passed.  Now, he was just concerned about his friend.  He knew how hard this whole process had been on Steve already, and Gregg Mcarthy had gone and made it ten times harder.

            Steve was still pacing the floor, and had not seen Kurt come in, but now as his friend turned and caught sight of him, Kurt broke eye-contact with Mike, and met the furious eyes of the president instead.  “What’s going on, Man?” he inquired softly.

            “Close the door!” Steve commanded, and without hesitation, Kurt did so.  “You want to tell me how Sean and Jesse found out about this?” 

            “Sean was with Ryan when he checked his mail,” Kurt replied quietly. 

            Steve stopped pacing, and looked at him in surprise.  “Why would Ryan put himself in that situation? He knew damn well the slips would be there.”

            Kurt shrugged. “I don’t know,” he returned in the same soft tone.  “I’m assuming that Sean unintentionally backed him into a corner, ran into him in the mail room, or something.  Maybe Sean encountered him on the way, and offered to go with him.  You know how close those two are.  Maybe Ryan decided it just wouldn’t matter that much.  After all, he had to know Sean was going to find out some time.  Letting him see the slips was as painless a way as any.”  Steve looked doubtful.  “I really don’t know,” Kurt repeated. “You’ll have to ask your brother.”  Steve brought his hand to his eyes, and Mike and Kurt exchanged glances once more.

            “How do you think Mcarthy found out?” Steve finally looked at them again. 

            “I don’t know,” Mike replied quietly.

            “I know you don’t know!” Steve snapped.  “I’m asking what you think! How do you THINK he found out?”

            “Come on, Man!” Kurt responded a little impatiently now.  “How are we supposed to know?  That’s anybody’s guess.”

            “You don’t think he got it from Jesse and Sean, do you?”  Steve asked. Kurt and Mike looked incredulously at him. “I’m sure they didn’t do it on purpose,” Steve added quickly, reading his friends expressions, “but could they have slipped?”

            “Come on, Steve,” Mike reasoned, “I know you’re upset, and I know you want to figure this out, but let’s be rational here!”

            “I am being rational!” Steve returned defensively.  “That rat bastard found out somehow! I’m just trying to consider all the possibilities!”

            “Well, you’re way off the mark!” Mike’s temper flared.  “Danny and Ryan couldn’t have more loyal friends than those two are, and you know it! They would have guarded that kind of information with their lives!”

            “Yeah,” Kurt interjected sarcastically. “I mean, am I mistaken, or weren’t you there this afternoon when Matt came in? Didn’t you hear what your brother said? He said that Jesse was about two seconds away from putting Mcarthy through the wall.  Does that sound like they tipped him off, or even like they ‘slipped’?  Be reasonable, Steve!”

            “I am being reasonable, God damn it!  This is the hardest thing I ever had to do! I have to go in there and punish my brothers for doing something every single one of us has thought about doing, something we all wish we had the guts to really do!  I went out of my way to make this as painless as possible for Danny and Ryan, and now, someone out there, either through some thoughtless slip of the tongue or some malicious desire to hurt them, has turned the whole thing into this horrible fiasco!  Obviously, Mcarthy is the principal scumbag involved, but I would sure as hell like to know who tipped him off to begin with! So, excuse me,” Steve’s voice cracked, and caught in his throat, “if I’m not exercising the precise amount of objectivity you think I should be, and I’m sorry if I’m not thinking quite as clearly as you are! I do have a few things on my mind!” The room filled with awkward silence as Steve’s outburst came to an end, and Steve pressed his fingers to his eyes again, turning away from his friends.  “Sorry,” he choked.

            “Hey, Man, don’t worry about us,” Kurt returned consolingly.

            “Or about Mcarthy,” Mike added in the same tone.

            When Kurt next spoke, he chose his words carefully.  Steve so rarely lost his temper, and as much as his two friends knew he really did want blood from Mcarthy, they also knew that was not the genuine source of his stress at the moment. “All we can do right now,” Kurt started softly, “is control the damage.”  He paused as Steve swiped desperately at the tears now leaking their way down his cheeks. “The only way to do that, Man,” Kurt finally continued, “is to get this over with and let people begin to forget about it.”

            “I don’t want to do this, Kurt!” Steve cried.  “I don’t want to fucking do this!”

            “I know,” Kurt acknowledged softly.

            “I never asked to be the fucking president, anyway!” Steve seethed.  Mike and Kurt were quiet.  They knew their friend was coming to grips with this the best way he could; there was nothing they could say. Finally, Steve turned to them.  “You go down there and tell that no good son of a bitch that if he thinks I’m sending my brothers down to apologize to him in front of a house full of people he can just kiss my ass! There will be no apology! Then you give him this!” Steve grabbed a pad of paper from Mike’s desk and, picking up the pen that had been lying next to it, began scrawling on it. A minute later he tore the paper off and handed it to Kurt.  “Since Brad isn’t here, he can choose someone else if he wants (Brad was Gregg’s Big Brother.  He had graduated the previous year).  Matt will act as a witness. Tell him sorry it’s not pink,” Steve directed sarcastically,  “but that it is for damn sure genuine. You tell him we can do this above board or I can have Matt and Jason hunt him down.  It’s his choice!”  (Jason had been president two years ago).

            Kurt hesitated as he looked into his friend’s miserable eyes.  He had never seen such an expression on Steve’s face before; his friend was normally so good at masking his feelings.  Never had Kurt seen such evident anguish, such rage, and bitterness.  He swallowed hard and couldn’t help looking again at Mike. Mike bit his lip and looked quickly away. 

            “Is there a problem?” Steve demanded.

            “No,” Kurt began uncertainly, looking back at the president.  “I mean, not really . . . it’s just that . . . .”

            “That what?” Steve prompted impatiently.

            “Well . . . I mean . . . you want me to give him this now?” Kurt demanded incredulously.

            “You’re damn fucking right I want you to give it to him now!” Steve returned heatedly.  “I can’t think of any better time!” Kurt and Mike shifted uncomfortably, doing their best to avoid one another’s eyes.  “What??” Steve fumed. “You have another suggestion?”

            “No, I mean . . . it’s just . . . well . . .  it’s just . . . .”

            “It’s just WHAT??” Steve pressed exasperatedly.

            “Well, don’t you want to be a little more official about this, Man?  Do it completely above board like you said?”

            “It is above board!” Steve exploded.  “It is totally fucking above board!”  Mike and Kurt traded uneasy glances once more.  “It may not be as formal as the process we usually go through and it may not be strictly routine but why the fuck should I care about that?” he demanded heatedly.  “You think I should go by the book? Do what I can to preserve Mcarthy’s dignity? Did he give a fuck about any of that when he purposely set Danny and Ryan up?  It’s a fucking god damn circus down there, thanks to Mcarthy!” Steve fumed.  “Why should I give a rat’s ass about his dignity?”

            “Because,” Kurt replied softly, “you are the president, and Gregg is a senior.  It is highly irregular to summon a senior in the first place.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it,” he added quickly as Steve glared at him, “but you want to be careful . . . .”

            “No, Kurt! NO!” Steve interjected.  “Fuck that! All semester long I’ve been doing the right fucking thing! Trying to be fair and not play favorites, despite what everybody thinks! But it’s over! He has pushed me too far. I might be the president, but I am also Danny and Ryan’s big brother and right now, they come first!”  Kurt and Mike just stared at him and Steve did his best to collect himself.  When he next spoke his voice was more controlled, but it carried a menacing tone, the likes of which his friends had never before heard from anybody.  “He’s going to pay this time, Kurt!” he lowered.  “One way or another, this time, that sorry, no good mother fucker is going to pay! Do you hear me? He’s going to pay! Tell him that for me!” With that, Steve opened the door and stepped into the hallway, shutting it hard again behind him and leaving his two best friends in a rare shell-shocked silence.

 

File Nine

Indecision

 

“Indecision is like a stepchild: if he does not wash his hands, he is called dirty, if he does, he is wasting water.”

-African Proverb

 

“Uncertainty will always be part of the taking charge process.”

-Harold Geneen

 

 

 

            “Now what?” Mike finally broke the silence.

            Kurt shrugged.  “I guess we have to go down there and give this to Mcarthy,” he answered hesitantly, “but I think we ought to at least put it in an envelope first.” He began to fish around in Mike’s desk for the desired item.

            “I don’t like this, Man,” Mike responded uncomfortably.  “I mean it’s not like I have any real sympathy for Mcarthy, but he IS a senior.  I don’t know; the whole thing just doesn’t feel right.”

            “Well, I don’t like it either,” Kurt returned, “but it’s what Steve asked us to do, and he is the president as well as our friend.”

            “He’s playing with fire,” Mike persisted.

            “Well, what do you suggest we do about it?”  Kurt snapped.  “He’s within his rights to summon Gregg. Lord knows that slime sucking sludge slurping bastard has it coming!”

            “I know, Man, but Steve’s not thinking straight at all right now! This isn’t the kind of thing he’d do if he was: not this way! He is emotionally exhausted; his temper is short, and he is just not in his right mind! That could spell big trouble for him, Kurt!”

            “So you think we should go against his request?? Not summon Mcarthy?” Kurt’s eyes flashed. “Don’t you think he’s been through enough without us second guessing him?”

            “Well,” Mike replied hesitantly.  “I’m not saying we should go against him exactly . . . .”

            “Then just what are you saying?” Kurt demanded, his guard fully up.  Steve had been his best friend since freshmen year.  They had been through a lot together and Kurt knew things that even Mike didn’t.  Protecting Steve was always at the forefront of Kurt’s mind.  This proposal of Mike’s smelled an awful lot like betrayal, and Kurt would not have that.

            “Relax, Man!” Mike returned irritably.  “I’m not saying go against him.  I’m just thinking maybe we could make a couple of phone calls first.”

            “Phone calls to who?” Kurt inquired warily, but as Mike looked up and met his eyes, he knew what his friend was getting at.  He continued to hold Mike’s eyes, pressing his lips together thoughtfully as he mulled the suggestion over in his mind. “It’s risky,” he ventured quietly, at last.

            “It’s risky if we don’t too,” Mike replied.

            That was true.  Kurt was silent for another moment.  “Ok, Man,” he said finally. “You might be on to something.”

            “Can’t hurt to ask, right?” Mike intimated hopefully. 

            “No,” Kurt replied softly.  “We’ll have to do this carefully, of course, but it definitely can’t hurt to ask.”

            “Do you think Steve will be mad?”

            Kurt hesitated.  “No, I don’t think so,” he replied.  “Not if we handle it right.” A gleam appeared in his eye.  With the right plan in place, the idea of being the bearer of Gregg Mcarthy’s bad tidings was anything but unappealing. Mike met Kurt’s now smirking expression with a simper of his own. “Come on,” Kurt suggested, “let’s go make those phone calls.”

 

File Ten

The Lecture

 

"The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to a close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences."

-Winston S. Churchill

 

"True remorse is never just a regret over consequences; it is a regret over motive."
-Mignon McLaughlin

 

            Steve re-entered his room quietly, closing the door as softly as he could behind him, and leaning against it as he tried to gather his resolve. Matt looked up from the bed where he was still sitting with Danny.  “Did you get the information you wanted?” he asked quietly. 

            Steve shrugged and tears filled his eyes.   All his younger brothers had quieted, now, for the most part, and Steve did his best to force down the lump in his throat.  This business with Mcarthy seemed somehow unimportant all of a sudden.  He looked across to where Ryan was still on his knees in the chair, and sighed deeply. It was time to get this over with. “Come here, Ry,” he called softly.

            Ryan turned to look at his big brother, and sagged in the chair as Steve met his eyes and indicated the bed.  He buried his face on his arm, biting his lip, and rubbing his eyes against his sleeve in an attempt to get himself fully together. Finally, however, he got to his feet and made his way over to the bed.  Danny, at Matt’s gentle urging, sat up to make room for him and Ryan settled gingerly between his two little brothers.  Kevin still had his face hidden on the bed, and Ryan’s hand went automatically to the top of his youngest brother’s head.

            Steve took his chair from his desk and sat down facing them.  For a moment, he just looked thoughtfully at them, and Ryan and Danny squirmed under his gaze, still wiping occasionally at their silent tears and avoiding their big brother’s eyes. “Do you guys understand why you are in trouble?” Steve asked finally in a soft voice.

            “Yes,” Danny choked, “but I don’t really understand why Mcarthy’s not.”

            Steve continued to look at him without answering for a moment.  He knew he had to handle this carefully. The summons he had issued for Gregg just now had nothing to do with his involvement in the fight Danny and Ryan were being punished for, and even if it had been related, Gregg was a senior.  It was, therefore, even more inappropriate for Ryan and Danny to know of the pending punishment.  That realization hit him hard and his stomach began to curl as he thought of what he had just asked Kurt and Mike to do.  He had reacted in the moment and, now he realized, he had made a bad decision.  “Mcarthy is a bully, Danny,” he continued softly at last, “and he can be very mean sometimes, but there are no rules against picking on younger members of the house.  I know he’s a pain in the ass, but unless he throws a punch, that’s all he is.”

            “Well, it’s not fair!” Danny sulked, looking away again and brushing once more at his tears. 

            Steve was quiet again for a moment. He seemed to be weighing something in his mind. Coming at last to an apparent resolution, he directed his attention to his youngest brother. “Turn around, Kev,” he commanded firmly.  “Turn around and look at me. I want you all to hear what I am about to say.” Danny and Ryan glanced uneasily at one another as their little brother obediently took his face out of the comforter, and turned to face Steve.  He sat on the floor at Ryan’s feet, hugging his knees and looking tearfully up at the president as his older brother’s hand trailed absently through his thick, sandy, brown hair.

            Steve looked back at him, his expression reflecting all that he was feeling at the moment. “I am very proud of you, Kev’bo,” he started softly.  “You’ve done everything we’ve asked of you and then some these past few weeks.  This is not about you right now, but since you are here, I want you to listen to what I have to say.  Listen and learn from it.”

            He looked now at his other two little brothers and Ryan looked down, pressing his fingers to his eyes. It was so hard to see the disappointment in Steve’s eyes, and know that he was the cause of it. “Do you remember the talk we had a week or so ago?” Steve asked gently.  “When we were all trying to explain things to Kevin?” Danny and Ryan nodded; they didn’t dare try their voices.  “Remember how we talked about setting a higher example?” Danny bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut.  “Well, the same situation applies here,” Steve reprimanded softly.  “You are my younger brothers, my successors.  People look to you for the example they will follow.” 

            As gentle as Steve’s tone was, his words stung, and both his younger brothers began to sob again despite their efforts. “From an academic standpoint,” Steve continued, his heart in his throat, “I could not be more proud of either of you.  You’ve both busted your asses to get where you are, and you are both near the top of your class. I have nothing more to wish for in that respect. Behavior wise, however, you consistently push the boundaries.”

            “Like when??” Danny challenged.  “When have we ever pushed those boundaries except for the fight?”

            “Well, the fight was a big one for sure,” Steve replied ironically, “and I believe it occurred because, in the back of your minds, neither of you thought I would actually summon you.” There was a long pause as Steve waited patiently for his brothers to absorb the significance of what he had just said.  Matt too waited, looking at his little brother with quiet approval.

            “Ok!” Danny huffed, finally, breaking the silence. “Maybe you’re right, but those were special circumstances.  It’s not like we go around picking fights all the time.”

            “No, I know that,” Steve replied softly, “but there are other things.”

            “Like what??” Danny wept.

            “Oh come on, Danny,” Matt started to intervene.  He thought the question perfectly silly, and the answer rather obvious, but Steve held up his hand, signaling his big brother to let it be.

            “It’s a fair question, Matt,” he asserted.  Matt pursed his lips, but he did not say anything further. “They are little things, Danny,” Steve continued gently, “little things that add up to a big fundamental problem.”

            “Such as???” Danny demanded between sobs. Matt’s eyes glittered dangerously now, but Danny’s eyes were on Steve and he didn’t notice the scathing glare his oldest brother sent in his direction.

            “Well for starters, that tone you are using right there.  You and Ryan both have a tendency to be a bit mouthy when you are unhappy and things aren’t going your way.”

            “That is so not true!” Danny returned indignantly, but Steve ignored him and continued.

            “There is also, at times, a lack of proper deportment during house meetings.” Steve looked particularly at Ryan as he said this, but Ryan refused to look back at him. Unlike Danny, he knew deep down in his heart that what their big brother was saying was true.  He reddened in shame and covered his face with his hands.  He could not bring himself to look at Steve at all.  “You change the chore roster around to get the jobs you want,” Steve chided, doing his best to keep a straight face at this particular thought, and even Matt had to turn his head as he too fought to contain his amusement. This was a bit of mischief of which he had not yet heard. “Then, you often skip out on them,” Steve went on, and Danny colored.  This was undeniably true.  He and Ryan just hadn’t known that Steve knew they were doing it, or maybe, Danny suddenly realized with shame, deep down, they had known they were taking advantage; they just hadn’t cared. “I know for a fact that, on occasion, you have both snuck things into the house you weren’t supposed to have, and you regularly play music a little too loudly, even during the house quiet hours; sometimes you interrupt people’s sleep and study time.”

            “Sometimes, we have good reason,” Danny grumped. He shifted his eyes, though, as Steve and Matt both raised their eyebrows at his intimation.  He knew he was stretching it, but he couldn’t help it.  It had just come out.  The room adjoining Steve’s room, where discipline sessions were conducted, was a mostly soundproof room.  It had been a sitting room when the house was first built.  Contributions from generations of Bull Dogs had revolutionized it and made it into the mostly soundproof room it was today.

            The soundproofing was not complete unfortunately, though, because anyone in the president’s room could still hear what went on through the door.  Even more problematic, was the system of vents that connected this room with certain other rooms in the house.  To get around this, those rooms were generally occupied by the brothers or close friends of the president, people the president trusted to maintain a high level of decency and discretion.  This year, those rooms were occupied by Danny and Ryan whose sensitive hearts never tempted them to listen in on more than they could help, and who most times made a supreme effort to be out of their rooms when they knew a session was scheduled to occur.  It was their efforts whenever they did happen to be in their rooms that Danny was now referring to.

            “I never conduct discipline sessions during the quiet hours, Dan,” Steve replied in a scolding tone. “You know that.”

            Danny hung his head.  “Yeah I know,” he choked,  “but we always turn it down if someone asks us to.”

            “But they shouldn’t have to ask, Danny,” Steve chastised gently.  “Those are the rules.”

            “Are you going to punish us for all these things?” Danny sobbed in dismay.

            “No Bud,” Steve soothed.  “It is not any one of these individual things that you are being punished for.  It is the general lack of respect for the rules that they collectively represent that has got you in trouble today.  I have been consistently looking the other way on all these things,” Steve’s voice cracked slightly, “because they are little things.  No one but Mcarthy and company has been complaining, and you are my little brothers . . . .” Steve’s voice caught once more and he had to pause before continuing.  “I am convinced now, though,” he went on finally, “that it was the confidence you gained from pushing these smaller boundary lines successfully that resulted in the disastrous encounter with Mcarthy.  Neither of you thought for a minute what the consequences might be because in the end you didn’t really believe there would be any, and that’s my fault,” he concluded sadly.

            “No! Now, Steve, I will not have that!” Matt could no longer contain himself.  “This is most definitely not your fault.  I understand the point you are making, but this is college, and the choices Danny and Ryan ultimately make are theirs.  You are here to guide them, not tell them decisively what to do.  They know the rules.  They can choose to abide by them or not, and if they choose not, then they have to be prepared to accept the consequences like everybody else.”

            “You’re right!” Ryan sobbed as he began to see fully for the first time, the difficult position he had been putting his big brother in. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” He took his hands from his face and looked beseechingly at Steve.

            “It’s ok, Bud,” Steve assured, his heart melting.

            “No!” Matt replied.  “No, it’s not ok!”

            “Matt,” Steve started pleadingly; he couldn’t stand the anguished look on his little brother’s face.

            “No, Steve, this is what always happens,” Matt asserted more matter-of- factly than sharply.  He then turned back to Ryan and Danny.  “I know that you’re sorry,” he softened his tone as he looked into Ryan’s agonized face, “but you have to understand the position you have been putting Steve in.  All semester, he’s been under pressure from certain members of the fraternity.”

            “Matt, please,” Steve tried again.

            “They need to understand how serious this is, Steven!”

            “They do, now.  I’m sure they do.”

            “Do they?? Do they understand the significance of what has happened here? With little to no thought, they attacked a senior!”

            “We might give some consideration to who that senior was and just how many people wanted to do exactly the same thing,” Steve mumbled.

            “It doesn’t matter!” Matt exclaimed.  “It doesn’t matter who it was! This fraternity simply does not put up with that crap after freshmen year! And they are your brothers, your successors, as you were saying! Ironically,” Matt looked once more at Danny and Ryan, “if you were anyone else you would both have been out on your asses three weeks ago! And, I’ll have you know, even your status on the team and in the house would not have been enough to keep you here if it weren’t for the very deep affection your brother has for both of you!”

            “Matt, please!” The stricken look on the faces of both his little brothers as Matt lit into them was more than Steve could take, but Matt as usual would say his piece, and as his big brother continued, Steve looked down, biting his lip and pinching the bridge of his nose hard.

            “Steve and I have spent many hours in council these last few weeks,” Matt went on determinedly, “talking about the appropriate consequences for each of you, and it has been very hard on him! He’s been thinking about little else and I know he hasn’t been sleeping much.  The decision was much more difficult than either of you probably knows. Since the beginning of the semester, Steve has been accused by Mcarthy, among others, of playing favorites, and of being too lenient with the two of you.  As the president want to be of the house, Mcarthy, of course, knows the rule book and The Code backwards and forwards.  You cannot imagine how much grief Steve has taken from him! All the same, eviction never once crossed his mind as a valid option!”  Matt paused and his manner softened a little as Danny and Ryan both fell completely to pieces.  “Nor did it cross mine,” he added gently.  “You are good kids, and it is perhaps true that Steve needs to be a little stricter with you, but it is your responsibility not to put him in those types of awkward positions to begin with, understand?”

            Kevin had so far been a silent witness to both these traumatizing speeches.  Now, as the tongue lashing finally came to an end, he hugged his knees hard, trying to keep his eyes away from his distraught older brothers.  He was feeling helplessly stunned.  Never had he heard his big brothers scolded so sharply before, by Steve or by anyone, and never had he seen them melt so completely, especially Ryan.  Despite his own distress the night of The Meeting, he remembered how undone Danny had become, and he and Danny had shared some moments of private tears, but Ryan? Ryan had always been the backbone of their little trio, the picture of composure in Kevin’s mind, the support he and Danny both relied on.  To see him like this was startling, mind numbing, even a little scary. It was hard to know what to do.  He chewed his lip and snuck a timid glance at Matt and Steve. 

            Steve was still busy fighting with his own emotions, but Matt met the eyes of his youngest brother full on.  Kevin didn’t flinch and Matt watched with curiosity as his youngest brother raised himself from the floor to the bed, sliding in close to Ryan, before glancing hesitantly once more in his oldest brother’s direction.  A lump rose in Matt’s throat, but he nodded encouragingly, and a surge of pride welled up inside him as Kevin tentatively slipped his arm around the shoulders of his big brother. Ryan turned his face into Kevin’s shoulder and clung to him as Kevin offered whatever quiet words of comfort he could think of, and Matt continued to look on in amazement. ‘Well I’ll be damned,’ he thought to himself.  ‘That kid really is something else.’ He got up from the corner of the bed where he was sitting, made his way, as casually as possible, over to Steve, and placed his hand on his little brother’s shoulder, prompting him to look up. 

            Steve looked at him, swiping somewhat futilely at his cheeks, and Matt directed his gaze to the bed.  Steve laughed a little despite himself and then covered his face.  “He just loves Danny and Ryan,” he choked under his breath. 

            Matt squeezed Steve’s shoulder as his little brother leant against him. “Come with me for a moment,” he coaxed, and Steve nodded, unable now to rely on his voice.  Matt placed a hand under his elbow and hauled him to his feet, supporting him almost entirely.  Absently, Steve allowed himself to be guided as he concentrated all his efforts now on maintaining his composure. Having no place else to go, Matt opened the door located just to the left of the bed and pushed his little brother into the house’s most collectively dreaded room.  Steve collapsed into sobs a moment later, and with a last anxious glance in their little brothers’ direction, Matt stepped quickly in after him and pulled the door shut behind him.  For several long minutes the sounds of heartbreak could be heard on either side of the door, followed by the soothing tones that came from the oldest and youngest of the president’s brothers.

 

File Eleven

Danny’s Penance

 

"I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light."
-Helen Keller

 

"The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior.”

-M. Scott Peck

 

            “Come on, Bro,” Matt encouraged, “we’ve just got to do this and get it over with.  This kind of melt down isn’t helping anybody, especially not you.”

            “I know!” Steve sobbed.  “But I don’t think I can do it, Matt!”

            “Yes you can,” Matt encouraged.

            “No I can’t!  Did you see the way Ryan looked at me?”

            “I know, Bud,” Matt acknowledged softly.  “I know this is hard on you.”  Steve buried his face in his hands, and Matt folded him in his arms. “You should never have been put in this position,” he murmured, doing his best to keep his irritation with Ryan from seeping into his voice as Steve pressed his face into his chest.  “Nobody should ever be put in this position . . . except maybe me, right?” he teased, giving Steve’s bottom an affectionate squeeze.  The corner’s of Steve’s mouth tilted a little despite himself, and he pushed his wet face harder into Matt’s chest as Matt brushed his hot, sweaty hair away from his face and forehead.  “The bond you and Ryan have is special, bro, and it will hold,” Matt assured.  “We knew this was going to be hard, right? That’s why I’m here; I’ll help you.  The hardest part is over. You said what you needed to say.  Now, we just have to get this over with for everyone’s sake, especially yours, ok?” Steve didn’t answer and after a minute Matt went on. “I’ll help you with Ryan, all right? Just get through this ordeal with Danny, and I will help you with Ryan.  All you need to do now is be there for him.  Just be his big brother the way you always have been, ok?” At last, Steve nodded, though he still did not look up. “You ready?” Matt whispered. Steve clung to his brother for another minute, but then, finally, he looked up at him, and Matt brought his fingers up to gently wipe away the remaining tears. 

*******************************************************

            When Matt and Steve finally opened the door leading back into Steve’s bedroom, they found their younger brothers still huddled together on Steve’s bed.  They too had grown calmer by now and Steve sighed as he looked at them. “Dan,” he called huskily, “come on, Bud, let’s go.” Matt was standing behind Steve and he placed a hand on his little brother’s shoulder as Danny, Ryan, and Kevin all looked over at them.  “Ryan,” Steve continued hoarsely, “let’s go, bud.”

            Steve’s red eyes along with his gravelly tone gave his prior distress away, but outwardly he was the same calm, reassuring Steve they were used to seeing and Ryan and Danny responded automatically to his quiet authority.  They too just wanted to get this over with, now.  Even Kevin sensed that arguing could do no good, and though he covered his face with his hands, he made no verbal protest as Danny and Ryan rose from the bed; he just let them go.

            Ryan and Danny stopped in front of their big brothers and Danny looked pleadingly at Steve one more time, to no avail.  Matt just glared reprovingly at him, and Steve swung the door to the Correction Room (as it was formally known) wider and stepped back, giving Danny and Ryan room to pass in before him. “Go on,” he whispered firmly.  Danny bit his lip and hung his head.  Ryan brought his hand to his shoulder, and with one final anxious glance in the direction of the bed where his little brother was still hunched with his face in his hands, Danny preceded his big brother into the room.  Steve followed them and closed the door softly behind him.

*******************************************************

            The Correction Room was stark and white (all white).  It was, in itself, a forbidding place.  Upon entering, one just knew nothing good could happen here.  The only significant piece of furniture in the room was the long table that stretched from one end of the small room to the other.  It was lined on either side with hard, wooden, straight-backed chairs that, if they belonged in any room, belonged in this one.  Here, the president would occasionally meet with his council when making particularly difficult decisions. The members of that council were bound to secrecy; nobody even knew who they were. The president’s younger brothers were, of course, not eligible to be his advisors, and freshmen were also barred.  Other than that, no particular stipulations determined who the president chose, and rumor ran rampant.

            The council did not meet over every decision.  They met only when the infraction was serious and (or) the president’s sole judgment was likely to be called into question. On this particular matter, Steve had sought the general advice of the council early on.  Because of its delicate nature, however, it had been necessary to exclude certain council members even from the earliest proceedings.  Then, once the consequences had been irrevocably determined, the details had been left up to the president, and he had turned to his two best friends and his big brother as those he trusted most in the world.  

            On the wall, in the direct center of the room, was a blown up copy of The Code in an austere wooden frame.  It was flanked on either side by the ominous fraternity paddle and a leather strap that had, on occasion, been used to make a particularly potent point.  Below it, hung the newest addition to the family of implements, a headmaster’s senior cane that Matt had purchased not two weeks ago.  Danny and Ryan both went a deathly shade of pale as their eyes fell upon it. 

            Steve followed their gaze, and the bile rose in his throat.  ‘Don’t think about it,’ he cautioned himself.  ‘Just don’t think about it.’ He reached up to take the paddle from the wall and then turned back to face his brothers, steeling himself as best as he could for what he had to do. Danny was fighting back tears again as he stood in front of Ryan; his big brother’s hands rested reassuringly on his shoulders.  Ryan looked positively sick as his big brother turned towards them, paddle in hand, but Steve was determined now to finish this, and he slipped almost automatically into his presidential role.  It was tradition and ritual that would get him through this, he knew. He could not stop for a moment to think about what he was doing or he would surely fall a part again. 

            “Daniel Jordan Lockheart,” he began in his most authoritative tone.  “You have committed a serious infraction against The Code,” he indicated the document on the wall, “by attacking a senior member of this fraternity.  As you are well aware, fighting at any time is unacceptable, and, as an underclassman, your actions are all the more reprehensible.  You are required, at all times, to give older members of this fraternity your allegiance and your respect. Regardless of the circumstances,” he added as he saw the look of protest on both his little brothers’ faces. “In addition, your status on the team and in the house as a member of the president’s line makes it incumbent upon you to conduct yourself in a manner becoming to that status; people will follow the example you set.  All of these circumstances have been duly taken into consideration, and it is the consequent determination of the council that you shall receive fifteen licks of the fraternity paddle, to be delivered on the bare, as punishment for your rash behavior.”

            “So many?” Ryan gasped as the sentence was pronounced, and his little brother shrank against him.

            Steve, however, pressed on.  “Take your pants down, Danny,” he directed gently, “and your shorts.”

            Danny covered his face again, and Ryan squeezed his shoulders.  Steve, meanwhile, busied himself pulling the chair away from the head of the table, in an effort to alleviate some of his little brother’s embarrassment. “It’s ok, Bud,” Ryan whispered.  “We’re going to get through this. Take your pants down.” The words stuck in his throat as he did his best to hold himself together for Danny’s sake.   

            It took Danny another couple of moments to gather his courage, but his older brothers waited patiently, and finally he took a deep breath and did what he had been asked to do.  With trembling fingers, he undid the button on his jeans, unzipped them, and shakily lowered them along with his boxers to his ankles. Steve silently indicated the end of the table, and, with Ryan’s help, Danny positioned himself. Grasping the edges hard, he pressed his cheek against the cool, flat surface, and closed his eyes.  Ryan wordlessly adjusted his t-shirt, raising it higher, and revealing the taught muscular bottom already reddened from the earlier punishment. Danny took a deep shuddering breath, and bit his lip as he felt his big brother’s arm encircle his waist.

            “Count the strokes, please, Dan,” Steve commanded as he drew his arm back. Danny’s nod was nearly imperceptible as his grip on the sides of the table tightened.

            “Breathe, Bro,” Ryan advised anxiously as he saw his little brother’s bottom clench and his knuckles turn white, but it was no use.

            WHACK! The paddle smacked down hard for the first time, and Danny grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he fought to hold back the tears.  “One,” he croaked finally. 

            WHACK!  “AHHH! God!” His fingers curled and his face contorted.  “Two,” he uttered through gritted teeth. 

            WHACK! Steve drove the paddle once more into Danny’s  bottom, already deepening in color, and this time there was a long pause before, “Three,” Danny finally managed in a small voice.  Ryan stole a glance at his little brother’s tortured face and his stomach lurched as he realized Danny was trying not to cry.  

            “You’re ok, Dan,” he comforted as tears welled in his own eyes. “Breathe, Bud.  It will be better if you breathe.” Danny took a breath in his best effort to follow his brother’s advice, but when he let it go, it came out more as a mewling sob and he hid his face in shame.  Ryan bit his lip and rubbed his brother’s back as Steve paused.           

            Tears glistened in Steve’s eyes too as he waited for Danny to collect himself.  Their little brother was always trying to prove himself to them.  Academically, he had been on the straight and narrow ever since the meeting the previous fall.  He lived to impress Ryan, and Steve knew deep down, though he didn’t always acknowledge it, that the kid was constantly seeking his approval as well.  He tried to force down the lump in his throat.  To be summoned and punished in the presence of one of your big brothers was, no doubt, just as mortifying in some ways as it was comforting in others.  To have both your big brothers present was devastating, Steve knew, especially when the chastisement was coming from one of them.  No one but the presidents’ brothers was expected to endure such conditions, and Danny and Ryan had now been required to face these circumstances twice.  “You ready, Bud?” Steve asked quietly at last and his voice, thankfully, remained steady. 

            Danny nodded into his arm, shifting slightly in an effort to brace himself as Steve drew back his arm, and Ryan again gripped his waist. WHACK! The paddle smacked down once more.  “Four!” came the choked and muffled response. WHACK! “OWW!”  Danny yelped, finally forgetting his dignity, as the fire in his bottom became too much for him.  “Five,” he sobbed. WHACK! “AHHH!” Danny threw his head back as the next stroke landed.  “Six!” he hissed through clenched teeth.

            “Hang in there, Bro,” Ryan’s voice cracked.

            “It hurts, Ryan! It hurts so freakin’ bad!” 

            “I know it does, Bud. Just try to hang in.”

            WHACK! Danny’s face contorted once more and it was a moment before he could get the breath to whimper, “Seven.” Ryan squeezed his arm in silent commiseration. WHACK! The eighth smack caught Danny just below his bottom. “OWWW!” he shrieked.  “God! Eight! Please, Steve! Please!”

            “You’re doing fine, Dan,” Steve soothed.

            “Easy for you to say!” Danny snapped.

            “Try to relax, Bro, ” Steve’s voice too betrayed some emotion now.  This was so hard.  He had been trying to pretend to himself that this was like any other punishment, and for a while it had been working, more or less, but now, the more agitated both Danny and Ryan became, the harder it was to pretend. ‘It’s not going to get easier,’ he thought.  ‘I just have to get it over with.’ He took a deep breath as he drew the paddle back and WHACK! He drove it hard once more into his little brother’s bottom. 

            “OWWW!” Danny keened. “Jesus Christ, Oww! That’s nine! Please, Steve! Please!”

            He tried to reach back, but Ryan intercepted his hand. “Not yet, Bro,” he directed as firmly as he could. “Not yet.”

            “Oh God, it hurts! It fucking hurts!” Danny screamed as his big brother pinned his hand to his side. WHACK!  “AHHH!” Danny tried to jump up, but Ryan held him firmly down.  “Ten!” Danny wailed.  “OWW! GOD! OWW!”

            “Hang in there, Bro, just hang in there!” Ryan finally lost it completely as he looked at his little brother’s red, inflamed bottom.  It looked so painful, and they still had five more strokes to go. “Just hang in there!” he sobbed again.  Steve bit his lip, but he knew the best thing he could do was get on with it, so he once again drew back his arm as Ryan held Danny as still as he possibly could and both his little brothers sobbed out all their pain, guilt, and misery.

 

File Twelve

 The  Revelation

 

“A friend is one to whom one may pour out the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”

-George Eliot

 

            The door closed behind his big brothers, and Kevin buried his face in the comforter on Steve’s bed, pulling the pillows hard down over his ears.  Matt looked over with just a trace of affectionate amusement and sighed as he made his way over to the bed.  This was a whole lot of drama as far as he was concerned over what was a perfectly well deserved punishment.  “Come on, Bro,” he soothed as he sat down next to his youngest brother, “it’s all right.  They’ll be all right.”

            “It’s not fair!” came the mostly smothered reply.

            “How do you figure?” Matt asked patiently, trying to bite back the tiny smirk that pushed its way forward.   The kid reminded him so much of Danny.

            “Because!” Kevin huffed.  “Mcarthy’s an A-hole!”

            “Watch your language,” Matt admonished softly.

            “Sorry!” came the muted sob. “But he is! And all he ever does is run around and cause trouble for other people! He deserved whatever he got, and  I still don’t even know what Danny and Ryan did!” he griped.  Matt was silent.  This was tricky territory they were about to enter.  Danny and Ryan had obviously not wanted their little brother to know about the fight at all, let alone the circumstances behind it. He didn’t really feel it was his place to tell now.

            “They got in a fight,” he hedged, finally.

            “I know!” Kevin sobbed in frustration.  “But why?” He finally took his head out from under the pillows, and, hugging them to him, he looked pleadingly at Matt.  “Why did they do it?” he asked. Matt regarded him quietly for a moment, and brought his thumb up to wipe away the tears that were streaming down his little brother’s cheeks.   There was no amusement in his expression now. “Please tell me, Matt,” Kevin entreated softly.  “I already know it was about me.”

            “Kev, this wasn’t your fault,” Matt replied earnestly.  “This war between Mcarthy and our brothers has been going on for four years now, ever since Gregg and Steve came in together as freshmen.  You inherited it, Little Bro.  It’s got nothing to do with you or anything you did.  You were just the catalyst this time.”

            “I know!” Kevin protested fretfully once more.  “But I still want to know what happened.”

            Matt looked at him for another moment and then held out his arm. “Come here, Bud,” he encouraged softly.  Kevin brushed at his tears and then sat up, sliding into his oldest brother’s comforting embrace as Matt closed his arm around him.  “Do you have any idea how proud our brothers are of you?” he whispered as Kevin buried his face in his shoulder.  Kevin shook his head.  Matt gave a little half laugh.  “Well, Bro, Danny doesn’t often utter more than a few sentences at a time that don’t contain your name.” He squeezed Kevin’s shoulder as his little brother’s agitation increased.  “From the very beginning of the semester, it’s been, ‘Kevin this and Kevin that. Did you see this? Did you know that? My little brother this, my little brother that.  He’s so gutsy, he’s so fast, he’s so smart  . . . .’ By the way, I hear you got an A from Merrick? Is that true?” Kevin couldn’t help laughing a little as he brushed once more at his tears and nodded into Matt’s shoulder.  “That is actually very impressive, Kev.  That man is, without question, the biggest hard ass on campus.”  Matt was quiet for a moment, not quite sure how to say what he had to say next.  “All semester long, Bud,” he began quietly, “Danny was dreading The Meeting.  Nobody looks forward to it of course, but I’ve never seen anyone so stressed about it as Danny was, and the closer the two of you became, the more he agonized about it.  Ryan and Steve were very worried about him.  Then, when Danny found out your birthday was the Monday after the weekend they had chosen, he moved Heaven and Earth trying to change it.  Every week, he and Steve were looking at the schedule in an attempt to find an alternate time, but nothing good presented itself.  Steve wouldn’t move it in the end, and Danny was livid.  He and Ryan had already purchased the jersey, and he had been so looking forward to spending the day with you.”  Kevin began to sob harder, and a tender smile flitted briefly across Matt’s face. Fingering the sleeve of the garment that Kevin was at this moment wearing, he pulled his distraught little brother closer, and let his chin drop to the top of his head.  The shirt was just over a week old, but it had already seen more than its fair share of wear.  Steve had told him he’d gone rounds with Kevin, just trying to get him to wash it.

            “The closer the day came, the more anxious Danny was about it,” Matt went on finally, “and by the time the day arrived, he was a wreck.  Steve and Ryan tried to distract him with a pool game, but you know how that turned out.” He squeezed Kevin’s shoulder once more.  “Danny was devastated to learn that you thought the meeting was a party.  Ryan, Sean, and Jesse were trying to reassure him, but they weren’t very smart about where they did their talking.” A twinge of irritation entered his tone.  A little foresight on Ryan’s part, as the older of the two brothers, and the one who was thinking more clearly at the time, could have prevented the whole disaster.  “They were in the common room, and Mcarthy overheard them.  He heard you thought the meeting was going to be a party and that was it.  He jumped on the opportunity to bait Danny and Ryan, and after stringing them along, finally announced your predicament to the whole room.  Danny and Ryan were, of course, both emotionally on edge by that point and the rest is history,” he concluded softly.        Kevin just continued to cry and Matt held him.  He had, so far, been mostly successful in his efforts to distract his little brother from the punishment taking place.  Now, however, the sounds from the other room were becoming hard to ignore, and Kevin clung to him, pressing his hand to his ear in an effort to drown out the horrible noise.

            It was just a few minutes later that the punishment finally came to an end, but to Kevin those minutes were long and agonizing.  At last, Ryan and Steve’s comforting tones replaced the other dreadful sounds that had been coming from inside the room. Their soft voices were warm and reassuring, and as they floated through the closed door into the bedroom, they had a

calming affect on their youngest brother.   Matt kept his arm around Kevin, gently prying his hand from his ear, and holding him close until finally he felt him start to relax.  “It’s ok, Little Bro,” he whispered consolingly.  “It’s over, now.”

            “But what about Ryan?” Kevin protested, pressing his face into Matt’s chest.

            Matt sighed.  “One thing at a time, Bud,” he encouraged.  “Let’s just take one thing at a time.  Danny’s ok, and Ryan will be ok too.  All right? It’s all right.”  He held tighter as Kevin’s sobs were renewed in strength and intensity.  For a long while they just sat there.  Matt had nothing more comforting to say, so he remained silent, and finally, Kevin began to grow calmer once more. As he did, he noticed that the room where his brothers were had grown quiet too. Matt kept a comforting hand on his back as he brushed at his tears and tried to get himself together.

            A few minutes later, the door opened and Danny emerged, white as a sheet, with his two big brothers behind him.  Kevin, still nestled against Matt, looked tentatively in his direction, and Danny looked back, meeting his little brother’s eyes, just briefly, before he looked down at the floor. Sensing immediately, the awkwardness that Danny and Kevin were both bound to be feeling, Matt kept his arm around his youngest brother and called his other little brother to him.  “Come here, Bro,” he encouraged softly, and tears filled Danny’s eyes.  He just wanted to get to the bed with as much of his dignity in tact as possible, and his little brother’s presence at the moment was mortifying to him.  Taking a deep breath, he started to limp his way slowly towards his oldest brother. 

            Ryan too bit his lip.  He was carrying Danny’s jeans in his hands (Danny had insisted on putting his boxers back on), and as Danny made his way towards Matt, he carefully folded them and placed them on Steve’s desk, trying not to watch the movements that told how much pain his little brother was in.  Matt’s brow furrowed as he regarded his two little brothers.  Their pallid faces testified to the amount of emotion they were trying to contain and Matt was a firm believer in talking things through. Better out than in was his motto, always. 

            He stood up as Danny finally reached the bed, and wrapped him in his arms, while silently encouraging Kevin, who looked petrified now, to stay where he was.  “You all right?” he whispered as Danny pressed against him and hid his face.  Danny started to nod, but broke down in the middle, and Matt tightened his arms.  “Ok, Bud.  It’s ok.  Just let it go.  It’s over now.  Here, come here.”  He settled with Danny on the bed as his little brother really started to sob, and placing one hand on Kevin to keep him beside him, he kept his other arm around his chastened little brother, rubbing his back soothingly and murmuring the words of forgiveness he knew Danny so wanted to hear.

            Steve and Ryan watched from the side, their hearts in their throats; they felt powerless. Steve placed his hand on Ryan’s shoulder, but Ryan jerked away from him, balling his fists at his sides.  Steve’s stomach turned and he looked away quickly, his eyes burning. As occupied as he seemed, the interaction did not go unnoticed by Matt, and it certainly did nothing to help Ryan gain his oldest brother’s empathy.

            For several long minutes, Danny just continued to cry, no longer holding anything back as Matt whispered soothingly to him.  Finally, as he began to grow calmer, Matt, with Kevin’s help, pulled the blankets back from the bed and gently coaxed Danny to lie down.  “No!” Danny protested as Matt determinedly slipped his fingers inside the waistband of his little brother’s boxers. 

            “Come on, Bro,” Matt urged softly. “Let me see.”

            “No, Matt, please!” Danny wailed as he stubbornly held onto the elastic. 

            “There’s no reason to keep them on, Bud,” Matt responded patiently. “They are causing you unnecessary discomfort, and there’s no one here you need to impress,” he assured quietly, and finally, letting go with a sob, Danny lifted his hips, so Matt could pull his underwear off of him.

            Kevin was so traumatized by the sight of his big brother’s blistered and inflamed bottom, and Matt’s next actions were so business-like and matter of fact that it never occurred to Kevin to wonder about them.  His eyes were on Danny as Matt leaned across him and opened the drawer in the nightstand from which he produced a huge bottle of aloe.  Never did Kevin wonder why Steve had such an item, nor did he see any of the other items the drawer contained.  He had eyes and thoughts only for his brother at the moment, and anything that could take away some of the intense pain and discomfort Danny was feeling was the most welcome and natural thing in the world as far as he was concerned. 

            Danny had buried his face in the pillows by now and Kevin shyly brought his hand up to brush the hair from his big brother’s forehead.  Danny responded automatically to the soothing touch, so, feeling encouraged, Kevin continued to let his fingers trail lightly through his hair as Matt squirted a generous amount of the soothing gel into his hand and applied it quickly and efficiently to Danny’s bruised and burning bottom. 

            The aloe didn’t do much, frankly, to alleviate the powerful sting, but the act in itself was comforting and it helped at least to take the edge off.  Danny was still sobbing softly into the pillows as Matt covered him carefully with the sheet and set the aloe on the nightstand. He then looked reassuringly once more at Kevin.  “He’s ok, Bud,” he whispered in response to the uncertainty that lingered in his youngest brother’s eyes.  “You can put some more of that,” he indicated the aloe and Kevin followed his gaze, “on him in a bit if you want to, but he’s going to be ok.”

            Ryan had been hanging back until now, still fighting with his emotions as he watched the scene around the bed.  He had been hesitant to approach both because he did not want to embarrass Danny any further, and because he had known all along that Matt was more upset with him than he was with Danny.  Now that the hour of retribution had arrived, he was feeling wary of his oldest brother.  As Matt was talking to Kevin, however, he approached the bed timidly on the other side, and sitting down next to Danny, he placed his hand soothingly on his little brother’s back.  Feeling his big brother’s touch, Danny began to sob harder and he turned to bury his face in Ryan’s lap.

            It was more than Steve could take.  He turned away quickly in an effort to mask his own feelings, but he was not fast enough to evade his big brother’s observant eyes.  Matt watched as, a moment later, Steve disappeared into the Correction Room and he sighed to himself.  ‘It’s time,’ he thought as he looked once more at Danny and Ryan.  He waited patiently for another moment or two, keeping his eyes steadily on Ryan as he gave his two disgraced brothers a chance to get themselves together.    Kevin, seeing the expression on Matt’s face now, concentrated hard on the floor, not daring to look anywhere else.

            “Come on, Ryan, let’s go,” Matt prompted at last, sensing that his little brother was stalling now.  Ryan flushed, but finally he raised his eyes and Matt looked sternly at him.  “You and I have a lot to talk about tonight, young man.  There’s no sense in putting it off any longer.”  Ryan’s eyes filled again and Matt felt a pang despite himself.  “Let’s just get it over with, Bro., ok?”  Ryan nodded and brushed at his cheeks.  He tried to stand up, but Danny clung to him.

            “No!” he wailed.  “No, please!”

            “Let go, Dan,” Matt directed firmly.  He was in no mood for further dramatics at the moment and, sensing it, Danny did as he was told, turning his face back into the pillows and hugging them close as he sobbed. 

            Kevin bit his lip and placed his hand once more on the back of Danny’s head.  He avoided Ryan’s eyes as his older brother came around the bed to stand in front of Matt, but Ryan called his name softly as Matt got to his feet. “Take care of him, Kid, ok?” he requested brokenly as Kevin tentatively looked up at him.  “Ok?” he repeated as Matt took him by the arm, and finally Kevin nodded, looking down again as Matt escorted his older brother towards the Correction Room. 

File Thirteen

The Storm Before the Calm

 

"Extraordinary afflictions are not always the punishment of extraordinary sins, but sometimes the trial of extraordinary graces."

-Matthew Henry (Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible: Complete and Unabridged in One Volume).

“I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

-Marilyn Monroe

 

 

            “Oww!” Ryan complained under his breath as Matt hauled him across the room. “Jesus Christ, Matt! Ok! Let me go!”  He tried to pull his arm away, but Matt only tightened his grip as he stopped in front of the Correction Room door.

            “Look at me,” he commanded his little brother icily as Ryan tried once more to free himself from his vice-like grip, and with a petulant scowl, Ryan obeyed.

            “Sorry,” he muttered automatically as stony blue eyes met his own.

            “You are in a lot of trouble already, Little Bro,” Matt admonished, “so, in the interest of not adding to your difficulties, I suggest you rethink your attitude.”

            “Ok. Sorry,” Ryan mumbled again with more genuine contrition, his eyes brimming.  He hadn’t really meant to resist in the first place.  It was just so hard to be manhandled that way in front of his little brothers.

            “Ok, then,” Matt softened his tone.  “The first thing you are going to do before anything else, when we get in there, is fix things with Steve . . . .” Ryan looked away, chewing his lip.  “I understand your feelings about Danny, Bro, but you both brought these consequences on yourselves. Steve had nothing to do with it, and the way you and I are about to talk, you cannot afford to push him away.  Do you hear me?”

            Ryan was still gnawing on his lower lip in an effort not to cry, but he nodded in response to his older brother’s question. “All right, Bud,” Matt encouraged more empathetically, “let’s go.” He moved his hand from Ryan’s arm to his shoulder as he opened the door and, steering his little brother before him, he once more entered the most forbidding room in the house, pulling the door softly shut behind him.

            Steve was slumped at the table, his back to the door, his head propped against his hand.  He stood quickly, however, and turned to face his brothers as he heard the door click shut. Ryan was still fighting back the tears raised by Matt’s stern rebuke and Steve’s stomach twisted once more as he looked at him.  Wordlessly, he held out his arm, and his little brother went to him, snuggling against him, and burying his face.

            “I’m sorry,” Ryan choked as Steve closed his arm around him, and pressed his cheek to the top of his head.

            “I know you are,” Steve whispered.

            “I was just so worried about Danny!”

            “I know, Bro,” Steve repeated softly. “It’s ok.”

            A long silence went by as Ryan tried to gather the courage to ask the question foremost on his mind. “Are you going to cane me?” he squeaked, finally, and tentatively he raised his eyes to meet those of his big brother.

            Neither Matt nor Steve was prepared for such a forthright question. Silence filled the room once more, and Steve swallowed hard as he looked into the imploring blue eyes.  That was all the answer Ryan needed. He hid his face again, pressing it hard into his big brother’s shoulder as tears started to streak his cheeks.

            “Oh, Ry,” Steve couldn’t help the sigh that escaped as he pulled his little brother closer.

            Matt, too, sighed a little and pulled a chair out from the table. “Have a seat, Bro,” he commanded gently, but Ryan did not appear to hear him.  All he had been thinking about, since the moment he had seen it, was that cane.  Even as he had tried to focus on Danny and support him, that dreadful implement had loomed behind him, its presence taunting him with the consequences he himself would soon have to face.  Now, it had finally succeeded in driving every other thought from his mind, and though he heard the direction Matt had given him, he just could not let go of his big brother.

            When patient waiting produced no further success, Steve, at Matt’s silent behest, pulled a chair for himself from the table behind them, and, easing Ryan down into the chair Matt had previously pulled, he sat too. “Come on, Bro,” he coaxed quietly, as Matt took a chair and sat down across from them. “We need to talk about this.” 

            “Why?” Ryan rubbed his eyes on his sleeve in a vain attempt to stop his tears.  His brothers were still waiting patiently, but he could feel their eyes on him. “What is there to talk about?” he croaked, finally, his cheeks burning.

            “We need you to understand some things, Ry,” Steve responded softly.

            “I know why I’m in trouble!” Ryan protested huskily.  “I got in a fight with Mcarthy! Can we just do this please? And get it over with?”

            “Do you understand why you are in more trouble than Danny?” Matt asked gently.

            “Yes,” Ryan choked, “because I’m older.”

            “Well, Bud,” Matt agreed quietly, “that’s true.  You are older, and, consequently, you should have known better, but there is a lot more to it than that.  It’s not just that you are older, you are also Danny’s big brother, and on the night in question, especially, it was your job to be looking out for him.”

            “I was looking out for him!” Ryan returned indignantly, his eyes flashing.  “I always look out for him!” The smart of that accusation was beyond any that had so far been leveled at him, and he swiped bitterly at his cheeks. Steve looked down, pursing his lips.  He knew and understood how very seriously Ryan took his responsibilities as Danny’s big brother. 

            “I know you try to,” Matt acknowledged. His concerned eyes strayed in his little brother’s direction, but Steve would not look at him. “I know how very much you care about Danny; he is very lucky to have you for a big brother.  I know that you look out for him the best way you can and I know how much you want to protect him from everyone and anything that might hurt him.  It is the way you were looking out for him in this instance that we have to talk about.”

            “What do you mean?” Ryan demanded hoarsely.

            “These circumstances were one hundred percent foreseeable and preventable, Bud,” Matt scolded.  “What on earth possessed you all to be talking about Kevin’s situation in the middle of the common room to begin with, huh?”  Ryan bit his lip and bowed his head.  That was a point he had never thought about.  “I know that Danny was not thinking clearly, and that’s understandable.  It was on you to stop that conversation, Ry.  Instead you perpetuated it.”

            “I’m sorry!” Ryan huffed, swiping desperately once more at his cheeks.

            “You know the rules about fighting, Bro,” Matt continued. “You lost your head and got right in the middle of a situation that should never have taken place to begin with.”

            “Ok!” Ryan covered his face with his hands.  “I know! I’m sorry!”

            “The worst part, though, is that a few weeks later, when you already knew you were facing consequences for your part in the first fiasco, you went after Mcarthy again. That shows a blatant lack of respect for The Code, and a lack of self control that, as a quality in one who is in line for the presidency, is particularly disturbing.  That is the part I cannot get over, Ry,” Matt reiterated quietly. “And,” he added softly, “that is what the council had a hard time getting past as well.” Ryan didn’t respond, so finally Matt continued in as gentle a tone as possible. “There were those on the council, Bud, who wanted to call another mandatory meeting, who thought you should be held publicly accountable. And then there were those who thought you should step down, that another junior should assume the presidency next year in your place . . . .”

            “Fine by me!” Ryan spat, finally looking up.  “Who wants to be president, anyway? All it does is bring stress and misery, and I’m obviously going to suck at it so maybe that would be best. ”

            “Nonsense, Bro,” Matt chided.  “You are not going to suck at it. Jay and I picked you for good reasons. What do you think he’d say if he heard you talking like that, huh?”  Ryan couldn’t answer.   “You have worked very hard to get where you are both on the team and in the house, and I think you are going to be a very good president.  Neither Steve nor I were ok with either of the above suggestions, and it would have been a cold day in hell before we allowed either of those things to happen.  Steve would have stepped down first,” he added quietly.

            “You’re damn right I would have!” Steve seethed.  Matt shot him a warning glance and Steve looked away.  He knew getting emotional now himself was just about the last thing that would help Ryan, but this was so hard. It was so much harder than he had even imagined it would be. ‘If only Mcarthy had thrown a punch,’ he thought sourly, ‘just one fucking God damn punch!’ Maybe then he would have had a little more bargaining power.  Maybe he could have been more help to his little brothers, more help especially to Ryan.  ‘This is all my fault,’ he rebuked himself for the hundredth time.  ‘It’s all my fucking fault! And I can’t do even one friggin’ thing to make it better.’

            The bitter inner battle waged on and Matt cursed silently to himself as he returned his eyes to his beleaguered younger brother.  He knew his own little brother well enough to know exactly what direction Steve’s thoughts were taking at the moment, but this was neither the time nor the place for him to address it.

            “You and Danny have a lot of friends, Ry,” he went on at last in the same reassuring tone, “and we had to have more than one meeting, believe me, because the situation was so emotionally charged.  There were those who felt that to punish the two of you without punishing Mcarthy was the very height of injustice, but he didn’t throw the first punch, did he?”  Matt paused, but Ryan had drawn up his knees and hidden his face again by that time, and he got no response. “No,” Matt finally answered his own question, as Ryan brushed surreptitiously once more at the tears that were streaking his cheeks, “nor did he return the punches that were thrown.  This is the compromise, Bud, understand? It wasn’t my first choice, and it certainly wasn’t Steve’s . . . .” Matt glanced once more in his little brother’s direction. This time, Steve caught and held his eyes. 

            “No,” he agreed softly. “No, it was not my first choice, for sure.  But  . . . look at me, Bro,” he commanded.  Ryan tentatively lifted his head, doing his best to meet his big brother’s eyes as he continued to swipe futilely at his cheeks. “What you did,” Steve went on, looking earnestly into his little brother’s anguished face, “is very serious, Ry.  It goes against everything this fraternity stands for.  The council,” his voice cracked, “has placed you on probation.” Ryan looked down again, pressing his face into his knees.  “This can’t happen again, Bud,” Steve admonished huskily. “If it does, you will be forced to step aside.  Maybe that’s not a big deal to you, but it is to me and Matt, and you know it would be to Jay.  That is why, after listening to the other alternatives, we agreed to do this.  We have to make sure this doesn’t happen again, Ry, understand?” Ryan nodded into his knees, but he didn’t look up.

            Silently, Matt and Steve waited once more, but at last, when it became clear that Ryan had nothing more to say, Matt got to his feet and turned with a reluctant heart to take the cane from the wall.  As he did, Ryan dropped his feet to the floor and clutched the sides of his head. Steve stood then too, and pulled his little brother up and into his arms. “I’m here,” he whispered as Ryan laid his head against his shoulder.  Ryan clung to him, rubbing his face on his shirt, and pressing into his chest as Matt turned to face them.  “I’m going to get you through this, Bro,” Steve whispered.  “I promise.”

            Matt waited, cane in hand, until Ryan had calmed some, but finally he knew the best thing he could do for both his brothers was to get this over with.  He did not have the heart to demand that Ryan turn completely and face him to receive the sentence as was the tradition.  He, however, did feel it important to have some of his little brother’s attention. “Look at me please, Ry,” he directed softly, and obediently, Ryan did so.  Steve tightened his arm, and brought his thumb up to gently wipe away the tears that were still streaking his little brother’s face.  “Ryan Justin Sanderson,” Matt began in the same official tone Steve had used with Danny. “You have committed a serious infraction against The Code by attacking a senior member of this fraternity.  Fighting at any time is not permitted, as you know, and as the president’s immediate successor your actions are inexcusable.  The council has consequently placed you on probation.  Any further incidents of this type will result in the loss of your position as well as possible expulsion from the fraternity. As punishment for this violation, it is the decree of the council that you shall receive twelve strokes of the cane, six for each attack,  to be delivered on the bare.  Over the table, Ry,” he commanded softly at last.

            It was amazing how terrible and yet how calming those words were to Ryan.  Twelve strokes was so much! It was so much, but in a few minutes, now, this whole big nightmare would be over.  Ryan hid his face once more, balled his fists in Steve’s shirt, and then with one deep, shaky breath, he exhaled weeks worth of anticipation and guilt.

            “It’s all right,” Steve whispered as Matt began pulling the chairs away.  Ryan was still clinging to him, and, sensing his little brother’s inability to process the direction he had been given, Steve turned him and gently guided him over the table.  “It’s going to be all right,” he promised once more into his ear.   With another deep breath, Ryan closed his eyes.  He felt his brother’s soothing hand leave his back and his stomach began to churn as Steve made his way to the other side of the table. A moment later he felt his big brother grip his hands reassuringly, and he shivered as Matt lowered his shorts to expose his bottom, still vaguely pink from the previous paddling he’d received.

            “Count the strokes, please, Ry,” his oldest brother directed firmly and Ryan clutched Steve’s hands harder as he felt the cool lithe wood against his skin.  He thought of Kevin and Danny in the other room and bit hard on his lip.  ‘I won’t cry, I won’t cry, I won’t cry . . .,’ he promised himself.  He felt his buttocks clench involuntarily as Matt drew back.  He was trying to relax, he knew it would be better if he did, but it was so hard. 

            The next moment the cane slashed down and Ryan’s face contorted as it contacted him squarely in the center of his bottom.  “One,” he hissed as he finally got his breath. It hurt more than he possibly could have ever imagined.  With barely a pause, Matt aimed the next stroke below the first and Ryan inhaled sharply, gritting his teeth as it landed.  “Two,” he managed finally. Whoosh Crack! The cane came down again.  “AH!” Ryan grimaced.  “Three!”  Whoosh Crack! The cane snapped down, and Ryan threw his head back, trying his hardest to bear the excruciating burn quietly.  “Four,” he uttered shakily, at last.  Other than the silent tears streaking his face and the purple marks beginning to form on his big brother’s hands, there was nothing so far to indicate the agonizing pain he was in.  He had, so far, kept his resolve.  The next stroke, however, caught him just below his bottom and he screamed, frantically pulling at his brother’s hands. “Jesus!” he exclaimed. “That’s five! God! That’s five!” he yanked hard on Steve’s hands once more.

            Determinedly, Steve held on.  His throat and stomach tightened as Ryan crumpled in frustration against the table, and he squeezed his little brother’s hands consolingly, but he was resolved not to let go.  He would not allow this horrible punishment to go on one moment more than was necessary, and allowing Ryan a break now would only make the rest of the punishment harder. “Hang in there, Ry,” he coaxed, tears welling in his eyes.  “You’re doing great.”  The genuine pride in his big brother’s tone caused Ryan to relax slightly and he clutched Steve’s hands tighter.  He could do this.  He took another little breath.  With his big brother beside him, he could do anything.

            Matt did not slow longer than was necessary for Steve to help still Ryan’s movement.  He too was determined to get this over with.  He was an experienced disciplinarian and he knew that long pauses only added to the anxiety and suffering of the one being punished. With his little brother on the receiving end, therefore, he was especially determined to keep things moving.

            Whoosh Crack! “Ahhh!” Ryan threw his head back.  “God!” he uttered through clenched teeth.  “Six!”  Woosh Crack! The cane whipped down again, catching him once more on the tender underside of his bottom and he shrieked.  “Owww! Owww! Jesus Christ, OWWW! Matt, please! please! I’m sorry!”

            Tears started to streak Steve’s cheeks as he tightened his hold on Ryan’s wrists.  His little brother’s nails were digging into his hands, now, but he hardly felt that. 

            Matt bit his lip, but he pressed on. “What stroke was that, Ry?” he prompted quietly.

            “Seven!” Ryan sobbed.  Matt drew back again and panic set in.  “No, Matt! Please! Please!” He tried to rise up but Steve’s firm grip kept him down.

            “Stay still, Bro, stay still, I’m here . . .,” Steve encouraged brokenly.  Ryan took a deep, calming breath and did his best to listen.  The moment he became still, the cane landed.

            “Eight!” he screeched.  “Oww! Oww!” he writhed against the table, pulling hard against Steve’s hands.

            “Hold him,” Matt directed firmly.  Steve’s jaw clenched and his eyes burned as a flood of resentment washed over him, but he took a firmer grip on Ryan’s arms as Matt aimed the next stroke.

            “No! No! Matt, please!” Ryan protested as he felt the cane press warningly into his raw and tender skin. “Please!” he pleaded desperately as Matt drew back. It was to no avail; a moment later the cane fell. “Nine!” Ryan screamed.  “OWW! God it hurts! It hurts!”  Gone, now, was the resolve to bear the punishment quietly.  Gone were his thoughts for Danny and Kevin.  Gone were his thoughts for anything but the searing pain, now growing more intense with each angry red line that was raised. 

            “It’s all right, it’s all right,” Steve tried to soothe but his voice cracked as Ryan pulled once more at his hands.

            Matt too was affected.  His face was ashen, and his stomach clenched as he thought of his two youngest brothers in the next room.  How were they handling this?  ‘And,’ his brow puckered, ‘the soundproofing couldn’t possibly be blocking all this, could it?’  He took in the swollen, inflamed state of Ryan’s bottom, and paused as his younger brother’s choking sobs continued to fill the room.  Steve was having an awful time containing him now as he fought to get his hands free, and as Matt’s eyes settled on his own little brother, he made up his mind. “Two more, Ry,” he encouraged,  “just two more and then it’s over, ok?” Steve looked up gratefully to meet Matt’s eyes. “Hang in there,” Matt mouthed and Steve nodded, taking a breath as he grasped Ryan’s hands tighter in his own. Ryan too became calmer as he felt his big brother’s reassuring grip.  ‘Two more,’ he thought. ‘Two more strokes.’  He could take two more. 

            He pressed his cheek hard into the table and gritted his teeth, determined to bear these final strokes quietly.  The supple wood grazed his skin briefly, and Ryan tensed as Matt drew back his arm.  Then, Whoosh Crack! The cane connected, Ryan’s face contorted, and he inhaled sharply as the piercing burn shot through his nether region.  There was a long pause as he fought for breath. “Ten!” he eked out, finally.  Steve squeezed his little brother’s hands hard again as Ryan crumpled once more on the table, and Matt’s voice, when he spoke, was filled with potent empathy.

            “Last one, bro,” he prodded gently.  “Are you ready?”

            Matt received no verbal response, but Ryan gripped Steve’s hands harder, and then gave an almost imperceptible nod. Once again, Matt aimed, fighting down the feeling of intense pity sparked as his little brother’s buttocks clenched.  Determined to get it over with, he drew back his arm, and Whoosh Crack! The final stroke cut Ryan under his bottom and he reared up, nearly pulling Steve across the table as he grimaced, and struggled for breath.  “Eleven!” he uttered, at last.  “Oh God! That’s Eleven!” he sobbed.  Steve let go of Ryan’s hands, then, and as his little brother collapsed on the table in front of him, he too fell apart.

            Matt placed the cane back where it belonged and turned to face his brothers.  They had never needed him more.  Ryan was spent. He was too emotionally exhausted and in too much pain to move.  He had no energy even to try and soothe the overpowering burn in his bottom. Matt looked briefly at Steve, but he was faring little better than Ryan, and so without another thought, Matt took charge. 

            “Come on, Little Bro,” he coaxed, placing a reassuring hand on Ryan’s back.  “You’re all right.  Come on, now.”  Keeping his hand on his little brother’s back and pinning his t-shirt so it would not brush his tender bottom, Matt raised Ryan slowly to his feet and wrapped him in his arms.  “That’s it,” he soothed as his little brother snuggled against him.  “That’s it.  You’re all right,” he whispered again as Ryan clung to him. “You ready to get out of here?” Ryan nodded against his chest.  “Go on and step out of your shorts, then.” With slow, excruciating movements, Ryan did as Matt had directed, and, with the effortless movements of a well-conditioned linebacker, Matt lowered his shoulder and scooped his little brother up.  Ryan’s 5’10”, 185 pound frame was nothing to his oldest brother who was 6’4” and nearly 250 pounds.  The intense pain Ryan was now experiencing made him nearly insensible to this newest assault on his dignity, and he did not protest in any way.   Matt, after all, was his brother; he trusted him, and as hard as Matt could be, Ryan knew how very fond his oldest brother was of him.

            Matt carried Ryan towards a black curtained doorway at the end of the small room, and Steve followed close behind. The room they entered now, as Matt pushed aside the curtain, was even smaller than the one they were leaving.  It had at one time been a tiny sun room connecting Steve’s bedroom with the sitting room.  It had been closed in with the sitting room and soundproofed for use as a recovery room. Matt flipped the switch on the wall as they entered, shedding a dim amount of light on the room’s furnishings which were sparse, but comfortable.  There was a long, somewhat ratty looking sofa against the far wall completed by an end table with a small lamp.  There was a card table that looked as though it had seen better days, two overstuffed armchairs, and one or two other rickety chairs of varying sorts placed in no particular order around the room.  A small half bath had also been added somewhere along the way, much to the relief of the countless numbers of young Rho Beta Chi members who had since found themselves in need of it.  A sink, in moments like these, was a priceless commodity when one’s image was on the line.  Those who had done without in the past knew all too well just how priceless it was, and had contributed readily to give their younger brothers that luxury of which they themselves had been deprived.

            Of all those who had benefited, though, from the generosity of the previous classes, no one had yet been more grateful for this particular item than Matt was now as he deposited his little brother carefully on the sofa.  He looked at the angry welts that crisscrossed Ryan’s backside and turned quickly for the bathroom as Steve, who had recovered somewhat by now, dropped to his knees by Ryan’s head, stroking his hair and talking softly to him.

            Matt shut the door behind him and pressed his hands to his face as a surge of emotion overcame him.  After a moment, he moved to the sink, filled it with cold water and splashed the cool liquid against his warm cheeks, contemplating his pallid complexion in the tiny cracked mirror.  What would Jason say if he was here? He bit his lip as he turned the water off.   Well, it had to be done.  He knew that.  A serious infraction such as the one Ryan had committed demanded a serious punishment to go with it.  Even Jason couldn’t argue with that. Then again . . . .

            ‘But he is our little brother!’ Matt could just hear the indignant lecture now.   ‘How could you, Matt? How could you stomach this?’  ‘It was the decision of the council!’ Matt’s inner voice argued.  ‘Someone had to carry it out, and Steve certainly wasn’t going to be up to it.  Would you have preferred Ryan to be summoned before the council for punishment? Or perhaps you would have been with those hounding us to call another Meeting.  Maybe, after all the time we’ve spent with him, you would have liked to see him relinquish the presidency? Is that what you want, Jay? Because that’s the position we were in!’  ‘Why get the council involved at all, Matthew? You know my feelings about that!’ ‘Yes, I do know your feelings about that, Jay.  You’ve made them very plain on more than one occasion, but there are times when its involvement is an unavoidable necessity.  You know that!’

            Another wave of emotion rolled over Matt as he realized he was having a full blown argument in his head, and tears stung his eyes.  The truth was he wanted his older brother’s advice.  For nearly a month now, Matt had been the rock solid one, the one all his brothers had leant on.  He knew Jason wouldn’t be happy with the situation, but he could have taken some of the pressure off at any rate.  He sighed. There was no sense playing the ‘what if game.’  The fact was he was the only one here.  His brothers needed him, and he would see them through this.

            He opened the cupboard beneath the sink and pulled out the shallow white basin he had placed there weeks ago.  He had never had any doubts as to the condition his little brother would be in after enduring such a punishment.  He and Steve had fought hard for their little brother when the council was convened, harder than they had even let on. To say that the cane was not their first choice was a complete understatement of the matter.  They had, in fact, been vehemently opposed.  The first meeting had nearly come to blows, and Steve had been on the point of relinquishing his own position more than once.  When Matt and Steve had both flatly refused the Mandatory Meeting, the cane had been raised as a possibility, but the council had originally proposed that the sentence be carried out in their presence.  All hell had broken loose then.  He and Steve had once again refused to consider such an idea and accusations of favoritism had been quick to fly. A few had stood with them (enough to keep the motion from passing), but any close friends Ryan and Danny had on the council had been excluded from these proceedings.

            Things had gotten extremely ugly and Steve himself had at one point been threatened with eviction.  This was as close to a “compromise” as they had gotten and Matt, after hours of debate, had finally caved in.  The only way he would allow it to occur, he had insisted, was if he and Steve were allowed to carry it out in private.  His had been the swing vote that allowed the motion to pass and Steve had been furious with him.  Matt had known in his heart, however, that no good would come of further argument, and weeks of exhausting, emotionally intense conversation had finally brought Steve round to the same point of view.  They had done the best for their little brother that they could, the best that any big brother could do.

            Matt sighed as he took a fresh wash cloth from the basket sitting on the back of the toilet.  He filled the basin with cool water, and then, opening the door he made his way carefully back to his little brothers.  Steve, now collected for the most part, was still kneeling on the floor next to Ryan, his hand rubbing gentle circles on his little brother’s back.  Ryan had his face in the pillows.  He was still crying, but he too had calmed considerably.  “How we feelin’, Bro?” Matt inquired gently as he set the basin on the nightstand. 

            “Like shit!” Ryan sobbed into the cushions.

            Matt bit his lip.  ‘What a stupid question!’ he berated himself as he pulled up a chair and sat down.  He turned on the small lamp so he could see better, and then looked at Steve as he took the wash cloth in his hand, dipped it in the water, and wrung it out.  “You might want to sit up there with him,” he suggested softly, indicating the couch.  Steve nodded and without hesitation moved up to sit by his little brother. Placing a pillow against his chest, he gathered Ryan in his arms and Ryan clung to him.

            “I’m sorry!” he choked.  “I’m so sorry for everything!”

            “I know, Bro,” Steve reassured, softly.  “I know.  It’s over now.  You’re ok.” Steve hugged his little brother close and Ryan let go, unleashing now weeks worth of pent up emotion. “Shhhh . . .  It’s ok. You’re ok,” Steve crooned.  Ryan was unable to hear any of the words his big brother was saying, but he found comfort, all the same, in his gentle tone.

            Without a word, Matt placed the wet cloth back in the basin.  The physical wound cleaning could wait. The cleansing that was taking place now was of a much more important kind.  For the better part of an hour, Ryan cried, and Steve held him, whispering in tones not even Matt could hear. Matt waited through that entire time, watching his two younger brothers with quiet affection from the side, and giving them the time to themselves that they so sorely needed. 

            Finally, Ryan began to calm again under the soothing attention from his older brother.  It was only when the emotional storm had passed completely, however, that Matt finally picked up the wash cloth once more and began the slow, painstaking process of cleaning the welts.  He took great care to be as gentle as possible, dabbing the blood away with the cloth and trying his best not to aggravate the open wounds, but at times it was unavoidable.

            “Sorry, Bro, sorry,” he soothed each time Ryan winced. 

            Steve was still holding his little brother close and he tightened his arm each time Ryan gritted his teeth.  “It’s ok, Bud,” he assured, “it’s ok.  It’s almost over.” 

            Ryan himself was overcome by a mixture of emotions he could not even understand at the moment.  He was exhausted more than anything, sad, embarrassed, remorseful,  angry, hurt, relieved, comforted, and in some odd way, content.  Strangely in fact, weary contentment was the dominant emotion of the moment.  His brothers were being exceptionally attentive, and despite the great physical pain he was feeling, their comforting words and thoughtful gestures brought him great peace of mind.  It was over.  He had been forgiven and things would be ok, now.  The throbbing pain was beginning to subside some.  The cool cloth was feeling good to his battered skin.  He yawned and nestled closer to Steve as he felt his brother’s fingers brushing lightly once more through his hair.  His eyes began to droop and as he was drifting off, he thought for the first time of his little brothers.  ‘I hope they’re ok,’ he worried.  ‘I hope Danny is ok . . . .’ The thought had barely crossed his mind before sleep overtook him.  Lulled by his brother’s soft voice and gentle touch, he could keep his eyes open no longer and before he had a chance to wonder anymore about his younger brothers he was asleep.

            Steve met Matt’s eyes as Matt quietly turned off the lamp.  “It’s the best thing for him,” Matt whispered and Steve nodded.  Matt pulled down the light cotton blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and loosely covered his sleeping younger brother, tucking the end of the blanket between the wall and the couch and creating a makeshift tent, being careful all the time not to let the blanket touch the tender area.

            When he was finally satisfied that his little brother was as comfortable as he could make him, he turned again to face Steve.  “I’m going to go check on the other two miscreants,” he said softly, “and make sure they’re ok.  I’m sure Danny’s getting ready to break the door in.” Steve swallowed and nodded.  He also was worried about his two youngest brothers.  “When I come back, we are going to clean and bandage those hands of yours, ok?” Steve nodded again and tears slipped slowly down his cheeks as he looked at the nasty purple and red marks left by Ryan’s nails.  He hadn’t really considered them before.  The little pain they caused him was nothing to what his heart had been through today.  And anyway, he felt like he deserved it.

            “Hey,” Matt’s voice derailed the train of self-deprecating thought that was just beginning to form, and Steve looked up at him, tears glistening in his eyes.  “You did great,” Matt whispered. Steve nodded and wiped at his tears as he felt his big brother’s hand on his shoulder.  “I’ll be back soon,” Matt assured softly, “and we’ll talk more then, ok?”  Steve nodded again, afraid to test his voice,  and as he snuggled down closer to Ryan, Matt turned towards the door.  He hated to leave, but his two youngest brothers needed somebody and the quicker he got Danny and Kevin settled, the quicker he could return to his own little brother, and some much needed quality time.

            He turned one more time, as he stepped through the door, but Steve was no longer looking his way, and tears were streaming down his cheeks now as he cuddled Ryan close.  Matt bit his lip, and paused, his hand on the curtain. He knew how much self-blame was in those tears, but that discussion would have to wait. It would do no good to try and get into it now.  Decidedly, he drew the curtain closed and headed for the door leading to the bedroom.  He paused once more as he reached it, and pressed his ear to the wood.  Everything seemed quiet, too quiet.  He sighed.  What would he find on the other side of the door? He knew better than to equate the silence with any kind of encouraging or positive sign.  ‘With those two, it’s more likely to be the calm before the storm,’ he thought drolly, and then he opened the door.   

File Fourteen

Reflections Prompted

By a Proverb

 

From “To a Mouse”

By: Robert Burns

 

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,

 

In proving foresight may be vain:

 

The best laid schemes o' mice an' men

 

Gang aft a-gley.                40

 

An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain

For promised joy.

 

 

            Matt had been prepared for anything when he opened the door. Kevin and Danny would mow him down (or try to) he was sure in their efforts to get to Ryan.  He was prepared to deal with that.  He was prepared to deal with the screaming tantrums, the expletives, the seething rage he was sure they would unleash on him.  He was not prepared, however, for the situation that was now facing him. 

            A thick blanket of silence still hung in the air and quietly Matt drew a chair up beside the bed where both his younger brothers lay motionless, their heads shoved as far under the pillows and blankets as they could go.  Except for the slight movement of the bed spread as their shoulders rose and fell, Matt would not have been sure at all that either of them was breathing.  He leaned on his knees and looked thoughtfully at them, hoping he would not have to speak first.  He really didn’t know what to say.

            Several minutes passed in this manner and Matt began to grow anxious. It was so hard to begin.  He didn’t want to say something that would only make things worse and he had no clues to help guide his words.  ‘What had they heard? How much? What could he possibly say/do to make it better?’  It would be so much easier if they were raging at him.  That he could handle.  “Are you guys all right?” he asked softly at last. It was a moment before he got any response at all, but finally, Kevin took his head out from under the pillows and turned his face towards him.  Matt swallowed hard as he looked back into the puffy red eyes.  “Hey, Bud,” he greeted gently. 

            “Is it over?” Kevin whispered, hugging the pillows to his chest.

            “Yeah, Bud, it’s over,” Matt assured quietly.

            “Is he ok?” Kevin inquired hoarsely.

            “Yeah, Bro.  He’s all right.” Kevin pressed his face back into the pillows, and there was once again nothing but silence. “Tell me what you’re thinking guys,” Matt urged softly.

            “YoudontwannaknowwhatImthinking,” Danny’s muffled sob was the only answer he got and it was nearly unintelligible but Matt, knowing his younger brother as he did, was able to piece the words together.

            “Yes, I do, Dan,” he replied quietly.  “Tell me.”

            “No! I’ll just get in more trouble!”

            Matt bit his lip.  He certainly didn’t want his younger brothers to be afraid to tell him how they were feeling.  He was a big proponent of open communication.  He was going to have to try and teach them all the difference between being honest and being disrespectful.  “You won’t get in trouble, Dan,” he assured, now.  “Not as long as you speak to me respectfully.”

            “Well, I’m not feeling very respectful, right now!” Danny protested as he finally emerged from under the blankets to glare at his brother.

            “Ok, Bro,” Matt returned gently.  “It’s ok that you’re upset with me.  I expected that you would be.”

            “I just don’t know why you had to do that to him!” Danny sobbed.  “Why, Matt? I’m the reason he’s in trouble! He was just trying to protect me!”

            “And they were both just looking out for me!” Kevin added from his own stack of pillows.

            “If you were going to cane anyone, it should have been me!” Danny continued as if Kevin had not spoken.  “I’m the one who can’t seem to keep my big fat mouth shut!”

            “Ryan went after Mcarthy twice,” Matt replied simply.

            “Yes and both times it was because of me!”

            “He went after him twice?” Kevin turned his head on the pillows again to look tearfully at Matt and Matt nodded.  “When?” Kevin demanded.  “When was the other time?”

            “Right before the last playoff game, in the locker room.  Mcarthy was giving Danny a hard time and Ryan lost it.  Fortunately Steve was there to prevent any major disasters but it certainly didn’t help Ryan’s case today.”

            “But it was because of me! He was trying to protect me!” Danny insisted once more.

            “Do you blame Kevin for what happened in the common room?” Matt demanded.

            “No! Of course not!” Danny responded as Kevin stuffed his head under the pillows again.  “He wasn’t even there and I made those bad decisions.  Not him!”  Matt raised his eyebrows, and Danny added quickly, “But it’s different!”

            “Oh yeah? How so?”

            “It just is!” Danny snapped.

            “Weren’t you trying to protect Kevin?”

            “Yes, but . . . .”

            “And wasn’t Ryan trying to protect you?”

            “I know but . . . .”

            “No ‘but’s’ Little Bro.  It’s the same thing.  I know everyone’s intentions were good and I know no one meant for things to escalate the way they did, but they did, and we had no choice but to deal with it as the serious matter it is.  You guys have to understand that, good intentions or not, you can’t go knocking people around like that!”

            “Well what about Mcarthy? It’s ok for him to just say whatever he wants!? To do whatever he wants? It’s ok for him but not for us?”

            “No, of course not,” Matt replied.  “Of course it’s not ok.  He has to play by the rules too.  But it gets tricky when it’s just words.  Because he is the older one, you guys do not have a lot of room for retaliation. That’s just how it is.  You have to try and ignore him whenever possible and not let him get to you. Every time you respond, he’s getting just exactly what he wants.  If you can’t ignore him, you can respond verbally.  I don’t think anyone would argue your right to defend yourselves that way, but if it reaches a certain level you have to walk away and let us deal with it; let Steve deal with it.  The moment you throw punches you take our leverage away too. Do you understand?”

            “I guess,” Danny sobbed, but he didn’t sound too sure and Kevin didn’t respond at all; he just hugged the pillows tighter.

            “Listen guys,” Matt began as the silence grew once more.  “I understand how hard this is . . . .”

            “No you don’t!” Danny challenged.  “You don’t understand! How can you possibly understand? Have you ever been caned? Do you even remember what that fucking paddle feels like??”

            “Language,” Matt reminded.

            “Sorry,” Danny huffed.  “But do you??” A long moment went by as Matt just gazed at his brothers.  They were entering uncomfortable territory here.  These were things he didn’t like to remember let alone talk about.  He didn’t generally talk about such things to anyone except . . . well, except to Jason, who had seen him through some incredibly difficult moments.  Steve might be aware of some of those stories. In fact, Matt was sure his little brother knew all of them, but Matt had never talked in depth about any of his punishments, and had never shared his feelings about them.  If he didn’t want to talk about it with Steve, he was even more reluctant to talk about it with his two youngest brothers.  He was quiet for so long that Danny and Kevin finally turned their heads once more to look at him.  They looked searchingly at their big brother, but they did not push.  The look on Matt’s face told them not to, and there were times when even they knew better. 

            “Yes,” he replied softly at last.  “Yes, I remember how the paddle feels.” He hesitated as he continued to hold his little brothers’ eyes.  “And,” he finally went on, “believe it or not, I have been caned before. Not by the fraternity,” he added quickly as shock replaced the accusing expressions on Danny and Kevin’s faces.   

            “When did you get caned?” Kevin demanded, unable to help his curiosity.

            “It was a long time ago, Bro,” Matt replied.

            “But when?” Kevin persisted.

            “And why?” Danny piped up at last.  He too was intrigued and couldn’t help asking.

            “I’m not sure I really want to talk about this right now, guys,” Matt replied gently.  “Maybe some other time.”

            “Fine!” Danny retorted.  “Whatever! Don’t know why we should have expected any different!” He reached down to the floor beside the bed where his boxers had fallen, and, picking them up, he raised himself to sit gingerly on the side of the bed, gritting his teeth as he bent slowly to pull his underwear on.

            “What’s that supposed to mean?” Matt replied just a little edgily as Danny got stiffly to his feet and pulled his shorts all the way up. 

            “Nothing,” Danny replied bitterly, turning to face his oldest brother with eyes that were once again accusing.  “Just forget it!”

            “I don’t want to forget it, Dan.  Tell me what’s on your mind.”

            Danny bit his lip and tears welled in his eyes once more as he evaded Matt’s steady, empathetic gaze.  “It’s just . . .,” his voice cracked.

            “Just what?” Matt prompted softly.

            “You never let your guard down, Matt!”  Danny accused, finally looking back at him.  “Never! Not for anything.  Not even now! It would just be nice to know sometimes that you are not always so  . . . so . . . . ”

            “So what?” Matt urged once more.

            “So perfect!” Danny choked. “It would just be nice to know that there were times in your life that you weren’t so fucking perfect!” Danny swiped at his cheeks and Matt hung his head, stunned.  He was too stunned to even correct Danny’s language.  The idea that the kid idolized him to such an extent was startling and a little disconcerting.

            “I’m not perfect, Danny,” he started at last, looking up again, only to find that Danny was halfway to the Correction Room door.  “Where do you think you’re going?” he inquired gently, getting to his feet. 

            “To see Ryan,” Danny answered.

            “I’m not sure that’s such a great idea, right now, Bro,” Matt replied, moving in front of the door.

            “I don’t care what you think!” Danny returned, trying to reach around his older brother to the doorknob.  “I want to see him!”

            “I said no,” Matt responded, not unkindly.

            “Matt, please!” Danny pleaded.  “I just want to make sure he’s ok!”

            “He’s ok, Dan,” Matt assured.

            “Oh yeah!?” Danny shoved at him.  “Why should I believe you?? You’re the one who did it to him, aren’t you!? He sounded like he was dying in there, Matt!  The whole fucking house probably heard him! How could you do that to him, Man? How could you do that?” Danny pushed once more to get by him, but Matt would not allow it.  Danny was no match for Matt’s strength under any circumstances, and now it would have taken nothing for Matt to force him back once and for all from the door.  Matt, however, could see the excruciating pain his little brother was in, and he

was worried about the kid’s state of mind. Danny was in no shape to endure the shoving match he was now trying to instigate, and Matt knew his little brother wanted nothing more than for him to respond; he would not give him the excuse to lash out that he was looking for.  “Matt, Please!”  Danny pleaded as Matt placed his hand over the doorknob. “I just want to see him!”

            “Calm down, Dan,” Matt instructed as Danny continued to push at him, but his words went unheeded and a moment later his little brother was trying to pry his fingers from the doorknob. “Dan, I said stop!” Matt repeated more firmly.

            “Let me see him! I want to see him!” Danny was working himself into a frenzy now, and finally Matt took him by the shoulders.

            “Look at me,” he commanded.  It was a moment before the words registered, but finally Danny did as he was asked. “You need to calm down, stop, and think about what you are doing,” Matt instructed as he looked with concern into Danny’s weepy eyes.  “You are not helping Ryan or yourself right now.”

            “But why can’t I see him?” Danny protested.

            “First of all, he’s asleep,” Matt replied, “and that really is the best thing for him. There is nothing you can do right now.  It’s better if he just gets some rest . . . .”

            “I know but I won’t wake him! I promise! I just want to see that he’s ok . . . .”

            “Second,” Matt cut Danny off,  “Steve and Ryan need some time to themselves right now.”

            “Please, Matt! Please! I need to see him! I need to!”  Danny was beginning to panic again and finally Matt just folded him in his arms, holding him close as his little brother collapsed against him.     For several long minutes Danny clung and Matt held him, thinking hard about what to do, now.  ‘What would be best for everyone?’ he wondered.  He glanced at the bed where Kevin was still gripping the pillows, his disconcerted eyes now on Danny.  ‘What was going through the kid’s mind?’ It would be good to have another chance to connect with him and that would be easier to do if Danny was not around.  Also, there was no question that Steve was worried about their two youngest brothers.  It might be good for him to have some time to fuss over Danny.  It would distract him perhaps a little from thinking about Ryan’s condition. Danny was calming down some, now, and finally Matt made up his mind. 

            He tightened his arms around his little brother’s shoulders, and Danny, still snuggled against his chest looked up hopefully to meet his big brother’s earnest expression.  “You promise me, you won’t wake him?” Matt asked quietly.  Danny brushed at his tears and nodded. “And you also promise me you will not give Steve a hard time?”

            “I won’t,” Danny shook his head.

            “Tell me again, who’s responsible for this mess you and Ryan ended up in?”

            “We are.”

            “Did Steve have anything to do with it?”

            “No,” Danny choked.

            “Tell me why you got in trouble.”

            “We acted impulsively, without thinking, and we broke The Code,” Danny sobbed. 

            Matt squeezed his shoulder again.  “Do you understand why the consequences were so severe?” Danny nodded against his chest. “Tell me why, Bro,” Matt whispered.

            “Because we were sposed to be setting an example.” The answer came out in another half muffled sob.

            “What should you have done instead? And what can you do if Mcarthy continues to hassle you in the future?”

            “Make sure not to hit him,” Danny replied and Matt couldn’t help smirking.

            “And . . .,” he tried to prompt while doing his best to keep a straight face.

            “And if he is really getting on our case, we need to let you or Steve know.”

            “That’s right, Bro. You can come to us with anything, ok? Don’t let that guy or anybody else work you over.  If he is gettin’ down and dirty like he did that day in the common room, you just bring it to us and let us handle it.  He’s not worth your spit, all right? Capiche?” Danny  nodded again and Matt hugged him close for another moment.  “All right, Bud,” he whispered finally, and moving away from the door he opened it.  “Go on, then, and tell Steve I’ll be back in a bit.”

            For a moment Danny didn’t move.  He just looked at his oldest brother incredulously.  ‘Could it really be true? Had he really persuaded Matt to see his point of view?’ Danny couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. 

            “Go on,” Matt prompted his little brother once more, “before I change my mind.”

            Danny needed no further urging, but he hadn’t gotten very far before Matt called him back.  “Come here, Bro,” he beckoned with his arm.  “Come here for just one more minute.” Danny hesitated, looking wistfully at the black curtain that stood between him and his brothers.  He’d known it was too good to be true.  He wasn’t going to get to see Ryan after all.  He looked back at Matt, and his brother stretched out his arm. “Come here, Bud.” Danny sighed, and then, with one last longing look towards the curtain, he made his way back to Matt.

            “Look at me, Dan,” Matt coached as he put his arm around his little brother and drew him close to his side once more.  Danny obeyed and Matt looked seriously into the brimming brown eyes.  “Mark my words, Little Bro,” Matt lowered his voice, intending that only Danny should hear him.  “As sore as you are right now, if I come back here to find that you have stressed Steve out in the least little way, I will not hesitate to turn you over my knee.  Do you understand?” Danny’s face flushed and his eyes shifted towards the door.  “Dan,” Matt prodded, and automatically Danny looked back at him. He was crimson now. “I asked if we had an understanding,” Matt repeated. Danny nodded, but he turned (if it was possible) still a deeper shade of red and his eyes shifted once more to the door.     Matt followed his gaze and bit his lip to see his youngest brother standing in the doorway, a look of amazement on his face. He held Danny closer to his side, squeezing his shoulder once more.  “All right, then, Bro,” he whispered, keeping his eyes on Kevin.  “Go on.”  Glad now for the excuse to get away, as well as eager to see his big brother, Danny turned once more for the curtained doorway.

 

*******************************************************

            Steve looked up as the slight movement of the curtain caught his attention and a wave of emotion washed over him.  “Hey, Bro,” he greeted warmly. Danny was standing just inside the doorway, his back against the wall.  His face was drawn and pale, and his eyes were fixed on Ryan’s unmoving form.  “Come here,” Steve invited huskily.  Danny’s eyes filled with tears as he shifted them just slightly to meet those of his older brother.  “He’s ok,” Steve encouraged, reading the unspoken question. “Come on.”

            No further inducement was required and the next moment found Danny on his knees beside his brothers, his face buried in the only available portion of Steve’s chest. “Hey Bro, Hey . . . .” Steve brought his free hand up to lay it tenderly on the back of Danny’s head.  “It’s ok . .  .,” he started again hesitantly as his little brother really started to cry.  He was feeling a bit taken aback.  Ryan had always been openly affectionate with him, but his relationship with Danny hadn’t come as easily.  Danny was more intense, more passionate about everything.  His temper, under normal circumstances, was more likely to heat up, and he was less forgiving than Ryan was; he did not appreciate having his shortcomings pointed out to him.  This was the first time Steve could ever remember that Danny had actively sought his comfort.  “You’re ok,” he murmured again now.  “It’s over.”

            “What about Ryan?” Danny sobbed.

            “He’s ok, Bro,” Steve said.  “You can see for yourself.”

            “He’s all covered up,” Danny objected in a muffled whisper as he suddenly remembered the warning Matt had given him.  “It must have been really bad if you can’t even put the blanket down on him all the way.”  Tears welled in Steve’s eyes at this assertion and he bit his lip to try and keep them back.  He was unable to answer right away and his silence prompted Danny to look up into his now glistening eyes. “It was bad, wasn’t it?” he choked again.  Steve still seemed unable to speak and Danny hid his face again as tears started to streak his older brother’s cheeks.   Steve’s fingers trailed through his younger brother’s hair and Danny clung to him.  That wordless comfort was all that Steve was capable of giving at the moment as he tried desperately to keep his own emotions in check.

            “Why’d you have to be so hard on him?” Danny sobbed, forgetting Matt’s warning once more and really letting loose.  “Why? It was my fault! If I wasn’t such a stupid asshole none of this would have happened! He was protecting me! It’s my fault! It’s all my fault . . . .”  A gentle hand on his shoulder at that point stopped the self-deprecating rant he was on, but as much as that touch meant to him, and as much as he longed for the reassurance and forgiveness he knew he would find in the blue eyes that awaited him, he could not make himself look up; he was too ashamed

            “Hey Bro, look at me,” the tired but steady voice urged at last. Danny clutched Steve’s shirt tighter, balling his fists and refusing still to look up. “Danny, look at me please . . . .”

            “No!” Danny sobbed. “God! Go back to sleep! Matt’s going to kill me!”

            Ryan and Steve traded puzzled looks and Steve questioned softly, “Why, Dan? Why would you think that Matt’s going to kill you?”

            “Because!” Danny insisted.  “He only asked me not to do two things before he let me come in here and I’ve done them both in the first five minutes.”

            “What is it you’ve done, Bro?” Ryan coaxed.

            “Woke you up and stressed out Steve! It’s not funny!” he cried as he finally turned his head to find Ryan battling the smirk which had become so familiar to him.  “He was VERY clear about what I was and was not to do if you know what I mean . . . .”

            “He threatened to spank you?” Steve inquired incredulously.  He did not find the idea quite as humorous as Ryan seemed to.  He adored his big brother, and relied on him implicitly, but there were times when his over-protectiveness pricked and this was definitely one of them. 

            Danny nodded, brushing at his eyes, and Ryan squeezed his shoulder as empathy and concern pushed aside the little bit of humor he had found in the situation.  “Well, I’ll vouch for you, kid,” he promised.  “I wasn’t really asleep.  I’ve been dozing in and out for a while now, and you can’t wake me if I’m not asleep to begin with, can you?”

            “And you didn’t stress me out, Danny,” Steve added, unable to keep the irritation from his voice.  “No more so than I already was, anyway, and no more than any of us were.  I’ll talk to him.”

            “Kevin heard him,” Danny sniveled, moving on to his next concern now that the first one seemed to have been handled. 

            “Kevin heard Matt threaten you?” Ryan cried unable now to contain the note of delight that slipped into his tone.  Danny turned once more to look at him and the indignant expression on his little brother’s face forced Ryan to burrow further into Steve’s chest as his shoulders shook with silent laughter. 

            “Shut up, Man!” Danny gave him a little shove.  “It’s not funny! It’s fucking embarrassing!”

            “There goes the ‘Only Once’ fantasy he’s been carrying around,” was the only response Ryan could manage.

            “What?! What are you talking about?” Danny demanded.

            “Well, I mean, come on, Danny,” Steve started.  He too was battling now to keep a straight face as Danny turned glare on him. It was just so good to hear Ryan laugh, and it was kind of funny, after all. “You don’t really imagine you’re the only one to be compromised by this, do you? And maybe it is for the best.”

            “What do you mean?”  Danny demanded again in frustration.

            “Well don’t you think Kevin probably asked Matt about it?”

            “Yeah, probably! So?? That’s why it’s so embarrassing!”

            “Well, don’t be embarrassed, Bud,” Steve couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped.  “I’m sure that Ryan’s cover was blown seconds after yours was.”

            “Really, you think so?”  That idea, which had honestly never occurred to him, was at least a little comforting. 

            “I can guarantee it, Bro!” Steve returned affectionately, combing his fingers through Danny’s hair once more as his little brother snuggled against him to think about it. 

            “Me too,” Ryan sighed a little as his laughter finally slowed. “The way that kid asks questions,” he finally did redden just a little, “I’m sure he knows it all by now.”

            “About Steve too?” Danny queried in a tone of disbelief.  “Do you think Matt told him about  . . . about . . . well about you guys?” he turned wide eyes on his oldest brother once more.

            Matt and Ryan both hesitated to answer that one; they themselves were not sure.  “I don’t know,” Steve responded finally, looking fondly into the deep brown eyes that were now gazing curiously up at him.  “Could be . . . .” ‘But I doubt it,’ he finished the thought in his head and all of a sudden he was glad for those over-protective feelings that he had been seething about a few minutes ago.

            “Naw, I don’t think so,” Ryan voiced his skepticism out loud. “Matt never talks about that to anybody.  Hell, we found out by accident. I don’t think he’s ever going to volunteer that information to Kevin.”

            “Well, whatever he’s told him,” Steve continued seriously, “you can be sure of one thing, and that’s that Kevin would not have been allowed to dwell for more than a couple of seconds on anybody else’s misery before Matt handily brought him round to his more personal concern in the matter, and as Ryan was implying, stripped him of that ‘only once’ theory that I probably should never have put in his head to begin with,” Steve finished repentantly.  “I just wasn’t thinking about what Matt might have to say about that.”

            Ryan and Danny remained quiet and Steve too became pensive as his little brothers snuggled closer.  The emotions of the day had exhausted them all.  ‘What WAS Matt saying to Kevin?’ Steve wondered as they all fell away into their own trains of thought, ‘and how would Kevin react to whatever was being said?’

 

*******************************************************

 

            Kevin continued to gape at Matt for a moment after his big brother had disappeared, and then he too headed for the back of the room.  “Hold up, Bro,” Matt took hold of his arm and hauled him back.  “Where do you think you’re going?”

            “With Danny,” Kevin responded in a genuinely bewildered tone.

            “Oh, no,” Matt countered, keeping hold of his arm and hustling him out of the room.  “I don’t think so.  You and I have other things to do.” 

            “But I want to see Ryan, too,” Kevin protested, pulling to get away as Matt closed the door behind them. 

            “You can see him later.”

            “I want to see him now!”

            “I said ‘no,’ Kevin,” Matt remained firm, pushing his youngest brother back as he attempted once more to open the door.  “Let’s give those guys some time to themselves.”

            “Matt, please!”  Matt raised his eyebrows, and as Kevin saw that this was a battle he was not going to win his pleading expression turned to a glower.  “It’s not fair!” He stamped his foot, and Matt narrowed his eyes. 

            “Be that as it may,” Matt responded calmly,  “I have made up my mind.” 

            Kevin folded his arms across his chest and glared obstinately at his brother.  “Did you just tell Danny you would spank him, if he stressed Steve out?” he questioned bitterly.

            Matt was unprepared for such a direct question and he hesitated, but only for a moment. “Yes,” he answered evenly, and now it was Kevin’s turn to be surprised at the straightforward admission.

            “Have you spanked him before?” he asked tentatively. A mixture of intrigue and timidity had now replaced the recalcitrant tone in his voice.

            “Yes,” Matt replied again.  The blood drained from Kevin’s face, and he swallowed.

            “What about Ryan?” he questioned tremulously.

            “Yes, Kevin,” Matt answered in a matter of fact tone.  “Both of your big brothers have taken the occasional trip over my knee.”  Kevin looked absolutely dumbfounded as he tried to process this information and the dismayed expression on his face caused Matt to melt.  “The only reason I am sharing this information with you at all, Bud,” he explained quietly, “is because now you are my younger brother too and it is only fair that you have some warning about how I deal with things.”

            “But  Steve said . . .,” Kevin began.  “I mean, I thought . . . Steve . . . .”

            “Steve what?” Matt inquired softly.

            “Steve said it would only happen once!” Kevin blurted finally, tears welling in his eyes.  “He promised! He said it would only happen once!” Matt sighed as he looked at his little brother’s shocked, pasty face, and taking him once more by the arm, he guided him over to the bed and pulled him down beside him.  “Why did Steve say that, if it wasn’t true?” Kevin demanded. “He promised!”

            “I don’t think he promised, Kid, did he?”

            “Well, he said it wasn’t supposed to happen more than once!” Kevin returned resentfully.  They were picking at straws here as far as he was concerned.  ‘Promised,’ ‘Said,’ what was the difference, anyway?

            “Well, any formal form of corporal punishment  IS ‘supposed’ to happen only once for you guys,” Matt returned quietly. “Danny and Ryan backed Steve into a really tight corner by going after Mcarthy.  I can’t remember the last time a president had to actually summon his brothers.  I’m sure it’s probably happened before, but I certainly could not tell you when.  Danny and Ryan have earned themselves quite the little spot in the fraternity history books that way.”  Kevin’s face crumpled and he covered it with his hands as Matt put his arm around him.  “Don’t you go beating yourself up again, Bro,” he comforted.  “Those two rascals did it to themselves.  That’s just how they are,” he added consolingly, “impetuous as they are loveable.”

            “But if it really is only supposed to happen once, how come you just told Danny you’d spank him?” Kevin sobbed.

            “Well, Bud,” Matt drew him closer and Kevin snuggled against him,  “that’s a little bit of a different thing.  Some fraternity presidents are bigger proponents of corporal punishment than others, and we all, in the course of our presidencies, have found different things that worked for us.  In the end, it is not so much a rule that the president’s brothers can’t be summoned as it is, of course, that none of us wants to do it, so we find ways to improvise and get around having to.  For some of us, that includes the use of spanking as punishment.  We keep that information to ourselves of course; only our little brothers know, unless they for some reason choose to share it, and we save such consequences for only serious things, things that for other fraternity members would probably involve a summons.  Now,” he couldn’t help the exasperated little laugh that escaped with his next words,  “Steve is NOT a big proponent of corporal punishment.  He has never used it on Danny or Ryan until today, and I would be surprised if he ever used it on you, now that the meeting is over, but you should know it’s out there.  And,” he cautioned a little ironically, “I wouldn’t test him on it because I may be wrong, and even if I’m not, if I ever hear of you giving him trouble, I will toast your behind the very next chance I get.  Understand?”

            Kevin’s only answer was a half-hearted shrug, and Matt did not force the issue.  He just tightened his arm and held his youngest brother closer.  It had been a tough month for Kevin.  There was no question about that.  He had a lot of new information to sort through and process.  Being called to account for his own behavior had been just the beginning.  That first meeting: the reading of The Code, the unveiling of the fraternity paddle, and its immediate use, was a shocking process for all the freshmen of course; it was meant to be.  It was a “scare ‘em straight” tactic, so to speak, and it was extremely effective. The fall was always hardest, though, for the youngest brother of the president, and it had been especially hard for Kevin.

            It had been many years since the fraternity had seen a freshman with as much talent as Kevin Kramer possessed.  He was what was known in the football world as a “true freshman.”  Even Danny, who had an impressive amount of talent himself, could not match Kevin’s speed or innate ability to find and create holes in the opposing defense.  Kevin, after making the starting team as a freshman (which in itself was practically unheard of) had become an instant success, and he had benefited richly because of it. Now, he was reaping the consequences of too much too soon, and Matt’s heart ached for his little brother.

            Matt could see that Kevin was a good kid.  He was a rascal for sure ‘like his big brothers,’ Matt simpered. ‘But, also like them, he never meant to hurt anyone.  To have his own punishment followed so closely by the rare and serious consequences Ryan and Danny had been required to face was traumatic enough.  The fact that he felt responsible for the incident that had made those consequences necessary, was devastating.  Now, to top things off, he had to face the cold reality that, even if The Summons, hopefully, was a thing of the past, he and his brothers were still not completely immune from corporal punishment.

            “Only once,” was a delusion raised accidentally by Steve’s soft heart and eagerness to reassure.  In  fact, Matt thought with grim irony, he could just about guarantee, with Kevin’s passionate, boisterous personality, over-eagerness and obstinacy, “only once,” was more than a little unlikely.  

            The clink of something metal hitting the floor distracted Matt from his musings.  “Is that your key, Bud?” he inquired softly, stretching down to pick up the wayward item.

            Kevin shook his head.  “It’s Danny’s,” he sobbed. His fingers curled around the key as Matt handed it to him. “He gave it to me at the meeting.  He’s been staying with Ryan so I could have his room.  I was going to give it back to him, but I never got a chance.”

            For a moment Matt was quiet. The revelation surprised him for many reasons, not least because of the delicate issue that Danny had raised earlier, regarding the occurrence of discipline sessions.  Surely, Steve was not trusting Kevin with that sensitive information, at least, not yet? Then again, Steve had Kevin’s schedule. ‘He must be scheduling sessions based on Kevin’s class and meal times,’ Matt thought.  ‘Still, that was risky.’  Well, now wasn’t the time to think about it.  He made a mental note to discuss it with his little brother later, and brought his mind back round to the present issue at hand. “I think it will mean a lot to Danny that you wanted to return his room to him, Bro,” he said at last, “and since you have not been able yet to give him his key, I have an even better idea.” That got Kevin’s attention and he looked up inquiringly, brushing in frustration at the tears that persisted in streaking his cheeks.  “You remember how Ryan and Danny set you up after the meeting?”

            Kevin nodded.  Not only had Danny given up his room, but his brothers had provided him with every possible comfort from clean sheets, fluffed pillows and icepacks, to his favorite movies, and magazines, to a fully stocked mini-fridge (everything but beer). He simpered at the thought, despite himself, and his throat tightened.   How ungrateful he had been.   He’d been SOOO pissed then, but now he saw how they were only looking out for him in every respect they could. A wave of regret washed over him and he buried his face again in Matt’s chest. 

            Matt squeezed his shoulder.  “This is your chance to pay them back, Bro,” he whispered as he correctly guessed what his youngest brother was feeling.  Kevin was quiet and he pressed his face further into Matt’s sweater, but the thought that he could do something to ease the suffering of his two brothers was comforting and finally his tears began to slow.  “What do you say?” Matt probed once more.  “Shall we go see what we can do to make those two miscreants more comfortable tonight?”

            “How are we going to get into Ryan’s room?” Kevin inquired, looking quizzically up into his older brother’s now twinkling eyes.  “I only have the key to Danny’s.” Kevin was more than ready to relinquish his room for the sake of his big brother, but he suspected that Danny would prefer, for now, to stay with Ryan. In making their brothers comfortable, therefore, it would be more important to have access to Ryan’s room.           

            “I have my ways,” Matt replied, getting to his feet and looking down at Kevin with the trace of an expectant smile. “Shall we?”

            “Ok,” Kevin shrugged, getting to his feet too.  Sure, why not? He’d go along with it.  He was definitely intrigued now, and anything was better than just sitting here.  He brushed one final time at his cheeks as he headed for the door.  Matt followed and quietly opening the top drawer of Steve’s desk on the way by, he removed the large ring of keys that was lying there, and slipped it into his pocket.  Kevin turned to wait for him as he closed the drawer.

            “I’m coming,” he assured softly, seeing the hesitant look on his younger brother’s face. 

            The common room was not as full as it had been.  Some fortunate souls had, by this time, retreated to their rooms.  Still, it was full enough to give Matt an accurate sense of what Ryan and Danny had faced when they came in.  His anger flared, along with his protective feelings for his brothers, and he pulled the bedroom door shut with an indignant little bang behind him as he stepped out into the hallway behind Kevin. 

            “Freeze!” Matt commanded as some of the loitering freshmen and sophomores below scrambled instinctively for the exit.  There were not many juniors and seniors left in the room but those who did remain, knew it would do no good to run. Besides, it was beneath their dignity. “I see you! Hickman, Cartwright, Bollinger, Nicholson, get back here! All of you! Stop right there! No one is going anywhere! I have something to say!” The four students who had been called out by name stopped in their tracks and eyed one another anxiously before slowly turning back to resume their seats.  Elsewhere in the room sounds of restless paper shifting and the nervous shuffling of feet ensued. Matt turned to Kevin then.  “Go wash up,” he prompted his younger brother gently in a low voice.  Kevin paled at the stormy look on Matt’s face, though he knew it was not directed at him, and without a word he headed off down the hall towards the nearest bathroom. 

            Slowly, Matt approached the railing and stared down into the room of apprehensive students below.  Some of them picked up pens and opened books, avoiding Matt’s eyes in an unwise pretense of study.  “Close those damn books and look up here!” Matt snapped. “You don’t think I know what you’re doing? You think Steve doesn’t know?” Another round of nervous glances was exchanged.  “Worried now, aren’t you?” Matt continued smugly. “You’re all worried about who I recognize, what I’m going to do, whose names are going to get passed on to Steve.  Well let me assure you, I know most of you, and what few blanks there may be, I’m sure Mike and Kurt will be pleased to fill in. Maybe we’ll just post a big chart in the common room displaying the date and time of each summons we intend to issue.  What do you think?”  Deep silence greeted the threat.  Sarcasm was unusual for Matt, and there were those below who clearly thought he was serious. “Don’t like that idea, do you?” Matt demanded.  All remained quiet once more.  “Well, we’ll think about it.  Right now, I’m so sick, I honestly don’t know what would be the most appropriate thing to do, but there will be consequences for each of you.  You can depend on that!  And while Steve and I are thinking about it, I honestly hope that whatever shred of decency you all have left will lead you to think about it too.  I hope you’ll think about what it means to be in a fraternity, and how Danny and Ryan must have felt coming in here to see you all assembled like you were, waiting for them.  People they consider their friends, their confidants, their brothers just waiting to capitalize on their feelings of shame and misery.  You all know my younger brothers well.  You know what forgiving hearts they have.  It is unlikely that they will hold a grudge, but I promise you I will not forget this.  You will be hearing from me again once I’ve had a chance to confer with Steve.  For now, I would like you all to pack up your books and papers and clear out.  I don’t care where you go, or what you do. Just get! The next time I walk past this common room, I expect to find it empty.  Anyone still sitting here when I come back can count on being summoned first thing tomorrow morning. Go on, now! Beat it! All of you!”

            No second invitation was needed and as the students below scurried for the door, Matt turned back to his youngest brother who had returned now from the bathroom and was shrinking against the wall behind him.  “It’s all right, Bud,” he soothed in reaction to Kevin’s anxious expression.  “You ready?” He held out his arm, and though Kevin hesitated, it was only for a moment.  He WAS ready.  He was ready for this to be over; he was ready to move on.  As he felt his older brother’s comforting hand settle on his shoulder, he felt sure that what Matt had said was true.  Everything WOULD be ok, and yet, he was having trouble making sense of his feelings right now.   He snuck a sideways glance at the big guy walking beside and just slightly behind him as they started down the hallway.  He was glad Matt was his brother, but he was intimidated too.   He thought about the scolding he had just witnessed and swallowed hard.  He was glad not to have been on the receiving end. He bit his lip.  ‘What kinds of things had Danny and Ryan been spanked for? What would make Matt spank him?’ If possible, he hoped he would never have to find out.  ‘At least not THAT way,’ he felt his cheeks getting warm.  Maybe Ryan and Danny would tell him, if he asked right, about the times Matt had disciplined them.  He couldn’t help wanting to know what they had done.  Danny would tell him, he was sure.  ‘I’m just never going to give him a reason to do it to me,’ Kevin thought.  ‘I’m not going to give him a reason ever!’

            His resolve was sincere.  He’d had enough discipline, enough stress, and anxiety.  He’d learned his lesson, he was sure. From here on in, things would be different.  They were going to pick up the pieces and move on.  They would set the example as Matt and Steve had urged them all to do.  Kevin strode on in front of his big brother, feeling better and more confident with each step. 

            He was young, after all: young, resilient, and naïve.  He had no way of knowing just how often Ryan and Danny had made that exact same resolution, and he was as yet unfamiliar with that great proverb that fueled Steinbeck’s famous novel.  Ah yes indeed, “The best laid plans of mice and men . . . .”

            Matt was familiar with the proverb, all too familiar, and he smiled affectionately as Kevin’s changing visage revealed his conflicted emotions.  He squeezed his youngest brother’s shoulder as they stopped in front of Danny’s door, and as Kevin looked up at him, his heart warmed.  Kevin had a lot to learn still, but he would make a good president. 

            Matt liked what he saw in the kid’s eyes: the kindness, the compassion, the readiness to question, and most especially the determination and resolve to do the right thing.  ‘Too bad resolutions aren’t as easy to keep as they are to make,’ he thought grimly as Kevin turned his attention to the task of opening the door, and truer words have never been thought.

 

 

What would the plans of Mice and Men bring in the future to the boys of Rho Beta Chi?

 

But och! I backward cast my e'e  45

 

On prospects drear!

 

An' forward, tho' I canna see,

 

I guess an' fear!

 

-From “To a Mouse” By Robert Burns