Matt and I lagged behind Nate and Dan today, as we walked home from school. Our two cousins had joined us nearly everyday for the last six months, lingering at our house until after dinner sometimes, until they were told by my parents to go home. I couldn't blame them. I had only been to their house twice in that period, but with my aunt gone, it seemed sad and empty. My uncle was rarely home until late and then I saw with pain how inattentive he was to his children. From all accounts, he would come home, eat a silent dinner and crawl into bed, just to start the same sad routine with work the next morning.
It was only Sam that kept a trace of cheerfulness in the house, and my thoughts lingered on her now as I walked silently by her brother. I rarely saw her these days. Once in awhile she would join Matt and Nate at our house, but she always left earlier than they did, worried about leaving her father too much alone. She made dinner every night, often got the fire going and tried to take some of the darkness and gloom from the house. Her disposition was naturally sunny and she had not folded as easily as the rest of her family, under the grief of her mother's death. To anyone who knew her well, however, there was an unmistakeable air of heavy sadness that hovered over her, and it was this that made me worry. I knew she had other heavy thoughts on her mind too that were related to her mother's death, but indirectly. I knew they were on her mind, though we had not spoken of them. I knew because they were on my mind as well.
They concerned her brothers, both of whom were running wild these days. Sick with bitterness and grief, with no one to check them, they were doing whatever they wanted, going where the impulse of the moment took them. They were blowing off school, lashing out at other kids, getting into fights and there were rumors that Nate had even been drinking and smoking in an openly careless manner. Almost as though, I thought, he wanted to be caught.
This was where my thoughts were when Matt interuppted. "You ok?"
"Yeah," I smiled as I looked at him. "Just thinking."
"What about?"
"Sam," I half lied. "Are we ever going to see her again?"
Matt grinned. "Sure. She's just always running around. She had to babysit, or something today, but I know she misses you too, Jess. I promise next time we come over here, we will kidnapp her and drag her with us."
"Promise?" I asked.
"Yeah," Matt reassured "though you could always come to our house you know."
"I know." There was a bit of an awkward silence between us.
"It's not that bad," Matt said with a trace of bitterness.
"Oh Matt, it's just that . . ." I turned more towards him, and as I did my eye caught the tiny split at the corner of my cousin's lip. I stopped walking. He tried to look away, but I caught his jaw gently in my hand and forced him to look at me. "Have you been fighting again?" I demanded.
"No!" Matt returned energetically. "Not really . . ." he looked down and away as I let go of him. "That is that stupid Brian Richardson started it! All I did was call him an idiot because he ran the wrong way in the game this afternoon. Nearly scored a touch down for the other team. He jumped me in the locker room afterwards. All I did was defend myself."
"Oh Matt! Why? Why are you doing this?"
"Jess, it was no big deal!" he replied irritably.
Privately, I thought it was, but all I said was, "Just please be careful, Matt! You know how my father is about fighting, and how your dad is influenced by him especially now that your mom is . . ."
"I don't want to talk about my mom!" he snapped.
"Fine!" I retorted, tears stinging my eyes, and I turned away, starting to walk again.
"Jess, wait," Matt caught up to me, and placed a hand on my arm to stop me again. I looked at him as tears trickled down my cheeks. "I'm sorry. It's just so hard to talk about her."
"I know," I returned gently. "All I was going to say was that you and Nate both know how your mom stood between you guys and your dad on many occasions where . . .," I paused, feeling my cheeks get warm, and I looked at the ground.
"Go on," Matt encouraged softly.
"Well, where my brothers would have gotten the belt," my face was burning now, but I looked up and an expression of understanding had pushed the bitterness from Matt's face, so I went on. "Matt, you and Nate have both been playing with fire lately. I am just so afraid it's going to catch up with you, eventually."
His manner softened completely and he put his arm around me, pulling me close. "Jess, it's ok. Everything is under control, ok?"
"Matt," I started to protest.
"Ok?" I looked for a moment into his now serious blue eyes, and finally I relented.
"Ok," I sighed leaning into him and resting my head on his shoulder, "just be careful." He looked down at me and smiled, kissing the top of my head.
We were way behind Nate and Dan by this time, and finally they noticed. "Awww . . .Aren't they cute?" Nate grinned at Dan, as they turned and waited for us. We started to walk again.
"God! They are just adorable!!"Dan returned, "It's just such a shame!!"
"Shut up!!" Matt spat at them. I put a hand on his arm, knowing that Dan and Nate had been unaware of the serious nature of our conversation.
"HEY! Will you guys at least try to act like you want to hang out with us?"
"Yeah," Nate joined, "We don't want anyone getting the wrong idea now, do we?I mean . . ."
Matt and I were drawing closer and I jerked my finger at Nate, "Don't say it!!"I really wasn't in the mood for their shit today either. But Nate just grinned at Dan.
"Well, I mean," he continued, "you are cousins afterall . . ."
"Shut up Nate!" Matt warned.
"It's just such a pity . . .," Dan continued.
"NOT ANOTHER WORD!!" I hissed at him. We were right in front of them now. Dan either did not read my warning or he chose to ignore it.
"If it weren't for that stupid law . . .," he started and I pounced.
"Shit!!" Dan laughed, waiting too long to make a run for it. He turned, but in half a second I was on him, clinging to his back as he spun me around. I clutched at his chest with one hand and tickled his side with the other. It was the most lethal spot for him and he crashed to his knees, laughing. "All right, all right! I give up!" he called.
"Say you're sorry!" I said, straddling his chest as he fell back onto the grass laughing. My brother was unable to get his breath, let alone speak, so I continued to tickle him.
"All right . . .stop," he sputtered trying to grab my hands, "all right . . . enough . . .I said stop," he was still laughing hysterically and could barely manage the words. Finally he succeeded in grabbing my hands, and he sat up looking earnestly into my face and smiling, "All right. I'm sorry! Just stop," he laughed.
"Hmmph!" I returned sniffily, "Apology accepted." My brother grinned, and placing his hands under my arrms, he raised me to my feet, getting up stiffly after me, and rubbing his knees.
"Never mess with the fireball when she's mad!" Dan cautioned Nate playfully, still rubbing, "Oh my knees!"
"Hmmm, I don't know about this. I think someone might need to be put in her place. Afterall, we are the older brothers! We pick on you! Not the other way around."
"Hmmph," I said again.
"Maybe, a little ride in the old Nate-o-whirl will straighten her out," Nate grinned at Dan again and my brother grinned back.
"No! Nate Come on!" I backed away. "Leave me alone!! Nate . . .!!"I turned and ran with my cousin on my heels. "No! Stop! Leave me alone! Please . . .! Matt help!!" I ducked behind Matt and wrapped my arms around his waist, clinging to him. He was between me and Nate now.
"Give her up, Bro!" Nate grinned.
"Nate, leave her alone, Man!"
"Nope, sorry! No can do! You are either with us or against us!" Nate motioned to Dan and Dan went around behind Matt. He placed his arms over mine and tried to pry me off my cousin, but I clung tightly and Matt hung onto my hands. Eventually, however, we were overcome, with Nate pulling on Matt and Dan pulling on me, they managed to separate us. They were stronger, afterall. I made another run for it, and Matt attempted to block his brother, but Dan pulled him away, pinning his arms behind his back. Nate was after me in a heartbeat and it didn't take long before he had caught up to me. Before I knew it he had gotten around in front of me, swept me up in his arms and over his shoulder. Then he started to spin.
"Nate No!!" I shrieked. I could hear my brother laughing. "Put me down!! Please!!! Stop it!!!" I smacked him repeatedly on the butt, "PUT ME DOWN!!" Finally Nate did set me down and I wobbled a little. My brother was doubled up laughing again and even Matt couldn't suppress the smile he was attempting to hide.
"Jerk!" I smacked Nate on the butt again, as hard as I could this time, but he just laughed at me.
"Whoo! That was good!" my brother said, finally recovering and standing up. I shot him a look and then I turned huffily away and started down the road.
"Oh, come on Jess! Don't be mad! It had to be done!!" Nate called after me.
"Great! Congratulations Nate! Now you got her really mad!" I heard Matt coming to my defense behind me and I couldn't help smiling to myself.
"She's fine," Dan intervened.
"Oh yeah, how would you like someone to do that to you?" Matt had been in a truly bad mood and now with the thought that I might really be mad, he was getting in my brother's face.
"Matt, calm down," Nate came to my brother's aid.
"Why don't you calm down?" Matt demanded annoyed, "Why do you guys always have to be getting in everybody else's business?"
"Matt, Man, we were just joking," Dan returned.
"Well, it gets old!" Matt snapped.
"Well, sorrrrr ...ry!! You don't need to get your panties in a bunch! Just chill out!"
"Matt," I turned to intervene as my brother's temper flared too, "it's ok. I'm not really mad. Just let it go." My cousin, however, either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me.
"Oh, you think my panties are in a bunch do you?" Matt actually dared to collar my brother, a brave and stupid thing to do, "Well you haven't seen nothin' yet!!"
"Matt, let it go!" I pleaded.
"TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME!!" Dan commanded. I was proud of him for leaving it there.
"Matt! Don't be an Ass Wipe!" Nate jumped in. Matt lunged at him, letting go of Dan.
"Maybe you're the Ass Wipe Man!!" But Nate was ready for him and he caught his arms before any damage was done.
"All Right, Man! What you really need now, is to COOL OUT!" He exchanged a significant look with Dan and before either Matt or I knew what was happening, they had gotten on either side of him, grasping his arms and dragging him in the direction of our pond, which we had just come even with.
"Stop It!" I yelled, but my cries went unheeded.
"Daniel Neil and Nathan Alexander Kane! You Stop it right now!!!" Normally full names had an affect on my brothers and cousins as they knew they were usually in for it, if their full name was uttered. Sometimes they would even listen to me or Sam if their temper was not too far gone, but obviously the affect was not the same as it was when my mother or father or uncle did it. Today it didn't slow Dan and Nate at all. I started running towards them but long before I got to them they had reached the edge of the pond and had, on the count of three, thrown Matt in. By the time I got there, they were in peals of laughter again. "Shame on you!!" I tried to scold. But Matt really did look so funny, standing there soaking wet as he plucked his glasses from the water that I had to bite my lip to keep from breaking into laughter too, and even I could not control myself completely. He looked like a drowned rat.
"Oh Matt," I sighed reaching out my hand to help him up the bank. He took it and thankfully avoided the temptation to pull me in with him.
"Well, I'm glad you're all so entertained," he sulked, "but this is just great! What is Aunt Sara going to say when I walk in dripping water all over her rugs?"
"No problem," Dan assured him. "It's a hot day in early June. We'll just chill here awhile until you dry out some. It won't take that long." Then he looked at Nate. They were both still chuckling, evidently pleased with themselves, "Get it? We'll just CHILL here?" For some reason, they both found this hysterical and they once again fell into gales of laughter.
"Oh! Shut up!" I said, truly annoyed, "Or I will push both of you in too." They just thought this funny, but my coming to his defense restored me to Matt's good graces and he took my hand.
"Come on! Let's just leave them alone. No point in being around them when they're this full of themselves." Consequently, we walked off to one end of the pond and flopped on the grass, leaving our brothers to collect themselves, on the other end.